Authorities close investigation on the group of hipsters found dead in a pond last week.

Turns out they were ice skating before it was cool.

[Long] This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. It was released by the Canadian Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid collision

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision

Canadians: Negative. Divert your course 15 degrees to the South

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy sh...

Three men approach a wishing well one after another

The first, wishes to have one million bucks. Instantly, he is now in ownership of one million wild deer. He sets up a venison business and makes millions

The second wishes for his ex-wife to fall for him again. She instantly trips while thinking about him, and on the way to the hospital, he m...

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Authorities unveil the the rioter who tazed himself to death in the balls has been charged.

Charged in the nards

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An Old Joke

The year is 2120, and our story follows Joe McFlinch and his journey to overcome his inner demons. 'Who is Joe?', you may be wondering. Well, Joe is a cowardly 29 year old male. He has no special talents or skills, no hobbies, and most sadly, no friends. If I were to describe him as a dish, he would...

The national bird of prey hospice had their annual play shut down by the authorities.

Apparently it was an ill-eagle act.

With all the bombings in Kabul, Afghanistan, authorities are planning to rename the city

They’re aiming for Kabum

I work as a comedian in China, and the authorities are always vetting my material.

>!everythIng is Always Moderated wIthiN a Justified mAnner, precIse and Legitimate. !<

Breaking News

Authorities uncover fraudulent claims from the makers of dandruff shampoo stating "This just scratches the surface!"

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In Texas, close to the border with Mexico, there was a priest who hated Mexicans

That Sunday, after reading the Bible, the priest started his sermon:

"Today we'll reflect on Peter's lie about being a follower of Jesus. That night, Peter acted as a coward and a liar, just like these damn Mexicans we see every day in this town!"

The whole congregation started to shou...

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A man settles in his seat next to the window on a plane, when another man sits down next to him and seats his Black Labrador Retriever in-between them. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he's allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he's a DEA-Agent, Sniffing-dog.

His name is Sniffer, and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work."

The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says "Watch this. He tells Sniffer to 'search'". Sniffer jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very purposef...

a mexican was kidnapped and taken to one of the florida keys as prisoner, one day he found a phone and was able to contact the authorities, when asked where he was, he said:

Akey

Soviet financial inspector visits a synagogue

Soviet financial inspector visits synagogue with a mission to prove that local Jewish community hides some profits from tax authorities.

As he looks through the books and find nothing suspicious - an idea comes to his mind.

He asks rabbi:

\- Rabbi, soviet authorities sent you 10...

Did you hear about the train engineer from Mexico that was arrested for terrorism?

Authorities say he had loco motives.

Pablo Escobar gets his comeuppance

Back when Pablo Escobar was still a small time crook, he was known for peddling his product in the shady street corners of his home town.

One day during said nefarious activities, a bunch of local children rode by on their bikes and recognized his face. They promptly reported the heinous crim...

Authorities fear that the collapsed bridge in Genoa was made with 'Mafia' concrete.....

....they've found 6 more bodies than there were people missing.

A mathematician is going through security check at an airport

When it’s his turn one officer suddenly starts jumping around exited and yells: “There is a bomb in this man luggage!” The mathematician is immediately arrested, searched and confined in a separate room. A while later authorities come in and ask him what the hell he was thinking, to which the mathem...

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Ukrainian authorities are planning to turn the Chernobyl exclusion zone into an amusement park

They say the only difference between it and Disneyland will be that the six foot tall mouse isn't a costume.

As Colombian authorities chased down drug kingpin Pablo Escobar, his last words before they shot him were:

"I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you Medellín kids"

Authorities in Beijing have advised that the Earthquake felt by millions last night was nothing to worry about.

It was just the start of China's two-child policy.

A Bar opened opposite a Mosque!

The angry congregants of the Mosque prayed daily against the business....

Days later the Bar was struck by lightning and caught fire . The Bar owner sued the Mosque authorities for the cause , as an action by their prayer...

The Mosque denied all responsibility!

So, the judge...

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I was subject to a full cavity search by the authorities yesterday.

I would say it was hands *down* the shittiest part of my life, but...

Did you hear about the guy who tried to kill himself by jumping into a manhole?

The authorities called it attempted sewer-cide.

German authorities

German authorities have raided establishments where citizens have been playing dice games. They are doing all they can to stop the reformation of the Yahtzee Party.

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Captain Morgan now facing sexual assault accusations. Local authorities asking victims one question.

Have you had a little Captain in you?

Today the authorities busted the local T-Rex shop, causing a huge uproar amongst the dinosaur community

Apparently he was a small-arms dealer

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