The take a penny, leave a penny trays in businesses are a great idea that obviously makes things easier for customers and merchants alike by saving time and effort for all.

It's common cents.

Why do flower merchants refuse to work in two-story buildings?

Because they're floorists.

a man wakes up on a merchant ship after a night of heavy drinking

upon waking, he is greeted by the ship's captain, who offers him a hearty handshake and a loaf of bread.

The man quickly realizes he's been shanghaied and asks when and where he will be able to get back to shore.

the captain laughs and says, "well it's going to be a few months young ma...

I was trying to find out where my local pelt-merchant was hosting a “Lupine Designs” fashion gala for his fellow lycanthropes this year

So I asked “Where is the werewolf’s wolf-wares warehouse where werewolves wear wolves’ wares?”

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A Jewish rope merchant from New York was trying desperately to sell some of his goods in Louisiana. But wherever he went, he kept encountering Anti-Semitism.

In one particular department store, the buyer taunted him:

“All right, Jew. I’ll buy some of your rope. As much as reaches from the top of your big Jewish nose to the tip of your little Jewish penis.”

Two weeks later, the buyer was startled to receive a shipment containing ten thousand...

What do you call a Jewish astronaut?

Merchant of Venus

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Why did the merchant refuse to sell me feces?

He didn't give a shit

A farmer arrives at a local market and asks a merchant, "Can I get some feed for my chickens?"

"Sure, how much do you want?" the merchant replies.

"Well I recon I'll need about 9 bags."

The merchant gathers up some feed and hands the farmer 11 bags.

"Uh, I said I only needed 9 bags."

"Oh, I'm so sorry I thought you said 11, my mistake."

"It's no big deal, I'...

A merchant ship captain spots a pirate vessel in the distance...

He says, "First mate, there is a pirate vessel coming straight for us. We must take evasive maneuvers. And bring me my red shirt."

The first mate says, "Your red shirt? Why captain?"

Captain says, "So if I am wounded in the coming battle, the men won't know see me bleed."

"Good ...

What does the cabbage merchant use to fix his cabbages?

A cabbage patch! - Sokka

There was a Pirate Captain who had an interesting way of pillaging ships..

Prowling the edges of dangerous waters where storms and large reefs were common, the Captain and his crew would pick out the most stricken merchant vessels limping out of a storm, then swiftly close in.

 

Once their pirate ship was alongside the merchant vessel however, the ...

What did the spice merchant say when someone knocked on his door?

Cumin!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Mehmet and the sultan long (on mobile, sorry for formatting)

One day the sultan was walking around his kingdom when he stumbled upon Mehmet, the local merchant. Surprised by the vision in front of him, Mehmet naked, bending in all directions and angles, with a loud and deep voice, the sultan roared!
-WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING, MEHMET???
-Well hello s...

A sailor meets a pirate in a bar

The sailor notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook, and an eyepatch.

The sailor asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out a shark bit my leg off....

Brian Blessed was flying his bi-plane over the Sahara desert when out of nowhere the engine spluttered and stop and he found himself hurtling toward the ground.

As he crawled out of the wreckage, Brian couldn't believe he had survived the crash. He checked himself for injuries, a few scratches but nothing major; no broken bones, no concussion, not even whiplash from the plane's impact with the ground. For a second he considered himself lucky. Until he looke...

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3 Nuns [Long]

Three nuns were kicking around the convent one day, doing nun things such as praising the lord and disapproving of pop music when one nun said

"RIGHT. I'm sick of being a nun, I want to quit" the other two nuns agreed, being a nun is rubbish, and skipped off singing to Mother Superiors offic...

"Fetch me my red shirt..."

One fine afternoon, a merchant captain was guiding his crew across the Spanish Main when the sailor from the crow's nest called down in a panicked voice.



"Cap'n!!!" he cried, "Ship approaching from the starboard side! An' she's flying pirate colors!!!"




Calmly, the ...

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My Grandpa was an amazing man

My grandpa left school and was told by his parents, whom could clearly afford it, that if he wanted to study at university he would need to pay his own way. Well he did exactly that and took a role as a mail boy in a merchant bank.

When WW1 broke he was drafted and fought as a officer in the ...

Naval History Lesson

Long ago, when ships sailed the oceans, a captain would fill a box with maps and navigation charts, and other tools necessary for warfare on the high seas. In preparation for battle, he would call to his first mate to bring him his "War Chest".

Once, a merchant ship was captured by surprise ...

Veteran Wine Taster

At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire. He posted a sign at the entrance to the building... EXPERIENCED WINE TASTER NEEDED --POSITION STARTS IMMEDIATELY.

A retired veteran named "Ace," drunk and with a ragged dirty look a...

A Farmer Sends his Son to Town for Supplies

He tells him to visit the commons as there are sure to be reputable merchants selling their wares at this time of year.

But on the way the son gets waylaid by a strange man with big flashy signs advertising the latest in imported tools. All his neighbors are also there buying this man's tools...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is this OC? I thought of it in the shower. Help with making it better would be appreciated.

A farmer is eating dinner with his lovely daughter. The local merchants son, known for being honest and trustworthy, walks in and says "sir I'd like to lay with your daughter." The farmer in a rage asks "Why the hell would I let you do that?" To which the merchants son reply's "I was just diagnos...

German Coast Guard

A Canadian ship is passing thru European waters. Suddenly, disaster strikes and they begin to take on water. The captain, in a panic, gets on his radio to send out an S.O.S. The only response he hears is the heavy accent of the German coast guard speaking broken English.

Captain: “This is a ...

A quick math question

Alright, so here's quick math question for ya:

So there's two trains. The first train is traveling at *exactly* 90 miles per hour from Plotopia heading due west. There is a clown standing atop it. He is holding a grenade. (And yes, his billowing pants and rainbow-dyed afro-wig *are* affecting...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[LONG] A cowboy is walking through the desert.

He's incredibly exhausted and he's just had the last few drops of his water, so naturally he gets super fucking pumped when he reaches a town. The town is the normal, cliché Western town, complete with a bank for robbing, a saloon for drinking, a sheriff for sheriffing, and a tumbleweed store for dr...

"The child returned to the sun"

Around 1250, a merchant leaves France for a 2 years trip to the middle-east. When he comes back, his unfaithful wife had a son with a handsome young man of the city. Upon coming back home, the merchant sees the baby, who is obviously too young to be his own. He asks his wife: "My dear wife, please t...

What do you call a really really big ant?

A GIANT!

Now what do you call a baby ant?
an Infant!

What do you call an ant thats into business?
A Merchant!


please post more ant jokes if you know of any.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A whale was swimming along with his wife...

A whale was swimming along with his wife when he saw a merchant boat approaching, he told his wife "hey, let's teach them a lesson, let's swim from below, blow air and that'll make the boat topple over".

And sure enough, they did and the boat toppled over. Then the male whale saw the sailors...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Peg-Legged, Hook-Handed, One-Eyed Pirate...

After thirteen months of sailing the seven seas, a battle-worn schooner filled to the brim with booty and booze makes port in the rag-tag pirate isle of Tortuga.

The captain - a buccaneer known the world over for his utter lack of mercy, his terrible greed, and his hearty girth - lumbers off ...

A man and his wife are touring Egypt.

While looking at the pyramids, a local merchant calls them over. He offers the man 100 camels in exchange for his wife. The man takes a few minutes, but ultimately refuses the offer and the two go on their way. A bit later the man's wife asks him, "What took you so long to say no?". The man replies,...

11 jokes from the world's oldest joke book

1. A Student Dunce Goes Swimming

"A student dunce went swimming and almost drowned. So now he swears he'll never get into water until he's really learned to swim."

2 An Intellectual Visits a Friend

"An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man...

"Oh man, Juan Valdez died this morning."

Ok, so it's not a 'joke' joke, but that's what you say. Maybe at work, at the bar with friends. Say it in a lull in the conversation. If you're really good, say it while scanning the paper or a news site.


Some people go, "oh!" And some people say, "wait, the Colombian coffee merchant?" an...

Two men in a desert

Two men are wandering the desert. They've been there for days, and can't remember how they got there; the only thing in their minds right now is that they need water to survive another day in this scorching heat.

Midday passes, and the men are succumbing to despair - but wait, what's this? Th...

Pirate captain and his clothing

This Pirate Captain is sailing his boat when he sees a merchant ship he wishes to raid. He know a battle will ensue so he tells his first mate, "First mate, fetch me my red shirt." The first mate gives a funny look, fetches the shirt then asks, "Sir, tell me, why a red shirt?" The captain replies, "...

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