80s Jokes - 72 Hilarious 80s Jokes

When my friends talk about the 80s they think of boom boxes..i had to stop them.

That's just a stereo type

I had a fling with my clone back in the 80s

Dating myself a little, there.

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An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.

Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.

The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.

He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"

In the 80s, Britain only had three channels

BBC 1, BBC 2, and The English Channel

I'm here to do two things: Make love, and sing hit songs from the 80s...

...And I'm all out of love! I'm so lost without you!

A couple in their 80s

A couple in their 80's were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man get...

There’s a virus that makes us forget 80s music. It may be spreading.

No one knows the Cure

Richard Marx was a famous singer in the 80s

But did you know his sister, Onya, invented the starter pistol?

People think that just because I grew up in the ghetto back in the 80s, i should walk around carrying a big ol' boom box on my shoulder.

But I refuse to go with that stereotype.

TIL in the early '80s, Michael Jackson almost founded a Mexican restaurant, and "Billy Jean" was originally recorded as a promo for the restaurant

He was going to call it "Nacho Daddy"

I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80s bands.

There is no cure.

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An old Jewish man was dying of cancer in his late 80s.

When the time came and he had just few hours left, he was in his bed and asked his wife Marry if she was by his side. She answered “yes darling”.

“Marry do you remember when we were in our teens and the Second World War started, you were by my side.”

“Yes I was” replied Marry

“A...

I like Florida.

Everything is in the 80s: The people, the temperature, and the average IQ.

The 80s called...

and they sounded excited about the fact that they made an inventiron to ring people from the future.

Little known fact : in the 80s Sweden tried relying on...

.. exports of Wigs, Dentures and Prosthetic limbs, but it was a false economy.

What do Abraham Lincoln and an '80s sitcom have in common?

Both were shot before a live audience.

Isn't it strange how sometimes a random 80s rap song will start playing in your head for no reason?

I guess we just have to accept that the brain is a very complex organ, because it's like that, and that's the way it is.

Back in the 80s I asked my friend from soviet Russia how he felt living there.

He said he couldn’t complain.

Why wife keeps telling me to stop singing "stand and deliver" every day because it's too dated and 80s.

I refused. I was Adam ant.

I was in a band during the 80s called The Prevention.

We were better than the Cure.

'80s music always frightened me.

I was scared the rhythm really was gonna get me.

Heaven is where the music is from the 80s, the TV shows are from the 90s, and the internet is from the 2000s.

Hell, meanwhile, is where the music is from the 2000s, the TV shows are from the 80s and the internet is from the 90s.

I am a dyslexic with an obsession with 80s experimental music.

I can Phil it Collin in the air tonight

Here's a joke from the 80s

Ronald Reagan and Nancy Reagan are out to dinner. The waiter asks what the First Lady will have. She says, "I'd like the filet mignon, and a baked potato."

The waiter asks, "and the vegetable?"

Mrs. Reagan answers, "Oh, he'll have the same."

The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.

They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.

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Have you guys heard about the 80s tribute band releasing an album via OnlyFans?

They’re called Huey Lewd-is and the Nudes

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Told to me by an immigrant friend who was a Drill Sargent in the Russian army in the '80s

A Sargent and a Private are walking across a Soviet army base when they approach a General coming the other way. The enlisted men salute and the Sargent calls out:

"Sir, your top shirt button is unbuttoned!" (A serious faux pas, according to my friend).

The General is in no mood for it...

Whats another term for a warm 80s drink?

Mr. Tea

The Mitsubishi ASX is like any 60s/70s/80s celebrity.

It's old, attracts older people, has received many plastic surgeries, and just won't die already.

It's amazing how much has changed since the 80s

Back then we had a celebrity president with ultraconservative views and a cult following who was obsessed with a wall in the White House, a female Prime Minister with a complicated relationship with the EU and a total disregard for the poor of the country in Number Ten, the Russians were under a reg...

My gf loves the 80s music

I played Take On Me, and she decided to go out on a date with me.

Later I played More Than a Feeling, and we confessed our love for each other.

Shortly after I played Beat it, she punched me and said I was getting ahead of myself.

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her 80s

Though never married, she was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. Miss Beatrice invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young...

The band was playing cheesy 80s music

So I ran, I ran so far away.

What is Donald Trump's least favorite '80s band?

Foreigner

There is a Malaysian '80s cover band called "The Union."

What were they thinking, not going with "Durian Durian"?

Went to an 80s fancy dress party once, my wife didn’t want me to go as a pop star.

But I was adamant.

It is a little known fact that the Dutch pioneered genetic engineering.

Back in the 80s they had genetically engineered a strain of grain that ended up making musical tones when the wind blew across it.

They trade marked it as Holland Oats.

The United Nations refused to recognize the trade mark, saying "I can't go for that, no can do."

An 80s singer caught himself on fire, what does he do?

Stop, Drop, and Rick-Roll

I did a few fashion shoots with Marillion in the ‘80s.

It was very easy work... like shooting Fish in apparel.

The 80s, an American and a Russian are arguing about which country has more freedom.

The American says, “I can walk right up to the White House and shout 'Down with Reagan!' and nothing bad will happen to me.” The Russian replies, “Guess what? I can walk in front of Kremlin and shout 'Down with Reagan!' and nothing will happen to me either.”

Starting a sugar daddy dating site for people into 80s music.

I'm calling it Girls Just Wanna Have Funds.

Yesterday, I tried to relive the 80s and play some Super Mario Bros. When they say you can never go back, turns out it's true.

Mario just stops at the edge of the screen.

What do you call a spider that likes 80s music?

A Durantula.

They say an 80s D&D TV show couldn't work on a modern internet streaming platform

But Stranger Things has happened.

Why were some people living in the 80s so healthy?

Because they had good high jeans

An 88-Year Old Woman was interviewed by the local News after getting married for the fourth time...

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation.

“He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting,” the newsman thought. He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little ...

Disney is attempting to take over and brainwash our country by bringing back '80s Mickey Mouse merchandise

NOT ON MY WATCH!!

A man with a gun barged into the pub earlier and was threatening violence if the bar didn't play some classic 80s tunes.

Luckily The Police turned up and sorted him out.

Do you know how much pressure did the Cartel put on the Columbian goverment in the 80s?

1 escobar

What do you call an 80s pop star who castrates any man she meets?

Cyndi Lopper.

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A man in his 80s is talking to his friend

A man (Jerry) is talking to his friend, Bob. Both gentlemen are in their 80s. Jerry says to Bob "I just started taking viagra to help me make love to my wife." Bob says "But Jerry, don't know you know that can be fatal at your age?" Jerry replies "Hey, if she dies, she dies..."

My grandfather was a medical photographer who specialized in documenting infectious diseases. It's a miracle he survived well into his 80s...

Over the years, he told me he developed malaria, dengue, tuberculosis and dozens of unknown rashes.

If Bag Raiders were a Russian band debuting in the 80s, their hit song will be called...

Shooting Tsars

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Heard this on the 80s movie "Night Patrol" : What do you call two cows masturbating?

Beef Strokinoff.

Doctor: You have a disease, but we can treat it.

Patient: What’s the Cure?

Doctor: It’s an 80s rock band fronted by Robert Smith, but let’s try to stay focused...

In the late '80s, NBC's most popular sitcom was the Cosby Show, with ALF not far behind. Knowing what we know now, I guess you could call their weekly ratings battle

Alien vs. Predator.

Doctor: "Sir, the results are in. I'm afraid you have a serious case of 80s Rock Bands Alzheimer's"

Patient: "Oh my god. What is the cure??!"

How do kids tell you their grandparents called?

60s kids: Grandma called.

70s kids: Gramps called.

80s kids: Granny called.

90s kids: Grandmother called.

Kids now: Boomerang.

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In the mid-80s, there were 2 rich men who were constantly arguing over the purpose of the head on a man's penis.

One man insisted that it was for the pleasure of the man, and the other insisted that it was for the pleasure of the woman. Finally, they decided that they would fund research teams to settle the issue. The first team, from France, came back after 6 months and $600,000. the results of the study pro...

I asked my Apple Watch "what's the time?"

It said "an 80s funk band."

Rumor has it Tom Hanks just signed a deal to star in a sequel to one of his greatest 80s blockbusters.

Big, if true.

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No one prepared me for how many times I would hear “guess what” as a parent.

And as a child of the 80s, EVERY SINGLE TIME I have to try not to answer “chicken butt”…

I'm no expert on covid-19 but I do know the cure

They are an amazing band from the 80s.

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Al Gore is in the wrong line of work

Some people's names match their careers surprisingly well. Imagine a psychic named Krystal Ball or a stylist named Barbera Cutter.

But Al Gore is a failure in this regard. He had the perfect opportunity to start a math rock band in the 80s or 90s and just chose to not. It should have been fa...

Since we’re doing Readers Digest…

This is a true story, and one that my dad submitted and had published in RD back in the early 80s. It takes place in the early 60s. I’m typing it here from memory.

“My friend and I were driving between 2 rural Indiana towns during a winter blizzard when we ran out of gas. With only $5 to our ...

What do Michael Jackson and the Berlin Wall have in common?

They were both really big in the 80s, and then bits started falling off of them.

How many Metalheads does it take to screw in a light bulb?

100.

1 to screw it in, and 99 to tell you that light bulbs were better in the 80s.

I got fired from my job at the bank today...

An elderly lady around her 80s walked in and asked me to check her balance...

So I pushed her over.

I finally convinced my hillbilly friend to get a Covid vaccination, but he doesn’t want Moderna.

He says, “ just because she sang some good pop songs back in the 80s don’t mean she knows how to make a vaccine!”.

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In the time of the Ottoman Empire, there was a wedding.

Back then, weddings were pretty big, and also long. People used to travel tens or hundreds of kilometers to attend at a wedding. For that reason, they would stay for a few days as guests. They would normally sleep in really big rooms, on the floor, and women and men would normally be separated... ...

Old one I've never seen on here

This joke was in a book I had as a young child, probably from the 70s or 80s. It's so ridiculous, I remember it to this day.

Q: How do you kill a blue elephant?

A: Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you kill a white elephant?

A: Hold its nose un...

Trampolines use to be called jumpolines

Until your mom used one back in the 80s

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