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Finland Jokes

Russia is invading Finland

During the invasion a Russian general and his troops come to a hill.

They hear a voice shouting: "One Fin can beat ten Russians!"

The general laughs about it and sends ten of his troops to go kill whoever is on the other side of the hill. There is alot of noise and shooting and after ...

Finland have just closed their borders....

Which means no one can cross the finish line.

A Finnish joke from the Cold War

During the Cold War, a foreign journalist asked a Finnish general what Finland would do if the USSR and NATO would fight a war in Finland.

He replied “first we would beat out NATO, and then the Soviets”.

The journalist was surprised about the order and asked why.

“We are civiliz...

It is 1939 and a Soviet army is marching on Finland

As they pass the border, they hear a Finnish voice over the hill -

"One Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet soldiers!"

The Soviet general laughs, as he sends 10 men on the hill to capture it.

There is gunfire for a minute and then everything goes silent for a moment, and th...

How can Finland be one of the happiest countries in the world with such a high suicide rate?

All the miserable people kill themselves

What is the capital of Finland if it smelled really bad?

Helstinky

It is May 2022 and a Russian army is marching through Finland.

As they pass the border, they hear a Finnish voice over the hill;

"One Finnish tank is better than 10 Russian tanks!"

The Russian general laughs, as he sends 10 T-14 Armata, the most powerful tanks of the Russian military on the hill to capture it. There is the sound of battle for a mi...

A swedish reporter traveled to Finland during WW2 to interview a finnish soldier...

Once in Finland, he found a soldier sitting outside some tents.
The reporter sat down beside the man and asked:
”Can you tell me how you feel about beeing a finnish soldier?”

Well, the soldier said, as a finnish soldier you have two alternatives.
Either you live or you die.
If you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 1939, and the USSR is invading Finland.

The Soviet army is marching through the Finnish swamps when they hear shouting from the other side of a nearby hill:

"I bet one Finn can beat ten Soviets!"

The Soviet officer laughs at this and sends ten of his best soldiers to deal with this guy. After a couple of minutes of shooting ...

What do you call a dead man from Finland?

Finnished

Many people say that Finland started wars.

I thought they Finnish them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An american is on vacation in Finland

He goes to a sauna, and notices a mans penis.

"I see you are circumcised"

The man replies.
"No, in finland this is just wear and tear"

What do you call a boring person from Finland?

A dolphin

Finland has just joined NATO.

It’s good to know their application is Finnish.

Why are the men in Finland so bad in bed?

Because they’re always finnish first

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does Finland have a problem increasing it's population?

Because the sex haven't even started yet and they are already Finnish

There has never been a ghost sighting in Finland

All the ghosts who died there went on to the afterlife due to them having no un-Finnish-ed business.

What do you get when you combine Finland and Germany?

You get a finger!

Why are priests from Finland so good at Mortal Kombat?

They're especially well-versed in Finnish hymns.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's 1939 and the Soviets are attacking Finland.

So it's 1939, winter, the soviets are attacking Finland and the Karelian isthmus is basically a burning icy hell where peoples throats are cut in nightly raids and their blood turns to ice before their bodies hit the earth.

At one section of the Finnish trenches there are only two guys left ...

A Trans-Nordic race was planned to pass through Norway, Sweden, and Finland, ending at the Russian border.

But everyone stopped at the Finnish line instead.

Old Finnish WW2 joke

Finnish general Adolf Ehrnrooth was visiting in England after the World War II.

British general asked him how many Russian troops were stationed in Finland.

"A few hundred thousand" answered Ehrnrooth.

"Where in Finland are they stationed?" The British general asked.

Eh...

Why is it impossible to hold a race in Finland?

Because in Finland, every line is a Finnish line. . .

why in Finland do they think the devil lives at the bottom of the sea?

Because helsinki.

It is claimed that Trump thought Finland was controlled by Russia

Finnish officials shrugged and said they thought the same was true of Trump

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

In WWII, a soviet army marches through Finland...

Suddenly, from over the hill, they hear a voice shout, "One Finnish soldier is worth 10 Soviets!"

The Soviet commander is annoyed. He sends 10 troops over the hill to investigate. After a few minutes, he hears gunshots, screams, and then silence. Then the voice shouts again, "One Finnish sol...

I was chatting with my Finnish friend the other day...

I asked him where his favorite part of Finland was.

He said "Hyvä kysymys! I really like Rovaniemi for the Santa Claus Village!"

I asked him "Hyvä kysymys? What's that?"

All he said was "Good question!"

It's been a week and he still hasn't told me what it means.

(I...

What do you call Finland’s border?

The Finnish line

Why jokes about Finland don't make sense?

It starts with 'a finnish'

Two men sat at a bar in Finland

The first man ask "How's your day been?"

Second man replies "are you here to talk or are you here to drink?"

There's a Soviet General on the eastern front in Finland...

He goes to see his men to raise their morale; they've been having trouble taking a forest.

From across the forest he hears, "Ha! One Finn is better than ten Russians!"

The general is angered by this so he rounds up the nearest ten soldiers and sends them to find and kill the Finn. He h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This joke was recently voted best in Finland.

It's a pretty new and modern one, but it's still funny:

A Finnish and a Japanese company decided to organize an annual rowing competition with teams of 8. Both teams trained hard and long. On the day of the competition, both teams thought themselves to be in top condition, but the Japanese wo...

I haven't seen my friend since he started working for Finland's national airline

He disappeared into Finnair.

I want to take a cruise around the coast of Finland...

But can I afjord it?

The winter war between Finland and the USSR

The Soviet general was moving with his army when he hears a whisper

"A Finnish soldier is better than 10 Russian soldiers"

Furious he sends out his best 10 men. Gunshots are heard but they do not return and he hears another whisper:

" A Finnish soldier is better than 100 Russia...

Popeye is seen as iconic in America, but how is he viewed in Finland?

Oh, he's strong to the Finnish...

What country has the highest population of fish?

Finland

What do Spain and Finland have in common?

Their drivers were the first to finish the 2019 Melbourne Grand Prix.

Soon Finland will recommend to keep 1 m distance from each other

it will be really awkward to stand so close to people.

Why do things get built so fast in Finland?

Because as soon as they start it’s Finnish.

I just found out my favorite arcade game used Christian music from the 1800s Finland in the background.

Yeah. Mortal Kombat used Finnish Hymns

What’s so special about the border between Russia and Finland?

It’s the only place in the world where people are Russian to the Finnish line.

What happens when someone from Finland has a child with someone from Denmark.

Finished danish

Finland's borders

Are Finland's borders called the finnish lines?

I once attended a sermon at a church in Finland.

The congregation must have been huge Mortal Kombat fans because they were singing a Finnish hymn.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American, a Russian and a Finn drink in a bar.

The American says:

\- Well... American Air Forces are so huge that we can cover all the sky over Finland by our planes. And there will no sunlight, only shade.

They drink. The Russian says:

\- Well, Russian Navy is so huge that we can cover entire the Gulf of Finland by ships...

What is Finland's largest export?

Lines

How to get a cheap car in Finland?

Buy it from Germany and register it to Estonia

Why do you never leave a bottle of Vodka around someone from Finland?

Because they will Finnish it off

Although relations between the two countries have improved over the years, there's still a lot of bad blood between Finland and Norway.

It's called Sweden.

What happened when Finland closed their borders?

Nobody could pass telhe Finnish line!

What do they call summer in Finland?

The best day of the year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Au Pair from Finland has been finding school very difficult of late.

So much anticipation and excitement around my school as it's the first Dux Scholar we've ever had.

Anticipation runs high as we'd all like to see his academic capabilities in our 'not-so-great' school.



Every subject imaginable; Physics, Geography, English, Chemistry etc, we are...

Russia really want to invade Finland so they can rest

As they would cross the Finnish line.

I tried to learn the tongue of the people in Finland.

But I couldn't Finnish a sentence.

Joe Biden called a press conference, to discuss his meeting with Vladimir Putin…

“The good news, is that Mr Putin told me that he wants peace.”

After everyone cheered and clapped in relief, he added the bad news…

“A piece of Crimea, a piece of Ukraine, a piece of Finland…”

Why will you never win a race against a runner from Finland?

Before you even start, they are already Finnish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Officers from USA, Russian and Finland

Officers from Russia, The US and Finland where having a beer at a bar. They were of course bragging about how great their armies are.

The American said that "We have so many airplanes that if them all would fly at the same time the sun would be covered and the day would turn dark for a momen...

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A joke from Finland

Q: What doesn't fit in your butt, and doesn't buzz?
A: A Russian butt buzzer.

I tried to make this post all about why Finland DOES actually exist...

...but I couldn't Finnish.

A man goes to apply for Finnish citizenship.

A man goes to apply for Finnish citizenship. He says to the employee, “I want to be a citizen of Finland.” The employee responds in broken English.
Employee: “You nice?”
Man: “Um... I suppose so.”
“Back of line.”
“What’s the problem?”
“Nice guys Finnish last.”

Some people think it’s soooo fine, that a Sweden - Denmark soccermatch gets abbreviated as SWEDEN

But the abbrevition for Finland - Estonia is FINEST!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher in 1st grade at school is angry with a student that always swears and pays no attention to the lesson

"what's your problem?" Teacher asks

"Miss, I think I shouldn't be in the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm far smarter than her. I should be at least in the 3rd grade" he replies.

She goes with him to the principal, with whom agree to do some knowledge tests.

-wha...

I just watched the World Heavy Metal Knitting Championship in Finland.

It was pretty knots!

Drinking joke from Finland

Pekka and Jukka are sitting in a cottage in the middle of nowhere. For 3 days they are drinking like hell, before they finally run out of booze. So Pekka says to his mate: “Go and look in th shed. Maybe there’s something left we can drink.”
Jukka returns after a few minutes with a bottle of menth...

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An American man and his son went on vacation to Finland.

When they arrived, a cab driver greeted them at the airport. "What should we do on our first day here," the father asked his son, excitedly. The driver interjected, "Well, if you're not natives, I'd suggest the roller coaster that teaches your or language." Confused, the father and son look at one a...

Why does Shang Tsung always enjoy a religious song from Finland?

Because it's a Finnish hymn.

I'm going to run a 5K to Finland.

When you enter the country it will be the Finnish line.

I am liking the people from Finland

They always finish

My friend went on a vacation to Finland over the summer but he found communicating with the locals to be difficult

He had trouble finnishing his sentences

What did the woman from Finland say after seeing an old man fall in the water, knowing he couldn't swim?

"Oh no, Helsinki! He Finnish!"

Putin lands at Helsinki airport...

...and the immigration officer says "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin". "Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia". "Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

Credit goes to a dude in the Finland thread. Made me laugh.

Olympic Sailing results are in!

Denmark have taken gold

Finland have taken silver

Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise

What happens when a guy from Finland beats you up?

You get Finnished

What do you call a guy who refuses to serve people from Finland at his bar?

A man with unfinnished buisness.

Do you know why firetrucks are red?

Firetrucks have 4 wheels and carry 8 people.

4+8=12

There are 12 inches in a ruler

Queen Elizabeth is a ruler

There was a ship named Queen Elizabeth

Ships sail on seas

Seas have fish

Fish have fins

People from Finland are Finns

Finlan...

Finnish is such a beautiful language.

There's a word, Kalsarikännit, which basically means 'getting drunk in your underwear'. This tells you all you need to know about Finland, and my current state of affairs.

Another one

A crew of people were on a boat ride when a storm struck. After the storm, they tried to find land, but they didn't.

One guy said:
"We must Finland."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the office of the General Secretary of the Soviet Union, the phone rings.

Comrade Stalin answers it and from the other side of the line a voice says: “This is Tapani from Finland. I am ringing you from Helsinki to inform you that we officially declare war on you!”

Stalin replies: “Well Tapani, that is indeed important news. How big is your army?”

“Right now,...

During the Russo-Finnish War...

During the Russo-Finnish War, a Russian general was marching his army through Finland. As they passed a ridge, he heard a voice call out from the other side:

“One Finn is worth 10 Russians!”

So he takes his 10 best soldiers and sends them over the ridge. After a minute of shooting, the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is cold?

What is cold?
(note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32)

+10°C
The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating.
The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers.

+5°C
The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

I applied to a citizen of Finland

In the online application there was an odd question. "Are you a nice guy", it said, I thought it was an odd question but I clicked yes. Immediately I was directed to a page saying I was directed to the back of the queue for citizenship, I was confused but I read later in the application and it said....

What Olympic country is projected to win the most medals?

Finland. They always Finnish.

A little story from WWII

A Russian patrol was going through the woods of Finland when they were wiped out, one by one, by a sniper hidden in the deep firs, who killed the lot, but for one man. "One Finn is better than ten Russians!" He was taunted as he ran away.


He returned to his base, and the platoon commande...

Two Russians, Vlad and Ivan, decided to have a race.

Both long distance runners, they decided the end would be a large rock a few miles past the Russia-Finland border.

Vlad was ahead for most of the race, but he faltered soon after the border and was passed by Ivan, who won.

"I told you I would win!" said Ivan.

"You may have won,"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take h...

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