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2 Muffins are sitting in an oven. One says “It’s a bit hot in here”

The other replies “Holy fuck a talking muffin”

Instructions said to preheat oven at 180 degrees

Not sure i'll try this recipe again, turning the oven upside down was a real back breaker...

Farting under the covers is no longer called a Dutch oven...

It's a free Covid test. If you can still smell or taste it, you're negative.

Hot actors are like hot ovens

It usually makes the news whenever someone puts a baby inside them.

So I was baking a premade pie and the instructions told me to put it in the oven at 180 degrees.

Now I'm left with an upside down pie in an oven.

What did the fridge say to the oven?

You're kinda hot

"Hey, you've reached your oven...

you know what to do after the beep."

a caring mother makes her son loafs of bread shaped like batman, to make his sandwiches fun every time. guess what happens when it's in the oven?

the dark knight rises.

Roast beef and pork are both pulled from the oven

The pork says to the beef, "we meat again".

(Courtesy of my 8 year old)

Just burned 2,000 calories.......

That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch

I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.

A 90 year old just told this: What happens when you drop the turkey out of the oven?

It's the downfall of Turkey and the overflow of grease.

My friend’s grandma had two ovens and stored bread in one of them...

One day she preheated the wrong one

All the bread was toast

I put a slice of bread in the oven and forgot to set the timer.

As soon as I could smell it burning I knew it was toast.

I found out my toaster oven isn't waterproof ...

I was shocked!

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What's your favorite one liner in 40 characters or less?

Want to embroider something fun into my jacket pocket, but only have 40 characters. As a big fan of stand up, was trying to fit a homage to my favorites with something from Mitch Hedberg or Demitri Martin in there... but alas, they're slightly too long. So figured I'd come to the experts here for...

Did you hear about the two loaves of bread that fell in love?

They decided to raise some dough, put a bun in the oven, and grow mold together.

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What happens if you put a dildo in the oven?

You get dill bread.

Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?

His buns were toasted.

When I opened my oven door a big rat ran out.

I tried to shoot him but he was out of my range.

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Cakepilation

For my cake day I'm going to repost everything I can think of that fits into the category of cake-related jokes! You've heard them all anyway, who cares?



What did the cake say to the fork? You wanna piece of me?

What do you eat if you 3.142 cakes? You get fat. Pay attention, ...

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Johnny is a sponge

One night a mother and father get into a heated argument.

"You bitch!" Screams the dad.
"You're a selfish prick" the mom replies.

Their little boy Johnny pipes up with "what do those words mean mommy and daddy?" Thinking quickly the dad says "I was just calling your mother a lady, ...

I once chased out a guy who was trying to steal meat cooking in one of the ovens

You meet a lot of strange people at the Morgue

TIL Severe Yeast Infections Can Lead to Pregnancy

You could end up with a bun in the oven!

What do you call two burger buns that came out of the oven stuck to each other?

Sesamese twins.

My wife said she wanted a candlelit dinner.



But I'm pretty sure it would cook quicker in the oven.

Last night I gave my wife a Polish Oven in bed.

It’s like a Dutch Oven, except she’s Jewish.

What do you call a woman who can service a car, cook, wash the dishes and repair the oven?

A Swiss army wife.

(Not intended to hurt anyone’s feelings)

What do you call a small gesture of acknowledgement directed towards an oven?

A micro wave.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

You put it in an oven until its bill withers

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I came home to find candle light in my dining table,my favourite meatloaf in the oven and my wife dressed up in lingerie

She came close to me and whispered " I shaved my vagina . Do you know what that means ?"

"Oh fuck , you clogged the drains again! Where is the plunger? "

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Three muffins are sitting in an oven

Muffin1 says "Man, it sure is hot in here."

Muffin 2 replies "Yeah, it's Australia"

Muffin 3 exclaims "Holy shit! Talking muffins"

Ik it's kinda old.

To your cake batter, slowly stir in the GPU and CPU and sprinkle crushed motherboard. Put in oven on bake.

Once done, serve and enjoy! PC cake.

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What's the difference between a microwave oven and anal sex?

One browns your meat.

A number is visiting a letter's house, where the letter is cooking a pi in the oven.

The number says "Decimal of that pi is so delicious. I wanna taste it so bad!"

The letter said "Alphabet you do."

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A dad puts a deer in the oven and doesn’t tell the children what they’re having

Dad: “We’re having what Mum calls me”
Kid: “DONT EAT IT ITS A FUCKING DICK”

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In 1944 during a prisoner revolt at the Nazi's most infamous concentration camp, an SS guard was burned alive by prisoners in a crematorium oven.

That is what I call the Auschwitzaroo.

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What did Gretel say to Hansel after she had pushed the witch into the oven?

"She did Nazi this coming."

I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven

I guess I should have put it on aloha setting

Q: Why don't blondes double recipes?

A: The oven doesn't go to 700 degrees.

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My wife and I just discovered an easy way to burn 2000 calories an hour during sex

Note to self: Leave bedroom door open so we can hear the oven timer next time.

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The bread I made came out the oven shaped like a voluptuous womans butt!

I tried not to let it turn me on, but dat ass dough!

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Two rocket scientists, Dave and Archie, are in the staff kitchen...

Dave is trying to get the toaster oven to work so he can toast their breakfast. Nothing seems to be working. He tried unplugging/replugging it. He tried cleaning it out.

After several minutes, a frustrated Archie finally speaks up.

"Figure it out, Dave!" he says. "It's not sex."

I have this stupid obsession to check whether the oven is on and that the doors are locked.

I really hate my job at the crematorium.

A woman announced that she was pregnant. Everyone congratulated her until she said that it wasn’t a baby, but rather, a joke...

It turned out she had a pun in the oven the whole time

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I once read a sexual health website that recommended men stick their dick in an oven...

I thought to myself, "Now that's a hot tip"

An old man is at home on his death bed

When suddenly he smells something amazing. It's the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of four of them, just o...

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A grandson sees his grandpas drinking a beer and asks “grandpa can I have some of that” grandpa replies

“Can your dick touch your ass?”

“Well no not yet” says the grandson

“Ask again when it can” the grandpas says!
Later that day the young boy sees his grandpas smoking a cig
“hey grandpa can I smoke some of that” he asks

The grandpas asks him “can your dick touch your ass y...

My wife said she's leaving me because I keep making silly puns about her dark yellow oven glove.

However, I wasn't expecting to wake up this morning and find her gone, I mustard mitt.

A Jew, an Hindu and Karen survive a plane crash in the woods

They walk together trough the woods throughout the day and into the night looking for help.

At last, they find a little wooden house with a lit window and a barn next to it.

The Jewish man says:

"Finally, someone who can help us! Let's ask the owner if we can stay the night and ...

My earliest memory of my mother is playing hide and seek with her, I would be sat peering out of the oven window and she would say...

"Your getting warmer"...

What do you call Marty McFly in the oven?

Roast Chicken

When building a brick oven it’s important to make the hole big enough to fit a chicken

And also to use a door, so he can’t get out

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I can't cook. My strategy for operating the oven is basically the same as my strategy for sex

I do my best to turn it on, then I stick my stuff in and hope for the best.

My local Baker says he can bake 20 loaves of bread in one hour with one small oven...

I said prove it.

A cake in an oven

Society needs to stop discriminating, we don’t question a baker having a cake in the oven but as soon as I put 4 children and 2 horses in a volcano im the bad guy

If farting under the covers is a Dutch oven...

is doing it in the shower a German oven?

What is the hardest part about cooking vegetables?

Getting the wheelchair in the oven.

I only had 5 minutes to season my Lamb before it went in the oven

It was a race agaisnt thyme

A Brazilian Man just died and went to hell

Satan looks at the man and says: “You’re not in hell just yet. Because you’re from Brazil, I’m going to let you choose a hell of your own desires.”

The Brazilian Man said: “I hate Brazil. Let’s try the American Hell.”

He went to the American Hell, was stabbed by 2 Pitch Forks by demon...

The brownies I started making in my easy bake oven in 1987

are done if anyone wants some.

I downloaded Chrome on my Samsung Smart Fridge.

It became an oven.

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother’s face through the oven window.

As we played hide and seek and she said: ‘you’re getting warmer’.

How does a criminal prosecutor fix a half-baked closing statement?

She puts it into a conviction oven.

I rewrote Hansel & Gretel but changed the oven to a mobile stove.

The title is now Hansel & Griddle.

Boy: Why are girls so much hotter than boys?

Girl: Coz boys have two 5watt bulbs and one 40watt tube, whereas girls have two 500watt bulbs and one 3000watt oven.

Hey y'all, I tried my best to convert this from Hindi to English.

Everytime I hear, there's a bun in the oven

I can only think of the inefficiency in cooking one bun at a time.

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Nazi general: " Soldier, why did you put a American in the oven before the 9 Jews?"

" Sir, I was greasing the oven!"

I used to be on of those chefs who shouts and swears a lot

But then I discovered oven mitts

I don't buy cheap oven mitts anymore

I've been burnt before

I tried cooking Chinese spare ribs in the oven instead of the pan.

I'll tell you it was a walk in the park compared to the pork in the wok.

All the witches be going to KFC tonight

They love some coven-ready chicken.

Why do they call me an oven?

Because when I get turned on things get really hot

My mum fed me yeast and put me in the oven.

Just how I was raised.

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I keep my porn in the oven!

My wife will never find it there!

Why did the computer programmer put his brownies back in the oven?

They were too GUI.

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