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What are law enforcement officers called in Vatican City?

The Pope Po

A local law enforcement officer stops a car

for traveling faster than the speed limit. Since he was in a good mood that day, he decides to give the poor guy a break and give him a warning instead of a ticket. So, he asks the man his name.

“Fred,” he replies.

“Fred what?” the officer asks.

“Just Fred,” the man responds....

Who’s the law enforcement in the font world?

Sans Sheriff

US law enforcement is like Clorox bleach...

Safe for whites, but tough on colors.

Interpol developed a test to figure out the best Law enforcement team in the world. Today's test involved the Scotland Yard, the FBI and Rio's Military Police.

The test consisted of releasing a bunny in the woods and giving it a 1 hour head start. The police department that found the bunny in the least amount of time would go on to the next phase.

First one to go was Scotland Yard. Using their best detectives, deductive skills and evidence analysis,...

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What's the average penis size of law enforcement?

9mm

The Law Enforcement Test

The President wants to know which of the enforcement agencies is the best at convicting criminals so he sets a test for the CIA, FBI and LAPD. He releases a rabbit into the forest and asks them to apprehend it.

The CIA go in first, using drones to scan the trees, paying the other animals for ...

Law Enforcement

Back in the 80's the government wanted to have a competition to see which branch of law enforcement was most effective. They released 3 rabbits into 3 separate forests and asked the FBI, the CIA, and the LAPD to go find the rabbits. The FBI, after questioning the plants and minerals, determine rabb...

Traffic violation

After pulling a farmer over for speeding in an urban area, the police officer starts to lecture him about his callous disregard for public safety. The officer goes on and on, even belittling the farmer saying he must be a "hick from the sticks" and not know how to behave in a civilized area.
<...

a parking enforcement officer just cast a spell on me because I parked in a handicap spot illegally

“you will be toad”

How many law enforcement officers does it take to throw a handcuffed person down concrete stairs?

None. They fell.

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I can't watch erotic law enforcement videos without snacks.

I need popcorn for my cop porn.

If Apple made a drug enforcement agency...

...it would be a good iDEA

Did you hear about the judge who gave a jaywalker a very long sentence?

"Jaywalking laws require that pedestrians obey traffic control signals unless otherwise instructed by law enforcement which, in addition to traffic signals, jaywalking laws dictate how pedestrians may legally cross the street when no signals are present and though many states require that pedestrian...

Man shoots another man five times but insists to law enforcement that it was an accident...

"How can you shoot someone five times by accident?" The officer asked.

"Well i was aiming for the man beside him but i have a lazy eye" the man said.

What do you call the religious leader of law enforcement?

the popope.

What’s a Roman law enforcement officers favorite language?

Pig Latin

One hot summer afternoon a police officer pulls into a yard.

The police officer then gets out of the car, and asks an old gentleman, "who owns the property?" The old man tells the officer that he does, and asks what he can do for him.

The officer, “I’m here to inspect your property for illegally grown drugs.” The old gentleman says, “Well, you go righ...

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Two intelligence agencies and a law enforcement organisation enter a competition.

They are supposed to be tested who can capture a fugitive in the best way possible.
The first is the CIA. The organizers of the competition let a rabbit loose in a forest. The CIA enters and after 2 hours of complete silence they exit the forest with the rabbit in their hands.
Second enters t...

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Various law enforcement agencies have a fugitive tracking competition. A forest is divided by high fences into 100-acre sections, a squirrel is released into each one, and the game begins.

The CIA fill their section with animal agents all wearing wires. After three months with no leads, they announce that the squirrel never really existed.

The FBI works for a month and gets no leads. They burn down the forest, positively ID the squirrel remains, and announce at a press conferen...

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I'm planning on starting a strip club....

... in Poland. It will be called Pole Land.


I will hire people from ex law enforcement as strippers.


The slogan for the club will be: "Welcome to Pole Land, in Poland: Where Polish police polish your pole".

The slogan did pretty well in market research polls.

Name’s Juan

Names Juan. A few years ago I’d been living with my girlfriend in her apartment. I’ve been into video games since I was a kid and never took a real interest in learning practical things like how to hit a nail with a hammer. Girlfriend and I met in college and since graduating and moving in together ...

What do you call a law enforcement agency that refuses to buy it's own vehicles?

The Pro-lease department

What's another name for rural class justice?

Lawn enforcement

There was a very wealthy Count named Carl.

He always threw extravagant parties and almost everyone loved him, but almost no one knew where he got his massive wealth from.

One day, some law enforcement got suspicious of Count Carl’s wealth and went to him demanded to know where it was coming from. Count Carl refused to tell them, howe...

How do cats report crimes?

They call Paw Enforcement!



...I'll show myself out

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A bank robber and her husband were being chased by the police

A bank robber and her husband were being chased by the police

In order to shake off the heat, the couple rushed into a Victoria's secret to blend in with the crowd and hide.

By the time two officers had shown up, the weird looks and perfume that everyone was berating them with were inc...

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Voodoo dildo

A man walks into a sex shop and tells the shopkeeper that he'll be going on a trip soon. He tells the shopkeeper that his wife is very sexually active, and to keep her happy he wants to get her something to keep herself busy. The shopkeeper goes to the backroom and brings the man a box. The shopkeep...

There was a lad named John

There was a lad named John who was dealt a bad hand since he was born. He was an orphan who was brought up in a for profit orphanage, leading him to suffer mental trauma amongst other issues. After turning 16, he was kicked out of the orphanage with no support whatsoever. Not knowing what to do, he ...

A bird and weed story

In the 1970s, law enforcement officers on the California coast would gather all the confiscated marijuana plants and burn them in a giant incinerator. Terns would fly overhead and inhale the fumes. At the end of the day, they found that no terns were left unstoned.

Best cat jokes lmao

Why don't cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.

What is a cat's way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.

What do you call the cat that was caught by the police? The purrpatrator.
...

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Sniffer dog on a plane

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his Black Labrador in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane.

The second ma...

Why is Hillary Clinton running for President?

Because it's easier than running from Law Enforcement.

What do you call people who protect their yards?

Lawn Enforcement.

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So there is an elite team being put together for a government agency...

This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. And the ONLY requirements are you have to be married, you cant have any children, and you must have a law enforcement/military background. So police officers and ex military from all parts of the state start lining up and fighting for the position. And after...

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NBC President Flies Into Rage After Network Fails to Produce Industry Minimum Ten Cop Shows‏

NEW YORK - During a staff meeting this week, NBC President of Entertainment Robert Greenblatt erupted into a profanity-laced tirade when he was informed that the network's new season of prime-time dramas and comedies failed to meet The Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP) requ...

Pet Lobsters on a Beach

A man is walking a long a beach with a bucket of fresh lobsters, when he is stopped by a local law enforcement officer.

"You cannot have those lobsters! We take lobster poaching very seriously."

"Oh, no sir, these are not poached. These are actually my pet lobsters. Every day I walk t...

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I respect the Secret Service

They are the only law enforcement agency in the country that gets in trouble if a black man gets shot.

Bubba n' Buford IV

Law enforcement officers in east Texas must also be linguists on occasion just to communicate. Take the time Bubba n' Buford were pulled over outside of Madisonville and the officer walked up and simply said "You boys have any ID?". Now that would seem a simple, clearly understood request...but no...

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