UPJOKE
involvementintimacyinfidelityrelationshiploveraffaireamourliaisonmatterthingoccasionsocial occasionconcernscandalromance

Affairs Jokes

A Chinese political joke based on recent Chinese political affairs

In a CCP high profile officials meeting.

Xi: let’s vote on the announcement why Foreign Minister Qin Gang suddenly disappeared. Those who don’t agree with the announcement that Qin committed suicide, please hands up.

After counting the votes.

Xi: Qin, put your hand down.

When my dad died it was left to me to manage his affairs

How he kept all those women a secret from my mum I'll never know

A woman from New York was getting her affairs in order.

She wrote her will and made her final arrangements. As part of these arrangements she met with her rabbi to talk about what type of funeral service she wanted. She told her rabbi she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomind...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2/3rds of people enjoy affairs

The other 1/3 is pissed off she came home early and caught us

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the church was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little talk at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited

“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had s...

The current state of affairs...

Legal, but highly immoral.

The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.

I said alphabetically or by age

New Jersey ranks highest in depression and marital infidelity

It's a sad state of affairs

What's NC Senate candidate Cal Cunningham's position on extra marital affairs?

Missionary.

You want to know how I keep my affairs in order?

In my little black book, alphabetically of course.

The veteran’s affairs office requests several ex-soldiers to come by and hear about a new pension plan.

“Alright men,” the official begins, “we’ve tried out a lot of pension plans in the past and none of them have worked out. At this point, we’re winging it. We’re going to measure between two points of your body, and whatever the distance is in inches, that’s how many thousand dollars you’ll get. So t...

The president was getting his daily briefing about world affairs...

The president was getting his daily briefing about world affairs. His advisor concluded it with, "and yesterday three Brazilian soldiers were killed in an attack."

"That's terrible!" responded the president. "We need to act now. I need to talk directly with the people. Set up a time for it, a...

Due to a severe increase in Teachers having affairs with their Students,

Homeschooling has been banned by the Governor of Alabama.

I went to college to study foreign affairs

And now I know how to cheat on my wife with a russian beauty!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The State of Affairs in Australian Politics

>Tony Abbott asks the Queen, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?"

>>"Well," said the Queen, "The most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

>>Abbott then asked, "But how do I k...

An Irishman is diagnosed with incurable cancer.

An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured, you'd best put your affairs in order."

O'Malley was shocked and sad...

What did JFK say about his multiple affairs?

"I did them not because they were easy, but because I was hard."

The White House Foreign Affairs Officer walks into the oval office and says...

The White House Foreign Affairs Officer walks into the oval office and says "Mr. President, eight Brazilian soldiers were killed in Mexico today!"

The President is real quiet.

"Mr. President, did you hear me?"

"How many is a Brazilian?" the president asks.

My wife Emily and I have a celebrity exemption rule for extramarital affairs.

Evidently she thought it included the actor playing George in the local production of "Our Town."

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.