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A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Not aware that 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.

Boy: ‟Dark in here.”
Man: ‟Yes it is.”
Boy: ‟I have a baseball.”
Man: ‟That's nice.”
Boy: ‟Want to buy it?”
Man: ‟No, thanks.”
Boy: ‟That's my dad outside.”
Man: ‟How much did you say the baseball was again?”
Boy: ‟$250.”

In the next few weeks, it happ...

If it weren’t for Arabs, it wouldn’t have been 9/11

It would be IX/XI

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When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn’t even know.

When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.

Then a man approached me and said, “Enjoy life son, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn’t enjoy it.”
Then he passed his hand over my head and left.

My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodb...

Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Please don’t become angry and resort to violins if you don’t notice.

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm...

He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he...

Who figured out that 7 ate 9?

4 and 6

I have 1,800 nuclear missiles, 283 battle ships, 9,400 planes.. I spend more on my military than the next 12 nations combined and despite spending more every year I still feel insecure...

I have a military-industrial complex.

I don’t like making 9/11 jokes

Because they usually crash and burn

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I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

The priest is in jail now.

I hate when people say “It’s a quarter till 9”

Just say 8:75pm like us normal people…

An Alabama couple with 9 children went to see the doctor about getting the husband "fixed".

The doctor started the procedure and making small talk, asks them "Why, after having 9 children have you decided not to have any more?".

The husband replied, "We just read an article that said 1 in 10 American children born in the United States is Mexican".

The wife continued, "We didn...

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Last week I launched a book aimed at 9 to 12 year olds.

I'm proud to say I hit one of the little shits.

9/11 jokes never hit right

They always fall flat

I got in a fight with 1 3 5 7 and 9

The odds were against me!

I've posted 9 puns here in this sub but none of them got upvoted. If this one doesn't either, then...

...no pun in ten did

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Why is 6.9 the worst sex position?

It's 69 interrupted by a period.

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Two brothers are in their room one morning. The older brother says, "Billy, I'm 9 and you're 6. We're practically men. So today when we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say hell and you're gonna say ass."

illy nods his head in excitement and they go downstairs. The boys sit at the table and their mom greets them.

"Good morning boys, what would ya'll like for breakfast?"

Billy looks at his older brother, who smiles and throws his arm over the back rest and says, "Ah hell mom, make it che...

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What does a 9 volt battery and a woman’s arsehole have in common?

You know it’s wrong, but sooner or later you’re going to stick your tongue on it.

4, 6, 8 & 9 have all been killed.

2, 3, 5, 7 & 11 are the prime suspects.

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What did the man who always masturbates at the end of his 9 to 5 shift say to the friend throwing a party at 5:30?

"I'll be there after I get off."

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9 martinis

I walked into a bar ,a guy was sitting at a table ,with 9 martinis in front of him . I say ." Jeez man what are you celebrating.?"

He replies " my first blow job.".

Me::" congratulations ,bro ,let me buy you another ."

Him :: no thanks ,,if 9 don't get the taste out of my mouth...

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My first NSFW joke that I proudly wrote when I was 9 years old: What's the difference between tennis and badminton?

A: One you play with your balls, one you play with your cock.

What has 9 arms and sucks?











Def Leppard

We know why 6 is afraid of 7 but do you know *why* 7 ate 9?

Because you need 3 square meals a day!

What has 4 letters, sometimes 9 letters, but never has 5 letters.

Just a hint: I didn't ask a question.

Q: Do you know what 6.9 is?

A: A good thing screwed up by a period.

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9/10 Redditors are fucking idiots

Glad to be in that 1%

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A joke my 9 year old made up: How do you get poop on your sister's forehead?

With dad's toothbrush

A Joke My Dad Made Up When I Was Around 9 Years Old...

Knock, Knock


Who's There?


Afro


Afro Who?


Afro You Over The Fence

6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?

Because he needed 3² meals a day.

I hate how funerals are at 9.00am.

I'm not really a mourning person.

9 and 5 walk into a haunted house...

9 leans over and whispers "I'm squared."

5 laughs and replies "I'm not, that would be irrational."

My doctor says that each cigarette I smoke takes 9 minutes off of my life.

Based on that math, I should've died in 1987.

99.9% of people are idiots.

Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people

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I see the NSFW joke you wrote when you were 9, and raise you the NSFW joke I wrote when I was 11

Parallel lines are like asexual couples, they’re very close but they never touch

"I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.

The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the ...

So six was afraid cause 7 8 9 right why was ten scared?

They were in the middle 9 11

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A baby spends 9 months getting out of someones pussy.

Then it spends the entire rest of its life getting back in again.

9 months later!!!

John decided to go skiing with his buddy, Keith. So they loaded up John's minivan and headed north.

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm
and asked the attractive lady who answered the
door if they could spend the nigh...

George Bush started cracking a 9/11 joke, but one of his advisors whispered, “Too soon.”

It was September 10th.

Just been speaking to a mate of mine, he's just seen the Chernobyl documentary.

He actually grew up in Ukraine in the 1980's and was able to count at least 11 historical inaccuracies on one hand.

(from my 9 year old) What is the scariest planet in Star Wars?

Na-BOO!

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Which Pie takes 9 months to Bake?

A cream pie!!!

9 months from now there will be a baby boom. 13 years later will give rise to the next generation, known as

Quarenteens.

I feel like it's still too soon for 9/11 jokes

I tried recently and it went down like the south tower.

Buy all the 9/11 related domains

Is apparently the wrong answer to “What would you do with a time machine?”

3" , 6", & 9" are which Shakespeare plays?

Much Ado About Nothing... As You Like It ...& Taming of the Shrew.

A guy sits down at a bar & orders 9 shots of bourbon...

The bartender says “whoa...are you sure you don’t want to take those one at a time?”

“Nope” he says quickly. So the bartender goes ahead and brings him 9 shots, which he throws down the second they hit the table.

“Good lord,” says the bartender. “I’ve never seen anyone down drinks lik...

9/11 was inevitable

I'm not an expert, but it's is going to happen this year as well.

Apparently, 9 out of 10 people don’t trust stairs

They know they’re up to something

An o‌‌ld w‌‌oman a‌‌sks h‌‌er h‌‌usband o‌‌f 6‌‌9 y‌‌ears

‌‌"Honey, w‌‌hat d‌‌id y‌‌ou t‌‌hink o‌‌f m‌‌e w‌‌hen y‌‌ou f‌‌irst s‌‌aw m‌‌e?".

"My f‌‌irst t‌‌hought w‌‌as t‌‌hat I‌‌ w‌‌anted t‌‌o f‌‌uck y‌‌our b‌‌rains o‌‌ut a‌‌nd s‌‌uck y‌‌our t‌‌its d‌‌ry", h‌‌e r‌‌eplied.

"And w‌‌hat d‌‌o y‌‌ou t‌‌hink o‌‌f m‌‌e n‌‌ow, d‌‌arling?", t‌‌he o‌‌l...

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What’s the difference between a 9 volt battery and an ass hole.

You know you shouldn’t but you still want to put your tongue on it.

Paul's height is six feet, he is an assistant at a butcher shop and wears size 9 shoes. What does he weigh?

Meat.

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At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked,...

“Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?”
The little boy nodded yes.
“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when an out is called, you shou...

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My wife and I are a perfect match....I've got a 9-inch penis.....

And she doesn't know which end of the tape measure to hold.

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#929: A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their 9 children.

A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man a...

A joke my 9 yr old told at a BBQ we had over the weekend. He brought down the house.

Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

To keep their nuts dry!

What o‌‌ne f‌‌ood r‌‌educes a‌‌ w‌‌oman's s‌‌ex d‌‌rive b‌‌y 9‌‌0%?

Wedding c‌‌ake.

9/11 wouldn't have happened if it took place in the UK

It would be 11/9.

An American walks into an Irish pub, he asks the bartender for an Irish Car Bomb.

The bartender grimaces, "Excuse me?"

The man smiles, "It's a drink, you don't have those? Irish car bombs?"

The bartender lights up and replies, "Oh I have something similar, one moment!"

He then takes two tall shot glasses side by side, fills them with vodka, and lights them af...

Dear Americans

Dear Americans,
As today is 9.11 I wish you all the best and am really sorry for your losses.

Greetings from Europe!

What do bad jokes have in common with the planes on 9/11?

They don't stick the landing.

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My German girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performances on a scale of 1-10...

...last night we tried anal. She kept yelling 9! 9! 9! That’s my best score yet!

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I made a compilation of my favorite 10 jokes from this sub. The first 9 are great but #10 is fucking gold.

1. Great

2. Great

3. Great

4. Great

5. Great

6. Great

7. Great

8. Great

9. Great

10. Fucking Gold.

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How are women's buttholes and 9 volt batteries alike?

You know you shouldn't, but eventually you'll put your tounge on it.

9/11 jokes aren't funny

The other 2/11 are quite good though!

My 9-yr old daughter just told me this one.

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked out the window?

It looks like rain, dear.

Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.

As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what ...

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K-9 Super Dog

My dog, Enforcer, has extremely sensitive olfactory receptors. I have trained him to be able to detect everything from bombs and drugs to cancer.

We do a lot of training for the police and the process can be very annoying. There is always at least one officer that doesn't believe a dog can d...

I had my driving exams today and scored 9 out of 10

The last guy managed to jump out of the way

You guys always say that 6 was scared of 7 cuz 7 8 9

but 10 died in the middle of 9 11

When Usain Bolt finishes in 9 seconds the world celebrates

But when I do it my girlfriend gets disappointed...

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My son, 9 years old told me these jokes on different days and I wrote them all down as he told them.

What did the the dancer say when he found proof:

he found evi-dance

What did the lazy person buy at the store?

A Nap-kin

What is a goldfishes favorite story?

Goldilocks

What did the musician say when he was safe?

I’m safe and SOUND.

What do bu...

Why was there no iPhone 9?

Because seven eight nine.

Heard that from a 5th grader recently and she claimed to have to have made it up on her own.

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9 out of 10 dentists agree...

That the one other dentist is shit at their job.

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My girlfriend wanted me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt.

So I fucked her three times then slapped her.

Some people say 9/11 was an inside job

But 7/11 is a part time job

You know, all kidding aside I really hate 9/11 jokes.

I mean, they’re just plane wrong.

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9 year old Johnny walks into class

Teacher: Johnny, why have you got a black eye? Were you in a fight?

Johnny: No miss, Me and my parents sleep in one bed. And last night, when the room was dark, my father asked me, "Johnny, are you sleeping?" I said, "No, dad". And I got a slap on my face and got a black eye.

Teacher: ...

A mathematician asked me to turn 6 into 9 by subtraction

Me: You mean by addition?

Him: No, by subtraction.

Me: I guess by subtracting negative 3? Idk

Him: You know this world would be a better place if people like you don’t overcomplicate things. Just remove the “S” dumbass

I asked my cousin how he feels about his birthday being 9/11...

He said it's great because everyone remembers it's his birthday.

They "never forget"

As we observe the anniversary of 9/11 today, remember...

All buildings matter.

My brother's been fasting for over 9 days now. Says he wants to get closer to God.

If he keeps this up he's gonna be shaking hands with him soon.

9 out of 10 doctors recommend United Airlines.

One was removed.

Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?

Because they’re not tenants

A french soldier had 9 bullets left

"It's neuf or nothing," he said.

My son turned 9 today

now its a 6

Must watch documentary tonight on BBC2 about the covid, 9.00pm.

2 brothers from the Wuhan research centre, where Trump suspects it was engineered, were due to get on Flight MH370 that miraculously disappeared.

Seems they were the guys behind the development of the new strain, and intending to use it as a weapon, someone caught wind of their plans and purp...

Going down on my girl is similar to 9/11

Bush is involved.

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There's a reason why condoms come in packets of 6, 9 and 12

It's because they're meant to accommodate men around the world.

The packet of 6 is for the religious men: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, never on a Sunday.

The packet of 9 is for those really amorous men: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, twice on ...

Microsoft has released Windows 7, Windows 8, and Windows 10. What happened to Windows 9 ?

Seven ate nine.

9 out of 10 doctors reccommend for children to drink water instead of soda

that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan

How did Palpatine talk to Kylo Ren before episode 9?

Snoke Signals

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Two 9/11 conspiracy theorists are in a plane when it crashes

An instant later they find themselves in the afterlife, being judged by Almighty God Himself.

One falls to his knees, "I deplore you, all-powerful Creator of the universe! Before you judge me, I humbly beg you, reveal who was behind the September 11 attacks!"

God sighs. "Muslim extremi...

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