UPJOKE
harrisenglish languageandersonpattersonbachquaymunchrowpetersenwilliamsmitchellthompsonjenkinsharrisonbennett

Peterson Jokes

"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"

-"A little early isn't it, Woody?"

-"For a beer?"

-"No, for stupid questions."

There's a pair of twins, Ivan and Oliver Peterson.

They both became doctors. Not medical doctors, but doctors in meteorology.

They study the rain. You know,

Dr.I.P.

Dr.O.P.

Q: Why did Jordan Peterson cross the road?

A: The answer isn't obvious. It's bloody serious. It's no joke, man.

A C-130 was being deployed from Peterson AFB, Colorado

An hour into the flight, the plane began losing altitude. Acting quickly, the pilot decided it was necessary to airdrop items to be tracked down later in order to reach the nearest airport.

First to go was the Base Commander's new Humvee. Next was a large crate of MREs. Finally, a crate of t...

OJ Simpson, Oscar Pistorius, and Scott Peterson walk into a bar...

...all 3 order a Bloody Mary.

The best thing about Adrian Peterson's suspension...

...he gets to spend more time with the kids.

What's Adrian Peterson's favorite gaming system?

Nintendo Switch

The New York Yankees Officially Sign Adrian Peterson

They needed a good switch hitter.

I hear Adrian Peterson is getting into baseball...

Apparently he's a great switch hitter.

Adrian Peterson just announced his retirement from the NFL

and will be joining the Minnesota Twins as a switch hitter.

(Sorry, news was too depressing not to joke about it)

Mr. Peterson walks into Cheers, and gets his usual greeting, which is everyone in the bar loudly shouting his first name.

It was funny the first few times, but after that, it became the norm.

Press Release: "Big thank you to Adrian Peterson and Ray Rice"

Sincerely,
Tony Stewart's PR Team

Dave, a disgruntled parent was talking to Adrian Peterson at the playground.

Dave: "Man, these children are crazy"

Adrian: "I hear ya bro. Mine is out of control"

Dave: "We should switch kids this weekend"

Adrian: "Already tried that, got in a little trouble with the law"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Postman

Walter the mail carrier was delivering mail and a few packages to Mrs. Petersen, a gorgeous housewife, right before Christmas. Mrs. Petersen was stunning and always had a kind word, unlike her arrogant prick of a husband. It was a cold morning, and as Walter was dropping off her mail, Mrs. Petersen ...

I heard Microsoft tried to change the file path separator in Windows

but it received tons of backslash from the community.

--
Source: Aaron Peterson, Twitter.

Boss calls in his top 4 employees.

Boss:
Been doing some evaluations. And I am very upset at the results. James, you appear to be buying Cocaine from some K-Fish. Peterson, you appear to be taking marijuana from this same K-Fish. I’m mostly disappointed at you, Jessie, for purchasing pills from this K-Fish person as well.
...

Return on investment

An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. “Mr. Peterson,” she begins, “would you say you’re honest?”
“Honest?” replies the lawyer. “Let me tell you something about honesty: My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Pro Athletes Can't Have Regular Jobs... (long but good)

1 Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the
kids to copulate me."


2 New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, which...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to a gigantic zoo to visit his buddy Oscar [LONG]

Once there, he marveled at all the animals in their different habitats. Still in awe, he then asked one of the employees where he could find Oscar.


"Oscar? I know two Oscars who work here. Are you looking for Oscar Peterson or Oscar Cocks?"


"Oscar Peterson is ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.