UPJOKE
made-to-orderhabitpracticeusebespoketailoreddutytraditionusageimpostcustom-madetailor-madetariffwontcustomized

Dances used to originate from tribal customs

Well, doesn't it seem possible that some of these popular dances tend to illustrate the movements of persons dodging a flock of motor cars?



Source: 1913 newspaper

Why did the Python data scientist get arrested at customs?

She was caught trying to import pandas!

Getting a hair dryer through customs

A young woman on a flight from England asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"


"Of course, my child. What may I do for you?"


"Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is...

A German gets off a flight to Paris, and is going through customs

Customs agent: "Name?"

German: "Hans."

Agent: "Home city?"

German: "Dusseldorf."

Agent: "Occupation?"

German: "Nein, nein, just for a visit."

Credit to pjabrony

A vulture is going through customs and the attendant asked if he has any baggage to check in.

The vulture says, “No, just my carrion.”

My first day working at border customs was hectic

we arrested a big group of German meat smugglers. It was a wurst case scenario.

Aussie customs

Going through the Australian border control, the customs officer interviewed me and all went well until he asked whether I had any criminal record. He was not impressed with my answer: “I didn’t know it was still necessary.”

An old woman was arrested at the airport today on drug smuggling charges

Customs officials searched her underwear and found a kilo of crack.

A Russian citizen is crossing the border into Ukraine and hands his passport to the customs officer.

The customs officer asks: "Name?"
The Russian replies: "Vladimir Krylov"
The customs officer continues: "Occupation?"
The Russian replies: "Not yet, just visiting."

Vladimir Putin is at an airport and is going through customs.

Customs officer: Occupation?

Putin: No, just visiting.

Paddy coming back from holiday.

Paddy was at the airport going through Customs.

Customs: What have you got in those two sacks on your shoulders?

Paddy: Oh just a lot of mobile phones.

Customs: So why so many mobile phones?

Paddy: Well on my travels I had a call from my mate Mick,

He told me that ...

A man returning from a trip to France was stopped by customs.

Official: "What is in this bottle? It seems you haven't declared it."

Man: "It's holy water from a famous church. What about it?"

Official: "You’re lying! It's cognac!"

Man: "It’s a miracle!"

An Englishman goes on a hunting tour of the Americas. He first stops in Canada, where he shoots a large male grizzly bear

In order to ease the transportion of his trophy, the Englishman cuts the bear into pieces, seperating the legs, the arms and head from the torso. He then continues his tour southward crossing the border into the USA.

At the border a customs agent checks his belongings. "Sir," says the agent "...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Customs Inspection

At an airport, the customs officer finds a dildo in a lady’s handbag and asks,
“Are you married?”.
“Yes”, replies the lady.
“Then why this?” asks the officer.
“Do you have a landline phone at home?” asks the lady.
“Yes” replies the officer.
“Then why do you carry a mobile?”

I work as a Customs Officer and yesterday I had my yearly performance review.

They feel I'm borderline incompetent.

A customs officer at the Mexican border noticed a man coming across one day on a bicycle with two small sacks tied to the handlebars...

Naturally, he got suspicious and asked him to open the sacks, but when he did he found nothing but sand.

Each time he'd stop the bicycle and open the sacks, and he'd find only sand. He had the sand analyzed at the lab and looked at the sack under a microscope he could never find anything wron...

An photon was walking through customs, and gets stopped by a TSA officer

The woman says “where are your bags?”
The photon replies “I’m traveling light”

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.