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November Jokes

Boys have a thing and girls don't.

One November afternoon when my daughter was in kindergarten, I picked her up after school. She bobbed out to the car and crawled into the back seat.

"What did you do today?" I asked.

She couldn't wait to tell me. "We learned that boys are different from girls" she chirped.

Looki...

I hate that September, October, November, and December are somehow the 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th months of the calendar year

Whoever messed that up ought to be stabbed

How many Seconds are in a year?

12!

January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.

What is the most common question the Finnish detective asks a suspect?

"What were you doing the night between November and May?"

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Indian student in USA

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said: "Let's begin by reviewing some American History.

Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except for Ch...

I told my wife I was taking part in No Nut November...

She said she was excited for me to see how she feels the other 11 months of the year.

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Home Depot Scam alert

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you. Here's how the scam works:

Two seriously good-looking 18 or 19-year-old girls come ove...

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Expat moving to Canada.

August 12,
We moved into our new house in Canada. I'm so excited. It's so nice. The mountains are beautiful. I cannot wait to see them covered with the snow.

October 14,
Canada. It is the most beautiful country in the world. Leaves turned all colors and shades of yellow and orange. I dr...

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What would be the female equivalent of No Nut November?

Get your alliteration skills on people. So far I've come up with Dildo Denial December or Forbidden Fingering February,

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Having too much sex can cause memory loss.

I read it on page 14 in a medical journal on the 14th November 2019 at 3.19pm

A farmer got an idea for how to make money off his farm in the off-season. He had a huge property all bounded by a big, white fence end to end. Along that fence was an old country road where few people drove. He decided he would set up a Christmas light display.

It took him some time to gather all the lights necessary, but eventually through the sweat of his farmhands and an absurd number of extension cords, he was finished. When sunset came, the first car to come down that road got an amazing sight.


The entire fence was covered in lights! Fenc...

How the Angel Came to be on Top of the Christmas Tree

There had been no snow during the entire month of November, and there
didn't appear to be coming any snow any time soon, either. The elves in
the bicycle department had been on strike since October, and there was the
possibility that the elves in the doll department might join them.
...

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No Nut November is going great so far

Every time I think about eating almonds, I just masterbate. It’s not hard guys.

What is a squirrels least favorite time of year?

No Nut November….

Who was the funniest pope in history?

**Pope Hilarius** (or **Hilary**) was the bishop of Rome from 19 November 461 to his death on 29 February 468.

A letter from Walmart

Dear Mrs. Samples:

Over the past six months, your husband, Royse Samples has been causing quite a commotion in our Lawton store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and, as a result, will ban your entire family from shopping in any of our stores if even one more incident occurs. We have ...

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Old Sven collapsed one chill November Saturday after chopping maple wood near his house in the birch forest, five miles outside of Eagle River, Wisconsin.

He arose, sauntered home and changed into his flannel, tractor-print pajamas. It grew quiet and his breathing became labored. So, Sven lay down on the plaid-quilted single bed in the green guest room. His wife, Lena, tended to his care. He said nothing and sipped only a cup of water or two. On the e...

Excerpt from a newspaper, "Cocaine found on sidewalk"

"On Oct. 19, a small bag of a white powdered substance was found laying on the sidewalk of 50th Street and 49th Avenue in Sedgewick. The substance was determined to be cocaine.

"The owner of the cocaine is welcome to come into the Killam/Forestburg RCMP detachment to claim their property."...

Harry & Hermione go to Hogsmeade

Since school had started back up in September, hogsmeade visits once again became something to look forward to.

There was the 2nd week of September and then, luckily, one on Hermione's Birthday, just in time to buy her something nice.

Things the next month were the same as usual; Harry...

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facts

did you know that having too much sex could cause memory loss ?

i remember reading that on the 23 of november 2001 at 9:1:02 am page 36 line 9/11

it wasn't a sunny day in fact it was very cloudy

very...cloudy....

What do Donald Trump and a pumpkin have in common?

They're orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be tossed out in early November.

November is way spookier than October…

October just has candy and costumes. November is the time of year when cuts appear in my skin for no reason.

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Fuck it’s November!

Now I can’t eat peanuts.

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I don't get what's so hard about No Nut November

It's the 3rd day and I haven't eaten any nuts yet. I just distract myself by constantly masturbating all day.

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Due to the growing popularity of no nut november, its wave of abstience is spreading to other months

Such as: no jizz july, no semen september and no dong december

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(NSFW) I crushed No Nut November.

I didn't eat a single nut the whole month. (The trick is to masterbate everytime you get hungry for a nut)

How is Donald Trump like a jack-o-lantern?

They are both orange, round and should be thrown out in early November.

So, no nut November has been over for about a week...

About how long should it take for them to grow back?

The CDC recommends that funeral gatherings be limited to 30 people and holiday gatherings be limited to 6 people.

Funeral proceedings for Gobbles the turkey will be held on November 26th and again on December 25th. Please bring beer to celebrate his life.

Oddly Specific Historical Humour

Below is the program for the November 7th, 1917 performance of the Bolshoi Ballet:



Dance

Dance

Revolution

Guys, I've already failed No Nut November

I'm eating my reese's as we speak

Why is No Nut November so goddamn boring?

It is probably the most anticlimactic month

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Nutty Joke

I made this up while playing around at work, but I'm sure it's already been come up with at some point; however I would like to submit this joke:

Ask someone, "do you participate in No Nuts November?" They will either smile, look confused, or both. Then tell them that it's a peanut allergy aw...

Man, if you thought No Nut November was bad...

Wait until No Net December.

What is squirrels's least favourite month?

November

I've already failed No Nut November

I failed the first time at 1:37am, and the second time at 1:11am.

John F Kennedy was just "John Kennedy" From May 29, 1917 To November 21, 1963

They only added the F after he died

So, I had a commanding officer from Australia

Of course I used this fact to make stereotypical jokes and stuff.
He seemed rather calm towards it.
But two weeks later I realised I'm only one who was transfered between different squads.
And they were:
Charlie;
Uniform;
November;
Tango.

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