A school district superintendent, known for his fiery temper, visits a high school one day. He becomes so annoyed with the staff's incompetence that he yells without thinking, "Half of this school's staff is unfit to work in a high school!"

Naturally, everyone stops and stares as the superintendent. "I'm sorry," he says sheepishly. "What I meant to say was that half of this school's staff is *not* unfit to work in a high school!"

Geoffrey, a middle aged British tourist on his first visit to Germany finds the red light district and enters a large brothel. The madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain him.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away! Seeing this, the madam sends over a more experienced lady to entertain the gentleman.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and ...

Why did Santa go to the red light district?

He likes a good ho ho ho

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A boy goes to the red light district

And waits for the first guy to come out. He runs to the guy and says, give me โ‚ฌ25 or I will tell everyone you visit prostitutes. The guy immediately hands over the money to the boy.

The boy runs home and proudly tells his father what he did. But the father says, it's a sin to blackmail others...

I went trick or treating in the red light district.

All I got was tricks.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

*nsfw* Russian

A large burly Russian man went on a holiday in Thailand. He heard about the extraordinary red light district there, where whoring is rampant. He got himself one hooker and brought her to his hotel room.

There, he began removing his clothes. First, he took off his shirt. The hooker gasps and s...

Jerry Clower joke (Uncle Vercy`s Trial)

Since I couldn't find this joke in text form anywhere I took the time to type it out myself lol (No Spell Check)

Flew from Los Angeles California to Des Moines did a show there in the civic center. Then to Minneapolis Minnesota, Its 28 Degrees below 0 I slept between the mattresses. Then I l...

A taxi driver usually picked up his passengers from red light districts (area of escort houses and prostitution).

One day while waiting for passenger, a completely naked girl with no single piece of cloth on her body gets inside the cab at mid night. The girl says to the driver, "Take me to this .... address please". The driver turns back and looks at the girl top to bottom curiously. The girl asks," Is somethi...

A man is walking trough the red light district..

He stops at a window with a beautiful girl behind it, takes good look, knocks on the window and yells: 'HOW MUCH!!?'

She: 'โ‚ฌ50,- !!!'

He: 'THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD PRICE FOR TRIPLE INSULATED GLASS!!!'

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Drove through the redlight district without any money

but nobody would give a fuck.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

One time I was in Amsterdam and I decided to go to the Red Light District

As I was walking by the sex shops and back alleys I ran into a man in a suit who said
_"Hey! You lookin' for a good time?"_
So we got to talking and he eventually cut to the chase and said
_"Look you have two choices, our cheapest prostitutes can be had for a cent but our finest will run ...

Because Corona, the red light district in Amsterdam is now closed. My biggest fear has now come true.

When this whole story started, I was afraid there would be no happy ending.

What's a district attorney's favorite meat?

Proseciutto

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A kid trying to catch an STD

The police pick up a young kid at 2 am, in the red light district and ask him what he's doing

"Looking for a prostitute" "Why do you want to find a prostitute?" "So I can catch an STD!" "Why would you want to do that?"

"Well, if I can catch something, I'll sleep with my nanny and she'l...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Death visits Earth one day to claim the life of John the lawyer

Death visits Earth one day to claim the life of John the lawyer. When He enters John's office, John figures out what's going on and starts laughing hysterically. "What's up with the scythe? You look like an out-of-work farmer", he says. Red with embarrassment, Death storms out.

The next day,...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

An Artist in Japan

An English Manga artist is offered a job in Japan - by Studio Ghibli. He arrives in Tokyo 7 hours early, so decides to visit the red light district. Here he bangs a geisha for 5 hours solid - with her screaming "Machigatta ana Machigatta ana" at the top of her voice. Which puts a big smile on his fa...

After someone pointed it out to her, my mother asked me to explain the difference between the District of Columbia and the country Colombia.

So explained to her that one of them is famous for it's drugs, corruption and blatant criminal activity, while the other historicly lost to England on penalties in this years world cup.

I have a hard time reading woman's signals.

I once tried going to the red light district, but I didn't stop.

What do you call a prom in the red light district?

A Shady Hawkins Dance

Did you hear about that new physics institute?

Itโ€™s so big, there is a dedicated infrared-light district!

Dr. Amrak, superintendent of the Tidder School District, was nervous about the upcoming budget meeting.

All of the schools in the district needed new benches and tables in their cafeterias. Unfortunately, the Tidder Comets were in a difficult financial situation, and all of the estimates for the cafeteria furniture were way too expensive. One day before the big meeting, Dr. Amrak told his secretary,...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Little Jimmy is in a car with his dad while driving along a red-light district

Jimmy sees all the ladies behind the windows and asks his dad what they are doing.

"They are selling pleasure, Jimmy", his dad replies.

When they get home, the boy thinks: "Hmm, I'd like to buy myself some pleasure as well", so the next day he smashes his piggy bank and takes all his m...

Where's the red light district in Edmonton?

Behind the Oilers' goal net.

Three hold their speech in heaven

They were set to live in the grand inventors' area and each weekend every district held a meeting. This week it was these guys' turn. The first one goes:


"I was the inventor of the frisbee, so when I died they cremated me and turned the ashes into a frisbee!"

Everyone applauded. Th...

In a prison, two inmates are comparing notes (old Soviet joke)

"What did they arrest you for?" asks the first. "Was it a political or common crime?"

"Of course it was political. I'm a plumber. They summoned me to the district Party committee to fix the sewage pipes. I looked and said, 'Hey, the entire system needs to be replaced.' So they gave me seven ...

[LONG]A boy and his Father drive through the Red District.

The boy sees two women on a street corner, he asks his dad : '' Dad what are they doing? ''

Taken aback by his son's question, the father replies : '' Humm, they sell... happiness...''

Later that day, back home, the boy hears his parents arguing. Sad, he gets an idea. The boy breaks hi...

A blind man walks into a fishing district

He says, โ€œHey Ladies.โ€

I always thought District of Columbia was a weird name

Until I realized it probably has the highest rates of coffee and caffeine usage anywhere in the US

I'm scared to go to the Red Light District.

It's a hard part of town.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

3 men go to the red light district...

An 18 year old boy, his father and his grandfather decide to have a men's night to celebrate the boy's 18th birthday.
After quite some drinks the grandfather boasts: "When I became your age I was taken to the hookers and made a real man!"
They agree that that would be a suitable way to end the...

My wife recently won the Annual Women's Golf Meet in our district

Needless to say, I have started calling her the "Intercourse Champion of the County "

A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college...

"I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that.ย  However, I want you to appreciate it.ย  As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened.ย  His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial pl...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

what a set up, for a dad joke. it's worth it tho

full disclosure, this isn't my joke, was sent to me


I knew a bloke who was a massive fan of tractors his whole life.

When he was a kid, he didn't have toy cars or posters of lambos on his bedroom wall, he had toy tractors and trailers and posters of the latest John Deeres.

...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

An old sailor decides to get in uniform and hit the "red light" district, for one last good time...

He finds himself a willing "date", and after a bit of haggling, the price is settled on, and the transaction is made. After about 10 minutes, he asks the lady, "How am I doin', honey?" The prostitute replies, "About 3 knots, sailor... you're not hard, you're not in, and you're not gettin' your mon...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

a district administrator was offered a large bribe to fire some of the heads of his local schools

but he stuck by his principals

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find...

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find that his car, a Mustang, has had all the internal components removed, leaving only a hollow, useless shell. He calls the police and soon an investigative team arrives.


The lead investigator approaches the victim and says "It appear...

Longtime Friends - Priest and a Rabbi (LONG)

Every Tuesday for the last 25 years a priest and a rabbi have met at the local diner to have lunch and kvetch about things.


This day, while eating lunch and waxing philosophical, the priest turns to the rabbi and asks him, "We've known each other for over 25 years. All this time I'm cu...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

There were once three friends who were absolutely inseparable in high school.

They did everything together. You could not find one without the other two nearby. But, as so often happens, after graduation, they all went their separate ways.
One of the friends went on to become a very successful defense attorney. Top of his class at Harvard Law, opened his own firm, made e...

An english schoolteacher was in Switzerland...

An English schoolteacher, was in Switzerland and looking for a room to rent for when she would begin her teaching there the following fall. She asked the schoolmaster if he would recommed any. He took her to see several rooms, and when everything was settled she returned home to make final preparati...

A mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, and a civil engineer were having a drink after work

As they drank, the conversation turned to God. Obviously, he was an engineer! But what sort of engineer?

The mechanical engineer brought up the perfection of the human joints and musculature. Surely that proved God was a mechanical engineer!

The electrical engineer responded that, wi...

Chemistry joke.

A Chinese chemist took part in a chef competition in UK. His English was barely passable during the presentations, but his cooking skills were great, and he went on qualifying. In the last round, he got tied with another contestant for the first place. So an innovative tie-breaker was devised. Each ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A man was walking down the street

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinners.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I gave you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinn...

The President of the U.S. receives a call from the Treasury Department.

-Madam President, we are upgrading the vaults where we keep the gold reserve. Three designs are finalists, but you need to select the one we will use.

-What are the options?

-The first one is a made of reinforced concrete surrounding a steel cage with a nickel content of 8%. The second...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Things are tough al over

A man was having a hard time keeping ends meet so he had a talk to his wife, which was very beautiful and had a great body. "Wife, I do not think we will have enough money this month so I am going to need you help", he said. She responded; " Anything I can do, how can I help?" He responded; "Well I ...

The real Jesus Christ

Three drunks are sitting in a bar in Amsterdam and start bragging. The first drunk says:"I am Jesus Christ, and I will prove it to you by walking over water". They grab their beers and walk to the closest pond, and of course the drunk falls down in the water. Once back on the waterside the second dr...

3 engineers are arguing about what kind of engineer God is......

and the mechanical engineer says, "Just look at the muscular system, all the fluid dynamics and joints. God was clearly a mechanical engineer." To which the electrical engineer says. "No, no, no, just look at the nervous system! The way impulses are sent all over the body and how the brain stores in...

Hooker in Amsterdam

A man goes for a vacation with his wife to Amsterdam, he goes out alone for a drink, on a whim he decides to check the infamous red light district, while there he comes across a stunningly beautiful working girl, he goes up to her to negotiate the price, she demands 100$, he counters with 30$, she l...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Did you hear about the ranger?

Once, there was a ranger who took care of the local parkland. Everybody liked the guy, and he was dedicated to his job - stopping people from shooting the deer in the park, maintaining fences and gates, that kind of thing. He was really good at it, too. During the time the ranger served there, no an...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Two dudes are walking down a street ...

... in the red-light district of amsterdam. They reach a show window with two women on a bed, a gorgeous brunette is pleasing a blonde with huge tits. When the brunette throws a lusting look at the guys, one of them bursts into laughter.
The other, extremely puzzled asks the first one: "Dude, wh...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Honk Kong Dong

Bill had just returned home from a sales convention in Hong Kong. He spent his days at the convention and his nights in the Red Light district, and was now suffering from a painful and inflamed penis. He hurried to the doctor, who diagnosed it as the Hong Kong Dong and told Bill he would have to hav...

Where do bakers pick up their hookers?

The breadlight district

The Trump Years in a Nutshell

2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"

I've just came back from Saudi Arabia...

There are many streets and districts with the word "al" in it, such as "Al-Hamra" or "Al-Jazirah".

But never was I able to find any place with "Al-Cohol"...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Hooker wife...

A young couple are up against it financially so they agree to have the wife hustle on the streets to raise some cash.

Friday night, the husband drives his beautiful wife to the red light district and coaches her one last time:

"OK, again- I'm going to be right here. Anything you nee...

A Bengali man had just moved to Germany and was looking to start his own business...

He didn't know what to name it, so he walked around on a street in their business district to get ideas.

The first shop was selling car-parts, it was named "Das Auto."
"Interesting," the Bengali thought, and moved on.

The second shop next to it was selling newspapers: "Das Volk."...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

[NSFW][LONG]It gets lonely out at sea

A sailor has been out at sea for 6 months and when his boat finally arrived in Bangkok he decided to seek some companionship. The problem was that he hadn't gotten paid yet and all he had was 75 cents and the bus costs 25 cents each way but he was determined so he hopped on the bus to the red light ...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

This may be why Teachers retire early or turn to drinking: the following questions were in a (UK) GED (grade 12 equivalent) examination (they are genuine answers):

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Sheik wears on his head. Once an Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. In a democratic society, how impor...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

My friend went to Amsterdam..

My friend is Lebanese.
While walking through the red light district,
he wanders into the first house he sees.
He says, "I'll give you $200,but we have to do it Lebanese style.."
The prostitute refuses and so he leaves.
He walks up to the next house on the block and goes in.
"I'll g...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A talmudist goes to Moscow...

After months of negotiation with the authorities, a Talmudist
from Odessa was finally granted permission to visit Moscow.

He boarded the train and found an empty seat. At the next stop,
a young man got on and sat next to him. The scholar looked at the young
man and he thought: This f...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A Jewish man goes to his rabbi for advice..

"Rabbi, my son is considering turning to Christianity. How may I help him?"

The rabbi responds with "My friend, I too am having this problem. My son refuses to accept Judaism. Let us speak to the district clergy and seek advice together."

The two approach the clergy, and speak to one o...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Odd Signs From England

Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN
THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING
IT BACK OR FURTHER STE...

Lightbulbs

How many Socialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

*One, as long as it's someone else's bulb.*

How many Libertarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

*None, the invisible hand of the market will screw it in.*

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lig...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A whole city block is burning, and fire trucks from all about are called in, and trying to take down the flames when...

This old, ancient, piece of junk fire truck drives right in the middle of the fire, and takes complete control of the situation; saving the day. After hours, and hours of of fire fighting, the reporters can't wait to interview the captain of this mysterious savior that came out of nowhere.
...

My High School had a nap time class

It was great, every day it was so refreshing to get some sleep after lunch. But in order to get the class approved by the school district it had to have an official sounding name. So the school called it Math.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

cab drivers

A woman and her 11 year old daughter are travelling late night by a cab. They pass by a red-light district. The daughter, not knowing they are prostitutes, is curious as to what the dressed up women are doing out so late on the streets.

The mother wanting to preserve her daughter's innocence,...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.