This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This Cake Day I really wanted to take a whisk.

But when I asked a baker for a good cake joke, he told me they are on a knead to know basis.

I was speechless and couldn’t even come with a good re-torte, I almost broke down in tiers.

So I did when any great man would do and called my mom who has always been my biggest flan, she liste...

I need to beat some eggs. Will need to borrow one of my wife's kitchen utensils (she hates that)

A whisk I'm willing to take

My dad said he'll kick me out for stealing from his kitchen

Well that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

What happened to the kitchen robber with a speech impediment

He took too mamy whisks

If you can’t beat em join em

I lost my whisk, so I jumped into the bowl with the eggs!

What did the egg say when asked what a whisk does?

Beats me.

I whisked my wife off to the Caribbean last week.

Jamaica?

No she went of her own accord.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A world known pair of thieves were visiting the Escoffier Museum of Culinary Arts in France.

They were looking to make their final steal the biggest yet. They walk up the pearly white steps and into the old yellow plastered building.

As they walk in, the man turns to the woman and asks, "What do you think we should take? I want our last job to be remembered for years!"

The wo...

I decided against breaking into the Home Depot to steal their largest egg beater...

It was too big a whisk

Look man, this insane need of yours to break into high-end cooking stores and steal kitchen utensils like this thing you're eyeing, is going to get you thrown back in jail if you're caught! Think of your family, please!

I appreciate the concern, I really do, but that's a whisk I've go to take!

My wife gets upset when I steal her kitchen utensils...

But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.

Edit: Thank you, children. It would appear I've peaked as a father.
My actual son will be devastated.

I robbed a bakery today.

It was dangerous, but I took the whisk.

I got caught stealing kitchen utensils from my friend’s house.

I guess it was a whisk I was willing to take.

I always wondered why there were two different ways to spell Whiskey / Whisky.

Having been to Dublin, I now realise it's because the Irish like to drop an E in their drinks.

I can’t find my egg beater.

It’s like someone just whisked it away.

Thinking of starting a bakery supply business

The whisks are great but so are the wewards.

Nothing beats fresh, local, eggs!

Except for whisks.

A Democrat and a Republican were walking along the beach when they spotted a bottle.

They picked it up and a genie popped out.

"I will grant you each one wish, whatever you desire", said the genie.

The Democrat said, "I would like for my fellow liberals and I to live the life and exist under the form of government we believe in!" POOF! All the Democrats in America were...

Why did the baker mix in his flour slowly instead of doing it quickly?

He didn't want to whisk it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A plane is spotted trying to land at Area 51

One day at Area 51 a radar tech spots a single engine plane on final approach to the secret Air Force base. The plane touches down and is immediately surrounded by armed guards. The plane is impounded and the pilot is whisked off for questioning. The pilot claims that he had been flying from Las Veg...

Why did Mike Tyson sneak into the bakery last night?

Because he's a whisk taker.

a man dies and goes to heaven.

he arrives at the gate of heaven and sees 60 people baking stuff. some whisking eggs and some mixing batter. he is confused so before he goes in he asked the gatekeeper;”why are those people cooking instead of enjoying heaven?” the gatekeeper replies;”well they have bad karma from their time on eart...

Why did the chef go to Las Vegas?

He wanted to whisk it all

A thief carefully planned out a robbery of a kitchen in a high end restaurant.

But in the end he decided it wasn’t worth the whisk.

Three men, John, Paul, and Bob live horrible lives and go to hell. When they arrive, a hideously ugly woman appears out of nowhere. Suddenly, a loud booming voice says,

"John! You have sinned! In reparation for your atrocious lifestyle you are condemned to sleep with this woman." With a cry of dismay, John is a whisked away to endure this horrible penance. Suddenly, another even uglier more hideous woman comes forward.

"Paul! You have sinned! In reparation f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance.

Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.

She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 years old.

He stated that it was OK because he loved her so much.

“I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old joke popular with engineers and other neckbeards

A man dies and surprise! he finds himself in the sky and surrounded by clouds and in front of an old man who asks, ”Heaven or Hell?”

Guy goes, "what kind of question is that?" and the old man sighs and goes, “oh another one. Well allow me to show you and then you can make your decision ...

A police officer is interrogating a thief

P: So, you tried robbing this bakery in broad daylight?

T: Yes.

P: You just snuck into their kitchen and grabbed a few kitchen utensils before being caught. You know what makes you?

T: A whisk-taker

I think I’m going to open a kitchen utensil store...

My parents think it’s stupid but I think it’s worth the whisk.

I've always wanted to steal a huge kitchen utensil...

But I feel like I'd be taking a pretty big whisk.

Magic trick

An Englishman and a Scotsman go to a pastry shop.

The Englishman whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed.
The baker doesn't notice.

The Englishman says to the Scotsman:
"You see how clever we are? You'll never beat that!"

The Scotsman says to the Englishm...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three nuns perish in a bus crash...

...and are whisked straight to heaven.

St. Peter greets them at the gate with a warm welcome.

“Sisters, you have all three been paragons of the Catholic faith. The good Lord would like to bestow upon you one last day on earth as anyone you would like to be. Live for a day as whomever y...

My wife just got done making some cookie dough.

Wife: "Do you want to lick clean one of the beaters?"
Me: "Does it have raw egg in it?"
Wife: "It does..."
Me: "Well, I could get sick... But that's a whisk I'm willing to take."

I like stealing industrial size kitchen equipment.

I'm a big whisk-taker

Why couldn’t the 3 speed mixer get insurance?

He was high whisk.

Three men end up in hell

Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell h...

Should I mix up this cake batter before I put it in the oven?

Nah I probably shouldn't whisk it

My girlfriend asked me why I was sitting with the eggs...

I couldn't find my whisk, and if you can't beat them, you might as well join them...

Someone stole a kitchen utensil from my house

He said it was a whisk worth taking

Three guys are stuck on an island.

Three guys are stuck on an island with no supplies to survive or give an SOS signal, so one of them starts digging to see if they can get fresh water. He instead finds a lamp and the genie pops out after he rubs it.

"I'm kinda tired today, so I'm only granting one wish each for the three of y...

My housemates may get angry at me for stealing all their cooking utensils..

..but quite frankly that's a whisk I'm willing to take.

Two brooms were hanging in the closet . . .

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other was the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome a...

I decided not to make my own mayonnaise.

I didn’t want to whisk it.

A man goes to the doctor for blood tests [long]

After extended testing and an agonizing wait, he finally gets a call from the doctor to immediately come into the office and to have as little contact with others as possible.
On arrival he is greeted by a nurse in full bio suit and whisked into a barren room.
The doctor comes in, also in fu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guide to pooping at work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2013 Survival Guide for taking a du...

Why did the burglar skip the kitchen?

He didn't want to take any whisks.

A mother is cooking in her kitchen when...

A mother is cooking in her kitchen when she picks up the pot. A genie comes out of the pot and says " You have one whisk, use it wisely"

No mixing utensils are allowed near the courthouse as the month-long case against the violent baker continues.

It's a whisk-free 30 day trial.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So 3 men die and go to heaven...

So three men die and go heaven- a chemist, an idiot, and a mathematician.

When they get to the pearly gates of heaven, St. Peter is standing there, and says "Alright heaven is getting full, so to get into heaven, you have to ask me a question that I do not know the answer to.
The mathemat...

Tom Cruise starts a cooking show...

"Whisky Business."

Like a whisk.. not whisky.. you know like, the metal cooking utensil? This is funny...Right?
Right?

My mother didn't want me to go to culinary school.

She said it would be a high whisk environment.

A baker gets caught stealing from the reigning champion the night before the Big Bake-off.

If you want to win, sometimes you got to take a whisk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Elephant at the Zoo

[Copied from this thread](http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/1t3pl5/while_at_disneys_animal_kingdom_my_5_year_old/)

*

A mother is walking with her five year-old son through the zoo when they reach the elephant cage. The boy looks with amazement at the large beast and asks his mom, "...

I was mugged by a guy equipped with kitchen utensils.

I considered running, but it was a big whisk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a guy meets a hottie at the hotel bar. After he pays for a few drinks she starts coming on pretty strong...

"Let's go up to my room..." she says, "I'm wined, dined, and ready to be 69ed!" Excitedly, he whisks her up to the room and the next thing you know they are ripping clothes off and making out furiously. They hit the bed, stuff their faces into each others genitals, and start going to town. After a f...

Two chefs go on vacation (OC)

Two chefs decide to take a vacation together. Being that they are chefs, they decide to go a cooking museum while taking some time off. In the museum, the see a golden whisk with a plaque underneath that reads: "The chef who owned this whisk was known as the greatest of his time, and served meals to...

This joke gets told EVERY Thanksgiving... Might as well (re)post it here. "How to cook a turkey"

"How to cook a turkey"


Step 1: Go buy a turkey

Turkey Dinner Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD

Step 3: Put turkey in the oven

Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey

Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens

Cup of Beer Step 6: Take 3 more whiske...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[LONG][STORY][NSFW] The King's Daughter's Guards

In a land that is far from here, but not so far from there, in an ancient time that is not so long ago, there lived a king.
Now, this king had a daughter, the most beautiful young woman in the entire world. As she grew to the age when suitors started appearing, the king grew paranoid that she w...

I really like my eggs over-easy. Today, I was gonna try them scrambled...

...but it's not worth the whisk.

I'm sitting in a jail cell

and it's killing me that I was arrested for something so stupid. On a dare, I robbed a kitchen supply store. Sure, the expensive knives would have been great, and who doesn't want a food processor?

But all in all, it just wasn't work the whisk.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After death a man is presented to St. Peter in front of the heavenly gates

St. Peter checks his name and tells him that he has sinned all his life so he’ll go to hell. ‘But’, he continues, ‘since you’ve once fed a homeless man you’ll be able to choose from many hells where you want to spend the eternity.’


Off he is whisked to different hells to choose from. He s...

BRIDE & BROOM

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."
The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"

What do you call a reckless thief who only steals cooking utensils?

A whisk taker.

Vegan cooking instructions

How regular people read cooking instructions: dip the chicken breast in whisked egg.

How vegans read cooking instructions: dip the flayed carcass of the mother in the embryonic fluid of the child.

Why does the speech impaired baker say he got fired?

He took one too many whisks.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.