A joke my 8-year old made up: What do you call a chicken that's afraid of the dark?

A chicken

What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt

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8 year old Arnold Schwarzenegger was sitting in music class. The teacher said that each student would play the role of a famous composer.

One student said "I'll be Beethoven".

Another said "I'll be Mozart".

Yet another student said "I'll be Tchaikovsky".

And Arnold said "I'll be Bach".

What did the blonde do when she learned 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer?

She decided to only hang out in groups of 7 or fewer.

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Every guy tells you they have an 8 inch Dick. It makes sense when you realize the formula they use to calculate it.

8==D

A woman who injected her 8-year-old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody.

Reports say the child didn't look surprised.

Doctor: How old are you on a scale of 1 to 8?

Kid: It stops at 8?

Doctor: It does for you.

What did the 8 say when he got beheaded?

Nothing, twice.

Me: I need 8 pills, 4 bags of weed, a couple of tabs of lsd, oceanic.

Dealer: Sure, although what do you mean by oceanic?

Me: Anagram of cocaine.

A joke from my 8 year old......Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same?

10+10=twenty
11+11=twenty too

I took my 8 year old niece to the zoo last week...

..we were walking around the various cages and enclosures when all of a sudden she yells, “Look Uncle John! It's a frickin' Elephant!”
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us. “What did you just call it?” I asked.
“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” ...

I once asked a Magic 8 Ball why I couldn't get my email

It responded "Outlook not so good."

A Blonde went to buy a Pizza, Chef asked her, would you like it cut into 4 or 8 slices.?

Blonde replied, 4 please.

There is no way I could possibly eat 8 slices.

This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only.

A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.

As he ap...

Trump has done in 4 years what 80% of presidents fail to do in 8 years

Lose an election.

Once there was a young boy, around 8 years old, who lived in a village at the bottom of a hill. On top of the hill was a temple where monks lived.

One day, he heard a strange sound coming from the top of the hill. Curious, he walks up the hill and knocks on the giant doors at the front of the temple. The head monk answers the door and asks what he can do for the kid. However, when the kid asks what the sound was, he simply replies, “I can’t te...

8:45 PM, Arrive at the crime scene

- 8:45 PM, Assess victim. Cause of death: strangulation, victim’s phone and wallet are missing
- 8:45 PM, Gather evidence. No visible fingerprints, rope used to strangle the victim was found in a nearby trashcan
- 8:45 PM, Question witnesses. One witness states the murderer was driving away...

I recently discovered that 1 in 8 Americans is an alcoholic

I also discovered that 1 in 8 Americans actually suffers from the effects of alcoholism; the rest seem to have a pretty good time

Any great and funny jokes like this one for my 8 year old granddaughter?

She loves this one:

A guy is sitting in his living room, hears a knock at the door. Gets up and opens the door, no one there. Looks down and sees a snail on the doormat. Being a guy, of course he picks it up and throws it across the street.
Six months later, the guy is in his living room,...

4, 6, 8 & 9 have all been killed.

2, 3, 5, 7 & 11 are the prime suspects.

n a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous.

Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wit’s end trying to control them.
Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the parents thought that they should ask the priest to talk with the boys. The priest agre...

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My 8 year old son's joke: What do you call an ox with big butt?

Buttocks

As I walked by a restaurant in London at 8 am,

As I walked by a restaurant in London at 8 am, I noticed all of the customers drinking tea in saucers. I asked one of the customers, “Why are you all drinking tea in saucers?” He had tears running down his face saying, “The Italians have taken our Cup.”

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Three friends were bragging about who has the most sex. The first guy starts, “Y'all ain't got nothing on me! I can go to any bar and bring home a new woman every night! Not only that, but I drive a corvette and have an 8 inch penis! I've slept with more than 1,000 women!”

Second guy fires back, “Oh yeah? Well I’m a top gynecologist at the highest rated hospital in the world. I make $800,000 a year, have patients and nurses who have sex with me every hour I’m at work. All the women compliment me on my 12 inch penis and I've slept with well over 5,000 women.”

La...

A group of numbers were picking on 8 and he really h8'd it.

But when they pushed him over he felt infinitely worse.

6 was scared of 7 because 7,8,9 but why did 7 eat 9?

Because you are supposed to eat 3 squared meals per day

What has 100 legs and 8 teeth?

The front row of a Cliff Richard concert.

Joke told by my 8 years old niece: At what time do most people go to the dentist?

Tooth hurty

8-year-old Arthur went to his father to ask him something.

- Dad, what’s the name of that thing where one person lies on top of another?
Arthur’s father was shocked with the question, but he decided to tell him:
- My son, I don’t know how I should explain this to you. It’s called se—
- Wait, dad, I’ve remembered it! It’s a bunk bed!

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New study shows the average person has 8 sexual partners in their life.

However it is being criticized for counting your mom who has sex with 30 new people a day and is therefore a statistical outlier.

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Out of curiosity, I measured my cock and got 8 inches.

I felt fine until I realized I had the ruler turned backwards.

An 8 year old Jesus of Nazareth walks into his house...

Leaving the door open, tracking mud across the floor Mary just cleaned, throwing his clothes on the floor instead of in the basket... And Mary yells "Jesus!!! What do you think your doing?? You act like you were born in a....oh yeah, never mind"

A boss tells a blonde applicant, "I'll give you $8 an hour, starting today, and in three months I'll raise it to $10 an hour. So, when would you like to start?"

Blonde: "In three months."

(My 8 year old just told me this one) Who is the fish's valentine?

His Gil-Friend!

Idc what ya'll say, that was golden! Lol

What is something with 8 eyes, 8 legs, and 8 hands?

8 pirates

My little brother told me this joke and I am so proud of him.

Edit: Look, I don't want to be one of those redditors who say 'thank's for the gold kind stranger' every time they get awarded, but after seeing this post rise I get it why they do that. For me, whose posts never g...

Yo mama so stupid, her password requirement needed to be 8 characters long so she typed in

"Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs".

"I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the ...

Studies have found that if women sleep for 8 to 10 hours daily, there is a significant decrease in hypertension and diabetes…

In their husbands!

An 8 year old girl went to work with her father on 'Take your kid to work day'

As they where walking around the office the young girl started to cry. Her father asked what was wrong. As a crowd gathered around her she sobbed ''Daddy where are all the clowns you said you worked with?"

So six was afraid cause 7 8 9 right why was ten scared?

They were in the middle 9 11

I managed to buy some GameStop stocks at only $8/share!

It is called "GameStop Total Landscaping," right?

One day while returning from school a 8 year old child ...

One day while returning from school a 8 year old child met a Saint and had a conversation with him.

The Saint became so happy with the child that he gave him a magic sentence which will fulfill all his wishes.

"I know everything"

However, he warned him to not use the Sentence m...

I'm 5'8.5" and I'm not sure if it would be better to round it up or down on my dating profile

I can round down to 4'20" or round up to 69"

^^^post ^^^unavailable ^^^in ^^^metric

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Guy goes to the doctor and says he poops every morning at 8

The doctor asks “so, what is the problem”, and the guy says “I wake up at 9”

I was 16 minutes late for my first math lecture, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third.

At this rate, I’ll never be there on time.

why were 7 and 8 confused

because they were in the middle of 6-9

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Did you know if you drink the liquid in magic 8 balls you can tell the future?

My friend said he was going to die then he died (:

8 women broke up with Alexander of Macedonia

I guess he was Alexander-The-Fine at best.

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Scientists claim its impossible to fold a piece of paper 8 times.

They have obviously never seen me wiping my ass when there is only one sheet of toilet paper left.

I have 8 eyes, 2 mouths and 3 ears. What am I?

Ugly

My 8 year old son was in the garden playing football today, he tripped over his own feet and lay on the floor for 5 minutes, screaming and thrashing like he'd been beaten up.

I'm so proud of him, he's going to be in the Premier League one day :')

What did 0 say to 8?

Nice belt, m8

If you were 8 years old when “Red Red Wine” was released

UB40 now

I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?

Me: Two. You have two, son.

Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!



The student has become the teacher.

What do you get when you put an 8-year old in the fridge?

A chilled!

My 8 year old claims to have just made this up and it made me chuckle. I hope you enjoy too. What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?

What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?

Burpees

I saw a guy in in the bus with 8 kids.

I asked him if he was babysitting for someone or worked as a preschool teacher or something?

He said, "I work for a condom company, and these are customer complains"

From my 8 year old...

What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an IPad? A pineapple.

Don't ban me please.

A man walks into a bar and orders 8 shots of vodka

The bartender lines up the shot glasses and starts pouring them out, and as soon as one's filled the man slams it down.

"Woah take it easy there buddy, we're open all night", says the bartender

"You'd be drinking like this too if you had what I've got"

"Ah I'm sorry to hear that...

When I was 8, I had a friend who was raised by atheists.

He once told me, “I don’t know where Adam and Eve is...”

“Are,” I corrected. “And they’re in heaven.”

“I don’t know where Adam and Eve are,” he corrected. “But my mom and dad sure do shop there often.”

The chances of a kidnapped person falling in love with his/her kidnapper is about 8%

The chances of someone falling in love with me just went from 0% to 8%

As a 39 old guy, I felt proud for coming up with this joke. (My 8-yr old ugggghhhhh'ed at it)

Q: Why did fifteen (15) started running away?

A: Coz he heard "thirteen fa(u)rtin.."

^(PS: You have to say it) *^(just)* ^(right)

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*NSFW* John is sent to prison and he meets his 6’8” 320 pound cell mate

Cell mate says, “We are going to be here a long time, so you choose whether you want to be the husband or the wife?”

John is scared but he knows what to pick to make his life a little easier, “I’ll be the husband” he says confidently.

Cell mate, “ Good, now come here and suck your wife...

What is the difference between girls aged:8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58 and 68?

At 8 – You take her to bed and tell her a story.

At 18 – You tell her a story and take her to bed.

At 28 – You don’t need to tell her a story to take her to bed.


At 38 – She tells you a story and takes you to bed.

At 48 – You tell her a story to avoid going to bed....

Social distancing guidelines have been relaxed, and we can now have gatherings of up to 8 people without issues

But I don't even know 8 people without issues.

About 1,375 olives are pressed in order to make 1 liter of olive oil, 8,435 sunflower seeds to make a liter of sunflower oil...

Don't even get me started on baby oil

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They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles.

Who the hell runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?

"Man, if I had listened my father when I was 8, I could've been rich today"

Friend: What did he say?

Me: I dunno, I didn't listen.



Heard that on the radio today

I asked my wife to rate my listening skills and she said, “You’re an 8 on a scale of 10.”

I still don’t get why she wanted me to urinate on a skeleton...

If a man has got 6 apples in one hand and 8 bananas in the other... what has he got?

...Massive hands

What did 8 say to 4...?

I don’t know if this joke has been done before, English is not my native language, but I thought of this myself (I think)
Here it goes:

What did 8 say to 4 after her blind date with 3?
- Well, he seems to be in his prime, but he is also a little odd. I‘ve set you up on a blind date and ...

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The young woman who submitted the tech support message presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications and intimacy, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 unin...

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L‌‌ittle 8‌‌ y‌‌ear o‌‌ld S‌‌usie i‌‌s i‌‌n h‌‌er b‌‌ack y‌‌ard d‌‌igging a‌‌ h‌‌ole.

Her neighbor Mr. Johnson peeks over the fence and says, "Gee Susie, what's going on?"

Susie says, "I'm digging a hole, it's pretty obvious."

Mr. Johnson asks, "Why are you digging a hole?"

Susie replies, "I'm burying my gold fish."

Mr Johnson laughs and asks, "Why is the ...

After 8 months of trial and error, hundreds of hours of YouTube, losing money, almost giving up, I can finally say I made my first $100 trading stocks

Never mind, I'm in the red again.

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Two boys, 8 and 10 constantly swear...

One evening, when the boys are fighting, the mother gets fed up and decides she is done.

She tells the boys " I've had enough of your potty mouths! The next time I hear you cuss, I'm going to slap you!! Now get to your rooms!!!"

The next morning she is in the kitchen when the boys co...

Little 8-year-old Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was doing, he asked: “What are you doing there, Nancy?”

“My goldfish died,” Nancy sobbed. “And I’ve just buried him.”

The obnoxious neighbour laughed and said condescendingly: “That’s a really big hole for a little goldfish, don’t you think?”


Nancy patted down the last heap of earth with her shovel and replied: “That’s because he’s insi...

From the year that brought you 8 months of March

Welcome to Tuesday Part 4.

Here's one my kid made up when she was 8... Why couldn't the guy find his map?

Because he lost his map.

My 8 year old cousin: " Why did the chicken cross the road?"

8yo cousin: To get to the idiot's house.

Me (patronizingly): Oh..uh..yeah good one haha.

8yo cousin: Wanna hear another one? Knock knock

Me: Who's there

8yo: The chicken.

Why aren’t base-8 math jokes funny?

Because Seven Ten Eleven.

I saw 8 legs of venison at the store for $200

But thought that’s two deer

I got 8 out of 10 in my driving test.

2 guys jumped out to safety.

Turned the tables on my 8-year-old son.

Son: “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?”

Me: “I don’t know; how many?”

Son: “Ten tickles.”

Me: “Yeah, but only the male octopus is ticklish.”

Son: “Huh?”

Me: “Yeah, the females are not ticklish at all; just the males. You know how you can tel...

You know what has 8 legs 8 hands and 8 eyes?

8 Pirates

Christmas gifts will be delivered on January 8 this year instead of December 25

Santa has been asked to quarantine for 14 days.

You guys always say that 6 was scared of 7 cuz 7 8 9

but 10 died in the middle of 9 11

What did the Australian say after turning 8?

Hiya mate!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was a younger lad I was blessed with an 8 1/2" penis

Unfortunately it belonged to father O'Malley

My 8 year old son's [OC] - "How do cannibals make popcorn?"

They just feed their dinner a bunch of popcorn kernels before cooking them.

So this a joke I made up one day and my 8 yr old almost died laughing and went in to teach his 2 yr old sister to repeat it as well. It might have been made up before but I swear it came to me on it own. So here goes...

Knock knock


Who’s there?


Dr.


Dr. Who?


Exactly

I used a magic 8 ball to try and find the best email service

..all it would tell me was "Outlook good"

From my 8 yr old: Why did the girl dolphin not forgive the boy dolphin?

Because he did it on porpoise!

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10...

A couple had two little mischievous boys, ages 8 and 10.

They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons would get the blame.

The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining childr...

According to statistics, 80% of all fatal plane crashes happen in the first 3 or last 8 minutes of the flight.

But according to even more precise statistics, 100% of all fatal plane crashes happen within the last 0.1 seconds of the fight.

Why were the star wars movies released 4,5,6,1,2,3,7,8

In charge of planning Yoda was

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From my 8 year old daughter. "What is a Marine Biologists favorite instrament?"

The "Tambomarine" Badapisssh...

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Mr. Johnson joined a bowling team. "We meet at 8:00 every Saturday morning," said the captain. "Okay," said Mr. Johnson, "but I might be five minutes late for the first game."

That Saturday, Mr. Johnson arrived at exactly 8:00 and bowled a turkey with his right hand. When he left the bowling alley, he said, "Next week, I might be five minutes late."

The next Saturday, Mr. Johnson arrived at exactly 8:00 and bowled a six-pack with his left hand. When he left the bow...

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What's got 8 legs and sounds like a vacuum sucking up honey?

Greedy bastard at KFC.

I lost 8 pounds

Give me my money back, man

When I was born, I only weighed 33.8 ounces.

Doctor said I was a natural born liter.

Neighbour's 8 year old son: Corona has looted half my inheritance

Me: How?

Him: My mom is pregnant

Sammy Sosa once got caught with a corked bat and was suspended 8 games...

...at least he didn’t eat it.

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A 8 year old girl walks up to her mother

Girl: "Ma what balls can you not play with?"
Mother: "What do you mean?"
Girl: "I will give you a hint. It is attached to the body but you cannot kick them or punch them."
Mother: Looks around and sweats nervously, "The balls attached to a penis?"
Girl: "No ma eyeballs!"

Do Germans know the number that comes after 8?

Nein.

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The average human male ejaculation contains about 15.8 terabytes of information

That's a lot of information to swallow!

A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, “You should’ve been here at 8:30!”

He replies. “Why? What happened at 8:30?”

(From my 8 y/o) What goes “Oooooooooooooooo”

A cow with no lips!



Edit: Silver! Thanks, my son will be stoked! After I explain to him what that even is 🤣

And Gold! You guys rock, he’ll love it!

Platinum!?! Wow 👌🏼💪🏼

8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!

11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.

NOTICE: Procrastinators meeting at 8 P.M. tonight

Edit: 9 P.M.

Edit: 10 P.M.

On which day of the week is it legal to marry the 8-bit Nintend console?

Wednesday.

I've lost 8 pounds in the last fortnight.

For the Americans amongst you that means about 10 dollars in the last two weeks.

So one time I was dating alinty and I found out while I was playing 8 ball

She was playing with 18 balls

My friend just got a new OnePlus 8 and is *always* using it

He needs help for his OP8 addction

Microsoft has released Windows 7, Windows 8, and Windows 10. What happened to Windows 9 ?

Seven ate nine.

Funkiest joke in the world according to my 8 yr old son.

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Europe

Europe who?

No. YOU’RE A POO!

I've had a tumor in me for over 8 years now

Tomorrow it benign

My 8-year-old’s newest joke: What did the one-legged man with OCD say when he opened the closet?

“Hi, jean!”

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

He seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.The case came up in court. The Judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.The man replied..."Well your Honor, it was like this: When the l...

A Father’s Day joke my 8 year old son made up for me today - Why are you so special to Mario?

You’re the first 1-up in the morning!

Did you know avarage person eats 8 mosquitoes

Whenever i cook for them.

I recently went to a beekeeper and purchased 7 bees. When I got home, I realized he gave me 8.

Looks like I got a freebie!

How long did 8 lie down for?

Forever.

I met a girl at a club the other night & she told me she'd show me a good time.

When we got outside, she ran a 40 yard dash in 4.8 seconds.

So if the big bang happended 13.8 billions years and matter cannot be created nor destroyed and our bodies are made out of matter, that means that out bodies are 13.8 billion years old

So in conclusion officer, yes she was old enough

Why did the Bernie supporter show up to the polling station at 8:30 when the polls had already closed at 8:00?

He didn't know he had to vote bi den.

Chinese takeout: $8. Tip :$2. Getting home

and finding out that they forgot part of your order: riceless.

My 8 year old son just told me this : What do you call a flying monkey ?

A hot air baboon !

What do you call a group of 8 rabbits?

A rabbyte.

I am 51 and my girlfriend is 8

Months pregnant and I'm starting to panic a little. Do you think I am too old to be a dad?

What's half of 8?

00 if you cut horizontally and 33 if you cut vertically

God: "8" Angel: "9"

God:"We shouldn't do this drunk." Angel:"10 lol" God: "15" Angel *mouthful of pizza*: "25" Centipede *tearing up*: "Stop giving me legs, I look stupid!" God: "ONE HUNDRED" Angel: "LMAO"

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