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Me and my buddy Jack got a job at a warehouse...

Things got slow and the boss called me into the office.He told me that he was going to have to either lay me or Jack off. I told him to jack off. He's not my type.

What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?

Amazon kindle.

Jeff Bezos is informed about the passing away of a warehouse worker on a Sunday after working continuously for 12 hours leaving behind a wife and 2 young kids

“Let’s make sure his hard work and sacrifice are not wasted....”

Jeff Bezos orders his subordinates

“Find someone who can finish the remaining 2 hours of his shift”

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This joke got me fired when I worked as a cook. Credit goes to Jackie “The Joke Man” Martling

A husband goes to his wife and says “You’re either going hunting with me, sucking my cock or I’m fucking you in the ass. I’m gonna go get the dogs ready and I’ll be back for your answer.”

After a bit of time, he returns to his wife who defiantly says to him “I’m not going hunting and there’s...

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I had a friend who worked in a sex toy warehouse. He was killed when a pallet of dildos dropped from a lift and smashed him...

...hit him like a ton of pricks.

WOW, #2 on r/jokes! I'm the shit! Thanks everyone.

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What do you call a warehouse full of prostitutes?

Orifice Depot

Corny joke from a warehouse worker.

Was loading semi trailers and it was raining like hell. Asked my team lead to step inside a trailer with me.

"Hey Billy, I keep hearing a weird noise every time I step in a trailer."

"What's it sound like?"

(While pointing at the roof) "It sounds like autotune."

"Autotune...

Did you hear about the fire at the Designer Shoe Warehouse?

Countless soles were lost.

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At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died.

The director started looking for a new one to hire. A retired Marine A-4 pilot, drunk and with a ragged dirty look, came to apply for the position. The director wondered how to send him away.

They gave him a glass of wine to taste.

The old pilot tried it and said, "It's a Muscat three ...

A man goes to Heaven and meets Jesus.

Upon arriving at the pearly gates, Jesus said, "Come on in. I'll show you around. I really think you'll like it here."

Walking through the gates, the man noticed that there were clocks everywhere. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.

Surprised at how H...

If you go to Tire Warehouse...

For a tire, what do you go to Men's warehouse for?

Attire

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse.

NSFW In amazon warehouses be like

UNIONIZATION

I asked my buddy how is Amazon warehouse job was going

He said it was fulfilling.

Few policemen were chasing a thief on the run. Thief ran into a deserted warehouse and police followed him there.

After searching the entire warehouse police could not find the thief and there were no other exits. In frustration, police officer kicked one of the boxes and cat started to meow from inside. Officer kicked another box and dog started to bark from inside. Officer kicked one more box but no sound cam...

Two blondes are working at a warehouse...

One blonde, tired of working, says to the other: “Watch this, I’m going to act crazy so that the boss will send me home.”

She climbs up the racking and hangs from the rafters yelling “I’M A LIGHTBULB, I’M A LIGHTBULB, I’M A LIGHTBULB!!”

“What are you doing?! Get down from there and GO ...

What do you call an Amazon warehouse worker who likes hip hop?

A bubble wrapper

(My 15yo son came up with this while assembling his computer chair popping the bubble wrap to a beat)

So me and Death are trying to steal a sofa from a warehouse

The guard caught us and told us if we took the sofa there would be repercussions from it.

"Has anyone here seen my shrink-wrap?" asked someone in the warehouse.

"I never knew your psychiatrist likes hip hop music," I replied.

After a fire, the corpse of a man is found in a burned-out warehouse. The investigation found that he first set a fire, ate an excessive amount of salt, then used a contraption to bury himself in tons more.

The investigators concluded that his self-preservation instinct must have kicked in.

Did you hear the Jim Beam warehouse was destroyed in a fire?

It burned all the way down

How do warehouse workers fight?

Boxing.

I bought a warehouse full of soup stock

Now I'm a bouillonaire

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A trucker drives through some industrial estate,

He stops near a warehouse and ten minutes later a prostitute approaches nearby.

"50 and I'll do anything, love."

The trucker stares at her up and down.

"deal, grab the forklift and start unloading the truck."

Two businessmen meet up. One says to the other, "So sorry to hear about the warehouse fire."

He replies, "Shush! That's tomorrow."

A chemical warehouse was robbed at gunpoint, the assailants cleaned out all stores of substances with pH above 7.

"All your base are belong to us"

A man walked into a warehouse looking for a hula hoop.

Once he found one of size, he measured it. A nice length it was! The width of the hoop was 1 meter.

The man began to hack away at the hoop, when suddenly, a voice emerged!

"Please don't cut me! I was created with a circumference of 3.14 meters!"

The man chuckled, and continued t...

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Do you have an email address?

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.

The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that...

TIFU - I made a bad decision and now I can't get my laptop fixed.

FYI This is a story from last year, not today.

So I had a laptop that was playing up. The screen kept going all janky. One day there was a popping noise and a smell of burning plastic, so I thought that was enough and I contacted the service department.

I found out they had an office...

Two Mice Live in a Movie Studio Warehouse

Two mice live in a movie studio warehouse and are looking for food. Suddenly one hears the other chewing.

"What did you find?" he asks.

"I'm not sure, it looks like a piece of film celluloid from an old movie. Let me see...ah, yes - it's from 'Gone with the Wind'".

"And how is i...

The thief

A shop assistant calls the police saying:
“Officer, the same guy who stole stuff from the warehouse yesterday is in my store!”

“Alright, make sure you close off every exit. We’ll be there as soon as possible!”

10 minutes pass, and the agents arrive at the store seeing the man has es...

Warehouse fire (long)

There was a warehouse that caught fire. It started as a single alarm fire but quickly grew to a 3 alarm blaze. The owner of the warehouse arrived on scene and quickly realized that the fire department wasn't going to be able to save the building. His biggest concern was the secret formula stored in ...

Two guys are standing in an empty warehouse at night, looking around

One of them turns to the other one and says, “You know, maybe we should start talkIng about Fight Club.”

A warehouse worker...

A warehouse worker is getting ready to ship a bunch of cases of disgusting, prepackaged food, but he can't get it to fit properly on a skid.

The food was unpalletable.

2.1 million dollars worth of textbooks have been recently stolen from a warehouse.

Police have successfully recovered all eight books.

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Clock warehouse

A kid goes walking in the woods and stumbles a upon a warehouse. He goes inside the warehouse and there are hundreds of large grandfather clocks. After walking around a little he sees a wizard and he asks the wizard what the clocks are for. The wizard tells him that each clock is assigned to a diffe...

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Did you hear the one about the horny, dyslexic, narcoleptic?

He kept falling asleep in warehouses.

What do you call a pleasing manufacturing warehouse?

A satis-factory.

Guy applies for a job at a warehouse

The foreman asks him: "Can you make coffee?"

"Sure."

"Can you drive a forklift?"

"Just how big is this coffeemaker?"

  

(Stolen from Thorne: Sleepyhead)

Unfortunate sign in discount warehouse near a retirement community:

Shop till you drop!

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Three thieves enter a warehouse full of crates...

Three thieves enter a warehouse full of crates, just as they were being chased by policemen who chanced upon them breaking into a jewelry shop. Now, the warehouse was for various farm produce, and sounds of farm animals still alive in the crates could be heard from some of them.

The first of ...

Robbing a bank in Greece is like raiding a food warehouse in Uganda.

You look stupid and you get nothing out of it.

Where do werewolves live?

Warehouses

Houdini has just finished a magic show and walks backstage, only to be grabbed roughly, knocked out, and tied up.

When he wakes up, he's in an abandoned warehouse, and a man in a ski mask is standing over him, a sheep by his side. The sheep is using its teeth to tie him up with a very strong rope, which confuses him. Houdini smiles, remembering that he can get out of any knot known to man. He tries to untie the...

What do Michael J. Fox and the new guy at the warehouse have in common?

Both have trouble with the fork lift

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This guy gets a job at warehouse...

This guy gets a job at warehouse and does amazing work. His superiors are extremely impressed. However, that Monday he calls in and says, "I can't make it in today, I'm sick."

The rest of the week he does the work of two men and, again, impresses his boss. Then on Monday he calls in and says,...

Did you hear about the Ramen warehouse that burned down?

Dozens of dollars worth of Ramen was lost.

There was once a dyslexic who decided to become a pimp

but ended up buying a warehouse

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find...

A man in Shanghai named Sam wakes up one morning to find that his car, a Mustang, has had all the internal components removed, leaving only a hollow, useless shell. He calls the police and soon an investigative team arrives.


The lead investigator approaches the victim and says "It appear...

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A woman contacts her brother-in-law last minute to ask him to watch her daughter for the day...

The brother-in-law, Tim, grudgingly agrees. He picks the girl up and takes her down to the shoreline where he works.

"Do you know what I do for a living?"

She nods. "You're a fisherman, right?"

"Well, kind of. See, we get a lot of fish around here, and in order to catch as ma...

Three men find themselves at a beach-side resort in the Caribbean...

... and they soon begin to discuss their lives and how they came to be there.

The first man says, "I use to run a successful business in the Mid West. One day unfortunately there was a huge fire and my entire warehouse burned to the ground. I collected the insurance on it and decided to move ...

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Green, pink and purple polka-dot ping pong balls

So, a few years ago, I met the owner of a multimillion dollar company, and he decided to tell me a very strange story.

The man told me that he had a son, for whom he cared about deeply, so much so that for his 15th birthday, he offered him anything he wanted in the world.

In response, ...

Inmate escapes prison

Johnny had been in prison for only a year into his life long sentence with no hope for parole that he had decided that he would not be dying in prison. Using outside connections and some small favors he was able to get a small spoon and a local map of the surrounding area to the prison. After ten ye...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were being chased by an axe-murderer...

when they stumbled upon an old abandoned warehouse. Deciding that it was the safest place to hide, the three women entered the warehouse.

Along the back wall of the warehouse were three empty potato sacks laying on the ground. Thinking on their feet, each women got into a sack to hide from c...

Update- Mexico has 2000 plus cases of Corona

At the Corona beer factory warehouse

Three American men are sitting on a beach in the Caribbean sipping their rum and they get to talking...

Soon they happen to inquire about each other's backgrounds.

The first man says, "I used to own a matchstick factory back in California. But one day there was a fire and the entire factory was burned to the ground. I collected my insurance money and decided to retire here in the Caribbean." <...

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A timber recycling centre placed a job ad seeking an experienced timber sorter.

And one morning in walks a guy wearing dark glasses and using a white cane.

"I've come about the timber sorting position", he tells the lady at reception.

She gets her husband, the boss, who takes one look at the guy and says, "No offence pal, but how do you intend to sort timber if y...

Indian police.

[Please excuse my bad english, I'm still an amateur]

An american man with a briefcase full of illegal drugs was walking through an busy crowd somewhere in Mumbai.

"Sweet! Imma sell this for thousands of dollars"

As he made his way through the crowd, he heard someone screaming, h...

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Three thieves were fleeing the cops

they went inside a potato warehouse and each saw a sack and hid inside.

The cops walked in and saw the first sack and kicked it. The robber went "meow", so the cop said, oh it's only a cat.

They went to the second sack and kicked it and second robber went 'arf". So cop said, oh, this...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the cops...

They duck into an abandoned warehouse, each find a an empty sack, and climb into it.

Cops follow and poke the bag with the brunette. The brunette goes “woof!” The policeman says, “Oh, it’s just a bag of dogs,” and walks on.

They poke the bag with the redhead. The redhead goes “meow!”...

I took my son to the space museum last weekend.

They charged us $5.50 to stand in an empty warehouse.

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Veteran Wine Taster

At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started looking for a new one to hire. He posted a sign at the entrance to the building... EXPERIENCED WINE TASTER NEEDED --POSITION STARTS IMMEDIATELY.

A retired veteran named "Ace," drunk and with a ragged dirty look a...

Job Security

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Joe was hired by a warehouse.

One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock.

Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold 10 percent of Joe's wages to pay for the re...

Prom night.

This high school kid had a crush on the girl of his dreams, but she was dating someone. However! The pair broke up a month before prom, and he decided to make the move.
He didn’t ask her out on the first week because that would be too soon. And he got sick on the second week.
Week 3 he was a...

A security guard and a midnight shift

This is a joke my father told me long ago. I probably don't have it word for word, but this is basically how it goes.

So it's midnight and this security guard is making his usual rounds outside some warehouse when all of a sudden, he sees a shadowy figure exit the building. The guard approa...

Death in the Supermarket

Constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife, with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.


A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious, da...

A Chinaman come to America looking for a job.

A local hardware store owner wants to prove he isn’t racist so he hires him.

After he hires him, the business owner asks the Chinaman what skills the he has.

“Nah much mister, mah Engrish nah bery Gud.”

The business owner tells him to go work in the supplies department.
<...

Renting a dirty video

A blonde decides to do something she"s never done before - rent a dirty movie. She drives to the local Video Warehouse and makes here way to the adult section in the back.

After looking around at titles, she selects a something that sounds very stimulating.She drives home, lights some candles...

What do you call a building you can't locate?

A warehouse

What happens to a house on a full moon?

It becomes a warehouse!

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A very rich man gave birth to a son.

On the son's sixteenth birthday, The man asked him what he wanted, and said that he would get anything his heart could desire. The son only asked for a pink ping pong ball. His father was curious, but complied. After they had cake and ice cream and the son opened his presents, he went up to his room...

I was trying to find out where my local pelt-merchant was hosting a “Lupine Designs” fashion gala for his fellow lycanthropes this year

So I asked “Where is the werewolf’s wolf-wares warehouse where werewolves wear wolves’ wares?”

My buddy Sam is a thief.

My friend Sam wasn't always this way. You see, we grew up in the poor part of town, although his dad worked hard and provided, where mine was not around much and when he was my mom always yelled at him to find a permanent job. As a child I remember showing up to his house every day before school and...

My poor reading skills ruined my future as a pimp

But now I own a warehouse

A mob boss has a job...

A mob boss was looking for some new thugs to take care of problems with the business. Having just lost several men to a warehouse accident, there were a few vacancies. One of his close friends offered some advice.

"There's this new company that's producing automated thugs. Supposedly, these...

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The Machine

The Machine

Two criminally insane robotics engineers, Frank and Ned, are working on their mad personal robotics projects in their jointly rented workshop. Though both are criminally insane geniuses, neither can afford to rent a warehouse of their own, so they pitch in together and share one w...

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Headaches

This guy has been suffering these terrible, excruciating headaches for months and finally decides to go to the doctor, despite his aversion to doing so. He explains to the doctor what's going on, so the doctor decides to run the gamut of tests on him to see if they can pinpoint what's wrong.
<...

The Kadink Kadonk Machine

There was once a very rich collector, he owned many valuable and rare items. One day, whilst talking to a friend they discussed rare items.


“I own nearly every valuable rare item known to man” said the rich collector.


“I know something you don’t own” said his friend.
...

Dumb joke I thought of while bored at work.

Why is working at Amazon warehouse like being a coke addict?


You spend 10 hours a day doing nothing but clearing lines.

Getting back on his feet

A man working in a warehouse suffers a terrible accident when a heavy crate falls on his feet crushing and severing all of his toes. At the hospital he undergoes several hours of surgery. After months of rehabilitation he is able to walk again.

He decides to visit his favorite local bar. Seei...

One thing kids like is to be tricked.

For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse.

"Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down."

He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke.

I started to drive over ...

I went to the Space and Air Museum in Indiana...

I paid $20 just to see an empty warehouse.

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3 Guys go to hell...

...and are greeted by a charming looking gentleman at the gate. "Greetings," the man says "I'm Satan, welcome to hell!" to which the 3 men begin to back away in fear, but Satan approached them gently "Now now fellas, there's nothing to be scared of! I'm quite the reasonable guy! Come on I'll give yo...

A Russian scientist creates a robot...

The robot can clean, cook, do calculus, balance a budget, play music, and so much more.
The scientist holds a conference to announce the robot and announces that it will be released publicly for all the world to enjoy. The robot is branded with the name "Gudynuv" and is soon mass produced and s...

A blonde, brunette, and a redhead

are walking down an alley at night and they witness a murder. The murderer sees them and starts to chase after them. The 3 women find an old warehouse and inside they find 3 potato sacks on the floor. They each get into a different sack to hide. The murderer comes in, sees the sacks on the floor, an...

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Two old Jews were sitting on a park bench...

...one of them says, "Abie, I heard about the fire at your warehouse, I'm so sorry."

Abie says "Shhh...it's tomorrow."

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