A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the sale...

A young woman approached a salesman in a department store and said, "I need some batteries for my vibrator."

The salesman motioned with his finger and said, "Come this way."

"If I could come that way," she snapped, "I wouldn't need the damn vibrator."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A big muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store...

..and asks, “W-w-w-what’s y-y-your L-l-lay a-a-away p-p-policy?” The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing. The man repeats himself: “W-w-w whats y-y-your L-l-lay a-a-away p-p-policy?” Again, the clerk doesnt answer him. The guy asks several more times: “W-w-w-whats y-y-your L-...

A young man was shopping in a department store. He sees an extremely attractive salesgirl and says, "I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, but I don't know her size." "Will this help?" she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

"Oh, yes," he answered. "Her hands are just slightly smaller that yours." "Will there be anything else?" the sales girl queried as she wrapped the gloves. "Now that you mention it," he replied, "she also needs a bra and panties."

So this French dude was working in a department store in France and a Karen comes up and starts laying it on him, asking for his manager.

Manager shows up, old stoner dude that's not having it. Karen starts whining and says "But you have to do what I say! The customer is king!" The manager looks at her in the eyes and says, "Ma'am, this is France. We decapitate kings."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young guy from West Virginia moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in West Virginia ." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and
figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you d...

A guy goes to a department store and sees a display of thermoses...

"What is this thing?" he asks the sales rep. "Why that's a thermos, it keeps hot stuff hot and cold stuff cold." "Oh neat!" the guy says, "I'll take one!" The next day he goes to work with his new thermos under his arm. His boss sees him and says "Hey what is that you got there?" The guys says, "It'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman has just lost a bunch of weight through diet pills and is at the department store buying new clothes.

A woman has just lost a bunch of weight through diet pills and is at the department store buying new clothes. As she's trying on clothes, she proudly announces to the person at the fitting room "I'm buying new dresses because I just lost a bunch of weight, guess how much I weigh now!" The employee ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl walks into a department store

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ralph, the department store parrot

During its hayday, Goldfinches was a glorious department store, with gorgeous decorations, including a Aviary centerpiece, where Ralph held court. You see, Ralph had a special ability to detect what people wanted by their appearance, and he would tell them where to look for the thing they needed....

A department store opened in downtown area that sold men and a woman decides to visit it in search of a husband.

At the store’s entrance, there’s a sign outlining the department store policy.

* The first rule states that you can only enter the store once.
* There are six floors and on each floor you can choose a husband or elect to move on to the next floor.
* You cannot visit a floor more than on...

A blind fella is in a department store walking up and down the aisles with a white cane in one hand while swinging a service dog on a leash above his head with the other hand. A store employee asks if he needs assistance.

The blind fella replies, “No thanks, just looking.”

I sued a department store for selling me a broken coffee grinder.

I lost the case; the courts told me I had no grounds.

A blind man walks into a department store with his seeing-eye dog.

He walks to the middle of the store, bends down and firmly grasps the dog's collar, then yanks the dog into the air and starts whipping it around it in circles above his head.

A salesperson sees this happening and runs over to the blind man.

"Sir! Sir! Is there something I can help y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just heard this joke from my dad: A newly hired salesman in a department store is being taught by his manager how to handle sales...

The manager tells him that he'll help the first customer, and show him how to make the most of a sales opportunity, and then he'll let him try.

A customer walks in, so the manager approaches him and says: "Good evening, sir! How may I help you?"

"I'd like to buy some grass seeds.", say...

A blind man walks in to a department store

A blind man walks in to a department store with his seeing eye dog on a leash.

As usual the store manager behind the customer service counter looks up, but he notices the customer is blind, and not wanting to stare quickly looks away again.

Out of the corner of his eye the manager see...

A blonde was shopping at her local department store.

She came across a thermos and was fascinated by it.She decided to buy it.When she took it up to the cashier she inquired what it was used for.
"Well it's used to keep hot things hot and cold things cold."She brought it to work the next day.The boss walks past her desk and asks"What's that?"
"I...

Someone blew up a department store because they didn't stock basic clothing...

There were no casual tees.

The Grim Reaper appears before a man who's standing outside a department store changing room where his wife is inside trying on clothes...

The Grim Reaper says: "You will die of a heart attack in 30 seconds, but don't worry, because you are going straight to heaven."

The man, scared and skeptical says: "I never go to church, so how do you know for sure that I'm going to heaven? "

The Grim Reaper replies: "Easy. Satan won...

In a department store, where is your beauty?

Aisle of the beholder.

Lol I hate myself.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So, a really, really, REALLY ugly woman, ugliest you will ever see, with a terrible attitude to boot, walks into a department store...

...with her two kids in tow. The manager of the store gets close to her and asks:
"Twins?"
The mother makes a huge, contorted face, and, incredible as it might seem, looks even uglier.
"No, you imbecilic twat. Bruce, that's the oldest, is nine, and Miranda is seven. What sort of questio...

In hopes to try to get some free advertising a Department store holds an event for Single ladies that want to meet that "it" guy

On the main floor 1000's of ladies stand in line for their chance to meet single guys, the atmosphere is electric! Groups of ladies stand in line some laughing giddily amongst themselves with an excited look on their face. Peggy sue holds a small raffle ticket in hand that reads she is contestant 70...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What department store is named after the things jews hate the most and love the most?

JC Penney.






^I'm ^^going ^^^to ^^^^hell.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife and I were shopping at a department store.

I was complaining to customer service because their bathrooms were out of service. Finally she looked at me and said "I'm sorry, sir, but we're just not going to take any of your shit!"

Two men are lost on the womens floor of a department store

The first man says to the other "my wife was trying on clothes and I've lost her, I don't know what to do!"

The second man says "Yeah, me too, let's stick together and we can try and find our wives".

"Good plan" says the first man, "what does your wife look like so I can keep eye out f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not having sex tonight

One evening last week,my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,the passion starts to heat up,and she eventually says,‘I don‘t feel like it,I just want you to hold me.‘

I said,‘WHAT??!! What was that?!‘

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear.... <...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Insurance

Three men are sitting on a bench in their fancy retirement community in Florida
Steve says: "I started with a men's clothing shop and built the business into the finest department store in town. One day there was a fire and it destroyed everything. Since I was too old to begin again, I took the i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favourite Old Dirty / Clean Joke

A young man wished to purchase a present for his sweetheart, and after careful consideration, he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrappi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man looses his wife

I was in a department store the other day and I walked up to a young and lovely woman and said, "I've lost my wife in here somewhere. Can you talk to me a couple of minutes?"

The woman looks puzzled. "Why talk to me?", she asks.

Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like your...

A bilingual joke! (English/Spanish)

A Spanish man goes into a department store looking for a specific item of clothing. But he can't find what he's looking for and he doesn't know the English word for it.

So he grabs a salesperson and says, "Tienes calcetines?"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what that is," the salesperson says...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jewish rope merchant from New York was trying desperately to sell some of his goods in Louisiana. But wherever he went, he kept encountering Anti-Semitism.

In one particular department store, the buyer taunted him:

“All right, Jew. I’ll buy some of your rope. As much as reaches from the top of your big Jewish nose to the tip of your little Jewish penis.”

Two weeks later, the buyer was startled to receive a shipment containing ten thousand...

I hear there's a tropical storm Karen heading for the US...

They have warn all department stores and fast-food joints in the coastal area to batten down their managers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy who has spent his whole life in the outback of Australia decides he wants a change in his life, so he moves to the city.

He arrives in Sydney, and the first thing he does is looks for a job. He goes to the biggest department store downtown and applies for a job. The HR rep asks him if he has any experience in sales. So the guy says 'yea I was considered one of the best salesmen out Bush'. The rep isn't amused. 'This ...

The Ladies Department

A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of  the largest department store chains.

He shyly walked up to the woman behind the  counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?"  asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man "There is more tha...

A blonde goes to buy a TV.

A blonde goes out to buy a TV at a department store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: Sorry, we don't sell to blondes.

So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair brown. She then goes back to the store.

Blonde: I'd like that TV please.

Clerk: I'm sorry but we d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 30 year old man has had a headache for 15 years

He goes to the doctor to see about it. His doctor says “I’ve only heard of this once before, the only solution was to cut off your penis”

The man says “oh wow, can I think it over for a couple days before the procedure”

The doctor says “of course”

The man goes home and thinks a...

A Man and his Camel

There once was a very strange, lonely man living out in the woods alone. His family has been gone for many years, and has lived most of his life without anyone. He has had no physical contact with people in such a long time, other than going to town every could of months. But he wanted this to chang...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde woman goes appliance shopping...

... and upon arrival at the department store, she decides to take advantage of a sale that she sees. She calls over an employee and points to the marked-down price.

"I'd like to buy this television," she says, batting her eyelashes.

"I'm truly very sorry, miss," the employee tells her,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Life of a salesman

So a department store famous for carrying everything is looking to hire a new sales associate. They have narrowed it down to two candidates. They decide to do a trial run and give them each a week to see who earns the highest commission to see who gets the job.

The first guy comes in every d...

A romantic Xmas shopping trip

A husband and wife go shopping for Xmas presents. After a couple of hours of scouring the shelves at the big department store, the wife realised she couldn’t see her husband anywhere. She phoned him to find out where he is.
&nbsp;

*“Sorry dear, I wanted to go and get you a surprise Xm...

Two retired gentlemen meet while sunning themselves on the beach

They get to talking about themselves.

One says, "I was in the retail business. I started out with a tiny clothing shop, and through a lifetime of long hours and hard work, built my way up to a nice department store. Things got tough when the chain stores started moving in. Then, tragedy. A fi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is looking for a birthday gift for her husband...

She goes all around town, to all the sporting stores, department stores, gadget/computer stores, can't find anything her husband would like or doesn't have.

She decides to go downtown and walks around looking at interesting boutique stores when she ends up walking into a very strange looking ...

Mrs Smith & The Expert.

The Smiths, a young couple, have no children and they decide to get in some help, by way of a man who is supposed to be an expert in what is needed. Leaving for work, Mr. Smith says, "I'm off. The expert should be here soon." Moments later a door-to-door baby photographer rings the bell.

Mrs...

Viens a moi (NSFW)

Two women walked into a department store, stopped at the perfume counter and picked up a sample bottle. One sprayed the perfume on her wrist and smelled it. "That's nice, isn't it?" Sharon said waving her arm under her friend's nose. "Yeah. What's it called?" "Viens a moi." "Viens a moi? What's that...

One of my favorites

A little boy and his mother are in a department store shopping one afternoon. The mother decides to try some clothes on and tells her son to wait outside the changing room for her. A few minutes later she walks out to find her son has his hand up the dress of a mannequin in the store. She quickly...

A touching moment with Santa...

Little Johnny climbs onto Santa's lap at the department store.

Santa says, "I'll bet I know what you want for Christmas."

And with his index finger he taps the boy on the nose with every letter he spells, "T-O-Y-S."

The little boy answers, "No, I have enough toys."

Sa...

A Woman Goes to the Mall

She's walking through a high-end department store and sees a sign for free makeovers.

The young lady doing makeovers sees her and signals that the chair is open.

"Come on and have a seat!"

The woman sits down and marvels at all the products. The young lady lines her up and takes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Odd Signs From England

Sign in a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES:PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN
THE LIGHT GOES OUT

Sign in a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING
IT BACK OR FURTHER STE...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Furniture

A blonde walks into a department store and tells the salesman, "Hi, I'm looking to buy a sexual sofa."

The salesman, at first confused, suggests, "Oh, ma'am you must mean a *sectional* sofa, right?"

The blonde replies, "No I'm pretty sure it's a sexual sofa, my husband said he'd like a...

How do most rappers build a following?

They go shopping at a department store.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mixed up presents

So this guy wants to make a nice gift for the girl he's recently started dating. He decides for a nice pair of gloves. Nice and romantic but not too personal. To pick a nice pair, he went to the store, accompanied by his sister. At the department store, the sister also bought a pair of undies for he...

How does a blond cross the road?

A brunette is on a busy street across from a department store she needs to visit, and is looking for an intersection to cross over when she spots a blonde walking out of the store.

The brunette waves and calls out over the traffic noise, "hey there! How do I get to the other side?"

The...

Freedom Tower

Apparently they're having such a hard time filling office space in the new Freedom Tower, they've opened it up to big chain department stores...

Just what America needs — another Target.

Yet another dumb blonde joke.

A blonde walks into a department store. She walks over to an employee and says

"I'd like to buy that TV over there".

The employer looks at her and then says

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes here".

So the blonde leaves. The next day, she comes back with her hair died br...

Some Tim Vine jokes...

"I tell you what makes my blood boil..... Crematoriums." "People with guns who say give me your money... you gotta hand it to them." "So I went to my local department store and said I cant decide whether to buy this bed or not. He said do you want to sleep on it? I said of course I do." "I refuse...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.