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Czechoslovakia Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joke from old Czechoslovakia, translated for you

I was a CEO of big company. I was driving corporate Tatra 613. Every morning, coffee was brewed by sexy secretary assistant. One day, they asked me to contribute 5000 crowns for the funeral of the member of Central Committee of the Communist Party. I said that for 5000 crowns I will burry the while ...

What do you call a abortion in Czechoslovakia?

A cancelled check.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would Hitler’s invasion of Czechoslovakia be called if it was done by Gen Z’s?

Vibe Czech

old soviet joke (I believe it was created after Czechoslovakia uprising)

So John, Pierre and Ivan are having few drinks. Guys start talking cars. Pierre brags a bit - "Well, in Paris I drive my Citroen, but to countryside I take Peugeot. Of course, for longer trips to Europe my wife insists on Renault - its so much more spacious". "Well, that's nothing, in London I drive...

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A Jewish man and a Czechoslovakian man...

..were walking in a national forest. All of a sudden, a bear appeared and ate the Czechoslovakian man. The Jewish guy ran back to find someone to help. He found a Forest Ranger and told him what had happened. So the ranger took a gun and went back into the forest. There were two bears together. "Now...

I was playing chess with my friend from Czechoslovakia, Jakub

He won by putting me in a czechmate

Did you hear about the guy who travelled to Czechoslovakia and wasn't allowed to leave for a long long time?

Poor guy. They made a movie about him: 12 Years A Slav.

A person from Czechoslovakia falls in love with a chess player

It’s a Czechmate!

An Australian is losing badly against a Czechoslovakian in a chess championship match and asks him what country he is from.

The Czechoslovakian wins and replies:
“Czech, mate.”

You have to spell a word to get into heaven.

A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates.

She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling g...

Killer Bear

In Czechoslovakia, a woman walks into a police station and reports that while walking in the woods she witnessed a bear attack a man and devour him. The police quickly form a search party to find and take care of the killer bear.

About an hour later they come across two bears together - a ma...

A Woman Does and Meets St. Peter at the Pearly Gates

He tells her she can go to heaven if she spells love. She replies "Thats odd, why?" He replies "For God's Love for you." She does, and Peter goes to open the gate. Suddenly, God asks Peter to meet him immediately. Peter sighs and asks the woman if she would man the gates. She smiles and says "Of cou...

What do you call a Czechoslovakian abortion?

A canceled Czech.

Spelling bee in heaven.

A married woman named Harriet was very ill and passed away. When she ascended into heaven, an angel was waiting for her. The angel said, "You can be allowed into heaven, if you spell a word for me." Harriet replies, "OK, what's the word?"
"The word is love."
"L-O-V-E, love." Harriet spells....

In WWII, Hungary had finally declared war on the USA. An envoy is sent to the US embassy, where they handed over the formal declaration, after which the following conversation took place:

\- What is your form of government?

\-Kingdom.

\-Who's your king?

\- We don't have a king, but a regent.

\- Okay, then who's the regent?

\- Admiral MiklĂłs Horthy.

\- Admiral? So do you have access to the ocean?

\- No.

\- Okay. Do you...

getting in to heaven

A woman died and found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates,



being greeted by St. Peter.



She asked him, "Oh, is this place what I really think it is?



It's so beautiful.



Did I really make it to heaven?"



To which St. Peter...

Based on a True Story: A breeding pair of crocodiles ate two European tourists in Australia

This actually happened back when I was a kid in the 90's: A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and consumed by a pair of crocodiles in Australia. The female ate the Frenchman.

The Czech was in the male.

So I hear that the Euro is destabilizing and deflating...

...if its value decreases any more, Europe might have to switch back to their old international currency, Czechoslovakia.

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A husband dies and goes into limbo for judgement

While there he sees an angel who is the gatekeeper for the gate to heaven. At the gate, the angel says "You have done enough good deeds in your life for me to grant passage into heaven." "But first, I want you to spell out a word for me, and if you get it correct, I can let you enter." The man says ...

A wife dies and arrives at the gates of Heaven

There she meets with Saint Peter, and he says "Hello, and welcome to Heaven! In order to pass into the Pearly Gates there is one requirement that you must meet, and it's fairly simple. All you have to do is spell a word, any word will do." The woman then replies, "ok, P-U-R-P-L-E, Purple, it's my fa...

Three women - two from Eastern Europe, and one from America - walk into a bar.

The three of them all sit at the bar.

Suddenly, one of the women, originally from Czechoslovakia, starts ranting about her ex.

"I'm just so fed up!" she cries. "Twenty years ago, my husband left me, and I still can't get over how he used me just for my looks!"

The American wo...

Way To Heaven

John dies and goes to Heaven. He meets St. Peter at the gate and asks him,
"How do I get into Heaven?"
St Pete: Spell "Love".
John: L - O - V - E
Pete: That's right, you may enter.
John: Boy, that was easy, are you sure that's all there is to it?
St Pete: Yup...by the way, I h...

A Holiday Story

Back in the 1970s an Alaskan lawyer found out he had a long lost cousin in Czechoslovakia. In letters, the Czech mentioned he always wanted to see Alaska, so they arrange for him to come for a visit over the Christmas break.

While he's there the Alaskan takes him for a hike through the woods....

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Eastern Europe Loved the USSR

In 1970 a Soviet trade delegation visits Czechoslovakia. The delegation is met at the airport by the minister for trade, and as the minister and the leader of the delegation drive to the city in the minister’s Zil limousine, the minister points out a large bronze statue of Lenin just outside the air...

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