Veterans Day

An elderly American gentleman of 97 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically. He admitted he had been to France previously. "Then ...

Paddy was at the airport going through Customs.

Customs: What have you got in those two sacks on your shoulders.?

Paddy: Oh just a lot of mobile phones.

Customs: So why so many mobile phones.?

Paddy: Well on my travels I had a call from my mate Mick,

He told me that he was starting up a Jazz Band, and could

I br...

A gorgeous young redhead on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?"

"Of course child. What may I do for you?"

"Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?"...

A Russian citizen is crossing the border into Ukraine and hands his passport to the customs officer.

The customs officer asks: "Name?"
The Russian replies: "Vladimir Krylov"
The customs officer continues: "Occupation?"
The Russian replies: "Not yet, just visiting."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Customs Inspection

At an airport, the customs officer finds a dildo in a lady’s handbag and asks,
“Are you married?”.
“Yes”, replies the lady.
“Then why this?” asks the officer.
“Do you have a landline phone at home?” asks the lady.
“Yes” replies the officer.
“Then why do you carry a mobile?”

I work as a Customs Officer and yesterday I had my yearly performance review.

They feel I'm borderline incompetent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old Jewish man was finally allowed to emigrate to Israel from the Soviet Union.

When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise!

The official chuckle...

Crossing the border the customs officer asked me I had any drugs or firearms, to which I responded...

...what do you need?

An photon was walking through customs, and gets stopped by a TSA officer

The woman says “where are your bags?”
The photon replies “I’m traveling light”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Soviet Russia, an American spy tries to blend in.

George Keats had trained 20 years for this moment. He had mastered the Russian language in its native accent. He learned all of Russia's customs and social graces. He memorized Moscow streetmaps and knew every back-alley there was. He swore that he could even think like a Russian.

The big day...

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