The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.”

Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.

Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and say, "Wow. It is really hot in here."

The other muffin screams, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!"

A 90 year old just told this: What happens when you drop the turkey out of the oven?

It's the downfall of Turkey and the overflow of grease.

I was feeling down, so I put my heart in the oven last night

It was a pretty heartwarming experience

I once chased out a guy who was trying to steal meat cooking in one of the ovens

You meet a lot of strange people at the Morgue

Trump walks into an electronics store...

He says to the salesman "I'd like to buy that little TV and install it in my limo".

"Sorry, I don't want to sell you anything."

Angered, Trump takes the limo home and decides to give it another go. To cleverly fool the salesman, he dyes his hair black, puts on an Elvis costume and goe...

An old man is at home on his death bed

When suddenly he smells something amazing. It's the smell of his favorite chocolate chip cookies. And with his last strength, he gets out of bed, and he goes to the kitchen, where his wife of 50 years, is cooking these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. And they are on a plate of four of them, just o...

To your cake batter, slowly stir in the GPU and CPU and sprinkle crushed motherboard. Put in oven on bake.

Once done, serve and enjoy! PC cake.

Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?

His buns were toasted.

When I opened my oven door a big rat ran out.

I tried to shoot him but he was out of my range.

A Jew, an Hindu and Karen survive a plane crash in the woods

They walk together trough the woods throughout the day and into the night looking for help.

At last, they find a little wooden house with a lit window and a barn next to it.

The Jewish man says:

"Finally, someone who can help us! Let's ask the owner if we can stay the night and ...

What do you call two burger buns that came out of the oven stuck to each other?

Sesamese twins.

Boy: Why are girls so much hotter than boys?

Girl: Coz boys have two 5watt bulbs and one 40watt tube, whereas girls have two 500watt bulbs and one 3000watt oven.

Hey y'all, I tried my best to convert this from Hindi to English.

What kind of oven doesn't cook food evenly?

A baker's doesn't

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I came home to find candle light in my dining table,my favourite meatloaf in the oven and my wife dressed up in lingerie

She came close to me and whispered " I shaved my vagina . Do you know what that means ?"

"Oh fuck , you clogged the drains again! Where is the plunger? "

My wife burned 8,000 calories yesterday...

because she left the brownies in the oven too long!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Few Very Important Lessons You Will Learn Only After You Have Kids

A "King Style" water bed contains enough water to turn a 200 Sq m apartment into a 12 cm deep lake.

The voice of a 4 year old can deafen 200 normally talking adults in a crowded restaurant.

If you tie a dog leash to a room fan, the motor of the latter is not powerful enough to lift 23...

What do you call a woman who can service a car, cook, wash the dishes and repair the oven?

A Swiss army wife.

(Not intended to hurt anyone’s feelings)

What do you call a small gesture of acknowledgement directed towards an oven?

A micro wave.

What did the pastry say to the apples as they entered the oven?

Let's get ready to crumble!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Splashed out and finally got a microwave oven. Its one of the really high tech ones.

Its got buttons and settings for all kinds of foods, even popcorn. Its got multiple power settings and a memory.

So I got a whole frozen chicken and popped it in. Pressed "Defrost", then "Chicken" then, "1.8 kgs".

The display showed 15 minutes and I pressed "Start".

Then the mi...

I swear

I went to US a few years ago and asked for directions to nearest gas station.

A dude comes up and says" Go straight for 3.5 football field and you will see there is a 4.2 washing machine wide road and 6.8 fridge wide road. Go in the fridge road and you will see the gas station after your c...

How do you make a duck sing?

You put it in the microwave oven till its bill withers

I just burned 2000 calories in 20 minutes.

Friend: How?

Me: I forgot to take my brownies out of the oven.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father of 3 and one of his sons were cooking pizza

They put the pizza in the oven and waited

When the timer went off, the father went to pull it out when the son said “Let me pull it out.”

The father then said “You shouldn’t, it’s really hot.”

The son replied “Dad, you have 3 children, I don’t trust you to pull out.”

I used to be on of those chefs who shouts and swears a lot

But then I discovered oven mitts

My mother wondered why I was massaging the oven.

I was just trying to turn it on.

I just burned 3,000 calories!!

My fault for leaving my brownies in the oven while I took a nap though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The International Council of Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When sh...

God said, "Come forth, John, and you shall recieve eternal life"

John came fifth and won a microwave oven

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny and his family are preparing for Christmas dinner.

Johnny goes upstairs to his brothers room while he’s playing video games. His brother gets a kill and yells “Yeah, eat that bitch!”
Little Johnny asks, “Hey bro, what does that word mean?”
His brother looks around hurriedly and replies “It means uh...a lovely lady.”

Little Johnny goe...

I burnt 800 calories this morning

Forgot the pizza in the oven.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dad puts a deer in the oven and doesn’t tell the children what they’re having

Dad: “We’re having what Mum calls me”
Kid: “DONT EAT IT ITS A FUCKING DICK”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In 1944 during a prisoner revolt at the Nazi's most infamous concentration camp, an SS guard was burned alive by prisoners in a crematorium oven.

That is what I call the Auschwitzaroo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between a microwave oven and anal sex?

One browns your meat.

It's so hot...

...asphalt has a liquid state.
...I saw bird pull a worm out of the ground using oven mitts.
...

A number is visiting a letter's house, where the letter is cooking a pi in the oven.

The number says "Decimal of that pi is so delicious. I wanna taste it so bad!"

The letter said "Alphabet you do."

What’s the best way to burn 1,000 calories?

Leave the pizza in the oven.

My earliest memory of my mother is playing hide and seek with her, I would be sat peering out of the oven window and she would say...

"Your getting warmer"...

What do you call Marty McFly in the oven?

Roast Chicken

When building a brick oven it’s important to make the hole big enough to fit a chicken

And also to use a door, so he can’t get out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bread I made came out the oven shaped like a voluptuous womans butt!

I tried not to let it turn me on, but dat ass dough!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once read a sexual health website that recommended men stick their dick in an oven...

I thought to myself, "Now that's a hot tip"

A cake in an oven

Society needs to stop discriminating, we don’t question a baker having a cake in the oven but as soon as I put 4 children and 2 horses in a volcano im the bad guy

I have this stupid obsession to check whether the oven is on and that the doors are locked.

I really hate my job at the crematorium.

What do you get when you put Cola in an oven?

Baking soda

I only had 5 minutes to season my Lamb before it went in the oven

It was a race agaisnt thyme

My wife said she's leaving me because I keep making silly puns about her dark yellow oven glove.

However, I wasn't expecting to wake up this morning and find her gone, I mustard mitt.

I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven

I guess I should have put it on aloha setting

Now that’s what I call stupid

In my junior year of high school, this guy asked me on a date. He rented a Redbox movie and made a pizza. We were watching the movie and the oven beeped so the pizza was done. He looked me dead in the eye and said, “This is the worst part.” I then watched this boy open the oven and pull the pizza ou...

I put my chicken in the oven yesterday

It died.

How do you stop a child from smoking?

Get it out of the oven in time.

I rewrote Hansel & Gretel but changed the oven to a mobile stove.

The title is now Hansel & Griddle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Vodka Christmas Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year!

*(Made mine this morning!!)*

1 cup sugar,
1 tsp. baking powder,
1 cup water,
1 tsp. salt ,
1 cup brown sugar,
Lemon juice,
4 large eggs,
Nuts,
1 bottle Vodka,
2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of Vodka to check qual...

What do you call a half baked joke?

A pun in the oven.

My local Baker says he can bake 20 loaves of bread in one hour with one small oven...

I said prove it.

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother’s face through the oven window.

As we played hide and seek and she said: ‘you’re getting warmer’.

The brownies I started making in my easy bake oven in 1987

are done if anyone wants some.

An Admiral was visiting one of his ships. While having tea, he noticed that every biscuit had the ship's insignia embossed on it.

He is very impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.


Cook, "When rolling the biscuits, I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven."


Admiral, "That's pretty unhygienic !!"


Cook, "In that case Sir, I'd suggest you skip the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can't cook. My strategy for operating the oven is basically the same as my strategy for sex

I do my best to turn it on, then I stick my stuff in and hope for the best.

Where do little kid jokes come from?

Well, first a dad joke walks into a bar, sees a your mama joke, thinks she’s pretty and next thing you know they knock knock and there’s a little pun in the oven.

If farting under the covers is a Dutch oven...

is doing it in the shower a German oven?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nazi general: " Soldier, why did you put a American in the oven before the 9 Jews?"

" Sir, I was greasing the oven!"

Everytime I hear, there's a bun in the oven

I can only think of the inefficiency in cooking one bun at a time.

I don't buy cheap oven mitts anymore

I've been burnt before

Why do they call me an oven?

Because when I get turned on things get really hot

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People are coming to a families house to interview the father for a job

The kid comes home from school. He goes into the kitchen to see the Dad putting the chicken in the oven, the dad burns himself with the oven and goes "fuck". The kid asks the dad what fuck means and the dad goes "prepare".
The kid leaves and goes into the moms room where she is putting on makeup....

A statistician had his head in the freezer and his feet in the oven...

And said, "On the average, I feel comfortable".

Why did the computer programmer put his brownies back in the oven?

They were too GUI.

The oven and the woman are just alike

Because you have to get them both hot before you stick the meat in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I keep my porn in the oven!

My wife will never find it there!

My mum fed me yeast and put me in the oven.

Just how I was raised.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.