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June Jokes

A blonde went to city hall to register to vote. The clerk asked her, "When s your birthday?" She replied, 'June 10."

The clerk asked, "What year?"
The blonde said, "Every year."

Someone told me today is June 1st.

But they May be wrong.

Banned from the grocery store

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the follow...

A Winnipeg man dies and goes to hell.

When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, "Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here."

The man says, "No problem. I'm from Winnipeg."

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then...

So June came before May and April...

It was a spectacular threesome

I'm sticking with my citrus diet until June

Cumquat May.

June 1st should always be known as the Norman Osborn Day

Because it marks the end of May.

Fun history fact: The Trampoline was originally sold under the name "Jumpoline"

. . .until June 15th, 1982, when your mom got on one.

How many Seconds are in a year?

12!

January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.

My friend said “It’s June 31st!”

I told him “July’d”.

A nurse went to the hospital for her first day on the job

Due to a miscommunication she did not know the name of the ward she had been assigned. Instead she was told to take medicine to the ward since the supervisor was running late

Upon reaching the spot, she saw there were only 3 men in the hospital beds. Starting her shift, she began to hand out ...

My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust.

We call her Summer for short.

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be this June!”

I chuckled, “Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers.


It’s now three hours later, the police are annoyed and she *still* won’t say where she got them!

A lady of advanced age required the services of a page-boy ...

... and advertised: "Youth wanted."

One of her dearest friends sent her by the next post a bottle of Blank's celebrated wrinkle filler, a skin tightener, a pot of fairy bloom, a set of false teeth, and a flaxen wig.



Source: "Empress Express" Newspaper, June 20, 1913, Empress, A...

Wembley Tickets- England v Scotland Friday 18th June 2021 Kick off 8pm

One of my best friends has two spare tickets in a corporate box for the England v Scotland game. They were £300 each but he didn't realise they are on the same day as his Covid 19 postponed wedding.

If you are interested he is looking for someone to take his place!

It is at Manchester...

April and June were dating...

The couple had been together many years, and, as far as one could tell from the outside were very happy together. But June had always felt as though there was something between them, something holding them back- something that April was keeping a secret.

As time went by, June got the impressi...

Timezones are so weird like, it’s june 1 in Australia, May 31 in Canada

and still 1920 in America

Make your own breakfast

Two youthful artists having a studio in Philadelphia, wherein they not only work but lodge as well, were obliged to make shift, not long ago, during a period of financial stress, with such meals as they could themselves prepare in the studio.

One morning, as the younger of the two was 'sketch...

What comes out briefly but once a year?

Companies in June

What do you mean June is over.

Julying.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Remember, there’s a simple mnemonic device to remember month length: “30 days hath September; April, June, and November. All the rest have 31,

Excepting February, who can fuck off, son.
Pay the same bills but get less time
And guess if you get 28 or 29.”

A man visits a wise man and meets his three daughters...

He's staying for the night and each of the girls come to him in turn to offer their hospitality.

The first one tells him her name is June because she was born in June. She is well practiced in fortune telling and gives him advice on the future.

The second one tells him her name is Augu...

I was amazed by the Netflix show "You"

Sometimes, all i think about is You, late nights in the middle of June.

Buzzfeed must have been born between May 22nd and June 22nd...

Because it’s definitely a Cancer

Pride month shouldn't have been in June.

It should be in August.

After all, pride comes before the fall.

Boris Johnson said everything would be back to normal on 21st June

Julyed

On June 16, 1963 Russia sent the 1st woman to space

Only 3.5 billion more to go

Theresa May has asked to delay Brexit until June

It makes sense, June comes after the end of May.

When is the beginning of June also the end of May?

When it's the UK general election

JUNE (to Yoda): Do you think April will march in the parade?

YODA: March April may, June.

You should cut people born between June 21st and July 22nd out of your life...

They're Cancer.

Husband: I have cheated once

Husband: I have cheated once

Wife: me too.

husband: 1st of Apriii....

Wife: 18th of June

Two elderly women, Mabel and June, meet at a cafe for a cup of coffee and some cake

After a while, Mabel looks closely at June and says “You’ve got a suppository in your ear!”

“What?” replied June

“It looks like you’ve got a suppository in your ear!” Mabel said a little louder.

“Oh.” Checks June, “You’re right... Well, at least I know where my hearing aid is no...

Why do truck drivers love the 1st day of June?

Only four more sleeps 'til Christmas

June 7th, 2019, the day the moon became a part of Mars

Thanks POTUS.

What did August say when June claimed that today is the last day of the month?

Don't July to me!

Don't forget, Sperm Donor day is June 16th this year.

It's like Father's Day, but it comes a little early.

True love

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girl, you're like school in june..

No class.

Suicide stop

Back on June 9th, a group of HELLS ANGELS, South Carolina bikers were riding east on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.
George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who...

Time zones are very confusing. Like it's may 2 in australia, may 1 in europe

and 1954 in america

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US Government Business Policy

It is the month of June, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.


Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.


He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro no...

Why does the NBA finish in June?

She likes it.

What happened in Hong Kong this week?

According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

June was sore.

She scolded Ward Cleaver.
"You were awfully hard on the Beaver last night Ward!!"

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Over the last few months I became a victim of a clever scam while shopping at Home Depot.

Simply going out to get supplies


has turned out to be very traumatic for me. Don't be


naïve enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your


friends. Here's how the scam works:


Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over

...

The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed

The label says the expiry date is June 2018.

I'm so glad they dug it up just in time

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nuns at the pearly gates

A group of nuns were in a coach, driving high up on a mountain, when all of a sudden the coach swerved off the road and went over the side of the mountain, crashing below and sadly killing everybody inside.

The nuns now found themselves waiting outside the pearly gates, which opened and showe...

Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah nah nah. Nah nah nah.

Hey June

What did May tell June when they were fighting?

Don't July to me

What do you call someone who doesn't belive it is June yet?

A May-Sayer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Twas the week before Christmas

‘Twas the Week before Christmas
by Canttake Itany Moore

‘Twas the week before Christmas and all through the city

The virus still raged. The year was still shitty.

The cars sat snuggly, all still in the street.

There was no place to go. No friends to meet.

Restau...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

What has your favourite day of 2020 been?

Mine has been June 31st

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very elderly British gentleman arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

“You have been to France before, Monsieur?” the immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

“Then you should know well...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man should ejaculate 21 times per month

Research says a man should ejaculate 21 times per month to reduce risk of developing prostate cancer.

It's June 2020 and I'm already done with August 2023

Guys I have a problem

I bought some tickets for the UEFA Euro 2020 (hotel and breakfast included) but forgot I was getting married in the same period...

So if anyone is interested.. June 30, 2 pm in the City Hall of Amsterdam. Her name is Sandra.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe goes to buy a new suit after surgery

This joke belongs to Buddy Hackett (August 31, 1924 – June 30, 2003)

I never saw a version here that correctly attributed this to him.

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Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.<...

I was 35 when 2020 started...

It's June and I'm 42.

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After his examination, the doctor said to the elderly man: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After I have sex with the wife, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."

The doctor could not find any explanation for this.

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: 'E...

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New Scam on Senior Men

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco,...

The Indian that never forgets.

Once a man was traveling through the west on vacation, when he saw a sign that said, "Meet the Indian Who Never Forgets, Next Exit". Well, being curious, the man stops at the attraction to see the Indian. He asks the man, "What did you have for breakfast on June 9, 1978?" The Indian replies "Eggs!"<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Stop alright! It's not No Nut November!

It's always Jack-off January, Fap February, Masturbate March, Abuse-yo-cock April, Maniacally beat-yo-meat May, Jizzy June, Jerk July, Abolish-yo-junk August, Seep-yo-seed September, Orgasmic October, Nut November, Destroy Dick December.

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