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A young student looking for a job goes to a big “everything under one roof” department store.

The Manager says, “Do you have any sales experience?” The kid says “Very little.”

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job. “You start tomorrow. I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.”

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was l...

A blind man walks into a department store with his seeing-eye dog.

He walks to the middle of the store, bends down and firmly grasps the dog's collar, then yanks the dog into the air and starts whipping it around it in circles above his head.

A salesperson sees this happening and runs over to the blind man.

"Sir! Sir! Is there something I can help y...

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A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter...

Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage."

As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "...and this gentleman kindly o...

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, ...

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John goes to the Postal Ministry for an interview for a job in the Postal Department.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?" 
He replies, "Yes - coffee." 
"Have you ever been in the military service? 
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for two years." 
The interviewer says,"That will give you 5 extra points towards employment." 
Then he asks,"Are you dis...

What do you call a ork that works in the live stock department?

Cow-orker.
I'll see myself out

They warned me that my dad that workes for the highways department was a kleptomaniac.

I refused to believe it but when we went to his office, All the signs were there.

A blonde was shopping at her local department store.

She came across a thermos and was fascinated by it.She decided to buy it.When she took it up to the cashier she inquired what it was used for.
"Well it's used to keep hot things hot and cold things cold."She brought it to work the next day.The boss walks past her desk and asks"What's that?"
"I...

- Homicide Department how can I help?

+ My mother-in-law please
- ... this is not how it works
+ Damn, ok nvm.

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything i...

Why was the Chinese chef banned from the department store fitting rooms?

Because of his Peking duck.

As soon as all the wheels are replaced, my local police department is getting rid of a bunch of old squad cars they aren't using.

They're being retired

The company sent my department on a work trip

The last night before heading back home, we decided to play a prank to one of our colleges - we put a pack of condoms in his suitcase. When he got home, his wife started unpacking his stuff, and found our "gift". Without skipping a beat, he explained: "We were all given pack of condoms when we arriv...

I sued a department store for selling me a broken coffee grinder.

I lost the case; the courts told me I had no grounds.

The Department is Education is canceling $150 million in student loans.

Those are a lucky 4 people.

My company recently hired Frankenstein’s monster to run our HR department. He’s surprisingly good at it.

Turns out he’s a real people person.

My girlfriend is the star of the local police department’s bomb squad.

When asked what is her secret to such skilled techniques, she responded:

“Plenty of practice every night with a short fuse and explosions that go off early.”

The President of the U.S. receives a call from the Treasury Department.

-Madam President, we are upgrading the vaults where we keep the gold reserve. Three designs are finalists, but you need to select the one we will use.

-What are the options?

-The first one is a made of reinforced concrete surrounding a steel cage with a nickel content of 8%. The second...

A guy applies for a job with the Chicago Police Department

He has an impressive resume, gives the best answers to the interview questions, and is very enthusiastic about the job.

"Your qualifications are impressive" says the police chief. "Here's the final test. Take this gun, go out, and shoot ten black guys and a clown?"

The man asks, "why ...

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job.

The captain says they can't just turn her away, and orders to desk officer to ask her a few questions as if doing an interview.
Not having any idea what to ask her to disqualify her application, the officer asks, "What's 2+2?"

"Ummm... 4!" the blonde says.

*Dang,* the officer thinks...

I, for one, support my local police department

All of those speeding tickets I've paid *must* be buying them some pretty good stuff.

A department store opened in downtown area that sold men and a woman decides to visit it in search of a husband.

At the store’s entrance, there’s a sign outlining the department store policy.

* The first rule states that you can only enter the store once.
* There are six floors and on each floor you can choose a husband or elect to move on to the next floor.
* You cannot visit a floor more than on...

Lysol's marketing department are trying out some new angles to generate sales. They claim that one bottle can clean an entire family of dolphins!

It's the best multi-porpoise cleaner on the market!

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The Department of Defense wanted to improve their survival training...

The select a sergeant from the Army, Marine Corp, and Air Force for interview, in order to see what they already know.

The interviewer asked the three sergeants, "OK. What would you do if you were away on deployment, you're about to go to sleep, when you find a large scorpion in your tent."...

A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

...

My friend was fired from his job at the road department for stealing.

I have to say I saw it coming. The last time I was at his house all the signs were there.

What do you call the IT-department of Samsung?

The Guardians of the Galaxy!

What’s the worst about working for the department of unemployment?

If you get fired you still have to show up the next day

A blonde calls the fire department

"My house is on fire, my house is on fire!!"

Fire Chef: " Well how do we get there?"

Blonde: " Duh... big red truck..."

The head of the Physics department needs money...

... so he goes to the University's Bursar to ask for a grant, 10 million to start work on a particle accelerator.

The bursar puts his head in his hands in exasperation.

"Every time I see you, you're after more money for the physics department! Ten million here, six million there... you...

The Ladies Department

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of  the largest department store chains.

He shyly walked up to the woman behind the  counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?"  asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man "There is more tha...

The US Justice Department were hellbent on taking IKEA to court a few years ago.

Unfortunately they had to walk away as they were having difficulties putting a case together.

I've written a script for a film about an action hero who works in accounts.

The sequel going to be set in a different department.

This time it's personnel.

Did you hear the department of transportation is laying off thousands of workers?

They invented a shovel that stands up by itself.

There was a burglary last night at the Los Angeles Police Department headquarters.

The thief or thieves stole all of the toilets.

When asked about the investigation, and LAPD spokesman said they have nothing to go on.

The chemistry department cafeteria has good food, but finding a place to sit can be a challenge.

They only have periodic tables.

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Just heard this joke from my dad: A newly hired salesman in a department store is being taught by his manager how to handle sales...

The manager tells him that he'll help the first customer, and show him how to make the most of a sales opportunity, and then he'll let him try.

A customer walks in, so the manager approaches him and says: "Good evening, sir! How may I help you?"

"I'd like to buy some grass seeds.", say...

Why do rappers date women from the IT department?

because they know how to back it up and dump it

Why’d the police department hire a mathematician?

They needed someone to count in fractions

HR Department

"I proposed to my girl friend last night, who just got promoted to a HR position earlier in the day."


"That is cool! What did she say?"


She said, "We will get back to you soon."

A burglar broke into the Police Department and stole all of the toilets . . .

The police are investigating, but they have nothing to go on.

In light of the rising frequency of human and bear conflicts, the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra precautions and keep alert of bears while in the field...

They advise that outdoors men wear noisy little bells on their clothing, so as not to startle bears that aren’t expecting them.

They also advise outdoors men to carry pepper spray with them, in case of an encounter with a bear.

It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bea...

Grocery store meat departments are starting drone delivery but customers think it's risky.

Its a high-steaks situation

A Department of Water Conservation inspector stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for your water allocation."

The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field over there."

The conservation inspector said, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? The card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions aske...

At work I noticed the computer department have started putting Christmas decorations up

IT's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.

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An Amish man and his son are exploring a department store

They look on in amazement at all the items available in all the different departments. As they venture further into the store, the man and his son come across an elevator. The man stares in bilwilderment at what this strange machine does when an old, obese woman in a electronic wheelchair scoots by,...

Did anyone hear about that guy that broke into the Police Department to steal there calendar?

He got 12 months.

JCPenney just moved the women's Plus Size department downstairs. Is this yet another example of fat acceptance?

Or are they just tired of the escalator breaking?

Dean, to the physics department: “Why do I always have to give you guys so much money.....

Dean, to the physics department: “Why do I always have to give you guys so much money, for laboratories and expensive equipment and stuff? Why couldn’t you be more like the math department - all they need is pencils, paper, and waste-paper baskets. Or even better, like the philosophy department. All...

Urology department,

Can you please hold?

A woman gets called into her office HR department

They tell her that they noticed her password for her login was very unusual and asked her how she chose "DocGrumpyHappySleepyBashfulSneezyDopeySacarmento"

She said - "well the instructions were to have a password with seven characters and have at least one capitol, so I thought I was just fo...

The Treasury Department just announced a new $3 bill featuring President Trump.

It's designed for businesses who need to keep petty cash.

Did you hear about the party at the English department?

It was Lit af

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Ladies night out...

So, two ladies ditch their husbands for a ladies night out on a Friday night and they go do whatever middle-aged women think is cool to do on a Friday night. One thing leads to another and these two ladies have drunk a little bit too much and decide to head home and sleep it off. So they're driving ...

I didn't want to believe my father was stealing from the transportation department.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

*CORPORATE JOKE*

Agency: " Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements. How do you want their placements, sir?"

MD: "Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room and close the door, leave them alone and come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:

...

A bilingual joke! (English/Spanish)

A Spanish man goes into a department store looking for a specific item of clothing. But he can't find what he's looking for and he doesn't know the English word for it.

So he grabs a salesperson and says, "Tienes calcetines?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what that is," the salesperson says...

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The fire department gets a call about smoke coming from a barn... [NSFW]

The fire department gets a call about smoke coming from a barn. They break down the barn door, and find a young couple with a sleepy-looking Shetland pony. With one hand, the woman is holding a huge bong and blowing marijuana smoke in the pony's face. With her other hand, she is vigorously stroking...

A girl I know who works in the X-ray department of a local hospital is dating one of her patients

Nobody know what she sees in him

Why is it a terrible idea to get in a legal dispute with anyone at the sanitation department?

They have lots of Sewers

The five senses have had massive lay-offs in their financial department.

There's no accounting for taste.

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Two married men agree; no more ladies' nights.

On their way home from a great ladies night out, two married women have the sudden urge to tinkle. There are no restaurants or shops nearby, so the women run into a nearby cemetery and pee behind some headstones. One of the women uses her panties to wipe while the other grabs a nearby flower wreath....

The Physics department in a university submits a request for an expensive piece of equipment

The university president is not pleased. "You people in the Physics Department always ask for money. You always need costly technologies. Why can't you be more like the Mathematics department? All they need is paper, pens, and trash cans. Or even better, like the Philosophy department, they need onl...

In the physics department's bathroom

There is a stall that has graffiti on the wall. The graffiti reads "Werner Heisenberg may have been here."

Our complaint department manager is Helen Waite.

So if you have a complaint go to Helen Waite.

My local police department is running a dual campaign against dangerous driving and taking drugs. The signs read:

SPEED KILLS

TIL in 1988 the Konami sound department was arrested

They were apparently dealing with Contra Band.

The Grim Reaper appears before a man who's standing outside a department store changing room where his wife is inside trying on clothes...

The Grim Reaper says: "You will die of a heart attack in 30 seconds, but don't worry, because you are going straight to heaven."

The man, scared and skeptical says: "I never go to church, so how do you know for sure that I'm going to heaven? "

The Grim Reaper replies: "Easy. Satan won...

A blind man walks in to a department store

A blind man walks in to a department store with his seeing eye dog on a leash.

As usual the store manager behind the customer service counter looks up, but he notices the customer is blind, and not wanting to stare quickly looks away again.

Out of the corner of his eye the manager see...

My friend at work complained the IT department is so slow, every time she creates a ticket it takes them a month to get to it.

I told her if you wanna get a message to IT, you've got to post it on reddit.

Did you hear that the Department of Agriculture is outlawing round bales of hay?

They claimed the cows weren't getting a square meal.

Someone blew up a department store because they didn't stock basic clothing...

There were no casual tees.

The sheriff's department auctioned off a bankrupt crematorium yesterday.

I was surprised there wasn't morbid, but it's a tough way to urn a living.

In a department store, where is your beauty?

Aisle of the beholder.

Lol I hate myself.

What university department did the Fonz go do when he needed help paying his tuition?

Financial Ayyyyyyd

I'll^see^myself^out

I've been shopping in the kid's department for hours and they FINALLY found something that fits me!

Although the handcuffs are a bit snug....

The Department of Unfinished Statistics concluded...

... that 7 out of 10.

Two men are lost on the womens floor of a department store

The first man says to the other "my wife was trying on clothes and I've lost her, I don't know what to do!"

The second man says "Yeah, me too, let's stick together and we can try and find our wives".

"Good plan" says the first man, "what does your wife look like so I can keep eye out f...

In the Human Resources Department

The Manager has a big pile of applications on his desk.

He picks up the first 20 of them and throws them into the bin, saying
"Those guys have bad luck and we have no use for people with bad luck"

Car accident department at heaven...

An Englishman, American and a Russian are sitting waiting for their turn to get to heaven. Boring long wait so the Brit asked the American: "So why are you here". Brit: "Damn truck, head on collision in my Rolls Royce, what about you?" American: "Aaah, was driving drunk and couldn't handle my Ford M...

How is Donald Trump going to shut down the department of education?

By renaming it 'Trump University'!

A man was driving into town and found the road blocked by the local police department . . .

. . . he stepped out of the car and asked the nearest police officer what was going on.

The officer replied, "There has been a fatal accident on this road."

This was a small town, so the officer, figuring the man might know the deceased, asked if he would be willing to help identify th...

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Shopping

A woman is shopping in the produce department. She approaches the clerk. Excuse me, but where is the broccoli? She asks. He says, sorry, we are out of broccoli. Come back tomorrow. The woman continues shopping, but approaches the clerk again a few minutes later. I need broccoli. Where is it? Ma’am, ...

When I was interviewed for a job in the chemistry department, they asked me if I had lab experience.

I said I was more of a cat person.

My wife made coffee this morning and I ended up with a piece of coffee bean in my teeth at the weekly department meeting.

My lawyer has informed me this qualifies as grounds for divorce.

So a guy named Mike applies to join a Chicago police department.

"The first test is to lift a bag that is the size of a human and carry it to safety out of a building.", says the chief.

Mike succeeds.

"Next, you must show us your driving skills and show that you can handle a police car.", the chief says.

Mike succeeds.

"Now, for your f...

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The Norwegian Fire Department

One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota, a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical comp...

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