I loaned my girlfriend $100 sometime soon after we met. After 3 years, when I broke up with her, she returned exactly $100.

I guess I just lost interest in that relationship.

Genie: You have 3 wishes.

Me: I've seen this before. Whatever I wish for will come back and bite me in some way.

Genie: I promise that won't happen. I'm so sure it won't I'll give you infinite wishes if it does.

Me: Okay. I wish for a boomerang with teeth.

Genie: You son of a...

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

A king has 3 cups in front of him. The first 2 cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name?

King Philip III

In Jamaica, a slice of pie costs $3.50. In the Bahamas, a slice of pie costs $5.50.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.

Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me

I'm fine - i only suffered super fish oil injuries

Did you hear about the 3 holes in the ground?

Well, well, well...

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3 Cowboys NSFW

Three cowboys sat around a campfire, all exchanging tall tales about how tough they all were.

The first cowboy says “I’m the toughest of the bunch. I was out in the tall grass, looking for a good spot to take a piss. All the sudden this snake appears. And you can see in its eyes, it’s out fo...

[Dad Jokes] 3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with.

So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.



*Wow this blew up!! I didn't expect it to get so many upvotes! THANK YOU! I heard this joke from my friend today and I decided to share it with Reddit.*

*Thank you for the silver! First time receivi...

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An old pilot is telling some schoolchildren about his days in the airforce. He says, "so there were 3 fuckers to the right of me, 1 fucker behind me and 2 fuckers to my left". The teacher interrupts, "you see children, the Fokker was a German plane".

The pilot replies, "that may be, but these fuckers were in Messerschmidts".

A perfectly triangular lake has 3 kingdoms on its 3 sides.

The first kingdom is rich and powerful, filled with wealthy, prosperous people, the second is more humble, but has its fair share of wealth and power. The third kingdom is struggling and poor, and barely has an army.

The kingdoms eventually go to war over control of the lake, as it's a valuab...

The repairs on big ben are expected to take 3 years

That's a long time considering they're working around the clock

An Irishman walks into a bar and orders 3 pints of Guinness.

He then proceeds to take a sip from the first, then a sip from the second, then a sip from the third, and starts again with a sip from the first, then second and so on.

The bartender asks what he was up to, and he replied "I have 2 brothers, one lives in New York and one in Sydney, and since ...

Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes

Me: I wish for a world without lawyers

Genie: Done, you have no more wishes

Me: But you said 3!

Genie: Sue me

Statistics say that 1 out of 3 people in a relationship is unfaithful.

I just need to work out if that’s my wife or my girlfriend

Interviewer: how do you explain the 3 year gap on your resume?

Me: oh, that was when I went to Yale

Interviewer: Amazing, you are hired!

Me: hurray! I got a Yob!

3 guys are on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with

…so they throw one cigarette off the boat to make the boat a cigarette lighter

What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 act like an idiot?

Don’t mind him. He’s just a product of our times.

Went to the book store for the Christmas sale “1/3 off all titles”

I got a lovely copy of “The Lion, The Witch”

3 unwritten rules of life...

1.

2.

3.

3 Men die and go to Heaven.... And there are ducks everywhere

Saint Peter's there like "one rule: don't step on any ducks"

The first man steps on one duck and Saint Peter's brings an ugly girl. "For stepping on a duck, you will be chained to this ugly girl for eternity!!!"

The second man doesn't step on a duck for 3 days but once he does Saint Pe...

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Three men are sitting in a bar with a buy 3 get one free special

One says, "this deal is crap, we could go down the street to McVee's, it's buy two get one free"

The second guy says, "yeah well I always go to O'Donnell's, it's buy one get one."

The third says, "that's nothing, I know a bar that gives you the first *three* beers for free, then they t...

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The human sperm cell contains around 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25 ml and takes 5 seconds. Therefore the average bandwidth of the human penis is about 1687 TB/s

I know, I know that’s a lot of information to swallow.

3 strings walk into a bar and sit down at a booth.

The first string goes up to the bar and asks the bartender for 3 beers. The bartender says “We don’t serve strings here, you should leave.”

The string goes back to his buddies and tells them the bad news. The second string is furious, and approaches the bar, and demands 3 beers with his money...

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3 men are off to prison, and they can each bring one item with them

The first mentions his carton of cigarettes. Not only can he smoke it, but he can trade it too.

The second mentions deck of cards. It has always helped him pass the time, and jail is definitely no exception.

The two guys look at the third, who is just quietly staring off into the dista...

My wife got mad because I lost £3,420 gambling. Jesus, woman! It's not even YOUR money...

Anymore.

3 women die and go to heaven. The only rule? Do NOT step on a duck.

3 women die and go to heaven. God tells them that they are free to do as they please, but there is only one rule. Never. Step. On. A. Duck. Seems easy enough.

The next day the first woman steps on a duck. POOF! She is suddenly handcuffed to a really ugly guy. The other 2 women make sure to be...

3 men die and go to heaven

At the Pearly Gates they're greeted by Saint Peter

Saint Peter: I will let you into heaven if you can show me a spirit of Christmas

The first man pulls out a leaf from his pocket and says "this represents the Christmas tree"

He is allowed into heaven

The second man pull...

There are 3 types of people in this world.

Those who are good at math.

And those who aren’t.

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3 guya are hiking through the woods when they find a lamp...

3 guys are hiking through the woods when they find a lamp

One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie.

It booms "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately blurts out "I want a billion dollars." ...

When I was 3, I had a pet snail.

I always wondered why it was so slow. After a while I figured "maybe it's that shell of his"
So I removed it, but it didn't make him any faster.
He became really sluggish.

3 guys fall asleep in a barn

.And when they woke up in the morning, the guy on the right says " I just had the best dream last night, I dreamt I was being given a handjob!"

The guy on the left then said "really? I also dreamed I was being given a handjob!"

The guy who slept on the middle then says I dreamt that I ...

There are only 3 things I hate:

1. Irony
2. Unfinished lists
3.

As a child I had a medical condition where I had to eat dirt 3 times a day in order to survive

Luckily my older brother told me about it

Credit to comedian Milton Jones, original author of the joke

3 drunk friends get into a taxi

The driver thinks that they're drunk af so they wouldn't know anything. So he just starts the engine, drives 100 meters and stops like, "here you go boys. We have reached."

The first guy says, "Wow. Time is fast jason. Isn't it?" And gets off the car

The second guy goes like, "Andrew ...

What do you call a 3-legged donkey

A wonky

3 spies from England, France and Italy were sent to the USSR.

After a week they were captured and put in jail. The Russians took the English spy, tied and tortured him and after 20 minutes he gave all the info.
Then the Russians took the French spy. They tied and tortured him, and after 20 minutes he too gave all the info.
Then they took the Italian ...

This genie has only 3 wishes

Three friends stranded on a deserted island find a magic lamp. Inside this magic lamp is a genie who agrees to grant each friend one wish.

"I want to go home," says the first friend. The genie grants her wish.

"I want to go home too," says the second friend. The genie then sends her ho...

Genie: You have 3 wishes

...but no wish for more wishes, more genies, or more lamps, ha!

Me (being a smartass): I wish you were reaaaaally bad at counting.

Genie: Sure boy, you have zero wishes left.

There are 3 things I love:

Eating my family and not using commas

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A King is going on an adventure in a faraway land leaving his beautiful queen.So He ask for his 3 brave knights to guard her he is away.

But in doing so,He put an improvised penis guillotine to the queens vagina.

Then after a year,The king came back,Then He ordered the first knight to strip.

KING:ITS CUT!THROW HIM TO THE LIONS!

KNIGHT 1:NOOOO!

Then he ordered the 2nd knight to strip!

KING:ITS CUT TO...

A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3.He says"uno, dos..."poof.

He disappeared without a tres.

So there were 3 Mathematicians and 3 Engineers...

... and they were all traveling to the same conference. At the train station, the mathematicians each bought a train ticket, and the engineers only bought one to share between the three of them.

"What a bunch of idiots," the mathematicians said. "When the ticket master comes through, they'll ...

You know why the maoist china police used to walk in group of 3?

One could read, one could write, and the third one had to keep an eye on those dangerous intellectuals.

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3 days remaining - Not Nut November has been so tough for me

Every time I crave for almond, I control the urge by masturbating.

The band 4 Non Blondes changed their name to 3 Non Blondes...

Because the 4th one dyed.

I was voted most likely to succeed in 3 things.

Bad jokes and maths

I’m a proud parent of 3 Unvaccinated kids

Edit: 2 kids

Edit: 1 kid

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My grandad is always complaining about how much things cost. ‘£1.50 for a cup of tea, £2.25 for 3 custard creams…’

I said ‘Look grandad, you just popped round I didn’t fucking invite you’

This joke ends in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 3, 2, 1

It’s a fourgone conclusion.

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3 guys were on a plane

Three guys were on a plane to try skydiving. The 1st guy throws an apple and jumps out. He lands to find a child crying. He asks the child what was wrong.
The child says "an apple came from the sky an hit me on the head" the man apologises
The second guy throws a banana and jumps....

What do you call it when an anti vaxxer’s 3 year old daughter has a temper tantrum?

A midlife crisis

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What’s the difference between a bad joke and 3 dicks?

Your mom can’t take a joke

What's 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat and 1/2 goat?

Chicago

There are 3 old ladies sitting on a park bench.

A man in a trench-coat walks by and flashes them.

2 of the old ladies have a stroke.

The other one couldn't reach that far.

I picked a random number generator, but it only goes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, ...

Apparently, if you want a random number generator, you shouldn't pick a number generator at random.

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3 jews are trying to escape Germany [OC I hope]

3 jews are trying to escape Germany during ww2, but they get lost and are unable to find the border.

While walking they see a gestapo officer.

"I'm going to ask him where the border is" says the first of the jews. The other 2 try to stop him but he won't listen and runs off to ask the...

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At kindergarten. Teacher: What new sounds you heard at the farm today? Kid 1: Moo. Kid 2: Oink. Kid 3: Quack...

Kid 4: get the fuck off my truck!

The "Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar" joke has been posted 3 times in the last 2 weeks

You can't tell me that's just a coincidence!

A man is declared dead in the emergency room with 3 nurses present.

Noticing he has a hardon, the first nurse says:
"I wouldn't want it to go to waste", and rides him.
The second nurse agrees, and does the same.
The third nurse says she's on her period, but that a little blood won't do anything.
After they're all done, the man suddenly wakes up, feelin...

3. A man is flying in a hot-air balloon and realizes he is lost.

He reduces height and spots a man below. He lowers the balloon farther and shouts, "Excuse me! Can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot-air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist. 

"I am," replies...

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When 3 people have sex it’s called a threesome. When 2 people have sex it’s called a twosome.

They still call me handsome

3 word joke

Whiteboards are remarkable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 wives walk into a bar.

Three wives walk into a bar talking about their sex life. The first one smiles and mentions she can fit a cucumber. The second one, not so impressed, says she could fit her whole arm, then, both of them turn to ask the third one, but she was sliding down the stool.

What do you call a Vampire whose car breaks down 3 miles from the blood bank?

A cab!

I scored a 175 on an IQ test with just 3 simple questions

1. My credit card number
2. My social security number
3. Uploading a scan of my birth certificate

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3 prostitutes were drinking in a bar

After a few too many drinks the women began to boast about how much they can fit inside themselves.

The first woman took a sip of her drink and proceeded to push her fist up to her wrist into her pussy, confident that she had won the competition she sat back and smiled.

The second woma...

[NSFW] The average length is 2 to 3 inches, while the African species can grow to over 11 inches.

Porcupine quills really are fascinating

3 women of different hair colours get shipwrecked on a small desert island 1km away from a civilised island.

The first woman, who has brown hair, attempts to swim to the civilised island, but only gets 200 metres before getting tired and swimming back. The next woman, with black hair, sees the first one’s attempt and also tries. She gets 400 metres before tiring and swimming back. The blonde then has a try...

Why did the physics teacher only allow 3 VIPs to his party?

Because he only wanted 3 significant figures.

3 nuns are travelling in a bus when it crashes...

All of the nuns died instantly, and find themselves standing in front of the Pearly Gates, where St Peter is waiting for them.

He said to the nuns, "Before I can let you in to heaven you each have to answer a question."

To the first nun, St Peter asks "Where did Adam meet the first wo...

3 men walk into a bar...

... you think at least one of them would have seen it.

3 guys go to heaven

Three guys go to heaven. When at the gates, God encounters the three and welcomes them.

"Heaven has a lot of good things to offer, but I must warn you about the pink clouds. Don't ever touch them, or something bad will happen."

The three guys enter the gates and go for a walk

Af...

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat. You get fat.


What? Like I would make a pie joke on my cake day?

3 hookers are chatting in a bar

The first says "I've worked it so much I can fit a squash up there." The second says "that's nothing, I can stick a melon up mine." The third just smiles and slowly slides down the bar stool.

3 blondes are lost in the desert

They come across a river that they have to get over, but it's swarming with crocodiles.

Luckily, a genie just happened to pass by on his flying carpet. He said: "Ah, you are lucky! As I have found you here, I will grant each of you one wish."

The first blonde wished she was an excellen...

What do you call a pie without 3.14?

2.718

3 Hippos fall from a plane. 2 land on the beach and one lands in the water.

Ba-Dum Tsssh!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman pregnant with triplets , 2 girls and a boy, was walking down the street when she was shot 3 times in the stomach

Somehow, miraculously , she and all 3 of her babies survived. 19 years later she’s at a family reunion and her first daughter comes up to her , visibly shaken. She says “mom, I just pissed out a bullet and I’m freaking out!” She sits down and holds her head in her hands , panicking. The mom figures ...

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There are 4 cows. 1 mom, 3 babies.

The first baby walks up to her and says, “ Mommy, why am I called Rose?” Mama says, “ Its because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head.” The second baby walks up and says, “Mommy, why is my name Lily?” Mama says, “ That is because when you were born, a lily petal fell on your head.” Th...

3 people applying for a job at the CIA to be a spy

They were each handed an envelope which says DO NOT OPEN. And were given an instruction to go to the elevator and proceed to the 7th floor

The first and second applicant followed the instruction.

The 3rd applicant headed to the elevator, and when the elevator door closes, his curiosit...

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3 men went on a skiing vacation

They ordered a lodge to sleep in, but when the got there, there was only 1 bed, so they had to all share it. The next morning the 2 men on the sides were covered in cum, while the middle one was fairly clean. They all came to a consensus that someone jerked off over night. The 2 on the sides both sa...

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3 men are caught smuggling alcohol into Saudi Arabia

As it's a "dry" country, the men are brought before a judge.

Judge: "Under normal circumstances, the penalty for smuggling is death. However, it's a national holiday and I'm feeling generous, so you'll each receive 20 lashings."

As he says this, his wife approaches the judge and whispe...

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A man had 3 girlfriends...

He wanted to settle down finally and marry someone. He had no idea about whom to choose, so he gave each one of them 10k$ and asked them to spend it in the best way possible.

The first one bought clothes and cosmetics for herself.

The second one put it in her savings saying it will he...

A mother had 3 children.

One asks her "Why is my name Rose?"

To which the mother responds "Because a rose petal fell on your head on the way out from the hospital when you were born."

Another asks "Why am I called Lily?"

"A lily petal fell on your head the day you were born." The mother answers.

...

Someone just throw a handful of Omega 3 capsules at me.

I'm OK though, they are just super fish oil injuries.

There are 3 people in a car

The American one said turn right,

The Soviet commie one said turn left,

The Chinese one said to signal left but then turn right.

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A 3 year old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath."Mom", he asked, "are these my brain?"

"Not yet", she replied.

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?

A wonky

I am so sorry about that one. My 6 year old cousin came running to me with that one, then proceeded to spend 30 minutes crying with laughter as if he is the best comedian.

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3 couples die and go to heaven. St Peter is at the gate. He is asking each couple for their names ...

“Bill and Penny” The first couple say.
“I’m sorry but I cannot let anyone in who has a name associated with money” St Peter tells them.
“Jack and Brandy” The second couple say.
“I’m sorry but I cannot let anyone in who has a name associated with alcohol” St Peter tells them.
“Hey Fanny, ...

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3 blondes are walking along some tracks.

The first one says "hey these are bear tracks!"

The second says "no they are raccoon tracks."

The third says "no, they're deer tracks."

Then the train hit them.

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My Halloween costume is 3/5ths done

I'm going as a black man

I challenged the number 1 to a fight, but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.

The odds were against me.

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A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed,

A father put his 3 year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which ended by her saying,
"God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and good-bye Grandpa."

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye Grandpa?'

The little girl said, "I don't know...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sexy <3

A woman visited her doctor for her annual exam. The doctor asked, “Are you and your husband sexually active?” “Yes,” the woman said. “We have verbal sex everyday.” “Verbal sex?I think you mean oral sex” the doctor said. “I mean verbal sex.” the woman said.

“Every morning my husband and I pass...

3 nuns are talking in a monastery...

3 nuns are talking in a monastery when the first one says.... “Sisters, I have a confession to make. A few weeks ago I found condoms in Father Johns nightstand!”

“What ever did you do?” ask the second Nun.

“I poked a bunch of holes in them!” the first Nun says.

The third Nun let...

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My girlfriend and I began having sex at 1:58AM this morning and didn't stop until 3:01AM.

Thanks daylight savings!

There are 3 types of Dracula that use Reddit

Those that can Count Dracula, and those that can't.

A woman who's 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma

6 months later, she awakens and asks the doctor about her baby.

DOCTOR: You actually had twins, a boy and a girl, and they're both fine. Luckily, we had your brother name the children for you

WOMAN: Oh no! Not my brother! He's an actual idiot. What did he name the girl?

DOCTOR: ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Buck was selling his car and a girl named Kelly was interested in buying it. He said it’s $4,000. She thought a minute and said, “How about $3,500 and a blow job?” He smiled and replied “You’ve got a deal!” . . .

He was excited he got the
“Kelly Blew Buck” price!!

I have invented a golf ball that if its at least 3 ft from the hole it will go in.

Just dont put them in your back pocket......

My younger brother took his life 3 years ago. Always a comedian, here’s his cheesiest joke

Farmesan the dairy farmer is feeling bleu because of a string of falls he's been suffering. He calls up his doctor, Dr. Edam JaColby, and tells him "Doc, I'm in so much paineer!"and schedules an appointment. So Farmesan carephilly stumbles over to the clinic. "You mozzarella needed to see me cause y...

A man is diagnosed with cancer and has 3 days to live

So he grabs his son to go to the bar. For two days the man and his son drink and have fun. Eventually some of his friends notice the strange behavior. They approach him and ask, “What’s wrong?” The man says “ I got diagnosed with HIV and only have one more day to live.” The friends give their condo...

There are 3 kinds of people

Those that can count and those that can’t

I had to dump 3 girls, now I'm dating a girl from the zoo.

I think she's a keeper.

What do you call 3 Mexican guys walking through your property?

Tres passing.

Man: Hey! How much is your consultation fee? Lawyer : $100- for 3 questions.

Man: That's pretty expensive isn't it?

Lawyer : Yes, now what is your third question.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 weeks ago, I decided that to stop my addiction I’d donate $1 to charity every time I masturbate.

I’ve already donated $100 to the Cancer Research Foundation.

What do Jesus and the 3.5" floppy share in common?

They both died to become the icon of saving.

3 little kids, Leafy, Rainy and Bricky.

They were asking their mother about their names.

Leafy asked:

— Mama, why is my name Leafy?

The Mother answered:

— Cause when you were born a Leaf fell on your head

Then Rainy asked:

— Mama, why is my name Rainy?

— Because when your were born, the wat...

LOST DOG - 3 legged - blind in one eye - missing left ear - broken tail - recently castrated

Answers to "LUCKY"

I have 3 eyes , 2 noses and a mouth. What am i ?

Ugly.

3 years ago I married my best friend..

My girlfriend was angry, but me and Dave thought it would be hilarious

I saw a snake that's exactly 3.14 meters long.

I called it a πthon.

When you spend 3 hours in line at Jenny Craig to see a weight loss consultant . . .

You over wait.

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A woman pregnant with triplets goes into a grocery store and gets shot 3 times in the stomach during a robbery...

She is rushed to the hospital and all known tests are run on her. The doctor approaches her and tells her the children are all fine, but it's too late in the pregnancy to safely remove the bullets. They would fall out in their own time.

The woman gives birth to 3 healthy kids. Two girls, and ...

There was a lady with 3 sons, named Rain, Snow and Brick

One day Rain asked his mom, "Mom why am i named Rain?" "Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born.” Then Snow asked his mom, “Why is my name ‘Snow’?” “Because a snowflake fell on your head when you were born.” Then Brick asked his mom, “URGUTUREWESADJ”

4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.

The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.

The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men survive a plane crash in the jungle.

Paddy, an Irishman, Jock, a Scotsman, and Edward, an Englishman.
The three men band together and set off in search of civilisation. After many hours trekking through the jungle the men come across 3 rotting dead birds.
“I’m not eating that!” Says a disgusted Edward.
“Aye it’s covered in ...

There were 3 Friends, their names were I don't know, manners, and your mom.

One day, the trio go out for a ride, they stop to take a bathroom break, and after a bit, they forgot your mom at the gas station!

I don't know waits in the car and sends manners to get your mom. suddenly, a police officer notices the stopped car and asks I don't know some questions. His firs...

Old Soviet joke. What is huge, noisy, eats 20 liters of gas per hour and cuts apples in 3 pieces?

Soviet machine that cuts apples in 4 pieces.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

1. Cockadoodle 2. Yabba Dabba 3. Voo 4. Sea 5. Didgeri

My to doo list

3 men are arrested...

Three men; a Russian, a swede, and a German have been arrested, and they've all been given a 6 month sentence.



Their warden however, is friendly and grants them all a 6 month supply of anything they want.



Upon hearing this, the Russian man jumps up in joy,


...

3 vampire brothers want to see who is the strongest

The first brother flies off at 100mph and comes back 10 minutes later. His mouth was covered in blood. “You see the mansion over there?” Said the first brother, “I sucked everybody in there dry.”

The second vampire said “That’s nothing” and flew off at 150mph and came back 5 minutes later wit...

The 3 robbers

There was a group of 3 robbers, one named billy, one named, bob, and one named jeff. One day jeff suggested that they rob a bank. They all thought that this was a good idea so they found a bank and the next day after they planned t out they went to rob it. However once they got to the safe the reali...

I once knew a homeless man named Cuatro Cinco. He would stand on the corner all day yelling, "Count 1,2,3... Count 1,2,3!!!"

One day I asked him,"Why should I count 1,2,3?"

He replied, "Because, Cuatro Cinco says!"

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the
door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is p...

A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them off to college...

"I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that.  However, I want you to appreciate it.  As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened.  His sons became a doctor, a lawyer and a financial pl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you have one big shit, and divide it into 3 equal parts and throw 2 of them away. What are you left with?

One turd.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire among them.

3 vampires are having a competition to prove who's the most vicious vampire among them.
The strongest one started 1st, "watch this," He said as he flies so fast, about 100 miles/hour. After only 10 minutes, he comes back with blood all over his mouth. "what happened?" they asked. "did you see tha...

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