After hearing the story of Jonah at Sunday School, a little girl repeated the story at school on Monday.

Her teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.

The little girl said, "But how can that be? Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not sw...

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A priest lived in a church with three nuns...

One evening the priest decided that he wanted to take a bath. He went to the washroom, filled the tub with water, and then undressed before he realized that he forgot to bring his soap.
He wraps himself in a towel around his waist and goes back to his room to retrieve his soap, grabbing an extr...

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It's funniest if you look up the verses yourself

A pastor has just moved to a new town, and the day before services, he goes around visiting members of his new congregation. He comes to one house and knocks... no answer. He rings the doorbell... no answer... but he can tell someone is home, so he pulls out a card and writes on the back, *Revelatio...

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A man is driving when he notices a new bar has opened up

He decides he could use a drink, so he walks in and takes a seat at the bar. He is greeted by the bartender who promptly asks him what he would like to drink. “I’ll take a... I’ll do a Crown and 7-Up,” the man says. The bartender nods his head in acknowledgement, does a quick search under the counte...

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So there's a deaf accountant who works for the mafia.

One day, the kingpin mafioso is checking out the books and notices there's a million dollars missing. He calls a meeting with the deaf accountant and a sign language translator.

"Ok, there's a million dollars missing, where is it?" asks the kingpin. Translator says, "There's a million dollars...

Two farmers are having a conversation over a fence...

One farmer looks over the other's shoulder and spots two cows grazing on the field behind him.
He asks the farmer "-By the way, how much milk do you actually get out of a cow?"
"The white one or the black one?" The other farmer asks.
"Oh, the white one then." Says the first farmer. "A...

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again...

I love to reiterate.

Deep in the African jungle, a safari was camped for the night.

In the darkness, distant drums began a relentless throbbing that continued until dawn. The safari members were disturbed, but the guide reassured them: "Drums good. When drums stop, very bad." Every night the drumming continued, and every night the guide reiterated, "Drums good. When drums stop, VER...

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A man marries a totally innocent woman, a real pure virgin.

On their wedding night he starts fucking her slowly. She is bewildered but happily surprised and asks her new husband: what's this? The husband says: this is called 'fucking'. The wife says: wow, fucking is nice. The husband replies: of course, fucking is very nice. It's awesome. A few months later ...

My daughter asked for a puppy again this year

I reiterated a turkey would taste much better

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The Misleading Concert Title

A man is listening to a march by Elgar. As the music grows louder, he starts standing up, shaking and flailing his arms.

The concertgoers aver "Sit down! Sit down!". As the music dies down, he eventually sits down.

Then the music starts building up again, and this time he stands up wit...

A Guy and a blonde...

...go on a date to a cheese and wine tasting place.

They're trying all sorts of cheeses with random names. Then they make it to one and the blonde says, "This is delicious what's it called?"

The guy says, "it's mozzarella, have you never had it before?"

The blonde says, "Mozzare...

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