In honor of my Cake Day, I offer a joke I heard from an 8 year old. Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she didn’t have any hands.





Knock Knock

— Who’s there?

Not Sally

Told to me by my 8 year old daughter: Who is the smartest pig in the world?

Oinkbert Einswine

From my 8 year old: what's the most comfortable car?

A comfortible

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8 year old Arnold Schwarzenegger was sitting in music class. The teacher said that each student would play the role of a famous composer.

One student said "I'll be Beethoven".

Another said "I'll be Mozart".

Yet another student said "I'll be Tchaikovsky".

And Arnold said "I'll be Bach".

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My 8 year old son's joke: What do you call an ox with big butt?

Buttocks

An 8 year old Jesus of Nazareth walks into his house...

Leaving the door open, tracking mud across the floor Mary just cleaned, throwing his clothes on the floor instead of in the basket... And Mary yells "Jesus!!! What do you think your doing?? You act like you were born in a....oh yeah, never mind"

I took my 8 year old niece to the zoo last week...

..we were walking around the various cages and enclosures when all of a sudden she yells, “Look Uncle John! It's a frickin' Elephant!”
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us. “What did you just call it?” I asked.
“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” ...

Any great and funny jokes like this one for my 8 year old granddaughter?

She loves this one:

A guy is sitting in his living room, hears a knock at the door. Gets up and opens the door, no one there. Looks down and sees a snail on the doormat. Being a guy, of course he picks it up and throws it across the street.
Six months later, the guy is in his living room,...

An 8 year old girl went to work with her father on 'Take your kid to work day'

As they where walking around the office the young girl started to cry. Her father asked what was wrong. As a crowd gathered around her she sobbed ''Daddy where are all the clowns you said you worked with?"

One day while returning from school a 8 year old child ...

One day while returning from school a 8 year old child met a Saint and had a conversation with him.

The Saint became so happy with the child that he gave him a magic sentence which will fulfill all his wishes.

"I know everything"

However, he warned him to not use the Sentence m...

(My 8 year old just told me this one) Who is the fish's valentine?

His Gil-Friend!

Idc what ya'll say, that was golden! Lol

My 8 year old son was in the garden playing football today, he tripped over his own feet and lay on the floor for 5 minutes, screaming and thrashing like he'd been beaten up.

I'm so proud of him, he's going to be in the Premier League one day :')

My 8 year old cousin: " Why did the chicken cross the road?"

8yo cousin: To get to the idiot's house.

Me (patronizingly): Oh..uh..yeah good one haha.

8yo cousin: Wanna hear another one? Knock knock

Me: Who's there

8yo: The chicken.

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From my 8 year old daughter. "What is a Marine Biologists favorite instrament?"

The "Tambomarine" Badapisssh...

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A 8 year old girl walks up to her mother

Girl: "Ma what balls can you not play with?"
Mother: "What do you mean?"
Girl: "I will give you a hint. It is attached to the body but you cannot kick them or punch them."
Mother: Looks around and sweats nervously, "The balls attached to a penis?"
Girl: "No ma eyeballs!"

I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?

Me: Two. You have two, son.

Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!



The student has become the teacher.

My 8 year old claims to have just made this up and it made me chuckle. I hope you enjoy too. What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?

What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?

Burpees

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(from my 8 year old) What do you see when a duck pulls down his underwear?

His butt quack

Was told this on my wedding day 16 years ago by my 8 year old nephew...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and tells the bartender this is his first time at a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender hands him a bottle and says “Hey, did you know we have a drink named after you?” The grasshopper shakes his head in amazement and says “What?!? i didnt know you had a drink named...

An 8 year old (Billy) and a 9 year old (Tommy) are sitting in a waiting room with their moms at a hospital

Billy asks Tommy why he’s there.

Tommy says, “To get my tonsils removed.”

Billy says, “Oh don’t worry, it’s not so bad. You get to stay home from school and eat all the ice cream you want.”

Tommy then asks Billy, “Why are you here?”

Billy says, “For a circumcision.”...

Joke my 8 year old made up: " How do you make two C's out of one C?"

You have to use a C-Saw!

From my 8 year old son

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Answer: Cause the Pee is silent

From my 8 year old...

What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an IPad? A pineapple.

Don't ban me please.

My 8 year old son just told me this : What do you call a flying monkey ?

A hot air baboon !

8 year old johnny wanted a tattoo of his girlfriend, but the tattoo artist told him he doesn't tattoo minors.

So johnny got one of a 21 year old girl instead.

My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise?

-Because the other fish were crying.

Neighbour's 8 year old son: Corona has looted half my inheritance

Me: How?

Him: My mom is pregnant

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My 8 Year Old Nephew Had A Joke To Say

“What did the ant say to the other ant?”
“I dunno, what?”
“Nothing, ants communicate using pheromones, not speech.”
“Yeah, that’s not really a joke kid.”
He was quiet for a moment, and looked at the ground. “It’s an ant-y joke, asshole.”

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Little 8 year old Susie is in her back yard digging a hole..

..Her neighbor Mr. Johnson peeks over the fence and says *"Gee Susie, what's going on?"*


Susie says, *"I'm digging a hole, it's pretty obvious"*


Mr. Johnson asks, *"Why are you digging a hole?"*


Susie replies, *"I'm burying my gold fish"*


Mr. Johnson laugh...

A postman is delivering a package as a 8 year old opens the door with a glass of whiskey in his hand and a big cigar in his mouth.

The postman is shocked : "Aren't your parents at home?"

The 8 year old : "Does it look so?"

My 8 year old told me a really clever joke for once.

What do you get when you cross Captain America and the Hulk?

A Star-Spangled Banner.

A Father’s Day joke my 8 year old son made up for me today - Why are you so special to Mario?

You’re the first 1-up in the morning!

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My 8 year old son asked me for a bookmark

I said “listen you little shit, were not going through this again just for the sake of imaginary karma on a goddamn website”

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Two paedophiles are waiting at a bus stop when an 8 year old girl walks past...

One says to the other, "I bet she was a looker in her day."

My 8 year old brother came up to me and asked if I wanted to hear a joke, this is how it went

Bro," what washes up on a tiny beach?"
Me," No idea."
Bro," a microwave."
Followed by about 2 seconds of me not getting it then laughing for a solid minute

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A blonde 8 year old girl is walking home one day...

... when she finds a welders mask. She thinks to herself "awesome" and puts it on and continues on her walk. A few minutes later a middle aged dude pulls up alongside the little girl and says "Hey kid, nice mask, wanna lift?" The little girl doesn't know any better and decides to take him up on his ...

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When I was a kid I remember a joke that went something like this: if your uncle Jack was stuck on the roof would you help your uncle Jack off?, I know not too funny! Well years later my then 8 year old son comes home from school and said he heard a joke, I said let’s hear it. And he said,..,

“If your uncle Jack was stuck on the roof would you help him down?” And then said he didn’t get it! I thought it was hilarious!

A doctor overhears two 8 year olds on hospital beds next to each other

The first one leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?"

The second kids says, "I'm here to get my tonsils removed, I'm a little scared."

The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about, I did that when I was 4. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lot...

My 8 year old son wrote this...

What do you call the ghost of a chicken that haunts people in their homes?

A poultry-geist.

Courtesy of an 8 year old: A man goes to the supermarket

A man goes to the supermarket and puts a miniature milk bottle into his cart. Next he grabs a miniature loaf of bread and one miniature apple. At check out the cute cashier takes his miniature groceries and scans them one by one. Between the *beeps* she takes a good look at him and finally asks.
...

What do you call an 8 year old stuck in a closet?

I don't remember, but the amber alert called her Mary.

8 year old boy came home excitedly, telling his dad that a school play is gonna be held next month

Dad: that's great! What role did you get?

Son: I'll be the husband!

Dad: (*sigh*) tell your teacher tomorrow to give you a different role with more lines.

Joke from my 8 year old grandson

What do you call a Jamaican finger in your belly?

Poke, mon.

Two 8 year olds were talking...

one says "I found a prophylactic on the gazebo"

The other says "What's a gazebo"

A group of 8 year old kids mysteriously get drunk at a slumber party

A boy has 5 of his friends over for a slumber party. His friends mom buys the kids two 2 liter bottles of Root Beer and begins serving it to the kids. Before the kids get through the first bottle they begin to act drunk, and the parents begin to notice that they smell like alcohol. One of the kid...

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A woman brings 8 year old John home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctor with Mary, her 8 year old daughter.

John's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them, they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her fucking appendix out!"

A joke my 8 year old brother told me. G rating

Why dont you take a pokemon to the bathroom.





Because it might pi-ka-chu

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My Dad being an asshole to an 8 year old

Best April Fools Day joke; i was like 7 or 8, my dad and I are talking trash all of March 31st about who is gonna prank who better. Morning of april 1st my dad wakes me up and rushes me into the shower, has me change my clothes, and eat breakfast. As I'm about to head out to the bus stop I noticed i...

I once saw 4 bullies fighting an 8 year old so I decided to help out...

He didn't stand a chance against the 5 of us.

My 8 year old daughter just told me a Joke I had never heard before.

Why can't you hear a Pysduck urinating ?
Because the p is silent.

My 8 year old got me this morning. We were rushing to get out the house quickly and then he told me...

MOM.. QUIT RUSHING ME.. I'M NOT RUSSIAN!

Heard this one from my 8 year old and couldn't stop laughing

Q: Who made King Arthur's table round?

A: Sir Cumference

My 8 year old brother just asked me if I had a hole in my sock.

Me: Of course not

Him: Then how do you put your foot inside?

My 8 year old cousin asked me if I wanted to hear a joke

Amanda: "I want to tell you a joke. Okay:
A snowman wants to go on vacation.
He wants to go to Chile because he thinks it will be chilly--BUT--he actually lands in a bowl of chilli.
Then he dies."

Why are 8 year old African children always so depressed?

Mid-life crisis

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A joke my 8 year old told me.

I took my son hiking in Round Valley in California. The hills are pretty steep and along the trails you can see multiple "cow pies" as he calls them (cow poop).

As we're hiking up a steep hill:

Son: "Geez dad, my legs are killing me. The cows out here must have such nice calves!"

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My 8 year old son made me laugh with a dad joke...

We were trying to decide where to eat, I offered up Buffalo Wild Wings, but my son and daughter were being indecisive. I finally said ok guys, make up your mind My son replied with a cocky grin "C'mon Mom we'll just wing it"...he then burst into laughter for five minutes....his fathers humor is real...

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A man goes to the pharmacy with his 8 year old son

While looking for his medicine the kid looks to a pack of condoms and asks his dad: Dad, what is this?

His dad replies: those are condoms son, people use them so they can safely have fun together, while under the blankets.

A few moments later the kid point to a pack of 3 condoms and as...

A father has a 8 year old kid named Jimmy that was always too afraid to ride a bike.

The dad says to Jimmy “Today is the day that you learn to ride a bike”
Jimmy responds “Dad, you know I can’t”
His dad replies with “Jimmy you have to learn how to ride a bike”
Jimmy refused to attempt it so his dad literally picked him up and put him on a bike. The dad was persistent in try...

My 8 year old brother's best joke.

What animal will you always see at a resturant?

A DINE-O-SAUR.

I think my brother is a future stand-up comic.

What's your favorite joke appropriate for a 6-8 year old?

I am a ski instructor and I've recently been teaching these two boys who are 6 and 8 year old brothers. I realized today that I know zero jokes appropriate enough or funny to this demographic. I feel like they think I am super boring.

Give me some help to make the chairlift more exciting!!

A father and his 8 year old son are on a walk and come across two dogs humping.

"Dad, what are those dogs doing?" the boy asks.

"Well son, they're trying to make puppies."

That answer seemed to satisfy the son's curiosity, so no more was said about it and they finished their walk.

Later that night the boy had a nightmare and ran into his parent's room, onl...

What's the difference between an 8 year old and a big bag of cocaine?

Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall off a balcony

Here's a mind bender my 8 year old son came up with: Why are trees green?

For camouflage.

(from my 8 year old) What do you call a Mexican chicken giving directions?

Arrows con Pollo

I see your An 8 year old kid told me this joke and raise you a 9 year old told me this joke

What's the difference between a train and a teacher?

One says CHOO CHOO CHOO and the other says SPIT OUT YOUR GUM.

A mother who injected her 8 year old daughter with Botox for beauty pageants has lost custody of her child.

The girl didn't look surprised.

My sister and her husband just split up, so I got my 8 year old niece the new "Divorce Barbie"

She comes with half of Ken's stuff.

I am a 60 year old stuck in an 8 year old body . I want to break free .

I should've used more lube.

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A pedophile and an 8 year old are walking into the forest..

The kid says to the pedo, "I am scared"

The pedo replies, "You're scared?? I have to walk back alone!"

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8 year old is driving mom crazy this summer....

....so she sends him across the street to watch the construction crew across the street....later that day she's having trouble closing a door and he suggests that it probably needs "a cunt hair took off the top"...shocked, she tells dad what was said upon his arrival home...dad tells him to get a sw...

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A gunman stops a driver driving through a scary countryside road and says "Step out of the car and take your dick out..."

Driver: *freezes at this unexpected turn of events*

Gunman: *In a louder voice* "Do it"

Driver: "Please don't shoot. I'll do whatever you ask"

Driver proceeds to step out of the car and take his pants off.

Gunman: "Now start masturbating or I'll put a bullet in your head"...

Simple math

My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the eveni...

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