The 51+ Best Clothing Jokes

Why does Batman wear Dark clothing?

Batman doesn't want to get shot.

Why does Robin wear bright clothing?

Batman doesn't want to get shot.

Camouflage clothing is so ugly...

It's no wonder you don't see anyone wearing it.

A Spanish speaking man walks into a clothing store looking to buy some socks

He found his way to the menswear department where a sales clerk offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the sales clerk.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Wel...

I went to make my own James Bond clothing, but came back with a plain, white T-shirt

I had No Time To Dye.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman, about to undergo an IRS audit, asked her accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let them think you are a pauper".

Then she asked her legal counsel the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your finest attire".

Utterly confused at this point, she went to her rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of her dilemma. "Let me tell you...

What do you call a wolf in sheep's clothing?

Woolf

The Missouri state legislature is considering a ban on female legislators' clothing that leaves their arms exposed

I never thought I'd see a Republican state trying to overturn the right to bare arms

(Yes, this is actually happening)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I met two guys wearing matching clothing, so I asked them if they were gay.

They promptly arrested me.

What is a fart fetishist's favorite article of clothing?

Windbreaker

A large woman walks into a clothing store

wanting to impress her boyfriend, and asks "I want to see the large petite clothes."

Puzzled, the sales assistant responds, "Mam, I don't think we have anything to fit..."

"Found it!" says the woman, and goes to the petite section.

After a few minutes of the woman not fi...

What kind of clothing do Karens wear?

A lawsuit.

The feud between the two clothing stores down the street finally came to an end.

It ended in a tie.

Have you heard about the store that sells used Indian clothing?

Whose sari now?

A little boy came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
"Well, Dad," said the boy, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

"I know, but ...

What is Super Mario’s Favorite Type of Clothing?

Denim denim denim

What is Donald Trumps favourite type of clothing

Russian Ties

My gym instructor advised me to wear loose clothing while exercising.

I would not have joined the gym if I had any loose clothing.

Clothing optional

I went in for my prostate exam last week. The doctor told me to take off my pants. I asked him where I should put them. “Right there next to mine” was not the answer I wanted to hear.

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I’d like to donate.

Husband: Why not just
throw it in the trash? That's
much easier.

Wife: But there are poor
starving people who can really use all these clothes.

Husband: Honey,
anyone who fits into your
clothing is not starving.

Whats the difference between the Catholic Church and a clothing iron?

The church only wishes they could burn things until they are straight.

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."

Passenger: "Who?"

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time.

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pro...

A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing

He said he liked shooting fish in apparel

What is a flat earther's favorite clothing brand?

Land's End

Why Bilbo had to be Male

Fun fact: Bilbo Baggins had to be a male in order for the plot of The Hobbit to work. If he was instead female, everything would have fallen apart in the goblin cave. Bilbo would have gone off wandering around in the dark and dreary caverns, found the ring, and seen Gollum fishing like in the origin...

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,...

Michael Jackson should have opened a clothing line for pants.

He could have called it Billie Jeans.

Those prices are THRILLER!
No one can BEAT IT!

Kids pants would be half off there.

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.

“In front of you”?”, he asks, shyly.

The nurse says, “Well no, but I've seen the naked human body before.”

The patient said, “Not one like mine. You would die laughing at my naked bo...

Most people don’t believe me, but I can promise you that I made clothing from frozen water.

Ice wear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe had suffered from really bad headaches for the last 20 years. He eventually decides to go and see a Doctor.

The Doctor said, 'Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache.

The only way to relieve the pressure is to rem...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jane had developed a certain attraction to Tarzan. So during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex. "Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied. Jane then explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don't shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show you how to do it properly."

She took off her clothing, got completely naked and laid down on...

What's a mass murderer's favorite article of clothing?

Casual T's.

Captain Kirk Clothing

The actor who played Captain Kirk tried to launch his own brand of trousers but they didn't sell very well.

For some reason, people just didn't want to buy Shatner Pants.

What's a pregnant woman's favorite clothing brand?

Fruit of the womb!

Just learned that French fashion designers are trying to develop a clothing line made from frozen water.

I SWEAR!!

What’s a bouncer’s favourite clothing?

The jumper.

Did you hear about the explosion at the Scottish clothing company?

Such losses. The police are notifying the next of kilt.

The bra is the most democratic piece of clothing

It elevates the small ones, it supports the big ones and it keeps the masses together.

There was this punk who got on a bus. He sat next to an old man who started staring at him because he was dressed in really colorful clothing.

He had all this colorful make-up on and his hair was spiked up with red, green, & yellow with feathers. The punk was getting sick of being stared at so he said to the old man, "Hey, old man, what are you lookin' at,eh? Didn't you do anything strange when you were a teenager?" "Well, yeah," the o...

My spinster aunt thinks that statues of Jesus on the crucifix in only a loincloth is too revealing, so she has started covering them in appropriate clothing.

...aparently, she's a cross-dresser now.

A homeless man with poor clothing is walking one day when he sees a church is having a service so he goes inside. When he gets inside a person walks up to him looks at his clothes and tells him to leave.

The man goes and sits outside and has a small cry when a voice behind him says "whats wrong"?. When he explains what has happened the voice replies don't worry my son my name is god and I have been trying to get into that place for years

What is the opposite of Nautica clothing?

Ica clothing

I entered a competition to see who could put on the most items of clothing in a minute. I was in the lead, but right at the last second, my opponent managed to throw something around his neck and draw level.

It was a tie.

I got some really cool clothing for my tonsils

Now I have post-nasal drip

I'm going to open an adventure clothing store for old ladies.

It'll be called Nana Republic

I found some nice smart clothing in a shop.

I walked up to cashier and put down a few coppers.

The cashier looked at the money and said, "Sir... this isn't enough. I'll need another £1,299.97."

"What do you mean?" I asked angrily. "The assistant said it's a 3p suit."

Psychic buys clothing

Employee: How about this one?

Psychic: That shirt is too small

Employee: You didn't even try it on

Psychic: I'm a medium

You know the clothing company Puma? They make Puma shirts, Puma socks...

I wonder why they don't make pants

I just opened an express clothing alteration business.

It's called Tailor Swift.

A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but saran wrap for clothing.

The psychiatrist says "I can clearly see you're nuts."

One from my nephew: Whats Scooby-Doo's favorite piece of clothing?

A SCARF!

I just walked by a boy with some poor clothing

I said: "Awe, are you an orphan"?

He said: "Yes, what gave me away?"

To which I replied: "Your parents."

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