A blonde went to city hall to register to vote. The clerk asked her, "When s your birthday?" She replied, 'June 10."

The clerk asked, "What year?"
The blonde said, "Every year."

My dad said everything would be back to normal by June

So I told him yesterday "Julyed"

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Remember, there’s a simple mnemonic device to remember month length: “30 days hath September; April, June, and November. All the rest have 31,

Excepting February, who can fuck off, son.
Pay the same bills but get less time
And guess if you get 28 or 29.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Winnipeg man dies and goes to hell.

When he gets there, the devil comes over to welcome him. The devil then says "sometimes it gets pretty uncomfortable down here."

The man says, "No problem. I'm from Winnipeg."

So the devil goes over to the thermostat, turns the temperature up to 100, and the humidity up to 80. He then ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Twas the week before Christmas

‘Twas the Week before Christmas
by Canttake Itany Moore

‘Twas the week before Christmas and all through the city

The virus still raged. The year was still shitty.

The cars sat snuggly, all still in the street.

There was no place to go. No friends to meet.

Restau...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nuns at the pearly gates

A group of nuns were in a coach, driving high up on a mountain, when all of a sudden the coach swerved off the road and went over the side of the mountain, crashing below and sadly killing everybody inside.

The nuns now found themselves waiting outside the pearly gates, which opened and showe...

What has your favourite day of 2020 been?

Mine has been June 31st

Timezones are so weird like, it’s june 1 in Australia, May 31 in Canada

and still 1920 in America

Someone told me today is June 1st.

But they May be wrong.

What do you mean June is over.

Julying.

Me and my girlfriend are getting married

"When?"

Me on 10th June

She on 20th July

April and June were dating...

The couple had been together many years, and, as far as one could tell from the outside were very happy together. But June had always felt as though there was something between them, something holding them back- something that April was keeping a secret.

As time went by, June got the impressi...

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Stop alright! It's not No Nut November!

It's always Jack-off January, Fap February, Masturbate March, Abuse-yo-cock April, Maniacally beat-yo-meat May, Jizzy June, Jerk July, Abolish-yo-junk August, Seep-yo-seed September, Orgasmic October, Nut November, Destroy Dick December.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man should ejaculate 21 times per month

Research says a man should ejaculate 21 times per month to reduce risk of developing prostate cancer.

It's June 2020 and I'm already done with August 2023

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today is devils day

June 6 Saturday

I was 35 when 2020 started...

It's June and I'm 42.

Time zones are very confusing. Like it's may 2 in australia, may 1 in europe

and 1954 in america

My little daughter came to me all excited, saying, “Daddy! Daddy! Guess how old I’ll be in June!”

“Oh I don’t know princess, why don’t you tell me?” I said. She gave me a huge smile and held up four fingers.

It’s now three hours later, police have joined in and she still won’t say where she got them.

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What do Riley June Williams and breakup sex have in common?

Getting fingered by your ex.

Two elderly women, Mabel and June, meet at a cafe for a cup of coffee and some cake

After a while, Mabel looks closely at June and says “You’ve got a suppository in your ear!”

“What?” replied June

“It looks like you’ve got a suppository in your ear!” Mabel said a little louder.

“Oh.” Checks June, “You’re right... Well, at least I know where my hearing aid is no...

A man visits a wise man and meets his three daughters...

He's staying for the night and each of the girls come to him in turn to offer their hospitality.

The first one tells him her name is June because she was born in June. She is well practiced in fortune telling and gives him advice on the future.

The second one tells him her name is Augu...

No wonder Pride month is in June...

It always comes before the Fall.

Nostalgia: What did June Cleaver say to her husband, Ward, in the morning?

Don't you think you were a little rough on the Beaver last night?

I kept hearing some crazy stuff was happening in Hong Kong so I looked it up.

According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

How do you stop a dog barking in July?

Shoot him in June.


From the old Adam West Batman, as told by Cesar Romero. Still the #1 Joker, apologies to Heath Ledger.

RETIRED HUSBAND After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our com...

What would have happened if Hank Snow married June Carter?

Six inches of Snow in June.

Did you know?

You’re 100% more likely to get Cancer if you’re born between June 21st and July 22nd?

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"Grandpa, tell the story again when you broke a duck's neck with your erection at your brother's wedding!"

Well, children, the year was 1922. I had nothing more than a flatcap, a shovel, and my favorite pint glass to my name. It was around the time where cars were a brand new luxury and a lass would let you put a thumb in her bum just to honk the horn. Well as luck would have it, I was out peat poaching ...

If you have to schedule a meeting with a person or people you do not like, here are some days to tell them, no manner what year...

February 30th

April 31st

June 31st

September 31st

November 31st

Nah, Nah, Nah, Nah nah nah. Nah nah nah.

Hey June

June 7th, 2019, the day the moon became a part of Mars

Thanks POTUS.

Why do truck drivers love the 1st day of June?

Only four more sleeps 'til Christmas

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After his examination, the doctor said to the elderly man: 'You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After I have sex with the wife, I am usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I am usually hot and sweaty."

The doctor could not find any explanation for this.

After examining his elderly wife, the doctor said: 'E...

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A young and aspiring journalist is going around her town trying to find interesting local people she could write a good story on.

Suddenly she spots an old shriveled bald man that is furiously smoking cigarettes. He looks to be around ninety or even hundred years old but still vigorous enough to be outside on a bench and smoking.

She goes up to to the man because she finds it interesting that he is so old and yet still ...

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No Nut November.

Guess it prepares me for Dick Devouring December, Johnson Jumping January, Fuck Frenzy February, Manic Masturbation March, All Anal April, My Magical May, Just Jizz June, Jimmy Jacking July, Arse Adventure August, Stained Sheets September and my all time favourite Oral Only October.

Indian Memory man

Once a man was traveling through the west on vacation, when he saw a sign that said, "Meet the Indian Who Never Forgets, Next Exit". Well, being curious, the man stops at the attraction to see the Indian. He asks the man, "What did you have for breakfast on June 9, 1978?" The Indian replies "Eggs!"<...

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Joe goes to buy a new suit after surgery

This joke belongs to Buddy Hackett (August 31, 1924 – June 30, 2003)

I never saw a version here that correctly attributed this to him.

\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years.<...

I loved watching "Leave it to Beaver"

Just so I could hear June say "Gosh Ward, you sure were hard on the Beaver last night"

A marine hits the beach on D-Day

A young marine hits the beach on D-Day, June 6, 1944. In the chaos of storming the beach he drops his rifle. Panicing, he runs to his Sergent and tells him what happened. The Sergent hands him a peice of driftwood and says "Now anytime you see a Kraut, just point this stick a him and should 'bangity...

A man comes home one night to find his blonde wife reading his personal journal.

“I can explain everything,” he begins. She interrupts him midsentence and exclaims, “You’re darn right you’ve got some explaining to do, and you can start with telling me who April, May, and June are!”

Theresa May has asked to delay Brexit until June

It makes sense, June comes after the end of May.

What did August say when June claimed that today is the last day of the month?

Don't July to me!

A symphony is preparing for a concert.

The crowds eagerly await this outdoor performance of the Hallelujah Chorus. However, it's the middle of June, and the heat is terrible. All the flutes, trumpets, and tubas are out of tune. The choir is miserable and sweaty.

Ultimately, they're forced to cancel the performance. It was simply t...

Don't forget, Sperm Donor day is June 16th this year.

It's like Father's Day, but it comes a little early.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So there’s a 12-floor building

The first floor is named January
Second floor is February
Third is March
Forth is April
Fifth is May
Sixth is June
Seventh -July
Eight - August
Ninth - September
Tenth October
Eleventh November
And finally the twelfth floor is named December.

How do ...

The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed

The label says the expiry date is June 2018.

I'm so glad they dug it up just in time

Q: When does January end?

A: February 1st


Q: When does March end?

A: April 1st

Q: When does May end?

A: June 7th

My crush finally texted me first

"I'm updating my privacy policy to make it easier for you to understand what information I collect from you. Click here to review my updated privacy policy, effective from June 2018"

Husband: I have cheated once

Husband: I have cheated once

Wife: me too.

husband: 1st of Apriii....

Wife: 18th of June

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blonde Logic Highlights

Blonde Logic

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..."duh"...bottles won't fit in typewriter!

March - Got excited...finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months...box said "2-4 years!"

Apr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New Scam on Senior Men

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A very elderly British gentleman arrived in Paris by plane.

At the French immigration desk, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag.

“You have been to France before, Monsieur?” the immigration officer asked, sarcastically.

The elderly gentleman admitted he had been to France previously.

“Then you should know well...

One Sunday morning...

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan."

After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at ...

When is the beginning of June also the end of May?

When it's the UK general election

With the current outlook on UK exit polls...

It looks like june is the end of May

April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?

June bugs.

What do June bugs bring? Small grub-eating mammals, wasps, and endoparasitoid pyrgotidae flies.

A farmer dies and goes to hell

While down there the Devil notices that the farmer is not suffering like the rest. He checks the gauges and sees that it's 90 degrees and about 80% humidity. So he goes over to the farmer and asks why he's so happy.

The farmer says, "I like it here. The temperature is just like plowing my fie...

Why does the NBA finish in June?

She likes it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Girl, you're like school in june..

No class.

What did May tell June when they were fighting?

Don't July to me

What do you call someone who doesn't belive it is June yet?

A May-Sayer

I just asked my dad what his favourite part about being a teacher is...

He responded with June, July, and August

This Day in History, 1978

This day in history, June 12,1978, there was a large amount of [Basques](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basque_Country_(autonomous_community) who died in a fire at an old local theater. The theater was packed full, and as the fire erupted the entire building's occupants flooded to the only exit in th...

I emailed Netflix and asked if they had Batman Forever

they said, "No, just till the end of June".

Olie v. Devil (a bit long)

Olie dies and goes to hell where he meets the Devil. The Devil says to Olie "Is it hot enough for you Olie?". Olie responds "Well back in Minnesota in June it got alot hotter than this.". So, the Devil goes over and cranks the heat up, and says "Is is hot enough for you now Olie?". Olie says "Well b...

Not sure what you have heard, but it actually only rains twice a year in Seattle.

October through May, then June through September.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A coachload of nuns is driving along...

When suddenly there's a huge crash and there are no survivors. All the nuns ascend to Heaven, where they are told by St. Peter to stand in a line to go through.
"Hello ladies, I'm sorry but before you go through there's a slight formality. Sister Anne, please come forward. Have you ever touched a...

In Florida, a couple has been accused of making meth in a public library.

Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library.

-Conan Monologue June 12, 2014

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boudreaux goes to Hell

So one day, Boudreaux gets into a boating accident and dies. Unfortunately, St. Peter sends him to hell.

Later on, the devil's making his rounds and sees Boudreaux, just sitting on a rock, smiling like an idiot. The devil goes up to him and says, "Hey, why the heck are you smiling? You're in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Some hockey jokes, shamelessly lifted from /r/hockey

What country has the most physical hockey team?

The Czech Republic.
___________________________________
Why do St Louis fans drink out of bowls?

No Cups.

___________________________________

How do you keep the Panthers out of your backyard?

Put up a goal net....

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