"Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?"

\-"A little early isn't it, Woody?"

\-"For a beer?"

\-"No, for stupid questions."

OJ Simpson, Scott Peterson, and Oscar Pistorius walk into a bar...

...all three order a Bloody Mary.

Mr. Peterson walks into Cheers, and gets his usual greeting, which is everyone in the bar loudly shouting his first name.

It was funny the first few times, but after that, it became the norm.

Return on investment

An investment banker decides she needs in-house counsel, so she interviews a young lawyer. “Mr. Peterson,” she begins, “would you say you’re honest?”
“Honest?” replies the lawyer. “Let me tell you something about honesty: My father lent me $85,000 for my education, and I paid back every penny t...

The best thing about Adrian Peterson's suspension...

...he gets to spend more time with the kids.

I hear Adrian Peterson is getting into baseball...

Apparently he's a great switch hitter.

Adrian Peterson just announced his retirement from the NFL

and will be joining the Minnesota Twins as a switch hitter.

(Sorry, news was too depressing not to joke about it)

Press Release: "Big thank you to Adrian Peterson and Ray Rice"

Sincerely,
Tony Stewart's PR Team

The New York Yankees Officially Sign Adrian Peterson

They needed a good switch hitter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man went to a gigantic zoo to visit his buddy Oscar [LONG]

Once there, he marveled at all the animals in their different habitats. Still in awe, he then asked one of the employees where he could find Oscar.


"Oscar? I know two Oscars who work here. Are you looking for Oscar Peterson or Oscar Cocks?"


"Oscar Peterson is ...

Boss calls in his top 4 employees.

Boss:
Been doing some evaluations. And I am very upset at the results. James, you appear to be buying Cocaine from some K-Fish. Peterson, you appear to be taking marijuana from this same K-Fish. I’m mostly disappointed at you, Jessie, for purchasing pills from this K-Fish person as well.
...

A man and his girlfriend were walking down the street...

as they're crossing the street they get hit by a drunk driver.

In a blinding flash, the girlfriend finds herself standing in front of the Pearly Gates and is greeted by St. Peter

"Welcome to Heaven, Victoria, follow me!"

But before she moved a step she frantically asked the Sai...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why Pro Athletes Can't Have Regular Jobs... (long but good)

1 Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan' all the
kids to copulate me."


2 New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:

"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, which...

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