The Soviet army is marching in Finland

They hear a voice from the other side of a hill, "one Finnish soldier is better than ten Soviet soldiers."

The Soviet general sends ten soldiers. There is some gunfire then everything is quiet again. The voice then says, "one Finnish soldier is better than one hundred Soviet soldiers."
...

Finland have just closed their borders....

Which means no one can cross the finish line.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The year is 1939, and the USSR is invading Finland.

The Soviet army is marching through the Finnish swamps when they hear shouting from the other side of a nearby hill:

"I bet one Finn can beat ten Soviets!"

The Soviet officer laughs at this and sends ten of his best soldiers to deal with this guy. After a couple of minutes of shooting ...

A swedish reporter traveled to Finland during WW2 to interview a finnish soldier...

Once in Finland, he found a soldier sitting outside some tents.
The reporter sat down beside the man and asked:
”Can you tell me how you feel about beeing a finnish soldier?”

Well, the soldier said, as a finnish soldier you have two alternatives.
Either you live or you die.
If you...

What happened when Finland closed their borders?

Nobody could pass telhe Finnish line!

Soon Finland will recommend to keep 1 m distance from each other

it will be really awkward to stand so close to people.

News just in: Finland to close their borders because of COVID-19

Looks like no one will be able to cross the Finnish line

What do you call a boring person from Finland?

A dolphin

I tried to learn the tongue of the people in Finland.

But I couldn't Finnish a sentence.

I once attended a sermon at a church in Finland.

The congregation must have been huge Mortal Kombat fans because they were singing a Finnish hymn.

Here is Finland, Netflix is geo-restricted and has very few shows

In fact, I just finnished watching everything.

In WWII, a soviet army marches through Finland...

Suddenly, from over the hill, they hear a voice shout, "One Finnish soldier is worth 10 Soviets!"

The Soviet commander is annoyed. He sends 10 troops over the hill to investigate. After a few minutes, he hears gunshots, screams, and then silence. Then the voice shouts again, "One Finnish sol...

What do you call a dead man from Finland?

Finnished

My friend went on a vacation to Finland over the summer but he found communicating with the locals to be difficult

He had trouble finnishing his sentences

What do Spain and Finland have in common?

Their drivers were the first to finish the 2019 Melbourne Grand Prix.

Finnish is such a beautiful language.

There's a word, Kalsarikännit, which basically means 'getting drunk in your underwear'. This tells you all you need to know about Finland, and my current state of affairs.

I don’t like Finland....

But their flag is a plus.

Today, a person from Finland has died.

Some say his life was Finnish.

Why do things get built so fast in Finland?

Because as soon as they start it’s Finnish.

Why are priests from Finland so good at Mortal Kombat?

They're especially well-versed in Finnish hymns.

Some people think it’s soooo fine, that a Sweden - Denmark soccermatch gets abbreviated as SWEDEN

But the abbrevition for Finland - Estonia is FINEST!

The winter war between Finland and the USSR

The Soviet general was moving with his army when he hears a whisper

"A Finnish soldier is better than 10 Russian soldiers"

Furious he sends out his best 10 men. Gunshots are heard but they do not return and he hears another whisper:

" A Finnish soldier is better than 100 Russia...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was flying to Finland for a vacation.

He packed his bag and went to the airport; as he was going through security, he was asked what he had in his bag.

"Just some clothing, a camera, some hiking gear, and a camp knife."

"Sir," replied the TSA agent, "I need you to step to the back of the line."

The man was going to ...

Russia really want to invade Finland so they can rest

As they would cross the Finnish line.

I just watched the World Heavy Metal Knitting Championship in Finland.

It was pretty knots!

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

What is a marathon runner doing when he starts a marathon in Russia that ends in Finland?

Russian to Finnish.

What do they call summer in Finland?

The best day of the year.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I filled out an application to become a citizen of Finland and I must've been accepted almost instantly

The last button I had to click said Finish

What is Finland's largest export?

Lines

Another one

A crew of people were on a boat ride when a storm struck. After the storm, they tried to find land, but they didn't.

One guy said:
"We must Finland."

There's a Soviet General on the eastern front in Finland...

He goes to see his men to raise their morale; they've been having trouble taking a forest.

From across the forest he hears, "Ha! One Finn is better than ten Russians!"

The general is angered by this so he rounds up the nearest ten soldiers and sends them to find and kill the Finn. He h...

What is the sign for a U-turn in Finland?

"You are approaching the Russian border."

How can Finland be one of the happiest countries in the world with such a high suicide rate?

All the miserable people kill themselves

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This joke was recently voted best in Finland.

It's a pretty new and modern one, but it's still funny:

A Finnish and a Japanese company decided to organize an annual rowing competition with teams of 8. Both teams trained hard and long. On the day of the competition, both teams thought themselves to be in top condition, but the Japanese wo...

What happens when a guy from Finland beats you up?

You get Finnished

Why will you never win a race against a runner from Finland?

Before you even start, they are already Finnish.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American man and his son went on vacation to Finland.

When they arrived, a cab driver greeted them at the airport. "What should we do on our first day here," the father asked his son, excitedly. The driver interjected, "Well, if you're not natives, I'd suggest the roller coaster that teaches your or language." Confused, the father and son look at one a...

What did the woman from Finland say after seeing an old man fall in the water, knowing he couldn't swim?

"Oh no, Helsinki! He Finnish!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Officers from USA, Russian and Finland

Officers from Russia, The US and Finland where having a beer at a bar. They were of course bragging about how great their armies are.

The American said that "We have so many airplanes that if them all would fly at the same time the sun would be covered and the day would turn dark for a momen...

What do you call a guy who refuses to serve people from Finland at his bar?

A man with unfinnished buisness.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke from Finland

Q: What doesn't fit in your butt, and doesn't buzz?
A: A Russian butt buzzer.

After the World War 2

Finnish general Adolf Ehrnrooth was visiting England. British general asked him how many Russian troops were stationed in Finland. "A few hundred thousand" answered Ehrnrooth. "Where in Finland are they stationed?" The British general asked. Ehrnrooth answered: "Two meters underground around the bor...

I applied to a citizen of Finland

In the online application there was an odd question. "Are you a nice guy", it said, I thought it was an odd question but I clicked yes. Immediately I was directed to a page saying I was directed to the back of the queue for citizenship, I was confused but I read later in the application and it said....

Why does Shang Tsung always enjoy a religious song from Finland?

Because it's a Finnish hymn.

I'm going to run a 5K to Finland.

When you enter the country it will be the Finnish line.

I am liking the people from Finland

They always finish

Drinking joke from Finland

Pekka and Jukka are sitting in a cottage in the middle of nowhere. For 3 days they are drinking like hell, before they finally run out of booze. So Pekka says to his mate: “Go and look in th shed. Maybe there’s something left we can drink.”
Jukka returns after a few minutes with a bottle of menth...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When Hitler conquered Ukraine...

his soldiers sent back a message saying that the women were beautiful and enclosed a picture of them. Upon seeing this picture, Hitler declared that these women were honorary Aryans and demanded they bring back as many women as they could. When Hitler conquered Finland his soldiers sent back a messa...

Putin lands at Helsinki airport...

...and the immigration officer says "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin". "Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia". "Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

Credit goes to a dude in the Finland thread. Made me laugh.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 20 year old man visited his 100 year old grandmother

The 20 year old asked what was her secret to living so long.
His grandmother replied, "I will tell you if you do one thing for me, tell me how grains of sand on every beach in the entire world!"
The 20 year old planning to travel the world took this challenge and set off counting every grain ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take h...

Why are fire trucks red?

Because fire trucks have 4 wheels and 8 tyres and 8+4=12.
There are 12 inches in a ruler.
By Queen Elizabeth is also a ruler.
There was a ship named after her.
The ship have sailed the seas.
Seas have fish in them.
Fishes have fins.
People from Finland are also known as fins....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

Olympic Sailing results are in!

Denmark have taken gold

Finland have taken silver

Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is cold?

What is cold?
(note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32)

+10°C
The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating.
The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers.

+5°C
The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the...

What Olympic country is projected to win the most medals?

Finland. They always Finnish.

Which Nordic country should you never be a part of?

Finland.
Once you're a citizen, that's it!
You're Finnish! It's over.

Two Russians, Vlad and Ivan, decided to have a race.

Both long distance runners, they decided the end would be a large rock a few miles past the Russia-Finland border.

Vlad was ahead for most of the race, but he faltered soon after the border and was passed by Ivan, who won.

"I told you I would win!" said Ivan.

"You may have won,"...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.