What do Spain and Finland have in common?

Their drivers were the first to finish the 2019 Melbourne Grand Prix.

Russia really want to invade Finland so they can rest

As they would cross the Finnish line.

I don’t like Finland....

But their flag is a plus.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man was flying to Finland for a vacation.

He packed his bag and went to the airport; as he was going through security, he was asked what he had in his bag.

"Just some clothing, a camera, some hiking gear, and a camp knife."

"Sir," replied the TSA agent, "I need you to step to the back of the line."

The man was going to ...

What do you call a dead man from Finland?

Finnished

Why do things get built so fast in Finland?

Because as soon as they start it’s Finnish.

What happens when a guy from Finland beats you up?

You get Finnished

What do you call Finland's borders

The Finnish line

Is the border of finland a...

Finish-line?

What did the English guy say to the girl from Finland in bed, before she came?

Hold on, I’m not Finnish yet

Why will you never win a race against a runner from Finland?

Before you even start, they are already Finnish.

What is Finland's largest export?

Lines

Why are priests from Finland so good at Mortal Kombat?

They're especially well-versed in Finnish hymns.

The Soviet Army is marching in Finland...

They hear a voice from the other side of a hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Soviet soldiers!" The Soviet general sends ten soldiers. There is some gunfire then everything is quiet again. The voice then says, "one Finnish soldier is better than one hundred Soviet soldiers!" The Soviet ge...

The winter war between Finland and the USSR

The Soviet general was moving with his army when he hears a whisper

"A Finnish soldier is better than 10 Russian soldiers"

Furious he sends out his best 10 men. Gunshots are heard but they do not return and he hears another whisper:

" A Finnish soldier is better than 100 Russia...

What do they call summer in Finland?

The best day of the year.

What is a marathon runner doing when he starts a marathon in Russia that ends in Finland?

Russian to Finnish.

TIL that for release in Finland, the original Mortal Kombat had to be censored in an unusual way. Censors were fine with the gore, but insisted the music be replaced with traditional Christian songs.

FINNISH HYMN!!!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I filled out an application to become a citizen of Finland and I must've been accepted almost instantly

The last button I had to click said Finish

Putin lands at Helsinki airport...

...and the immigration officer says "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin". "Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia". "Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".

Credit goes to a dude in the Finland thread. Made me laugh.

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An American man and his son went on vacation to Finland.

When they arrived, a cab driver greeted them at the airport. "What should we do on our first day here," the father asked his son, excitedly. The driver interjected, "Well, if you're not natives, I'd suggest the roller coaster that teaches your or language." Confused, the father and son look at one a...

How can Finland be one of the happiest countries in the world with such a high suicide rate?

All the miserable people kill themselves

What is the sign for a U-turn in Finland?

"You are approaching the Russian border."

There's a Soviet General on the eastern front in Finland...

He goes to see his men to raise their morale; they've been having trouble taking a forest.

From across the forest he hears, "Ha! One Finn is better than ten Russians!"

The general is angered by this so he rounds up the nearest ten soldiers and sends them to find and kill the Finn. He h...

A man goes to heaven, and to his surprise, he sees a huge wall covered in clocks.

A man goes to heaven, and after walking through the gates, he gets escorted to a waiting room. In the room, he sees a huge wall, covered in clocks. Each clock has only one hand, and each hand has a name written on it. Some clocks are moving rather slowly, while others go a full circle in less than t...

Why do people cheer when they reach the Finland border?

It's the Finnish line.

I applied to a citizen of Finland

In the online application there was an odd question. "Are you a nice guy", it said, I thought it was an odd question but I clicked yes. Immediately I was directed to a page saying I was directed to the back of the queue for citizenship, I was confused but I read later in the application and it said....

A couple was traveling across Europe but had to stop abruptly at Finland's borders. Why?

Because it was the Finnish line.

What kind of church music do they sing in Finland?

FINNISH HYMN!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This joke was recently voted best in Finland.

It's a pretty new and modern one, but it's still funny:

A Finnish and a Japanese company decided to organize an annual rowing competition with teams of 8. Both teams trained hard and long. On the day of the competition, both teams thought themselves to be in top condition, but the Japanese wo...

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Officers from USA, Russian and Finland

Officers from Russia, The US and Finland where having a beer at a bar. They were of course bragging about how great their armies are.

The American said that "We have so many airplanes that if them all would fly at the same time the sun would be covered and the day would turn dark for a momen...

Why does Shang Tsung always enjoy a religious song from Finland?

Because it's a Finnish hymn.

I'm going to run a 5K to Finland.

When you enter the country it will be the Finnish line.

What do you call a guy who refuses to serve people from Finland at his bar?

A man with unfinnished buisness.

What did the woman from Finland say after seeing an old man fall in the water, knowing he couldn't swim?

"Oh no, Helsinki! He Finnish!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A joke from Finland

Q: What doesn't fit in your butt, and doesn't buzz?
A: A Russian butt buzzer.

I am liking the people from Finland

They always finish

Where does the world end ?

Finland

When Hitler conquered Ukraine...

his soldiers sent back a message saying that the women were beautiful and enclosed a picture of them. Upon seeing this picture, Hitler declared that these women were honorary Aryans and demanded they bring back as many women as they could. When Hitler conquered Finland his soldiers sent back a messa...

Where do sharks go on vacation?

Finland

Where do fishes migrate?

Finland

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take h...

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A 20 year old man visited his 100 year old grandmother

The 20 year old asked what was her secret to living so long.
His grandmother replied, "I will tell you if you do one thing for me, tell me how grains of sand on every beach in the entire world!"
The 20 year old planning to travel the world took this challenge and set off counting every grain ...

What Olympic country is projected to win the most medals?

Finland. They always Finnish.

Two Russians, Vlad and Ivan, decided to have a race.

Both long distance runners, they decided the end would be a large rock a few miles past the Russia-Finland border.

Vlad was ahead for most of the race, but he faltered soon after the border and was passed by Ivan, who won.

"I told you I would win!" said Ivan.

"You may have won,"...

After the World War 2

Finnish general Adolf Ehrnrooth was visiting England. British general asked him how many Russian troops were stationed in Finland. "A few hundred thousand" answered Ehrnrooth. "Where in Finland are they stationed?" The British general asked. Ehrnrooth answered: "Two meters underground around the bor...

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You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

Thought this one up this morning

A man from America decides he no longer wants to live in the U.S. so he requests the paperwork to change citizenship to that of a Nordic country, particularly Finland. He spends hours signing papers, notarizing documents, and verifying the correct forms. He finally finishes and brings his papers to ...

Why are fire trucks red?

Because fire trucks have 4 wheels and 8 tyres and 8+4=12.
There are 12 inches in a ruler.
By Queen Elizabeth is also a ruler.
There was a ship named after her.
The ship have sailed the seas.
Seas have fish in them.
Fishes have fins.
People from Finland are also known as fins....

Olympic Sailing results are in!

Denmark have taken gold

Finland have taken silver

Somalia have taken a middle aged couple who were on a worldwide cruise

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What is cold?

What is cold?
(note: to get the temperature into Fahrenheit: multiply by 9, divide by 5, then add 32)

+10°C
The inhabitants of Helsinki (Finland) turn off their heating.
The Laps (inhabitants of Lapland) plant flowers.

+5°C
The Laps take a sun-bath (if the sun gets over the...

Which Nordic country should you never be a part of?

Finland.
Once you're a citizen, that's it!
You're Finnish! It's over.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
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