My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be in June!”

“Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” I said. She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers.

It’s now three hours later, police have joined in and she still won’t say where she got them.

April and June were dating...

The couple had been together many years, and, as far as one could tell from the outside were very happy together. But June had always felt as though there was something between them, something holding them back- something that April was keeping a secret.

As time went by, June got the impressi...

No wonder Pride month is in June...

It always comes before the Fall.

Someone told me today is June 1st.

But they May be wrong.

Theresa May is going to resign as the prime minister in the first week of June

Which means that the first week of June is the last week of May

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Toronto man dies and goes to hell.

When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says, “Sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here.”

The man says, “No problem. I’m from Toronto.”

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then ...

Mr. Waetherman's tips to combating boredom.

Mr. and Mrs. Weatherman are retired. Mrs. Weatherman insists that Mr. Weatherman go with her to Wal-Mart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Weatherman loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to her from the store:


Dear Mrs. Weatherman, Ov...

I was born in june.

Even the zodiac knows I'm cancerous.

June 7th, 2019, the day the moon became a part of Mars

Thanks POTUS.

June is already over?

Julying

What happened in Hong Kong this week?

According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

Husband: I have cheated once

Husband: I have cheated once

Wife: me too.

husband: 1st of Apriii....

Wife: 18th of June

You should cut people born between June 21st and July 22nd out of your life...

They're Cancer.

Don't forget, Sperm Donor day is June 16th this year.

It's like Father's Day, but it comes a little early.

Why do truck drivers love the 1st day of June?

Only four more sleeps 'til Christmas

Theresa May has asked to delay Brexit until June

It makes sense, June comes after the end of May.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

What did August say when June claimed that today is the last day of the month?

Don't July to me!

When is the beginning of June also the end of May?

When it's the UK general election

JUNE (to Yoda): Do you think April will march in the parade?

YODA: March April may, June.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After his examination, the doctor said to the elderly man: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After I have sex with the wife, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."

The doctor could not find any explanation for this.

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: 'E...

How do you stop a dog barking in July?

Shoot him in June.


From the old Adam West Batman, as told by Cesar Romero. Still the #1 Joker, apologies to Heath Ledger.

What did May tell June when they were fighting?

Don't July to me

What do you call someone who doesn't belive it is June yet?

A May-Sayer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe goes to buy a new suit after surgery

This joke belongs to Buddy Hackett (August 31, 1924 – June 30, 2003)

I never saw a version here that correctly attributed this to him.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.<...

My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust.

We call her Summer for short.

The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed

The label says the expiry date is June 2018.

I'm so glad they dug it up just in time

Why does the NBA finish in June?

She likes it.

A man comes home one night to find his blonde wife reading his personal journal.

“I can explain everything,” he begins. She interrupts him midsentence and exclaims, “You’re darn right you’ve got some explaining to do, and you can start with telling me who April, May, and June are!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girl, you're like school in june..

No class.

If you have to schedule a meeting with a person or people you do not like, here are some days to tell them, no manner what year...

February 30th

April 31st

June 31st

September 31st

November 31st

The Indian that never forgets.

Once a man was traveling through the west on vacation, when he saw a sign that said, "Meet the Indian Who Never Forgets, Next Exit". Well, being curious, the man stops at the attraction to see the Indian. He asks the man, "What did you have for breakfast on June 9, 1978?" The Indian replies "Eggs!"<...

Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah nah nah. Nah nah nah.

Hey June

June was sore.

She scolded Ward Cleaver.
"You were awfully hard on the Beaver last night Ward!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

No Nut November.

Guess it prepares me for Dick Devouring December, Johnson Jumping January, Fuck Frenzy February, Manic Masturbation March, All Anal April, My Magical May, Just Jizz June, Jimmy Jacking July, Arse Adventure August, Stained Sheets September and my all time favourite Oral Only October.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very elderly British gentleman arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

“You have been to France before, Monsieur?” the immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

“Then you should know well...

I loved watching "Leave it to Beaver"

Just so I could hear June say "Gosh Ward, you sure were hard on the Beaver last night"

Q: When does January end?

A: February 1st


Q: When does March end?

A: April 1st

Q: When does May end?

A: June 7th

One Sunday morning...

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan."

After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New Scam on Senior Men

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there’s a 12-floor building

The first floor is named January
Second floor is February
Third is March
Forth is April
Fifth is May
Sixth is June
Seventh -July
Eight - August
Ninth - September
Tenth October
Eleventh November
And finally the twelfth floor is named December.

How do ...

A man visits a wise man and meets his three daughters...

He's staying for the night and each of the girls come to him in turn to offer their hospitality.

The first one tells him her name is June because she was born in June. She is well practiced in fortune telling and gives him advice on the future.

The second one tells him her name is Augu...

My crush finally texted me first

"I'm updating my privacy policy to make it easier for you to understand what information I collect from you. Click here to review my updated privacy policy, effective from June 2018"

A symphony is preparing for a concert.

The crowds eagerly await this outdoor performance of the Hallelujah Chorus. However, it's the middle of June, and the heat is terrible. All the flutes, trumpets, and tubas are out of tune. The choir is miserable and sweaty.

Ultimately, they're forced to cancel the performance. It was simply t...

A marine hits the beach on D-Day

A young marine hits the beach on D-Day, June 6, 1944. In the chaos of storming the beach he drops his rifle. Panicing, he runs to his Sergent and tells him what happened. The Sergent hands him a peice of driftwood and says "Now anytime you see a Kraut, just point this stick a him and should 'bangity...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blonde Logic Highlights

Blonde Logic

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..."duh"...bottles won't fit in typewriter!

March - Got excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box said "2-4 years!"

Apr...

With the current outlook on UK exit polls...

It looks like june is the end of May

April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?

June bugs.

What do June bugs bring? Small grub-eating mammals, wasps, and endoparasitoid pyrgotidae flies.

I just asked my dad what his favourite part about being a teacher is...

He responded with June, July, and August

A farmer dies and goes to hell

While down there the Devil notices that the farmer is not suffering like the rest. He checks the gauges and sees that it's 90 degrees and about 80% humidity. So he goes over to the farmer and asks why he's so happy.

The farmer says, "I like it here. The temperature is just like plowing my fie...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boudreaux goes to Hell

So one day, Boudreaux gets into a boating accident and dies. Unfortunately, St. Peter sends him to hell.

Later on, the devil's making his rounds and sees Boudreaux, just sitting on a rock, smiling like an idiot. The devil goes up to him and says, "Hey, why the heck are you smiling? You're in ...

Not sure what you have heard, but it actually only rains twice a year in Seattle.

October through May, then June through September.

I emailed Netflix and asked if they had Batman Forever

they said, "No, just till the end of June".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A coachload of nuns is driving along...

When suddenly there's a huge crash and there are no survivors. All the nuns ascend to Heaven, where they are told by St. Peter to stand in a line to go through.
"Hello ladies, I'm sorry but before you go through there's a slight formality. Sister Anne, please come forward. Have you ever touched a...

In Florida, a couple has been accused of making meth in a public library.

Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library.

-Conan Monologue June 12, 2014

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