Roses are red, April is grey, The next time you leave your house

It’s Gonna Be May

In April 2021, India was struggling with the coronavirus.

Prime Minister Modi was really concerned, and so he decided that it would be a great idea if he appointed a "Minister of Virus Control." He was considering many of the country's top doctors to fill the position, and eventually, he said that he would tell the public who he appointed on April 25th....

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Professor: April, you are failing my class.

April: Oh, Professor. My parents will be so mad. I’m sure we can fix this. I’ll do annnything to pass.

Professor: {gulp} anything?

April: YES! Anything you can dream up.

Professor: Will you…… study?

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims.

One day in April, three blondes died at the same time and found themselves standing at the Pearly Gates.

"All three of you have sinned your whole lives," said St. Peter. "Normally, I would send you straight to hell. But since it's near Easter, if you can tell me what Easter is, I will let you into heaven."

"I know what Easter is!" said the first blonde. "Easter is when you dress up as something ...

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Remember, there’s a simple mnemonic device to remember month length: “30 days hath September; April, June, and November. All the rest have 31,

Excepting February, who can fuck off, son.
Pay the same bills but get less time
And guess if you get 28 or 29.”

Did you know bees become indecisive after April?

They become maybees.

The best time to propose is on April 1st...

If they say no you can yell April fools!

A mathematician walks into a bar on a rainy April day...

The bartender asks him, "Hey, do you know what April showers bring?"

The mathematician says, "Pilgrims!"

My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath,

"Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

I played an April Fool's joke on my parkour team this morning.

They all fell for it.

Pravda news from April 27th 1986

Glorious Soviet technology allowed workers at Chernobyl power plant to complete five year plan of power production in mere five milliseconds.

Why are soldiers so tired at the beginning of April?

They just had a 31 day March.

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NSFW: My wife and I have been working from home since April, and I finally called her HR Department with a complaint.

There has been far less sexual harassment in our workplace than I was hoping for.

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Oh, April!

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and ...

April 4th National School Librarian Day

I asked the librarian if she would direct me to the self-help books.
She said, “that sort of defeats the purpose doesn’t it?”

My mom told me she hated me today

She forgot to say April Fools

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A little girl runs up to her mother and says "mummy, daddy hanged himself in the basement!"

Upon hearing the news the mother breaks down in tears and, shakily, makes her way into the basement.

When they get there, the woman cannot see the father's corpse.
The little girl then exclaims "April fools! Daddy did it in the garage"

Did you hear about the guy who swapped the labels on the pumps at the gas station?

It was an April Fuels joke.

People always ask me why I celebrate 420 a second time at april 22nd

I just thought, 422 is 420 too

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April fools day is cancelled

as no made up prank could match the unbelievable shit going on right now

A woman has just given birth to her child.

The doctor holds the newborn child at both feet, upside down, then slams it three times on the wall. The mother is shocked! The doctor consoles: «April fools! Was already dead!»

April and June were dating...

The couple had been together many years, and, as far as one could tell from the outside were very happy together. But June had always felt as though there was something between them, something holding them back- something that April was keeping a secret.

As time went by, June got the impressi...

I have joined reddit on april 1st

so I guess you can say

I'm the joke.

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A woman is going through labor on April 1st

Her husband is driving her to the hospital and when they get to their room, he tells the doctor that he can’t watch up close but he asks if he can stand and watch outside the window. The doctor agrees.

As the baby comes out, the husband gets excited as he sees his new child. The doctor grabs ...

What comes after April?

Casey Jones

Aprils fools

A mom comes home from work on aprils fools and the lil bro runs up to her screaming mom mom bro hanged himself in the bedroom, petrified she makes a run for the bedroom and its empty. Turns to her kid in relief telling him that this is not the apropriate joke, while he says aprils fooooools, hes han...

April's fool

What do you jokers think the April's fool joke would be in these uncertain times?

My dad still hasn’t come back yet

I’m starting to think it wasn’t an April fools joke

Why do native Americans hate the month April?

Because April showers bring may flowers..
and mayflowers bring the white people

My colleagues took April Fools Day pretty seriously this year

Over a month and a half of going into the office and they're all still hiding from me

My birthday was in April, and 2020 made it a joke..

Same as my first cake day.

April Fool's day has been cancelled due to coronavirus.

Everything you'll hear is true.

I once knew someone who was born on April 1st and died on April 1st...

...His entire life was one big joke.

Trump wasn't lying about the coronavirus disappearing in April

He simply forgot to say 2021.

In honor of the eve of April Fools Day... just remember that tomorrow you need to be cautious of many tweets and news reports because most of them will be lies and simply there to try and trick you. Believe nothing, and trust no one.

Just treat it like it's any other day.



Have fun!

I promise this joke does not contain any horse puns whatsoever...

April Foals!

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A Covid-19 study produced some startling results.

Data was conducted from a
[email protected] online survey in Italy
from April 7 to May 4, 2020. In it
were 6,821 participants 18 or older
(4177 women, 2,644 men), and
results from it show that erectile
dysfunction was significantly higher
among men than among women.

We are not sure what April's disaster is...

It May not exist

I finally switched from Internet Explorer to Chrome!

Just kidding, happy April fools day!

Surviving an attempted murder on April 1st.

Is just gods way of saying "April Fools"

Thank goodness it's April 2nd

I had 4 pregnancy scares yesterday. They all turned out to be pranks. Please don't tell my wife.

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My best April Fools

A long time ago, before work, I drove through the shittiest neighborhood I could find, looking for broken auto glass. I found a pile from some unfortunate soul that had their car broken into and scooped it all up.

After settling in at work, I asked to borrow my boss's keys for access to the s...

today is my cake day

April fools but it's real do you get it

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One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife.

Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!"

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go un-rewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What...

April 15, 2019 is the date the Notre Dame cathedral....

Ex-spired.

We're sorry to announce that April fools has been postponed.

Due to the recent coronavirus crisis, April fools has been postponed to May 1st, 2020.
Thanks for your cooperation.

I have an April fools joke going on with my landlord

I am not paying rent this April 1st hehe, don't tell him

I just thought of the ultimate April Fool's Prank. Let me spell it out for you.

I T O U T F O R Y O U

The Mongolians are afraid that the Queen will still be alive on the 21st April 2026.

Because then she'll be a Hun dread.

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My wife offered me a blowjob today.

‘Really’ I said

‘No, April fooaarrrrglegargle’

That’ll teach her to be funny

A man visits a wise man and meets his three daughters...

He's staying for the night and each of the girls come to him in turn to offer their hospitality.

The first one tells him her name is June because she was born in June. She is well practiced in fortune telling and gives him advice on the future.

The second one tells him her name is Augu...

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims!

Credit to my 5yo daughter who just told me that one. She can’t read so I’m relatively sure she didn’t find it here.

Little Johnny is sitting in class behind a girl named April

The teacher asks “who created the universe”
Little Johnny poked April with his pencil and April yelled “MY GOD”
the teacher replied with “ yes, god did create the universe”
Then the teacher asked another question “where do you go when you live a good life after you die”
Little Johnny pok...

A man buys a train ticket to go to New York City...

A man buys a train ticket to go to New York City on April 4. The ticket costs $44 and he notices that the ticket number is 4444. He finds the train at platform 4 and his seat is in train car 4, seat number 44. The train leaves at exactly 4:44.

When he arrives, he goes to the hotel that is on ...

Why do fewer people get asked out on dates after April?

Because no ones got confidence in May

So it's April 2nd

And my wife's still pregnant...

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Donald Trump said, "I declare April as Sexual Assault Awareness month."

His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"

Trump replied, "Prevent it?"

April Fool’s Day has been POSTPONED.

I’ll tell you the new date tomorrow.

What’s green and comes in April?

Donatello

Who’s job is it to announce the end of April?

Billy “May’s here”

April Fools!

girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father

guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!

girl: haha! got me! you're not the father

April Fools Day............

The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.

What did the first person to get "April Fooled" say?

Jesus! I thought you were dead!

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So it turns out my mom’s birthday, April 18, is national piñata day

She sure is gonna be surprised when we shove candy up her ass and beat the shit out of her!

What's the worst part about April Fools?

Jokes without punchlines

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Heard in court.

An elderly lady was on trial for murder and the judge asked the woman to reitrate what had happend.

“Well, I had been on a date with this man, yes even at my age, and I asked him in for a cup of coffee. As we sat on the couch he put his arm around me.” The lady answered.

“That seems al...

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?

The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!

(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)

For April fools my girlfriend replaced my alphabits with Cheerios.

I have no words to say how angry I am.

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I'm hoping for a peaceful transition of power if Trump looses.

Just like Germany did in April 30, 1945.

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Billy's mom comes home. "Billy, what's wrong?" -"Dad hanged himself in the attic!" he said in tears.

The mother rushes to the attic in a panic, quickly followed by her son.
As she gets up to the attic, she notices that nothing is there, and little Billy started giggling.
HaHaHa! April fool's mommy!!! He hanged himself in the basement!"

Easter this year is April Fools Day

Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.

Today is April Fools day so question everything and trust no one.

Basically...it's reddit day.

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Why does May come after April?

Because that's when Parliament is *really* gonna fuck her.

CNN Made a Joke Article for April Fools

Just another day in the office.

A lady goes into labour and is rushed to the hospital

She is in labour for hours and the birth is excruciating but eventually the baby comes out. The doctor taps the baby's bottom to get it to cry but nothing happens. The doctor then uses a little more force and smacks the baby's bottom harder but still nothing. The mother is getting extremely worried....

Easter is on April 1st this year.

Where we remember the original April fools joke performed by Jesus himself.

Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet.

January — ABCD...


February — EFG...


March — HIJK...


April to December — ELEMENOP.

Doctors have the most fun on April Fools.

Doctor: "i'm sorry to say you've got lung cancer."


Patient: [tearing up] "oh god, no!"

Doctor: "Sorry to say it because it's not true, lol April Fools!"

Patient: [angry] "What the hell?"

Doctor: "Yeah, pranked you, the cancer's in your pancreas."

Why doesn’t April ever eat with the other months?

It starts off fool

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Going to be a father in April and remembered this classic:

A new machine had come out in the medicine field and a doctor was working with a pregnant couple that wanted to participate in the clinical trials.

"This machine," he says, "once hooked up to the mother will make it so she feels none of the pain, but the father will have to endure all of it."...

Why is World Autism Day after April Fools’ Day?

Because it takes longer for them to get the joke.

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