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Sometimes February feels like it will last forever...

But time Marches on.

Can February March?

No, but April May. Joke credited to some nice older gentleman at my work today

February is ending today, but that's okay.

We'll March on.

Early last February this year, I learned that National Grammar Day is celebrated on March 4th; I was looking forward to celebrating with some friends of mine in Toledo, Ohio...

...I made the trip from Nevada by car; it was a wonderful celebration. My friends Jerry, Susan, and Cynthia organized a wonderful event consisting of a host of grammar related activities: proof-reading, sentence structuring, and more.

Susan also turned out to be a wonderful cook; she prepared...

Can February March?

No, but April May.

Today is Tuesday, February 22, 2022 (2/22/22). .

Let's call it... 2's day

Women are happier in February

A social media researcher walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Have you ever noticed that women complain less in the month of February?" he asks the bartender. "Really?" the bartender asks. "I hadn't noticed. Is it because of Valentine's Day?" "No," the researcher replies. "Near as we can tell we've...

What did the French groundhog see on February 2nd?

His chateau

Glass half full

Optimist thinks the glass is 1/2 full.

Pessimist thinks the glass is 1/2 empty.

Excel knows the glass is February the 1st.

Well dry January is 10 days away from being over and I can't wait for February 1st.

I'm really starting to get tired of all the dry reds, dry whites, dry gin, dry vermouth, etc.

Who was the funniest pope in history?

**Pope Hilarius** (or **Hilary**) was the bishop of Rome from 19 November 461 to his death on 29 February 468.

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A father and his teenage son is walking through the pharmacy.

As they walk past the condom rack, the son notices they come in different packs. A pack of 3, a pack of 6, and a pack of 12.

"Dad, why are condoms sold in packs like that? Like, what's the 3-pack for?"

"Well Son, the different packs are for different men. The 3-pack is for college boys...

I am giving up drinking alcohol for the month of February.

edit: I am giving up. Drinking alcohol for the month of February.

February is Eczema awareness month....

I am raising money by selling scratch cards.

My dad hasn't spoken to me since February

Sure, death could explain it, but I always thought if you really loved someone, you'd find a way.

what do you call a shape born on february 9th?

an asquareius

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My grandad sent me this

Enjoy the fun & the pun.



Q: Can February March?

A: No. But April May!



Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalised?

A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes!



Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?

A: I better ...

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Retiring from the British Army can be complicated. (Long)

Lt. Colonel Robert Maclaren retired from the British Army in 2001 after a long fulfilling career. On the day that he retired he received a letter from the Personnel Department of the Ministry of Defence setting out details of his pension and, in particular, the tax-free ‘lump sum’ award, (based upon...

Not to brag, but I already have a date for Valentines Day.

It’s February 14th.

There's a place where January comes after February and December comes before September

It's the dictionary

I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events

Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.

One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.

2020 has a new calendar out

January

February

Lockdown

December

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Which month do men jerk off the least?

February. Because it’s the shortest

Was reading a "People Who Passed Away In 2020" article and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the co-developers of the basic copy and paste function for computers, died in February.

Was reading one of those "People Who Passed Away In 2020" articles and saw that Larry Tesler, one of the...

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A Valentine’s Day Story

A boy was walking home from school when he passed by a stray cat. The cat was trying to drink water that had spilt on the tarmac near it. The boy saw that the tarmac was dirty, and was worried that the cat would get sick if it kept drinking the water. He started to slowly walk towards the cat while ...

What's the Difference Between February 14th and July 4th?

There isn't any, at least to me, because they're both Independence Day.

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A special day in February

I asked my 10 year old niece what special day is coming up in February.

"President's Day."

"What does President's Day mean?" I expected her to tell me something about Obama or Bush or Clinton.

Instead, she says, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House...

A new guy starts working at the mental asylum

A new guy starts working at the local mental asylum.

After giving him some general advice, the director tells him to ask any questions that he may have.

"Yes, director, I have one. How do we know if a patient is cured and ready to leave the asylum?"

"Well," says the director, "o...

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An 18-year old boy and his girlfriend are going camping for the weekend and plan to lose their virginity to each other

Bursting with excitement, the boy walks into a drug store to buy some condoms. He notices they come in packs of 3, 6, and 12.

He's a bit confused, so he calls the clerk over, and asks “Excuse me sir, but why are the condoms packaged this way?”

The kindly old clerk replies, with a sly g...

A man starts his new job at an insane asylum

He is given his orientation and at the very end asked if he has any questions.

“Yes, how do we know if a patient is ready to leave the asylum?”

“Well,” the director says. “We just ask them a simple question and based on their response determine if they need to stay longer.” The direct...

February 10th should be National Fart Day.

Because it's 2/10.

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Mickey wakes up on February 6th.

Looking out his castle window, he sees that it has snowed during the night. But as he looks down right under the window in huge yellow letters is the words " Mickey sucks dick." in the snow. So being offend he call the police, they take samples of the yellow snow and leave.

Two days later the...

February 29th, 2020

On February 29th of this year, something extraordinary happened.

I was walking across the road, head down, minding my own - when I heard it. This incessant, mechanical noise. Like spring-loaded footsteps. Real slow.

Far away, it came. Cascading against the city walls. A pneumatic sigh....

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February 15th - the Aftermath reminded me of a joke

When I saw a [thread](http://imgur.com/yKGB2Z6) on the aftermath of Valentines Day it reminded me of a joke - goes like this.

Boy walks into a pharmacy and walks over near the condom aisle passing by a few time looking very nervous. The pharmacist, a male, decides to take mercy on him and wal...

The date for Superbowl 2020 has been announced as Sunday, February 2 ...

They haven't yet announced who the Patriots will be playing.

Forest Gump dies and goes to Heaven

The day finally arrived: Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St Peter himself.

St Peter says, "Well Forrest, it's certainly good to see you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyon...

The month before Frank's 21st birthday, his father told him, "Did you know that something amazing happens to all the male members of your family when they turn 21?"

"When your grandfather turned 21, he went to the lake and discovered that he was able to walk on the water. When my oldest brother, your uncle George, turned 21, he discovered the same. Me, your other uncles, your older brothers...all of them could walk on water at age 21."

"Cool!" said Frank...

February 1st, 1234 AD must’ve been the birth of the worlds best drummer

One / two / one two three four!

my friend bought tickets for the super bowl Llll on February 3rd 2019 in Atlanta not realizing that it is also the day of his marriage. so if someone is interested

The church is in Rochester, the womens name is Clarissa

Will February March?

No, but April May :')

Sorry, IDK if this was posted before.

And yes, I know it's bad.

Which month do wives complain the least?

February because it has fewer days.

My wife's panties are labelled 'Monday', 'Tuesday', 'Wednesday' ...

My underwear is labelled 'January', February', 'March'...

Growing Up

My son, Bob, was only 5 feet, 8 inches tall when he left for college in the fall. He worked through the Christmas holidays and didn't return home again until the February break.

When he got off the plane, I was stunned at how much taller he looked. Measuring him at home, I discovered he now ...

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A man is shopping at a pharmacy with his 10 year old son

As they go through the aisles the man’s son points and says “What are those?” The man looks to see his son pointing at the condoms and thinks “maybe it’s time to tell him some facts of life.”

“Those are condoms son,” the man says calmly, “They’re what men use when they want to practice safe ...

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Amish Sex

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy on frozen February morning.

The daughter says to her mother, "My hands are frozen!"
Her mother replies, "Put them between your legs, your body heat will warm them up."
The daughter did and her hands warmed up.
The nex...

We should have February 29th every year

Statistically it's the day the fewest people die so why only have it 1/4 of the time?

Cold war joke.

There's a sale on panties at the New York Macy's store
An American woman goes to the checkout with 7 panties.
Cashier:" Only 7? They're on sale this week.
The woman replies,"No Thanks,7 is all. One for every day of the week."
Next in line is a woman from France with 5 panties.
Cashier...

Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year

Hers is in February and mine in July

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Billy spots a pack of condoms

Billy is out shopping with his father at the supermarket when Billy sees a condom stand, each displaying server packages of condoms. He points to a three pack and asks " what is this for?" "That's for when you're in high school" explains his father. "You use one on Friday night and two on Saturday n...

Forrest Gump died and went to Heaven...

As Forrest approaches the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter greeted him.
“Ah, welcome, Mr. Gump. We’ve been anxiously awaiting your arrival.”
Forrest looked intently, not quite sure what to make of the scene in front of him.
“Forrest, before I let you into Heaven, I need you to answer three quest...

She called me "Fevereiro"

I started dating this gorgeous Brazilian girl.

One night, right after having slept with her for the first time, she started to call me *Fevereiro*.

I felt that nickname had a really cool latin vibe, so I went along with it.



After a few weeks, I asked her, "By the way, h...

A father is explain the importance of condoms to his son

A father is in the local drug store explains the importance of condoms to his son.

The son asks “Dad, why are there difference size packs of condoms?”

The father replies “They have different uses. Why don’t you point to a few and I’m explain when people need them?”

The son point...

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Remember, there’s a simple mnemonic device to remember month length: “30 days hath September; April, June, and November. All the rest have 31,

Excepting February, who can fuck off, son.
Pay the same bills but get less time
And guess if you get 28 or 29.”

It seems to be discriminatory, but my State's COVID-19 vaccination scheduling website has given everyone with low IQs appointments for the same date next week.

February 29th.

Did you know that a very good memory is often a sign of an excellent lover?

I read that on February 11, 2017 in the New England Journal of Behavioral studies issue 2016-Q3.

You may have heard of No Nut November

But after I came twice in April what I’m really hoping for is a No Fetus February

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Stop alright! It's not No Nut November!

It's always Jack-off January, Fap February, Masturbate March, Abuse-yo-cock April, Maniacally beat-yo-meat May, Jizzy June, Jerk July, Abolish-yo-junk August, Seep-yo-seed September, Orgasmic October, Nut November, Destroy Dick December.

Year 2020 passed like a kid reciting the alphabet.

January — ABCD...


February — EFG...


March — HIJK...


April to December — ELEMENOP.

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My girlfriend just asked me when I last had sex with someone that wasn't her

I said- "Back in 02."

It sounds much better than "February"

We did it Reddit! For ONE GLORIOUS DAY, people of the world will put aside their differences! There'll be no hunger, no pain, no suffering! No war, no fighting! Peace will embrace us like a warm blanket! Sickness and disease will cease! So please welcome this momentous occasion....

February 30, 2021

My son is a man trapped in a woman's body

he'll be born in February

My girlfriend got her period in the middle of February.

I guess that makes her My Bloody Valentine.

Why do women talk less in february?

Cause there's only 28 days

Pizza Google

A man calls Pizza Hut:

--Hello, Pizza Hut?

--No, sir. Pizza Google

--Oh, sorry. Wrong number..

--No sir, it's the correct number, it's just that Google bought Pizza Hut

--Oh... okay, so... take my order, please

--Same as always?

--And how do you know ...

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One of the best I've ever heard: "The Graveyard Couple"

Mr. and Mrs. Thompkins, who've been very happy together for 12 years, currently, are experiencing a phase of boredom and stagnation. To change things up, Mr. Thompkins gets an idea: Have sex in a near-by graveyard.

With a mix of reluctance and excitement, Mrs. Thompkins agrees and they go off...

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Warning, Shopping at Home Depot!

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. This one caught me by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happ...

How many quantitative psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, p <= .05.

How many qualitative psychologists does it take?

_disguy. (2020). *Construction and Deconstruction Methods for Lightbulb Assembly* (Doctoral Dissertation). Reddit University,
San Francisco.

Thomas Alva Edison (February 11, 1847 – October 18, 1931) was an A...

When's a frogs birthday?

February 29th

My family is full of neatfreaks

They have their entire wardrobe planned out for the week.

They even labled their underwear "Monday", "Tuesday", "Wednesday", etc.

I decided I wanna do this too to try to be a little neater so I started labeling my underwear, too

Right now, I'm wearing February

4th July

If the 4th of July is independence Day, why isn't 17th February Shawshank redemption day? It was a much better film.

Many people will be celebrating alentines ay this year.

It's for the people who won't be getting any v or d this February 14th.

A blonde takes part in a game show

[Disclaimer: I don't know whether this counts as a joke, if not please tell me which subreddit would be suitable, 'cause it's actually a pretty fun "story"]

First question: how long did the Hundred Years War last?

a) 99 years

b) 116 years

c) 100 years

d) 150 years<...

Gosh time is moving so slowly

Seems like the longest February in a while

2020 is a unique leap year...

It has 29 days in February.

300 days in March.

And 5 years in April.

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