A man bought a new car with automatic transmission

After a little while, he came back to the salesman who sold him the car. The salesman saw that back of the car had a big bump, but decided not to ask. The man started saying that he liked the car very much, but it had some problems

"When i put it in D for day mode, it works very well, but whe...

How do you know if a person drives a car with manual transmission?

Don't worry, they will tell you.

Why did Soviet dictator always drive an automatic transmission?

He was always Stalin in his manual!

Two hunters found a deep hole in the woods...

One hunter looked down in the hole and said to the other, "how deep you think that hole is?" The other hunter said "I don't know, lets throw somethin' down in there and see how long it takes to hit the bottom."
There was an old transmission laying next to the hole so the hunter picks it up and th...

What car transmission do Mexicans use?

Manuel.

Husband Wife and Audi A8

Husband: I lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn't come back yet.

Inspector: What is her Height?

Husband: I never checked

Inspector: Slim or healthy?

Husband: Not Slim, can be healthy.

Inspector: Color of her eyes?

Husband: Never noticed.

Inspector...

Twenty thousand years into the future...

The astrobiology intern suddenly perks up at his station.
Intern: "Professor, we're receiving a periodic transmission from the direction of the Fr36 planetoids. I've converted the transmission into base 10 numerals and it keeps saying 14-5-22-5-18 7-15-14-14-1 7-9-22-5 25-15-21 21-16"
Professo...

A blonde goes into an overseas transmission center...

So this blonde goes into this transmission center to go talk to her mother, which is in another continent working 12 hours a day. The male receptionist said "100 dollars please," and the woman remembered she left the cash at home. She didn't have the time to wait, so she said to the male receptionis...

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Lost goat

So these two redneck guys are walking through a forest and hunting for squirrels and rodents and shit. They come across a giant sink hole in a wide open cut of the forest. One redneck says to the other “ I wonder how deep this here hole is.” The other redneck says “let’s find something to throw in t...

Several epidemics throughout history have many similarities in characteristics.

For example, many diseases evolved from poor hygiene between animals and humans and a rise in urban population and interregional communication. Many had very similar effects and modes of transmission.

Because of the similarities, many historians are looking into allegations of these diseases ...

A husband went to the sheriff’s department to report that his wife was missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home.

Sergeant: What is her height?

Husband: Gee, I’m not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant: Weight?

Husband: Don’t know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant: Color of eyes?

...

Kalahsnikov is making an electric and a hybrid car.

It'll come in two transmissions: automatic and semi-automatic

4 engineers are on a road trip when their car breaks down.

Each one of them gets out once the car stops, scratching their heads and trying to figure out how to fix the car.

The mechanical engineer is the first to speak up, and suggests checking the engine and transmission. No gears or pistons seem out of place.

The chemical engineer then pull...

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A guy is driving down the highway when he suddenly has an overwhelming urge to jerk off...

But there are so many cars and trucks driving by, he's too scared to be seen if he does it in the vehicle. So he gets out of the truck and crawls underneath. He figures if anyone comes along, he'll just say he's checking on his transmission. He pulls out his dick, closes his eyes, pictures Betty-Sue...

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Books Never Written

Hey guys, don't know if you're familiar with these kind of jokes, but they were my favorite growing up, so I thought I'd post a bunch of the here. They're pretty corny, but I hope you enjoy!

*Take A Breather* by Justin Hale

*How to Become Famous* by Anonymous

*Living Long* by Di...

Why couldn’t 1 Ford Focus give the other Ford Focus a message?

Broken transmission.

Boudreaux the Cajun.

Boudreaux and his girlfriend Clotile were making out at Clotile's house. Boudreaux said to Clotile, "I got to have you right now, sha. I got to make dat mad love to you right now." Clotile said, "No boudreaux. I ain't giving it up to you today. I'm on the rag."

So Boudreaux got mad and left ...

Stellar objects and radio waves?

I always wondered, when hearing stellar bodies like pulsars, quasars and black holes emit radio waves, the following:

1) Are these waves akin to AM/FM/VHF/UHF type signals in that they transmit signals and sound?
2) If not, are these "waves" just variations in the redshift of hydrogen?
...

The Hundred-Mile-per-Hour Goat

Two Pennsylvania rednecks are out rabbit hunting, and as they are walking along through the woods, they came upon a huge hole in the ground.

They approach it and are amazed at the size of it.

The first hunter says, "Wow, that's some hole; I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep ...

"Having my owner carjacked was bad enough." said one car to the other. "But you know what really grinds my gears?"

The idiot didn't know how to drive a manual transmission!

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Heavy snow is causing delays at the airport

Many are stuck waiting for the one active runway.

After hours of sitting out in the takeoff que a voice calls out over the radio.

"Im so fucking bored."

After a few more moments of radio silence ground control responds. "Last transmission please identify".

The radio st...

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[NSFW] "Good Luck Mr Collins"

Two astronauts successfully landed on the moon and transmitted their thoughts and feelings back to mission control. They described the moon's surface, the atmosphere, the temperature and their feelings of elation at being there.

Just as the transmission was going off, one of the astronauts w...

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So a guy is having trouble in the sack...

He goes to the doctor's office and complains about not being able to last a long time in bed and how it was hurting his relationship. His doctor tells him that there's a simple solution for his problem: A quick fap before having sex.

The guy thanks the doctor and rushes home to bang. As he's ...

A gynecologist decides to make a career change...

He always loved cars, and because he made so much money, salary really didnt matter to him. He decides to become a mechanic. He approaches his local shop and inquires about a job. "You need to get certified first" says the head mechanic, "ill give you the test myself, in the shop."

The doctor...

Car Talk

So a transmission asks an engine, "Yo Engine, hows things with you today?" and the engine replies "Oh you know, just another day in the hood..."

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In the market for a new car...

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault 'Clio' and the Ford 'Taurus' they have designed the 'Clitaurus'. It comes in pink, and the average male car thief won't be able to find it - let alone turn it on - even if someone tells him where...

The Hunters and the Goat (kinda long)

Two hunters are out on a farmer's property, walking around the edge of the woods when they come across a giant hole in the ground.

They can't see to the bottom of it, but they want to know how deep it is. They try throwing rocks and sticks down it, but the rocks and sticks aren't big enough ...

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Message from space

NASA picks up an unexpected signal from space and the whole world is excited about the discovery. After a lot of hard work, an international team of scientists decrypts and translates the transmission.
The revealed message is: "PLEASE TELL US ABOUT YOURSELVES".

Computing resources of the w...

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