Why was Yoda afraid of 7

Because 9 7 8

This morning at about 7:45, I was in a long line at a grocery store that opens at 8:00 for senior citizens only.

A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

He returned and tried to cut in again but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away.

As he ap...

My 7 yr old just made this one up: What do you say when a dinosaur farts?

That was a blast from the past!

We know why 6 is afraid of 7 but do you know *why* 7 ate 9?

Because you need 3 square meals a day!

The Robinhood app has a rating of 4.7 stars in the app store.

But current market conditions prevent us from allowing investors to add new stars. You may only remove stars until conditions improve.

My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."

"Look at what kids your age make in China!"

My 7 year old son came up with this please be kind.

Why did the icecream have an umbrella?... because there were to many sprinkles!

Why do teenage girls walk in groups of 3, 5 and 7?

Because they literally can't even

Statisticians give low paid workers an expected life of 68.7 years

That's mean

Yesterday I got in a fight with 1,3,5,7, and 9

The odds were not in my favor

I read an article which said that I could become an optimist in 7 weeks.

I doubt it.

I’m binging a TV show for free on Amazon, but it won’t let me watch certain episodes. Specifically episode number 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, and 97.

Those are only available on Amazon Prime.

An original joke from my 7 year old daughter

Did you hear the joke about the piece of paper?

Don’t worry about it, it’s tearable!


{I’m sure someone in history has used this pun, but I was pretty impressed with her effort!}

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The coach grimaced as he watched his young ice hockey team. At one point during the game, he called one of his 7-year-old players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded affirmatively...

"Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?"

The little boy nodded once more.

"So..." the coach continued. "I'm sure you know that when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-...

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A fucking Chuck Norris joke I made when I was 7

What happens when Chuck Norris kicks the bucket?

He breaks a couple floors

(From my 7-year old) What do you call a student who gets kicked out of Hogwarts?

Ex-spelled

A joke from my 7 year old... What do you call a man who dips biscuits into his cup of tea?

Duncan

Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?

Because 7 1ted 2 bring 3 knives 4 sur5al but 6 knew that 7 secretly h8ed him and didn't have be9 in10tions.

A man is praying to God and asks "God, how is it you created all this in 7 days?"

God replied, "well, you see time is different for you and me. A million years in human time is only a second in time for me. I created everything in 7 days my time, not yours, so the time frame is much greater than interpreted."

"Oh my God, that is ncredible!" the man exclaimed. "So what, lik...

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The young woman who submitted the tech support message presumably did it as a joke. Then she got a reply that was way too good to keep to herself.

The query:
Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slowdown in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications and intimacy, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 unin...

Also from my 7 year old nephew: What is it called when Olaf is crying?

A meltdown.

From my 7 year old nephew: What's the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, but a frog croaks every night.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7?

I've told this story to many naive greens before me, so self-absorbed in their own notions of human conflict and the meaning of war. Whenever I finish the tale they're always pale as Lyndon B's corrupt lyin' ass. I can't blame 'em. This story kept me up throughout my whole deployment in those damn j...

How did Mary know that Jesus weighed 7 lbs 6 oz?

Because there was a weigh in the manger.

A man walks in a bar and says: 'I'd like 7 double wiskeys, please.'

The bartender nods and starts pouring 7 glasses of wiskey.

As soon as the first glass is ready the man starts chugging, one glass after another.

The bartender, dumbfounded, asks the man: 'Why are you drinking so fast?'

The man awnsers: 'well, you would do the same as me, if you ...

6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?

Because he needed 3² meals a day.

From my 7 year old son: Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."

The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".

The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"

"No" says the boy, "But he minded his own fckng business."

A child of age 7, was never allowed to leave home. Not for games, not even for studies. Most of the world was unknown to him.

One day, playing near the window, he saw an elephant in their cabbage farming eating away at their cabbages. The child went running to his Mom with fear and curiosity in his eyes

"Mom there is a huge creature on our farm! I saw it grabbing cabbages with its tail but ..
I couldn't understan...

You guys always say that 6 was scared of 7 cuz 7 8 9

but 10 died in the middle of 9 11

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What do you call a girl dog with a pH greater then 7.0?

A basic bitch

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A lady and her 7-year-old son are eating in a restauran

In a moment of playfulness, the boy swallows a coin and chokes. The mother tries slapping his back, rubbing his neck, shaking him hard and everything she could think of, without success._*

*_The boy begins to turn blue. The desperate mother starts screaming for help._*

*_A man gets...

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What's 7 inches long and starts with a P?

A shit.

What’s got 7 kids and loves to f**k women?

Amy Comey Barrett

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If Johnny has 3 watermelons in one hand and 7 in the other, what would he have?

Big fucking hands

From the 7 year old nephew: Why didn't the volcano eat dinner?

Because its plates were broken.

[NSFW] long long size = 7;

Int array[2];

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Too much sex can cause memory loss

I read that in a medical journal, page 34 at 3:23PM on a Wednesday, 07/17/1994.

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There's only 7 planets left now.

Ever since that guy totally destroyed Uranus.

I tell my friends I’m there for them 24/7.

It sounds better than saying I'm there for them on the 24th of July.

The 7 dwarfs were all in bed feeling happy

Happy got out and they all started feeling grumpy

I asked my wife to grab 6 asparagus stalks from the garden. She came back with 7.

The last one was just a spare, I guess.

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You may be a 6 in looks and a 7 in bed, but when it comes to piss play, baby...

Urinate.

The World is $7 trillion in debt....

Just exactly which planet do we owe it to?

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

6 never did trust 7. Sure, they worked closely together, but 7 always seemed at odds with him. 6 always preferred the company of 4, a perfect 10 of a duo, even though 2 kept them apart.
But when it came to 7? 6 always summed it up to bad luck. Then, 6 found the truth.
6 respected 9, even thoug...

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because the villian in 7 was played by Kevin Spacey, and we all know he is a six offender.

JOKE from my 7 year old

Guy 1 -"Sir do you have any hotdogs?"

Guy 2 - "No why?"

Guy 1- "Then why is your dog on fire?"

Guy 2 - "WOT O.o"

My 7 year old just came up with these Avatar: The Last Airbender jokes. We were quite surprised.

What kind of music does Toph like?

- Rock-and-Roll


What kind of instrument does Aang play?

- Air guitar


I know it’s not much, but I got a kick out of his reasoning and decided to share.

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A 7 year-old and a 4 years-old are in their bedroom. “You know what, I think it’s time we started swearing. When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’ll swear first, then you” says the 7 year old. “OK” says the 4 year-old. Mum asks the 7 year-old what he wants for breakfast. “I’ll have Frosties, bitch”

WHACK, he flew out the chair crying his eyes out. Mum looks at the 4 year-old and said sternly! “And what do you want?”

He says “Don’t know, but it won’t be fucking Frosties”

I tried using Roundup on the 7 weeds in our backyard.

Now we have 10 weeds.

I've had 7 wives.

2 of them were mine.

A man walks into a bar and orders 7 shots at once

The bartender brings out the shots and the man downs each one quickly.

The bartender is a little concerned by this and decides to say something

Bartender: "Hey Buddy, why don't you pace yourself a little? That can't be healthy."

Man: "You would be drinking like this to if you ha...

69 and 70 got into a fight.

71.

A man wakes up and looks at his clock. It is 7:07 am.

He gets out of bed, goes downstairs and glances at his calendar. It says it is July 7, the seventh day of the seventh month.
As he steps outside he notices Bus #7 going by. He walks to a coffee shop and orders a coffee and a bite to eat and the bill comes to $7.77.

The man thinks "hmm...

Microsoft has released Windows 7, Windows 8, and Windows 10. What happened to Windows 9 ?

Seven ate nine.

I went to the shop the other day to buy six cans of Sprite.

It was only when I got home that I realised I had picked 7 Up.

7/11 was an inside job

Didn’t much like the uniform, but at least I didn’t get rained on.

A bar was hosting the ‘Unbeatable’ bucking bronco with a $1000 prize for anyone that lasted more than 7 seconds without being bucked off

The night had seen all comers dispatched off the bull with ease, when a scrawny little man stepped up.

The bull started its revolutions - 1, 2, 3, 4 seconds - most expected him to come off.

5, 6 seconds - the crowd takes notice and starts cheering him on as he hangs on for dear life. <...

Scientists have determined that one dog year is not equal to 7 human years.

The only thing equal to 7 human years is 2020

My 7 year old told me this one (sfw)

Why does the duck have feathers?
To cover it's quack hole!

I recently went to a beekeeper and purchased 7 bees. When I got home, I realized he gave me 8.

Looks like I got a freebie!

My 7 year old's first comeback line

My son has asd and though he loves to read jokes and tries to understand why they are funny, introducing wit to him has been difficult. It was more of a surprise than a joke but here goes.

We recently moved to India and my wife is missing outdoors and Europe and today she said - oh I really w...

Me: “Dude, I can’t believe that 2017 was 7 years ago.”

Friend:”What do you mean, 7 years ago is like 2013..”

Me:”That’s why I ain’t believing it.”

I was 7 years sober, no alcohol, no cigarettes, no betting, and then...

...I started primary school.

A regular golf course member is going for her regular solo 7:00am tee-off.

She makes a good putt to save par on the first green. As she walks along the long grass going to the second tee, she startles a wasp, and it stings her. Annoyed, but not wanting the event to ruin her day, she finishes her round.

When she gets to the clubhouse, she runs into the club pro....

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I just watched a magician perform, he had 7 men hypnotized and dropped the microphone on his foot

I felt bad bad for him, when the mic hit his foot he yelled "fuck me"

51/17 = 3

Odd. Very odd.

What size soda does Kim Jong-Un buy at 7-11?

A supreme liter.

My 7/yo sister said this at the dinner table while me and my dad were talking: What did one paper say to the other?

Nothing. Paper doesn't talk. That's how I want you to be. Like paper.

I promised my wife, I’d love her 24/7

Today is the day!

How do you walk a perfect straight line during the next 7.2 magnitude earthquake?

Develop Parkinsons.

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Why are 7 and 8 horny?

Because they're right in the middle of a 69

I was supposed to meet Dennis Rodman at 7 PM. He showed up at 6 PM instead, so I flipped him off.

The early Worm gets the bird.

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final

It's Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there.


'No' says the neighbor. 'The seat is empty.'


'This is ...

My 7 year old told me this joke. I hadn't heard it before - What does a camel use to hide itself?

Camelflage

I asked my math teacher why 6 was afraid of 7.

She replied, “Approximately 0.3583679495453”.

I stared at her, confused. Seeing my confusion, she added, “You know, cos (789)”

How do you make 7 even?

By removing the S.

It's now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed.

Maybe it's time I go there personally and find out what's wrong.

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A man wakes up at 7 am

He finds out he has 7 dollars left on his bus pass. He takes bus 777 to work. At work, his boss moves him to office 7. His wife packed 7 apple slices for him. When he exits the building, he finds 7 dollars on the ground. "The gods must be trying to tell me something," he thinks. As he walks to the b...

7 days without a pun

Makes one weak

4 was there when 7 ate 9.

He saw it all go down, but was two squared to tell the police.

It should be night 24/7 in Liverpool

Because they don't allow The Sun there

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A woman is bathing her 7 year old son, the kid looks at his wrinkled ballsack and asks...

Mom, is this my brain?

The mother replies: not yet son, not yet...

Maintenance log, stardate 41153.7: Today I found the Captain's Log.

I must, once again, remind him to flush after he is done, and the chef to change his diet.

2+2+2=7

Teacher: If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven, Sir.

Teacher: No, listen carefully... If I gave you 2 cats, and another 2 cats and another 2, how many will you have?

Johnny: Seven, Sir.

Teacher: Let me put it to...

What’s red and has 7 little dents?

Snow White’s Cherry

My 7 year old daughter just told me this

What do you watch when you’re brushing my hair?

Tangled

I got into a fight with 1,3,5,7 and 9

The odds were against me

But 2,4,6, and 8 decided to help me

and now we're even.

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Remember 1.7 to 0.2 million years ago when humans discovered that glowing hot red thing?

haha that shit was fire

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.

What do Donald Trump & the iPhone 7 have in common?

They both think de-porting is the answer when there's no more Jobs.

Did you know that a Siberian Tiger can absolutely devour a 7-year-old girl in just about 45 seconds?

Anyways, I lost my job at the petting zoo, today...

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