Thank goodness it's April 2nd

I had 4 pregnancy scares yesterday. They all turned out to be pranks. Please don't tell my wife.

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Sometimes I think I was actually born on April 1st

Because my life is a fucking joke

Little Johnny was 5 years old and born blind.

Little Jonny was 5 years old and born blind. One evening as his mother puts him to bed she says to him, "Jonny, tomorrow is a very special day: if you pray extra hard tonight God will grant you the miracle of sight". Super excited, Jonny jumps back out of bed, clasps his hands together and begin to ...

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Let us celebrate the birthday of Logan Paul!

april fools you piece of shit

Doctors have the most fun on April Fools.

Doctor: "i'm sorry to say you've got lung cancer."


Patient: [tearing up] "oh god, no!"

Doctor: "Sorry to say it because it's not true, lol April Fools!"

Patient: [angry] "What the hell?"

Doctor: "Yeah, pranked you, the cancer's in your pancreas."

April 15, 2019 is the date the Notre Dame cathedral....

Ex-spired.

Why is World Autism Day after April Fools’ Day?

Because it takes longer for them to get the joke.

Why do Native Americans hate April?

April showers bring may flowers. And may flowers bring white people

Who’s job is it to announce the end of April?

Billy “May’s here”

April Fools Day............

The day every newspaper tries to fool readers by sneaking in at least one properly researched, factually correct story.

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April and Sunday School

I’m not sure if this is original, but my buddy texted me it.
Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slep...

I don’t care if Caitlin Jenner identifies as a woman,

but April identifying as January is crossing the line.

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So it turns out my mom’s birthday, April 18, is national piñata day

She sure is gonna be surprised when we shove candy up her ass and beat the shit out of her!

April Fools!

girl: babe I'm pregnant you're the father

guy: can't fool me it's April's Fools Day!

girl: haha! got me! you're not the father

What's the worst part about April Fools?

Jokes without punchlines

Man commits suicide on April fools

We could say his life was a joke.



I'll see myself out...


I didn't make the joke, my friend told me the joke and told me to post it on here.

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Why does May come after April?

Because that's when Parliament is *really* gonna fuck her.

Why doesn’t April ever eat with the other months?

It starts off fool

CNN Made a Joke Article for April Fools

Just another day in the office.

What’s the only difference between Valentine’s Day and April fools?

I don’t get my hopes up when April fools comes around

Don't trust your Spotify discover weekly because it was updated on April fool's.

Just sayin

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?

Pilgrims!

Credit to my 5yo daughter who just told me that one. She can’t read so I’m relatively sure she didn’t find it here.

What’s green and comes in April?

Donatello

Why do fewer people get asked out on dates after April?

Because no ones got confidence in May

What was the worst april fools day joke?

Well logan paul was born in 1995.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know April keeps going until May comes...(NSFW)

Because the wall I share with my lesbian neighbors is real thin.

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Going to be a father in April and remembered this classic:

A new machine had come out in the medicine field and a doctor was working with a pregnant couple that wanted to participate in the clinical trials.

"This machine," he says, "once hooked up to the mother will make it so she feels none of the pain, but the father will have to endure all of it."...

My wife on April's Fool's Day texted me a picture of a sonogram with the message: "Guess what I'm pregnant again”

I texted back: "Haha very funny, I know what today is, you're like the third person to send me that today.

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It's a healthy relationship

My wife told me that she wanted to give me a deepthroat blowjob today.

"Really!" I exclaimed.

"No," She said, "April Foogargagggrraggggle."

That'll teach her to try and be funny...

So it's April 2nd

And my wife's still pregnant...

I just ran over my dog.

April fools! I don't know whose dog it was.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donald Trump said, "I declare April as Sexual Assault Awareness month."

His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"

Trump replied, "Prevent it?"

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?

The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!

(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)

For April fools my girlfriend replaced my alphabits with Cheerios.

I have no words to say how angry I am.

Easter is on April 1st this year.

Where we remember the original April fools joke performed by Jesus himself.

What did the first person to get "April Fooled" say?

Jesus! I thought you were dead!

Easter this year is April Fools Day

Just remember that so you don't fall for any crazy stories like people coming back from the dead.

The last time Easter fell on April Fool’s Day...

...Jesus tricked everybody by making them think he was dead for two days.

As an April fools joke, I told my SO that I was pregnant...

...sadly she didn't fall for it.

This April fools, I decided to swipe right on only the ugly people on Tinder and then burn them.

Still no matches.

Today is April Fools day so question everything and trust no one.

Basically...it's reddit day.

If April showers bring May flowers, what does April snow bring?

Incredulous Facebook posts about the arrival of spring.

The Darkest Joke I Know

A boy is blind from the day he is born, Never knowing his mothers face never knowing colors and never knowing anything except what he can feel, smell, hear, or touch.

One night the boy is in his bedroom when his mother comes in and sits down on the bed beside him, she says "Sweetie I have som...

There are three people who die and go to heaven: a teacher, construction worker, and a lawyer

St. Peter greets them and says "Here's the thing: heaven is becoming overcrowded, so in order to get in, you have to answer the one question I give you correctly. If you don't, you go to hell."

The teacher decides to go first; she walks up to St. Peter, and asks "What is my question?"

...

Snow in April

Tommy and Ricky were looking out the window
“How could it still be snowing in April” Tommy asked

“I don’t know, but at least we have something in common with the black community now”, Ricky replied.

“What’s that”, Tommy’s asked

“We’re both tired of seeing white”

JUNE (to Yoda): Do you think April will march in the parade?

YODA: March April may, June.

Timmy's April Fool's joke

The day is April 1st, and Timmy wanted to play an April Fool's joke on his mom.
His mom comes home from work, and Timmy rushes to her.

"Mommy! Mommy!" He says, frantically.

"What is it, Timmy?" She asks.

"Dad hanged himself in the garage!"

The mom screams, then rushes...

In April of 1620, it rained. That same year, the Pilgrims arrived.

I suppose the saying is true. April showers bring Mayflowers.

Why are soldiers always so tired on April 1st?

Because they have just finished a 31 day March.

Q: When does January end?

A: February 1st


Q: When does March end?

A: April 1st

Q: When does May end?

A: June 7th

April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?

June bugs.

What do June bugs bring? Small grub-eating mammals, wasps, and endoparasitoid pyrgotidae flies.

Nobody pranked me on the 1st of April....

....but that's fine, my life is already a joke.

April 1st Operation

(Doctor walks out of operation room. A man quickly reached the doctor.)

"How's my wife? How's my baby?"

"Well your wife is okay, but... Your baby... umm..."

(Man starts crying)

"APRIL FOOLS! HAHAHA! Jokes on you!" (laugh)

(Man starts laughing with the doctor.)
<...

We can always count on /r/jokes on April 1st...

for not making jokes like the rest of the subreddits.

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