Russia is invading Finland

During the invasion a Russian general and his troops come to a hill.

They hear a voice shouting: "One Fin can beat ten Russians!"

The general laughs about it and sends ten of his troops to go kill whoever is on the other side of the hill. There is alot of noise and shooting and after ...

I haven't seen my friend since he started working for Finland's national airline

He disappeared into Finnair.

Finland have just closed their borders....

Which means no one can cross the finish line.

What do you get when you combine Finland and Germany?

You get a finger!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 1939, and the USSR is invading Finland.

The Soviet army is marching through the Finnish swamps when they hear shouting from the other side of a nearby hill:

"I bet one Finn can beat ten Soviets!"

The Soviet officer laughs at this and sends ten of his best soldiers to deal with this guy. After a couple of minutes of shooting ...

A swedish reporter traveled to Finland during WW2 to interview a finnish soldier...

Once in Finland, he found a soldier sitting outside some tents.
The reporter sat down beside the man and asked:
”Can you tell me how you feel about beeing a finnish soldier?”

Well, the soldier said, as a finnish soldier you have two alternatives.
Either you live or you die.
If you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Au Pair from Finland has been finding school very difficult of late.

So much anticipation and excitement around my school as it's the first Dux Scholar we've ever had.

Anticipation runs high as we'd all like to see his academic capabilities in our 'not-so-great' school.



Every subject imaginable; Physics, Geography, English, Chemistry etc, we are...

Being in Finland in these times makes me feel so good.

Lots of indoor finns.

People in Finland aren’t typically violent during confrontations.

So while they may not start the fights, they sure do Finnish.

What’s so special about the border between Russia and Finland?

It’s the only place in the world where people are Russian to the Finnish line.

What do you call Finland’s border?

The Finnish line

It is claimed that Trump thought Finland was controlled by Russia

Finnish officials shrugged and said they thought the same was true of Trump

What do you call a boring person from Finland?

A dolphin

In WWII, a soviet army marches through Finland...

Suddenly, from over the hill, they hear a voice shout, "One Finnish soldier is worth 10 Soviets!"

The Soviet commander is annoyed. He sends 10 troops over the hill to investigate. After a few minutes, he hears gunshots, screams, and then silence. Then the voice shouts again, "One Finnish sol...

Why jokes about Finland don't make sense?

It starts with 'a finnish'

Two men sat at a bar in Finland

The first man ask "How's your day been?"

Second man replies "are you here to talk or are you here to drink?"

Soon Finland will recommend to keep 1 m distance from each other

it will be really awkward to stand so close to people.

What do you call a dead man from Finland?

Finnished

What happened when Finland closed their borders?

Nobody could pass telhe Finnish line!

I once attended a sermon at a church in Finland.

The congregation must have been huge Mortal Kombat fans because they were singing a Finnish hymn.

Why do you never leave a bottle of Vodka around someone from Finland?

Because they will Finnish it off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher in 1st grade at school is angry with a student that always swears and pays no attention to the lesson

"what's your problem?" Teacher asks

"Miss, I think I shouldn't be in the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm far smarter than her. I should be at least in the 3rd grade" he replies.

She goes with him to the principal, with whom agree to do some knowledge tests.

-wha...

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

I tried to learn the tongue of the people in Finland.

But I couldn't Finnish a sentence.

Why are priests from Finland so good at Mortal Kombat?

They're especially well-versed in Finnish hymns.

A man goes to apply for Finnish citizenship.

A man goes to apply for Finnish citizenship. He says to the employee, “I want to be a citizen of Finland.” The employee responds in broken English.
Employee: “You nice?”
Man: “Um... I suppose so.”
“Back of line.”
“What’s the problem?”
“Nice guys Finnish last.”

My friend went on a vacation to Finland over the summer but he found communicating with the locals to be difficult

He had trouble finnishing his sentences

The winter war between Finland and the USSR

The Soviet general was moving with his army when he hears a whisper

"A Finnish soldier is better than 10 Russian soldiers"

Furious he sends out his best 10 men. Gunshots are heard but they do not return and he hears another whisper:

" A Finnish soldier is better than 100 Russia...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I finally know what a dick from Finland is called -

A Finnish

There's a Soviet General on the eastern front in Finland...

He goes to see his men to raise their morale; they've been having trouble taking a forest.

From across the forest he hears, "Ha! One Finn is better than ten Russians!"

The general is angered by this so he rounds up the nearest ten soldiers and sends them to find and kill the Finn. He h...

Why do things get built so fast in Finland?

Because as soon as they start it’s Finnish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was flying to Finland for a vacation.

He packed his bag and went to the airport; as he was going through security, he was asked what he had in his bag.

"Just some clothing, a camera, some hiking gear, and a camp knife."

"Sir," replied the TSA agent, "I need you to step to the back of the line."

The man was going to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I filled out an application to become a citizen of Finland and I must've been accepted almost instantly

The last button I had to click said Finish

How can Finland be one of the happiest countries in the world with such a high suicide rate?

All the miserable people kill themselves

Russia really want to invade Finland so they can rest

As they would cross the Finnish line.

What is Finland's largest export?

Lines

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This joke was recently voted best in Finland.

It's a pretty new and modern one, but it's still funny:

A Finnish and a Japanese company decided to organize an annual rowing competition with teams of 8. Both teams trained hard and long. On the day of the competition, both teams thought themselves to be in top condition, but the Japanese wo...

What did the man in Finland say after his meal?

I'm Finnish.

After the World War 2

Finnish general Adolf Ehrnrooth was visiting England. British general asked him how many Russian troops were stationed in Finland. "A few hundred thousand" answered Ehrnrooth. "Where in Finland are they stationed?" The British general asked. Ehrnrooth answered: "Two meters underground around the bor...

I just watched the World Heavy Metal Knitting Championship in Finland.

It was pretty knots!

Why will you never win a race against a runner from Finland?

Before you even start, they are already Finnish.

What do they call summer in Finland?

The best day of the year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American man and his son went on vacation to Finland.

When they arrived, a cab driver greeted them at the airport. "What should we do on our first day here," the father asked his son, excitedly. The driver interjected, "Well, if you're not natives, I'd suggest the roller coaster that teaches your or language." Confused, the father and son look at one a...

What did the woman from Finland say after seeing an old man fall in the water, knowing he couldn't swim?

"Oh no, Helsinki! He Finnish!"

What happens when a guy from Finland beats you up?

You get Finnished

Finnish is such a beautiful language.

There's a word, Kalsarikännit, which basically means 'getting drunk in your underwear'. This tells you all you need to know about Finland, and my current state of affairs.

Why does Shang Tsung always enjoy a religious song from Finland?

Because it's a Finnish hymn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Officers from USA, Russian and Finland

Officers from Russia, The US and Finland where having a beer at a bar. They were of course bragging about how great their armies are.

The American said that "We have so many airplanes that if them all would fly at the same time the sun would be covered and the day would turn dark for a momen...

I'm going to run a 5K to Finland.

When you enter the country it will be the Finnish line.

What do you call a guy who refuses to serve people from Finland at his bar?

A man with unfinnished buisness.

I am liking the people from Finland

They always finish

Some people think it’s soooo fine, that a Sweden - Denmark soccermatch gets abbreviated as SWEDEN

But the abbrevition for Finland - Estonia is FINEST!

Putin lands at Helsinki airport...

...and the immigration officer says "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin". "Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia". "Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

Credit goes to a dude in the Finland thread. Made me laugh.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When Hitler conquered Ukraine...

his soldiers sent back a message saying that the women were beautiful and enclosed a picture of them. Upon seeing this picture, Hitler declared that these women were honorary Aryans and demanded they bring back as many women as they could. When Hitler conquered Finland his soldiers sent back a messa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

Why are fire trucks red?

Because fire trucks have 4 wheels and 8 tyres and 8+4=12.
There are 12 inches in a ruler.
By Queen Elizabeth is also a ruler.
There was a ship named after her.
The ship have sailed the seas.
Seas have fish in them.
Fishes have fins.
People from Finland are also known as fins....

Drinking joke from Finland

Pekka and Jukka are sitting in a cottage in the middle of nowhere. For 3 days they are drinking like hell, before they finally run out of booze. So Pekka says to his mate: “Go and look in th shed. Maybe there’s something left we can drink.”
Jukka returns after a few minutes with a bottle of menth...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take h...

Olympic Sailing results are in!

Denmark have taken gold

Finland have taken silver

Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is cold?

What is cold?
(note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32)

+10°C
The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating.
The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers.

+5°C
The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the...

I applied to a citizen of Finland

In the online application there was an odd question. "Are you a nice guy", it said, I thought it was an odd question but I clicked yes. Immediately I was directed to a page saying I was directed to the back of the queue for citizenship, I was confused but I read later in the application and it said....

What Olympic country is projected to win the most medals?

Finland. They always Finnish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
<...

Which Nordic country should you never be a part of?

Finland.
Once you're a citizen, that's it!
You're Finnish! It's over.

Two Russians, Vlad and Ivan, decided to have a race.

Both long distance runners, they decided the end would be a large rock a few miles past the Russia-Finland border.

Vlad was ahead for most of the race, but he faltered soon after the border and was passed by Ivan, who won.

"I told you I would win!" said Ivan.

"You may have won,"...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.