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Unicorns Jokes

What is special about unicorns?

Their unique horns.

Two Married Unicorns are Lying in Bed

The husband Unicorn, without looking up from his newspaper, says “big storm’s a brewin”. The wife Unicorn then replies, “ well then I’m glad we didn’t go on that cruise with your whack job friend Noah!”

I asked my five year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday and she giggled, "I want unicorns, rainbows and fairies!"

Ok, LSD it is!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do horses love unicorns so much?

Because they’re always horny!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you know that unicorns are hyper sexual?

Did you know that unicorns are hyper sexual?
.
.
.
It’s because they’re always horny!

Where do unicorns like to drink?

The horn pub!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are unicorns better pets than triceratops?

They're less horny.

My Hopes and Dreams are like unicorns.

I stopped believing in unicorns when I was a kid.

Noah! Noah! The Unicorns are playing with the dragon eggs and won’t get on the ark!

Noah, “come help me with these squirrels, we’ll get to them later.”

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Why did the Unicorns become extinct?

Because unicorns are gay.

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Everyone thinks that unicorns never existed but it turns out they actually just went extinct

Ironically they weren't horny enough

"I know where babies come from."

After coming home from school and sitting down on the couch, young Jenny proudly proclaimed "Mommy, I know where babies come from!"

Imagining storks and unicorns, her Mom said "OK, then why don't you tell me Honey."

Jenny says "The Mommy and Daddy take off their clothes and start huggi...

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Unicorn hunting...

Two hunters, Paul and Kurt, were in a lodge, making small talk.

Paul asked Kurt, “So, what do you hunt?”

Kurt answered, “I hunt unicorns.”

Paul was startled, but said, “Really? How do you do that?”

Kurt replied, “I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The virgin sits ar...

My girlfriend is like a unicorn

She doesnt exist

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The truth about Unicorn

Q: Why do unicorns only let virgin women get close to them?

A: Because they are horny.

A little girl was making a wish with Santa, she said I would like a unicorn for christmas, Santa replies but unicorns are just imaginary make another wish, she says ok I would like Manchester United to win a game.

Santa replied, what colour unicorn would you like?

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It's the second day on Noah's Ark and all the animals are meeting up with their counterparts.

The unicorns find each other, and the first unicorn introduces himself, saying "Hi, my name's Frank." The second unicorn says "Hi Frank, I'm Jerry!" The unicorns in unison say "Oh shit..."

A father finds a magic lamp...

and when he rubs it, a genie pops out and offers to grant him anything he wants.

The man asks for a unicorn for his daughter.

The genie says unicorns aren't even real, try to be more realistic.

So the man decides to ask the genie to let the Browns win a single game.

The g...

Dear Noah

Dear Noah,

We could have sworn you said you were leaving at 4:00.

Sincerely,
The Unicorns

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Angry Notes" Courtesy of Saurabh on Fropki.com

Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get it up. Enjoy dreaming about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

D...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man's car breaks down in Tibet..

A man's car breaks down in Tibet, and wouldn't you know it? His phone gets no service. So he walks up a long windy road to a huge monastery at the top of the hill. He knocks at the reinforced double doors and a Tibetan monk after some minutes finally opens.

"My car broke down. Do you...

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