Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

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I saw 2 guys in matching outfits and asked if they were gay...

They arrested me.

A king has 3 cups in front of him. The first 2 cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name?

King Philip III

Why didn't 4 ask out 5

Because he was 2².

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The human sperm cell contains around 37.5 MB of information. There are about 100 million sperm cells per ml; the average ejaculation is about 2.25 ml and takes 5 seconds. Therefore the average bandwidth of the human penis is about 1687 TB/s

I know, I know that’s a lot of information to swallow.

2 fish in a tank. One says to the other,

How do you drive this thing

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An old pilot is telling some schoolchildren about his days in the airforce. He says, "so there were 3 fuckers to the right of me, 1 fucker behind me and 2 fuckers to my left". The teacher interrupts, "you see children, the Fokker was a German plane".

The pilot replies, "that may be, but these fuckers were in Messerschmidts".

A couple have been married 25 years, and one day, the husband found a box in the attic with three bonnets and $2,500.

He asked his wife and she responded, "Every time I got mad at you, I knitted a bonnet." The husband was proud that in 25 years, he had only angered his wife three times.

"OK," he said, "that explains the bonnets, but what about the $2,500 dollars?"

The wife smiled and said, "That's mon...

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There are 2 farmers, Jim and Bob, sitting in a Bar having a beer..

Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take.

"Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," t...

2 "walks into a bar" jokes

1. So A dislexic kid walks into a bra...

2. A peice of rope walks into a bar, the bartender says "we dont serve your kind here". The rope walks out of the bar and unties the knot on his head, he walks back in and the bartender asks, "are you the same rope that was in here a minute ago?" And...

What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 act like an idiot?

Don’t mind him. He’s just a product of our times.

My friend was killed by a 2 ton sack of falling chickpeas

The police verdict? Hummuscide.

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What's the difference between a 2 and a 9?

A sexual harassment charge

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2 Nuns and a condom

Two nuns were in back of the convent smoking cigarettes when one said, "It's bad enough that we have to sneak out here to smoke, but it really is a problem getting rid of the cigarette butts so that Mother Superior doesn't find them."

The second nun said, "I've found a marvellous invention ca...

I can’t remember wheather I had been with my girlfriend for 1 year or 2.

But I know it's <3

Doctor: your time has come, 2 minutes left for you to live.

Patient: "opens darude sandstorm"

Doctor: but it's almost 4 minutes long

God: it's ok

Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors?

Because if they had 4, they’d be chicken sedans

My girlfriend says I only have 2 faults.

I don't listen and something else...

2 people walk into a bar...

You would have thought the second one would’ve seen it.

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When I was a younger lad I was blessed with an 8 1/2" penis

Unfortunately it belonged to father O'Malley

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This is OC just made it up 2 minutes ago

So a teacher starts class by talking about responsibility, and says, “As you know, we’re all human, and we all make mistakes, but...” and just then, Johnny raised his hand, and the teacher called on him.

“Actually, I’ve never made a mistake.”

“There’s no way on earth Johnny, everyone ...

Why can’t 2 caucasians make an Asian child?

Because two whites don’t make Wong

I saw a kid being beaten up by 2 other kids so I decided to help

No way that little brat can resist the three of us

Today I stopped at this roadside stand that said “Lobster Tails: $2”.

So I paid my $2 and the guy said, “Once upon a time there was this lobster…”

What if I was to kill 2 men with a ladder?

Would I be causing co-ladder-al damage?

What's the difference between 2% milk, whole milk and a pack of cigarettes?

I don't know my father didn't get home from the store yet.

Two people recently got into a machete match over Frozen 2

I guess they just couldn't let it go

Take 4 and subtract 2 from it. What's left?

The opposite of right

What’s 69 times 2?

Dinner for four.

A mother was pregnant with triplets.(2 girls, one boy)

A guy enters her hospital room and shoots three bullets into her stomach, which hit each of the three children.

The babies luckily survive, but the mother dies.

Ten years later...

One of the girls run up to her dad and says, "Daddy, I went to the bathroom and out came a bullet!"...

What do you call 2 dogs with no legs on a leash?

A drag race

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2 cowboys talking about sex.

1st cowboy says "I like the rodeo position !"

"I haven't heard of that ... " says the other cowboy, "what is it ?"

"Well get your girlfriend down on all fours and mount her from behind. Then reach round and cup both of her breasts and whisper "these feel just like your sisters" and t...

You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them. Michael Jackson was right...

You've been hit by, you've been stuck by, a smooth criminal.

What happens when you drop a 14lb weight on 2 canaries?

You kill 2 birds with one stone.

2 Irish men get the idea to sell crocodile shoes

2 Irish men get the idea to sell crocodile shoes after seeing an expensive pair in a Dublin City shop.

They fly to Africa, set up beside a notorious crocodile infested lake and go to work.

After a long day the 2 men have left a long line of dead crocodiles all along the lake shore.
...

There are 2 Scouse men sat at a table

Man 1: ‘There has been a fire at Tesco’s!’

Man 2: ‘Has there?!’

Man 1: ‘No, Tesco’s!’

Everyday I Think About Success And I think About Death, Put 2 and 2 Together What Do you Get?

Medium wage.
I’ll see myself out.

I picked a random number generator, but it only goes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, ...

Apparently, if you want a random number generator, you shouldn't pick a number generator at random.

You know what’s really odd? Numbers not divisible by 2

That joke was so bad I can’t even

The "Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar" joke has been posted 3 times in the last 2 weeks

You can't tell me that's just a coincidence!

It's depressing to hear that a child can drown in just 2 inches of water.

I mean it's 2019. Why aren't we using metric yet?

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At kindergarten. Teacher: What new sounds you heard at the farm today? Kid 1: Moo. Kid 2: Oink. Kid 3: Quack...

Kid 4: get the fuck off my truck!

2 brothers open a weed shop.

It was a joint effort.

What's 3/7 chicken, 2/3 cat and 1/2 goat?

Chicago

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When 3 people have sex it’s called a threesome. When 2 people have sex it’s called a twosome.

They still call me handsome

A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people,

94% are too lazy to actually read that number.

A guy walks into a bar and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

I was wondering, whispers the man, "are you t...

An electrician didn't get home until after 2 a.m.

His wife asked, "Wire you insulate?"

He replied, "Watts it to you? I'm ohm, aren't I?"

What did the cannibal say to the 2 people fighting?

Food fight.

2 guys on the road. One was digging a hole , the other one waited a minute and filled the hole back.

Then they moved on and after about 10 feet they did the same - digging up , waiting a minute , and filling it back up.

They went on doing this the whole morning, covering almost 3 miles of land.

One guy who was watching them eagerly just couldn’t resist any more, and asked - are yo...

[NSFW] The average length is 2 to 3 inches, while the African species can grow to over 11 inches.

Porcupine quills really are fascinating

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I had sex with 2 Thai prostitutes and it was like winning the lottery.

Because there was six matching balls

There are 2 types of people in the world:

Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data.

2 electricians got into an argument..

It went on for 5 days.. they just couldn't find any common ground.

Shocking.

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When Lorena Bobbitt famously cut off her husbands wiener and drove across town with it, she decided to throw it out the car window and when she did it hit the windshield of the car behind her with 2 old ladies in it, the driver said “what kind of bug was that!?” and the passenger said,..

“I don’t know but did you see the dick on that thing?!”

Identical twins, given up at birth are separated and adopted by 2 different families.

One family takes one of the twins back to their home in Mexico and the other boy is sent to live with a family in Egypt.

Years later the birth parents receive a letter from their son in Mexico and inside the letter is a picture of him.

Ecstatic, the husband runs to his wife to show h...

It is said that there are 2 constants, taxes and death. but with coming technology it may be possible to remove one!

That's right, Death!

It takes 2 people to make a problem

My parents

Somebody asked me "where do you see yourself in 2 months?"

I said "i dont know, i dont have 2020 vision"

So 2 atoms were walking down the street...

One suddenly says: “Oh no, I think I lost an electron!”
The other one asks: “Are you sure man?”
He says: “Yes, I’m positive.”

What's 11 plus 2 plus 4 minus 17?

A lot of work for nothing.



Credit: My nine year old and his joke book.

A good accountant says 2+2=4, a bad accountant 2+2=5, a great accountant

Asks what you want 2+2 equal to

My Grandfather survived pepper spray and mustard gas during world war 2

He’s a seasoned veteran.

Her: What do you do? (Version 2.0)

**First Date at a restaurant**

Her: What do you do?

Me: (*Holds up menu*) You just choose a meal from this book of food

3 Hippos fall from a plane. 2 land on the beach and one lands in the water.

Ba-Dum Tsssh!

An old Team Fortress 2 joke. Probably applicable to a few other team shooters, too.

The Heavy Weapons Guy woke up one morning to a bit of distress. His stomach was tied up in knots, forcing him into the bathroom for much of the day. After a few hours of this painful nonsense, he sought out the Medic for some professional advice.

"Ah," the Medic exclaimed in his exaggerated...

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A woman pregnant with triplets , 2 girls and a boy, was walking down the street when she was shot 3 times in the stomach

Somehow, miraculously , she and all 3 of her babies survived. 19 years later she’s at a family reunion and her first daughter comes up to her , visibly shaken. She says “mom, I just pissed out a bullet and I’m freaking out!” She sits down and holds her head in her hands , panicking. The mom figures ...

Wow I got all this for free today. iPhone, some weed, and $2 000

... it’s like this gun is magic!

I like toilets for 2 reasons:

Number 1:
And number 2.

2 Aspirins Does The Trick...

Bob comes home drunk, get's 2 aspirins and shoves it in his wife's mouth whilst she's asleep.

She wakes up startled and says: "What the hell are doing Bob?"

Bob than says: "I placed 2 aspirins in your mouth!"

Wife: "Are you on drugs?? I do not have a headache!!!"

Bob: "...

I recorded 2 countries having a conversation. Here it is

‘Oman?’
Yemen!’

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Poop jokes aren’t my favorite jokes

But they’re a solid number 2.

2 astronauts are in the ISS having breakfast

One asks the other, "can I have some milk for my coffee?"


The other replies, "in space, no one can. Here, use cream"

Over 2,000 children go missing every day.

You'd think some of them got the hint the first time round.

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A Policeman stops an old women carrying 2 sacks.

One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?”

She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my...

What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?

My Chemical Romance

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FATHER FLY: 2 things you need to know...

BABY FLY: OK?

FATHER FLY: We live for 24 hours.

BABY FLY: Oh...

FATHER FLY: and you eat shit your entire life.

BABY FLY: Do you think maybe if we didn’t eat shit we could live longer?... Dad? Dad wake up!

My tinder profile says I'm 6 feet, 2 inches, and 195 pounds, but the girls I match with are always furious when we meet.

I guess they don't realize those are three separate measurements.

This will give 1 or 2% a chuckle...

Two milk cartons and a bottle of creamer were discussing an issue:

Whole: I think we’ve covered the Whole thing.

Skim: Really? We just Skimmed over it.

Creamer: I would normally side with Whole on this point, but I’m actually Half and Half.

Once upon a time 2 kids were playing hide and seek

Their names were Shut Up, and Trouble. It was Trouble's turn to seek, so Shut Up went and ran into his neighbor's yard. His neighbor went onto his front lawn, upon seeing Shut Up he asked "what's your name, and why are you on my property?" to which Shut Up calmly replied, "Shut Up"

Neighbor: ...

A man wakes up at 2:22 sharp and gets dressed.

He goes down to the coffee shop and his order comes to $2.22. He finds $2 on his windshield and arrives to work in exactly 2 minutes. “All these 2s” he thinks “ maybe it could mean something”

So he goes down to the hound racing at bets all his savings, his house and his car on #2 and watches ...

Just burned 2,000 calories.

That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

2 christians were stranded in a desert.

The first was called John and the second was called Jack. They were extremely hungry and thirsty.

In the distance, they saw a mosque gleaming in the middle of no where.

John suggested to go and pay the mosque's Imam a visit and ask for some food and water. Jack agreed but suggested to ...

A slice of apple pie in Jamaica costs 2.50. The same pie costs 3.00 in the Bahamas.

These are the pie-rates of the Caribbean.

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A man and his son recently moved to Texas. One Saturday afternoon they decided to take a walk through the park. During the walk the boy sees 2 cowboys walk by.

“Dad, look at those bow-legged bastards!”

The father is surprised by this and tells his son that that is not very nice language to use.

A few minutes later, 2 more cowboys walk by and again the boy yells, “Dad, look at those bow legged bastards!”

The father, quite upset now turn...

There's 2 types of people; those that understand...

... a false dichotomy and those that would rather burn to death in a fire.

A group of 2nd, 3rd and 4th graders, accompanied by 2 female teachers, went on a field trip to the local race track to learn about thoroughbred horses and the sporting industry, but mostly to see the horses.

When it was time to take the children to the toilet, it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the gents when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal...

A man told me about the 2 scariest things in the world. The first is when a spider appears in your home.

The second is when it disappears.

2 chickens are sitting in a bar...

One of the chickens pulls a gun out of nowhere, and shoots himself in the head. He died instantly.

The other chicken was sad, but lived on the rest of his life. He had a family, grew old, and eventually died.

In heaven, he found his old friend, the one chicken from the bar.

"Why...

Swedish Man: What's 2+2?

Me: uh... 4

Swedish Man: FJOUR MAMA!

I have 3 eyes , 2 noses and a mouth. What am i ?

Ugly.

Why was the anti-vaxxers 2 year old crying?

Mid-Life Crisis

A pie costs $2.20 in Jamaica and $1.90 in Cuba.

Does anyone else know the pie rates of the Caribbean?

I just bought a 2 million dollar house and a 500,000 dollar sports car with my beautiful new wife and fantastic job.

Yes, my life has certainly gotten better since I took up lying.

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1. Cockadoodle 2. Yabba Dabba 3. Voo 4. Sea 5. Didgeri

My to doo list

Dad: what mouse walks on 2 feet?

Me:
Dad: Mickey Mouse
Dad: What duck walks on 2 feet?
Me: Donald Duck?
Dad: All ducks, dumbass

I have some french works war 2 army rifles for sale

Never fired, dropped once.

What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

Pregnant

What do you call a camel with 2 humps? (From my 6 year old)

Pregnant.

2 scientists were at a science sale

The first one was selling protons and electrons for .10 cents each. The second one was just handing out neutrons to anyone. When I asked the second one why he wouldn't accept any money for the neutrons he repllied: *they're free of charge*.

I once knew a homeless man named Cuatro Cinco. He would stand on the corner all day yelling, "Count 1,2,3... Count 1,2,3!!!"

One day I asked him,"Why should I count 1,2,3?"

He replied, "Because, Cuatro Cinco says!"

2 elderly couples were walking down a street, the husbands were talking to each other and the wives were talking to each other...

Husband 1: "I went to a restaurant recently and it was absolutely delightful. For the first time my wife really enjoyed herself:

Husband 2: "That sounds wonderful, I should take my wife there, what was the name of the place?"

H1: "Uh, lets see... a flower.. it's got red petals.. green ...

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If you have one big shit, and divide it into 3 equal parts and throw 2 of them away. What are you left with?

One turd.

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A woman walks into a hospital with 2 burned ears

They ask "How on Earth did this happen?!"

"Well," The woman starts. "I was ironing my husband's shirt when the phone rang. I mistook the iron for my phone, and put it up to my ear, and that's how it got burned."

"And what about the other ear?"

The woman scoffed.

"The fuc...

My neighbour knocked on my door this morning at 2:30 am!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums.

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Irishman got a job at the zoo, first week there, someone asked him "would you fuck the gorilla for £2,000?"

Irishman said "on three conditions, I don't wanna kiss it, I don't want any of my friends or relatives to find out, and give me a couple of months to get the money together".

In the past I could get into a store with a penny and came out with 2 coke cans, 1 bag of chips and some mints, but not anymore...

...the store put cameras today.

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2 Dyslexics run into a bank and shout:

Air in the hands mother stickers!

This is a fuck up!

My grandad stopped smoking 2 weeks ago...

....But we only received his ashes today!

When I die, I have but 2 requests.

The first, I want my remains to be scattered around Disneyland.



The second, I don’t want to be cremated.

2 drunk old men walk into a brothel

One of them says to the Madame, "How do you do? We'd like the 2 nicest dolls in the place!" The Madame says to the bartender, "give these men a couple of drinks then put a doll in room 6 and a doll in room 7". The old drunk men go into their rooms and when they appear soon after, the Madame asks th...

My Alg II told us this one (Part 2)

Boodro and Tibbideux were fishing on a boat when a man passes by with a boat full of fish. They ask him, "How'd you get all those fish?" And the man says "You got to go up the stream to where the salt water turns to fresh water." So they go up the stream for about 30 minutes. Tibbideux asks how they...

A driving teacher asks his student "There are 2 people standing on the road, your mother and your wife. What do you hit?"

Student: "My wife"

DT: "For the 3rd time, you'll hit the brakes!"

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When I got home my wife had 2 gorgeous friends with her.

She said, we were just talking about having a foursome if you're up to it... She smiled and winked. 2 minutes later I appeared naked with my dick in my hand..

They all had tennis rackets in theirs.

2 Cowboys are stranded in the desert.

They keep pushing on and on until they see a tree.
#
This tree in particular looked like a bacon tree.
#
“We’re saved” exclaimed the cowboys.
#
They rushed towards the tree and where quickly shot down.
#
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
#
#
I was not aware ...

2 Rednecks

A: Would you f*ck a bear for 50$? B: Sure but I don't have 50$...

2 Men drink in a bar

after they had a few beer they noticed, that they don't have money.

ONe of them had a plan: "Here, take the sausage and put it in your zip of your pants. The other guy did it and Man 1 begins to suck the sausage. The Barkeeper sees it and throw them out. Without asking for the money.
...

My grandfather killed 43 German pilots during World War 2.

Honestly though it’s on them for making an alcoholic a Luftwaffe mechanic

2 men are talking about going to the pub.

- I am telling you, this is the best place in town.

- Okay, how long to go there and back?

- 60 minutes.

- Is it that far?

-No, it's 10 minutes away, only coming back is the tricky part.

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I was gonna tell a joke about 2 skeletons having sex...

...but that would've been the last nail in the coffin.

A Roman walks into a bar, shows 2 fingers and says "5 beers please".

Stolen from Facebook

Police officer pulls over 2 Catholic priests. Says he’s looking for two child molesters.

Catholic priests looking at each other: We’ll do it!

Wife at work part 2

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now.”

The best thing about being able to speak to 2 languages and having kids who can only speak one is that I can swear at them in one language but express love in another...

If only they spoke the 2nd language, they'd know how much I love them.

A man goes to the track and bets $2 on a long shot and wins $18.

So he puts that $18 in the 2nd race and wins again $128. Again he puts it all on a long shot in the 3rd

race and again wins $770!

He keep doing this for each race, and finally on the last race he puts his entire winnings so far - $1,941,550!

The crowds are all around him watch...

I once finished 2 marathons in 2 minutes.

then they changed the name to Snickers..

Once, two kids (a boy and a girl) of grade 2 went to the staffroom.

The boy curiously asks his teacher, “Sir, is it possible for kids to have children???”

The teacher smiles and says, “No, my dear...!”

The boy then turns towards the girl and says:

“See, I told you not to worry...!!”

Teacher faints.

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2 cowboys are riding through the desert

2 cowboys are riding through the desert, they get off their horses to take a leak. As they’re pissing one of them gets bit by a rattlesnake square on his ass.

“Oh shit!! Bobby, Bobby you have to ride back into town and fetch the doc!”

“Ok Leroy! I’ll go as fast as I can, hang on!!”...

After extensive testing the C.I.A. has gotten down to it's final 3 candidates of this recruiting cycle, being 1 female and 2 males.

The recruiter tells them that in working for the C.I.A they need to be ready for anything and the final test is to prove this.

The recruiter explains that each recruit will have to go into the interrogation room that their respected husband or wife is in and kill them with the gun provided. ...

How do you get 2 million followers

Run around brooklyn with a popeyes chicken sandwich

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