Damn girl, are you a toaster?

Because a bath with you would send me to heaven.

What happens when you take a bath with a toaster?

The answer will shock you!

Toasters...

were the first form of pop-up notifications.

I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again

I think it might be comatoast.

I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.

I was making synonym toast.

Why shouldn’t you put a toaster in the bathtub?

Because your toast will get soggy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Broken Toaster

Toaster is broken and I'm pissed. I'm lack toast intolerant.

Depressing pickup lines.

Are you suicide?
Because I think about you every day.

Are you a toaster?
Because I really want to take a bath with you.

Are you a noose?
Because I really want to hang with you.

Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me.

Are you anti-...

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?

"I want you inside me."

And the lord said unto John "come forth and you shall have eternal life"

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

Me:"Hey girl are you a toaster?"

Her:"Why?"
Me:"Because i want to go to the bathtub with you."

My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting

I suspect he's got black toast intolerance

Today I found out my toaster isn't waterproof

I was shocked.

My sister asked for a bath bomb for her birthday, so I gave her a toaster.

Same thing if you think about it.

My mother-in-law just asked for "bath stuff" for her birthday

She seemed unimpressed with the toaster I bought her

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend asked why I carry a gun around the house?

I looked her dead in the eye and said, ‟the motherfucking decepticons”.She laguhed, I laughed, the toaster laughed, I shot the toaster, it was a good time.

Good friends are like toasters...

If you throw them down the stairs, they probably won't make toast for you anymore.

My new toaster oven is a huge improvement for making lunch

I used to eat unappetizing sandwiches but I quit cold turkey.

My wife asked me why I carried a gun around the house…

I said “Transformers “

She laughed…

The toaster laughed…

I was surprised to learn the most common method of suicide in France was throwing a toaster in a bathtub filled with cheese enzymes.

It was quite a culture shock.

You know what would make your bad day even worse?

Finding out your toaster is water-proof.

Two people are fighting over a toaster

One decides to end the argument and says “put a fork in it”

I told my wife that I think all our electrical items are spying on us.

“Nonsense” she said.

I laughed. She laughed. Siri laughed. Alexa laughed. The toaster laughed.

Me [whispering]: don’t tell my wife I tried to make bacon in the toaster....

Wife [getting out of the car]: what the hell happened????????????........................
[all 6 firemen in unison]: he tried to make bacon in the toaster.....

Top ten places to put a toaster in your bathroom.

Number three will shock you!

What do you call a rogue toaster?

A rebel appliance.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I sexually identify as a toaster

You put bread in me and it comes out brown.

I have my entire Valentine's day planned with my toaster!

Okay, so first, we're going to take a bath.

What did the bread say before it jumped into the toaster?

"I'M BREADY TO DIE"

Guns don't kill people, people kill people.

Toasters don't toast toast toast toast toast.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, I have a sideways toaster next to my name, Reddit you know what to do

Two toasters are sitting on a counter. One toaster turns to the other and says, "Do you sometimes feel empty?"

To which the other toaster replies, "OH MY GOD! A talking toaster!"

The man who invented toaster settings has died

He'll be cremated at 6.

I went and tried to buy a toaster on the Dark Web

One of them was called the "Bath Bomb."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why, what, who?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard when he lives in the jungle without a razor?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Why does...

How do you make 50 toast at once with only one toaster?

Kick the toaster in a swimming pool.

I threw my toaster into the toilet the other day.

It was a shock to the cistern.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two rocket scientists, Dave and Archie, are in the staff kitchen...

Dave is trying to get the toaster oven to work so he can toast their breakfast. Nothing seems to be working. He tried unplugging/replugging it. He tried cleaning it out.

After several minutes, a frustrated Archie finally speaks up.

"Figure it out, Dave!" he says. "It's not sex."

My wife found me in the kitchen naked holding a gun

"What the hell are you doing?" she screamed, shocked at my appearance.

"Quiet woman! I'm hunting decepticons!" I whispered back harshly.

She put her hands on her hips. "You've been sleep walking again! There are no such thing as decepticons!"

I blinked, realizing how stupid I lo...

I thought I’d surprise my girlfriend and re-wire the toaster.

She was shocked.

My mother-in-law wouldn't stop suggesting

I buy her something 'for the bathroom' for her Christmas gift.

When she unwrapped the toaster I got her, she wasnt pleased.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down!

Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave and toaster while drinking coffee and we all agreed that things are getting bad.

I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything.

Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold...

Red Skeleton’s Recipe for the Perfect Marriage

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I...

You know, something that really confused me

Was that my toaster was surprisingly waterproof

A guy walks into an appliance store...

Manager: Can I help you?

Guy: Yes. I'm looking for one of those bath bomb thingies that burns bread.

Manager: Do you mean a Toaster?

Guy: That's what they're called??

I could tell that my parents hated me.

My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Wife asked me to get "bath stuff" for xmas.

Hope she likes her toaster.

I love bath time, it allows me to play with my favorite toys.

My personal favorite is the toaster

Princess: I shall marry whomever of you is the bravest

**Suitors:** [all awkwardly look at the toaster]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex is like a bath

It doesn’t end up well if you throw a toaster into it

What does bread and a bath have in common?

Both can be improved with a toaster

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