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Carried Jokes

It was on this day in 1978 that cult leader Jim Jones carried out a mass murder/suicide of over 900 of his followers in Jonestown, Guyana. Horrifying. There's a joke about it but it's wildly innappriopriate.

And anyway, the punchline's too long.

What did the Spanish snail say when asked what he carried inside his shell?

Es cargo.

A worldwide survey has been carried out with the following question:

*"PLEASE, GIVE US YOUR OPINION ON THE LACK OF FOOD IN THE REST OF THE World"* No result was achieved, since the following problems were facedduring the survey's implementation:
1. In Western Europe no one knew what is "lack"
2. In Africa no one knew what is "food"
3. In Eastern Europe no on...

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: "There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went.

One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lio...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everday this little ant carried poop everywhere.

He had a strong fascination with poop and thought everyone would love to see how different each turd looked. So, this little ant put the poop in bags and hung them up all over the town. Finally, one ant who was oblivious to this little ant’s fascination with poop asked, “what is that” as the little ...

..ever since an attempted mugging last year i have carried a knife.

Since then my muggings have been way more successful.

My wife asked why I carried a gun around the house. I told her : Fear of CIA.

She laughed, I laughed, the Amazon echo laughed.

I shot the echo.

This pastor decided to skip church one sunday morning and go play golf.

He told his assistant that he wasn't feeling well. He drove to a golf course in another city, so nobody would know him.

He teed off on the first hole. A huge gust of wind caught his ball, carried is an extra hundred yards and dropped it right in the hole, for a 450 yard hole in one.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy got really drunk. So drunk that his friends had to carry him.

This guy got really drunk. So drunk that his friends had to carry him.

Next morning he wakes up in his own bed, clean, in his pijamas, his wife gone.

Groggy as hell, he gets up and starts looking around. In the kitchen he finds an immaculate breakfast, eggs, bacon, coffee and 50 buck...

Did you hear about the bird that carried a leek?

Never mind, its too Farfetch'd.

Did you hear about the coniferous Ent who carried the entire E Street Band to a 13 year old Make A Wish kid?

It's all over the newspapers – "SPRUCE BRINGS TEEN CONCERT"

A human head is carried into a bar...

“Hey I’ve never tried a beer before I think I’ll have that!” So he drinks the beer then POOF! He has a neck. “Wow this is great gimmie another one!” So he downs the next one and POOF! He has a body. He keeps drinking until he’s a full naked body in the bar. (But at least he has a body.) “You beer ha...

It was a cough, that carried him off

It was a coffin, they carried him off in

A little girl says to her mother: "Mummy, when you were away at work a strange lady came around"...

"Not now," says Mummy. "Wait until Daddy gets home."

So they wait until Daddy gets home, and then Mummy says "Now dear, what were you saying about Daddy and the strange lady?"

And Daddy starts to say something but Mummy says, "You keep quiet - I'll be talking to my attorney in the mo...

The only reason there are pyramids in Egypt

is because they are too heavy to be carried to the British Museum

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An al-Qaeda suicide bomber carried out his mission...

And made it to heaven, where he found 72 virgins. Turns out they were all guys playing world of Warcraft.

I couldn’t afford to pay the priest who carried out my exorcism.

He repossessed my home.

An American man gets married to a British woman

Before the big night, his father tells him: "Tonight I want you to carry your wife in your arms to show her that the US is a strong nation.

Then I want you to throw her on the bed to show her that the US is a proud nation


And finally I want you to take of your clothes to show her ...

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