UPJOKE
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I'm Hungary

Timmy: I'm Hungary,

Mum: Why don't you Czech the fridge.

Timmy: OK I'm Russian to the kitchen.

Mum: Hmmm.. may be you'll find some Turkey.

Timmy: Yeah but its all covered in Greece. yuck!

Mum: There is Norway you can eat that.

Timmy: I know, I guess I'...

Joke I heard while in Hungary

Two cops are standing by the street side in New York City. A foreigner approaches them looking slightly panicked.

"Parlez vous Francais?" He asks them. The cops, not knowing a word of French merely shrug their shoulders at the man.

Frustrated, he asks them, "Ustedes hablan español?" Ag...

I was Hungary so Iran to the store to get some Turkey

Which I cooked in Greece, and served with a side of Chile, which I ate with my friends Jordan and Chad. Sudanly we had Togo because we were Ghana get in trouble because we didn’t Finnish paying. But I’ve Benin trouble before, there was Norway they were going to catch me, I Congo much faster than the...

Have you heard of the salad crisis in Hungary?

The situation really needs a dressing!

I was Hungary...

so Iran to Turkey

At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.

Hushed silence turned into a roar of  laughter, when the quick-witted Diplomat  announced:


"Gentlemen ! 

You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-


Fall of Turkey

Breakup of China

Spillage of Greece 

 and

Frustration of ...

Why did Germany invade Hungary in WW2

They were jealous of the Hung-Aryans

What did Hungary have for dinner?

Greecey Turkey and Rûm

“Grandpa, grandpa! I’m watching a soccer game!”

Grandpa: “Who’s playing?”

Grandson: “Austria-Hungary”

Grandpa: “Against who?”

Asked my grandpa if he watched Austria Hungary football match

he asked me who played against

A man goes before Saint Peter...

Saint Peter asks 'Where were you born?'
The man thinks for a moment and says 'Austria-Hungary, Lemberg.'
'Where did you go to school?'
'Poland, Lwow.'
'Where were you married?'
'The Ukrainian S.S.R., Lviv.'
Surprised, Saint Peter asks 'Where was your first child born?' ...

Is she Hungary?

"Is she Hungary?" Jimmy asked.

"Alaska," said Johnny.

"Yes, Siam," she replied.

"All right. I'll Fiji," Jimmy offered.

"Oh, don't Russia " Johnny admonished.

"What if she Whales?" Jimmy demanded.

"Give her a Canada Chile," Johnny suggested.

"I'd rathe...

What would happen if Hungary invaded and conquered Turkey?

A new kingdom would be formed known as full.

Why was Austria-Hungary?

Turkey wasn't around yet.

I'm Hungary

I'm Russian to the kitchen to czech the fridge

There is turkey
But it's covered in Greece
There's Norway I can eat that.

Hungary conquered Turkey...

They had to change their name to Full.

Why was Austria-Hungary lonely after 1914?

Because they didn't have Franz.

What do you call a religious termite in Hungary?

Buddha-pest

A man from Hungary is fighting a well-endowed German

It's a Hungarian vs. a Hung-Aryan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Hitler have a thing for men from Hungary?

Because they are Hung Arian's

Three americans are competing to paint a foreign flag on a white sheet of canvas ...

The three are given only 30 minutes to complete their assignment.

The first student decides to paint Germany's flag, the second will paint the United Kingdom's, and the third Hungary's.

The first and second are already making good progress. The third's about to take his first brush str...

Why did the Ottoman Empire change into Turkey

Because Austria wasn’t Hungary anymore.

Do you know why I named my stomach "Budapest"?

Because it is the Capital of Hungary!

What was Hungarian in the beginning of 20th century and went global in the 21st century?

Korona....


(Korona was the basic monetary unit of Hungary from 1892 to 1925)

In India rats are celebrated...

but in Hungary they Budapest.

What's it called when you take over one half of the capital of Hungary?

Pest control

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did Hitler invade Hungary?

Because he can't resist a HungAryan :)

In WWII, Hungary had finally declared war on the USA. An envoy is sent to the US embassy, where they handed over the formal declaration, after which the following conversation took place:

\- What is your form of government?

\-Kingdom.

\-Who's your king?

\- We don't have a king, but a regent.

\- Okay, then who's the regent?

\- Admiral Miklós Horthy.

\- Admiral? So do you have access to the ocean?

\- No.

\- Okay. Do you...

Two cannibals are eating a guy from Budapest and a guy from Helsinki.

One turns to the other and says are you still hungary? He replies no I'm finished.

I wanted to solve world hunger...

So I wiped out a small European nation. Thanks to my actions, there are now no more Hungary people left in the world.

Here, in Hungary, we have a lot of scottish jokes. These show the scottish as a greedy, money-chasing men.

So a Hungarian heard enough Scottish jokes, and decides to go to Scotland. He arrives, goes to the countryside, and knocks on a random door in a village.
-Hello?
-Yes, who's there?- A young woman opens the door.
-So I was hiking through this little village, and my throat is very dry. I was ...

You're probably Ghana think"no one will Bolivia. There's just Norway."

I thought I Kuwait but then I Saudi Turkey, Iraq of ribs and a Canada best sauce and my Bahrain was like Oman, I Israel Hungary... so Iran to the kitchen to put Greece in the pan.

I hoped it could get Finnish quickly and because I was Russian, I didn't Czech the label and accidentally added ...

What did the Soviets say during the 1956 Hungarian Revolution?

Soviets:You're not you when you're Hungary. Have a tank.

What did the Carolingian Empire say when the Hungarians invaded?

Stop it, you're making me Hungary!

A kid comes to his grandfather...

*"Hey Gramps, do you want to watch soccer with me?*

*"Sure, who's playing?"*

*"Austria-Hungary"*

*"Against whom?*

I didn’t find the food in Budapest very filling,

so I left Hungary.

If you know anyone called Gary, warn them to not go to Budapest

I hear that's where they Hungary.

Two very old men of unimportant european nationality meet

While talking, one asks: "You watching the football game?" (Soccer for our American friends)

The other says: "Who's playing?"

"Austria-Hungary", says the first.

"Against whom?"

Nation dialogue

You know, I was very Hungary one day, so I went to go Czech the fridge. I managed to find some Turkey that was leftover from Thanksgiving, but it was all covered in Greece. So I closed the fridge and Czech'd the pantry. I saw a Canada beans, so I grabbed them and microwaved them, but it exploded. My...

Why was Austria's neighbour complaining?

Because he was Hungary.

Where do the world's skinniest models come from?

Hungary.

I’ve been asked if I want to go for a weekend away to a Central European country by a guy at work.

Hungary?

No, Dave the cleaner. Gary is married.

Three generations apart, watching a soccer game

"Hey great grandpa, watch this soccer game!"

"Sure, which two countries are playing?"

"Austria - Hungary."

"Against who?"

How do you end world hunger?

Put Turkey in Greece to cook it, then cut it up and put it into Chile. Then put it on China and give it to Hungary.

So, I was at the UN headquarters...

So, I was at the UN headquarters and I was feeling a bit Hungary, so I was Russian to the kitchen to get a slice of Turkey, but it was covered in Greece. There's Norway I'm eating that, so I got some Chile instead. Something just Francy enough for me.

You wanna hear a geography joke?

Bob : "Hey Tom if you're Hungary I'll Serbia a Turkey Sandwich"

Tom : "Oman that was a bad joke"

Bob : "Yemen I know"

Tom : "You Syriasly need to stop with these jokes..."

Bob : "But Iraq at making jokes :("

Why did one european country eat the other?

Because it was Hungary

German Joke from the 1910's

My grandfather told me this joke in the 1960's, when I was a kid. He had heard it when he was a kid in the 1910's (he was born in 1904), in Hungary:

Some boys were walking to school in the morning, and on the way they passed a plum tree. There were plums all over the ground under the tree, s...

Did you know how Ukrainians felt in 1932?

Hungary.

I really like European food...

...so I decided to Russia over to a European restaurant because I was Hungary. After Czech'ing the menu I ordered Turkey. When I was Finnished I told the waiter 'Spain good but there is Norway I could eat another bite'.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Don't know why some countries have food problems

If you're Hungary you could pour Greece over Turkey and fry it in Japan.

A Mercedes picks up a Hungarian hitchhiker...

This being Hungary, the hitchhiker isn't used to seeing Mercedes on the road, and asks what [that thing on the front of the car](http://www.automotive-stock-images.com/photos/hood-ornament-1928-mercedes-benz-680s.jpg) is. The driver, somewhat amused, jokes:

"Why, that's the car's sights. Like...

The media reported that two Eastern European countries were to play a part in a trade deal during negotiation.

The press later realized that they had misinterpreted a memo from the negotiating parties regarding their lunch order.

An intern was fired for leaving out many crucial details in the memo, including the side dishes and salads, failing to catch an important spelling error, and simplifying thei...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some translated Italian jokes on the European immigrant crisis

Venezuela offers refuge to 20k immigrants. *Now I want to see how you even get here.*

France suggests bombing Syria. To drive out the last refugees.

Clashes on the border between Hungary and Serbia. If I were an Austrian archduke, I would stay home.

Merkel: "Refugees will change...

TIL Ethiopian warriors conquered part of Central Europe in the 1300s

That's why they call it Hungary.

19th century monarchy humor, anyone?

So Otto von Habsburg walks into a sports bar, sees a game on, and asks the bartender who's playing. "Austria and Hungary," he replies. Otto: "Yeah, who are they playing against?"

[Discussion] Regional targets

I am wondering who are the preferred targets of jokes from where you are from, I have done a little research and have come up with the following so far:

| Region | Target |
|:--|:--|
| Canada | Newfies |
| England | Irishmen |
| America | Polacks |
| France | Belgians |
| Br...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my blonde, Hungarian girlfriend goes to the doctors office...

The doctor ask what’s wrong and my Hungarian girlfriend replies and says since she’s waken her stomach had been hurting.

The doctor then ask if shes eaten anything that she thinks might have upset her stomach.

My girlfriend says no, she hasn’t eaten anything out of the ordinary.
...

Map jokes

How do you get around in Italy? You Rome.
Why does everyone love Thailand? They Bangkok.
I Congo to Africa, Kenya?
Why do the French take there time? They hate to Russia
What's the unhappiest state? Misery
Who are the unhappiest Europeans? The Hungary ones.
Why are the so many Subw...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Food and Country

Yesterday I was so Hungary, I decided to Czech if there was any food.
I was Russian to the fridge, but found only a Turkey full of Greece.
Iran to the store to get some salt, pepper, Chile and Korea-nder, because I was in the mood for some Sweden sour.
I found Iraq of pork chops but there w...

'Finnish' reading this conversation

A: HUNGARY?

B: Then we should probably eat?

A: Maybe I can find some food I Czech the fridge

B: There is Norway you will find something in your fridge

A: You are really Russian to get those puns out

B: They're a real Spain to put up with

A: Really? I don't B...

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