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Yard Sale Jokes

I bought a CD at a yard sale for 5 cents...

I listened to it at home and it sucked.


I went back to the yard sale and I said "Give me my nickel back!". They said, "We already did."

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To me, marriage is like a yard sale.

From a distance it looks kind of interesting but once you’re in it you realize it’s filled with a lot of crap you don’t want.

My son asked if there is anything he shouldn’t buy at a yard sale.

I said Meters.

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A woman went to a yard sale...

A woman went to a yard sale one day and came across a mirror. Intrigued, she asked the guy running the yard sale what it's significance was. He said it was a magic mirror, and it grants every wish you ask it to.

So she took it home and hung it up on the inside of her bedroom door. Looking int...

Two guys at a yard sale are chatting, one says “whatcha got there, pal?”

“Fella over there sold me a bunch of dominoes, a paint can, a ball, and a mousetrap”

“What in the hell would you need all that junk for?”

“He said I can use it to crack an egg”

“You’re such a rube, Goldberg”

I went to a yard sale. I've always wanted to have a yard.

Turns out they were actually selling three feet . . . used to belong to some rabbit . . .

A dude is having a yard sale and is selling his TV

Customer: "Sweet I do need a new TV. How much?"
Seller: "5 dollars"

C: "What? Why is it so cheap?"

S: "Well it's stuck on full volume. The remote doesn't work"

C: "And you're just gonna sell it for $5 because you can't make it quieter?

S: "Yep"

C: "Wow. Can't tu...

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The King of all the gorillas was having a yard sale

The king of all the gorillas, mister Kong, was having a yard sale. He decided to sell his items collected over the years of roaming in the forests. He had been lowering his sale prices over the course of the day as fewer and fewer people were coming by.

Finally, one passer by came to buy his...

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What is the clinical term for a "Yard Sale"

Faecal transplantation. Because your shit, becomes my shit!

What do they say about a minimalist's yard sale?

Not a whole lot.

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I was at a yard sale and I saw a radio, with a broken volume knob, for sale.

I couldn’t turn it down.

They tried to hide the yard sale at the cemetery but failed miserably

It was a dead giveaway

After purchasing an oval Chinese frying pan at the diminutive British aristocrat’s yard sale

Nigel realized that he’d just taken a long wok off a short Peer.

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Relationships are like yard sales....

They look like fun from a couple yards away, but up close it's just a bunch of crap you don't need.

Add a word to ruin a movie:

**- Batman Begins College - The Longest Yard Sale - Charlottes Web Cam.**



Your Turn :)

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My wife is a compulsive plant freak. She's filled our house with all manner of potted plants that she picks up at yard sales and give aways!

I think she's a hoarder-culturist.

A buddy and I were thinking of starting a band called 'Yard Sale'.

Just think of all the free publicity posters!

A guy spots a nice TV in a yard sale and stops by to take a closer look..

He doesn't see a price tag. "That's a nice TV!! How much are you asking for it?" he asks.

Owner replies, "Yes, this is an excellent television and it is all yours for just $1!"

Confused, the guy inquires, "One dollar?! Does it even work? What is wrong with it?"

The owner reassu...

I went to a car boot sale yesterday and bought a box of second hand newspapers,

They may be old but they’re news to me.

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Retirement is different for everyone..

One day while going to the store I passed by a nursing home.

On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass!

Of course I thought this was a bit unusual, but I continued on my way to the store.

On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six ol...

Ruler

I bought a three foot ruler yesterday at a yard sale

The police were tracking down a serial killer.

The police were tracking down a serial killer who would dismember his victims and sell their body parts. He was caught after trying to sell three feet at a yard sale. The bail cost him an arm and a leg.

A guy is selling a tv...

A guy is selling his tv at a yard sale

A customer who is looking for a tv asks how much.

The man replies, “The tv is only a dollar.”

The customer replies, “Really, only a dollar? Why is it so cheap?”

The man replies, “The volume is stuck on max. I hate it, so I’m selling...

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'Economic Stimulus' payment

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by
using a Q & A format:


Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ?

A. It is money that the federal gover...

Why do white men shop at black yard sales?

To get all their stuff back.

A man was walking one day

When he came to this big house in a nice neighborhood.

Suddenly he realized there was a couple making love out on the lawn. Then he noticed another couple over behind a tree. Then another couple behind some bushes by the house.

He walked up to the door of the house, and knocked. A well...

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