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Croissant Jokes

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A Canadian was having a coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when an American tourist, chewing gum, sat down next to him.

The Canadian politely ignored the American, who, nevertheless started up a conversation.

The American snapped his gum and said, "You Canadian folk eat the whole bread?"

The Canadian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course".

The American...

A Frenchman sees a poster in front of a bakery: Croissant €1. Handjob €5

He enters the shop and sees a gorgeous young lady behind the counter. He then asks:

"Mademoiselle, are you the one that delivers the handjobs?"

Very shy, the girl looks down, blushes and replies with a giggle:

"O-Oui monsieur, I am the one that gives the handjobs".

The F...

What is the opposite of a croissant?

A happy uncle.

What do you get when you drop the croissant your aunt made..

A cross aunt

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A blind man goes into a bakery, touches the salt croissant and says...

...WHICH IDIOT WROTE THIS BULLSHIT ON IT!?

What do you call a depressed pair of croissants?

Pain au pain.

What do you call your mother’s angry French sister?

Your croissant

A man wins big...

*pardon if this is a repost*

A gig worker hits a convenience store on the way home, and buys some juice, a sausage croissant, and a scratcher. Once outside he scratches the card, and wins $400 dollars. The guy collects his winnings and heads home.

When he arrives, he asks his wife "Wha...

Three construction workers were on their lunch break, sitting on the edge of a cliff next to the site they were working on.

One of the workers was Italian. He yelled, "I'm sick of pasta! If my wife packs me pasta one more time I will jump off this cliff!". The second worker was French. He screamed, "I'm sick of these damn croissants! If my wife packs me a croissant one more time, I'll jump off this cliff as well!". The t...

It's always so easy to get a rise out of my mother's French sister.

She's a croissant

How do you introduce a loaf of bread to your angry aunt?

Meatloaf croissant

Me: "I am still tired from all the CrossFit this morning."

Co-worker: "it's pronounced 'Croissant' and you ate 4 of them."

Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland?

They thought it would be fun for the hole family.

Son: Dad, what's the opposite of Karen?

Dad: Umm, I don't know, Sharon...?

Son: But I thought Sharon was Karen.




Edit: Thank you u/Ri0tp0p0 and u/CulturedCroissant for the awards! :)

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I asked the French baker what he makes?

He said “Croissants are my bread and butter.”

I just put my hair in a bun.

It wasn't very nice, I think I'll try it with a croissant next time.

What’s Austrian and took over France?

Croissants

What is the most delicious number in French? Cent? Deux cent? Trois cent?

C’est croissant!

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The incredible trainer

It was a busy day at the bar. A lot of costumers were enjoying their breakfast. Until the door slammed open.
A shady trench coat with an almost as shady wearer appeared in the doorframe, a big bulge in both pockets. He approached the counter, as silent as the entire bar, exchanging glares with ...

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A French, a British and an american naval engineer brag about their submarines.

All three of them are standing in a harbour, arguing.
The french engineer says:

"Ahh, le french submarine can stay submerged for five weeks and and we do not run out of croissants or red wine, they are magnefique!"

The Brit responds:

"Oh my dear chap, that is nothing. Her ...

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Here's one for the mothers out there: the three bears retold

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning....



Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table.
He looks into his small bowl. It is empty.. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.





Daddy Bear arrives at the big table...

"The Four Businessmen"

Four businessmen walk onto a train: one from China, one from France, one from Mexico, and one from the United States.
They all sit together in a room with an open window and begin unpacking their lunches.
The Frenchman eats half of his croissant and tosses the remainder of it out the window....

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Three salesmen, an Englishman, a French man, and an American, meet in an airport...

and eventually the topic turns to sex.


The Englishman says, "Before I left for this trip, I made love to my wife 3 times. The next morning she woke up and made me a big breakfast of fried bacon, potatoes and eggs. As I went out the door she gave me a passionate kiss and told me last night...

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