Be careful when you’re trying to get laid with a mermaid

She might have crabs.

Did you hear that the Air Force just bought a bunch of copies of The Little Mermaid on DVD?

They must be preparing for an Ariel assault.

Three fishermen catch a mermaid. If they agree to set her free, she will grant them each a wish. The first guy says, "OK, I want you to double my I.Q." Immediately, the guy recites Shakespeare flawlessly. The second guy asks the mermaid to triple his I.Q.

Suddenly, he's spouting complicated mathematical solutions. Impressed, the last guy asks the mermaid to quintuple his I.Q. The mermaid hesitates and asks, "Are you sure that's what you really want?" "Absolutely!" says the man. The mermaid smiles. Instantly, the third man turns into a woman.

A man fell in love with a mermaid

Everything went on smoothly until his mother began to smell something fishy.

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What do you call a mermaid who's a prostitute?

H2Hoe

Where do mermaids go to watch movies?

The dive in.

What do mermaids smoke when they want to get high?

Sea weed.

Why do mermaids smoke sea weed?

Because it contains the active ingredient THSea.

How do mermaids smoke sea weed?

Water bongs.

Why did the mermaid stop dieting?

She was too fin.

what do you call male mermaids?

sea men

Say this aloud: Why do mermaids wear seashells?

Because b-shells are too small and d-shells are too big!

How does a mermaid give birth?

She has a sea-section.

Did you know Ariel is in new Little Mermaid content?

She started an OnlyFins.

Mermaids shouldnt be called mermaids

they should be called hu-manatee

Why was the mermaid so good at math?

Because she wore an algae-bra.

I'm thinking about starting up a neurodivergent, mermaid-themed parody band of AC/DC. It's gonna be called

OCD Sea

A man walks into a bar and sits next to a guy with a very small head

After having a couple drinks the man asks the other guy, "hey, I don't mean to be rude, but how is it you have such a small head?"

The guy replies, "well it's a bitter sweet story. You see when I was in the war my plane got shot down in the Pacific. I parachuted out and ended up on a deserted...

Why do mermaids wear sea shells?

B shells aren’t big enough.

What does a mermaid use to wash her fins

Tide

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Two fishermen, George and Ted, were leaving the docks one morning when they saw a gorgeous naked woman sitting on a rock. The woman was singing in a lovely soprano voice and doing nothing to cover her perfect breasts.

Figuring the woman was a mermaid, they rowed their boat over to her.

"You have such a gorgeous voice," said George. "Are you a mermaid?"

"Yes," replied the mermaid. "Whenever a mermaid sees a human she likes, she usually grants him three wishes. But since there are three of us, I think...

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An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer.....

The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.


"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"


The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first...

What kind of STD can you get from a mermaid?

Seaphilis.

What did the mermaid wear to her math class?

An algae bra.

What kind of cannabis does a mermaid smoke?

Seaweed!

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Poor mermaid

Paddy English man, Irish man and Welsh man are on the beach. They see a mermaid sitting on a rock. The most beautiful creature they had ever seen.

English man goes up and asks, have you every been kissed? The mermaid is all coy and says no. English man gives her a gentle kiss on the cheek.Wel...

What is the opposite of a Mermaid...

... a landlord!!

(this is my sister’s joke, I can’t take credit for it)

Anyone can be a mermaid!

*just not for long.*

Q: What’s opposite of mermaid?

A: Landlady

What did the mermaid say to the pirate?

" I'm so wet right now"

A mermaid is half cute

The other half is just some lady

Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed?

Because her algaebra didn't hold up.

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- Dad, are mermaids fish or women?

-It depends on if you are horny or hungry.

What does a mermaid wear to a Maths class ?

An algaebra.

Note: Not my original. I had read this somewhere a few years ago. Kudos to the original creator.

Why didn't the mermaid finish high school?

Because her grades were always under the C

If you kill a mermaid and steep its tail...

...does that make you gill-tea for murder?

What font does the mermaid use when typing?

Ariel

How do you know if a mermaid will be top half fish or bottom half fish?......Flip a coin! Heads or tails?!

sorry if this joke was a bit fishy but I just go with the flow\~ xD

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What do you call a mermaid prostitutes?

Water Hose.

If Merman's best friend is dogfish, what's Mermaid's best friend?

Sea cucumber.

What’s a mermaid’s favorite drug?

Seaweed

Two English gentlemen are fishing on a boat

As they are both fishing in silence, as gentlemen do, the one gets a big pull on his line. After a fair amount of fighting, he pulls a beautiful mermaid out of the water. As he is holding her, he looks at her head to tail: top half woman, and from the waist down fish.

The mermaid looks at him...

Why was the mermaid couple so indecisive?

Because they both refused to wear the pants in the relationship.

What's the opposite of a mermaid?

Land Ho!

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What do mermaid mathematicians use to hold their breasts up?

An algae-bra.

Why don’t mermaids use Bash?

Because they prefer a C-Shell.

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A farmer wakes up to find that his favourite goat has died.

Since he loved that goat very deeply, he decided to jump into the river by his house and commit suicide. Soon after, his wife woke up, and after discovering what had happened, she too followed in his steps and jumped into the river.

Their younger son woke up to find both of his parents dead,...

I know The Little Mermaid's breast size.

It's obvious. She's wearing C-shells.

I need help. Whenever I call my redheaded wife "my little mermaid" she always lights up

How else can I politely say "your bottom half smells like fish"?

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The mermaid joke

The guy that has only one testicle was swimming in the pond and all of a sudden someone grabs him from his testicle. He looks down and sees a mermaid is holding his ball.
Then mermaid asks:
plus 1 or minus 1?
The shocked and scared guy says:
plus 1.
Tge mermaid lets him go and swim...

Why do drones get so many pictures of mermaids?

They're Ariel photographers

Why do French people not trust mermaids?

Because that girl is poisson.

You guys hear about the half of a mermaid that washed up on shore?

It's only a tale...

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What do you call a mermaid's flying boob?

Ariel's aerial areola.

What does a mathematical mermaid wear when she can't find her seashells?

An algebra.

You can say about mermaids whatever you want...

But every single one of them can speak their language fluently

I once dated a mermaid

I didn't believe her at first, due to the human legs. But the smell was unmistakable.

Last night I dreamt my math teacher was a mermaid…

and my secret lover.

But she dumped me after I couldn’t unhook her top part.

Too bad. I failed my algae bra test.

Three fishermen were out fishing when they suddenly came upon a mermaid.....

The mermaid offered them one wish each,


so the first fisherman said:

"Double my IQ!"


So the mermaid did and to his surprise, he started reciting Shakespeare.

Then the second fisherman said:

"Triple my IQ!"

Sure enough the mermaid did and amazing...

The man once renowned, now…

Salomon Elliot is a notorious man from the familia, and ain’t no one ever cross the man. His name shakes fear into his foes and demands respect from his henchmen, wide across the Hudson and down even to the beaches of Miami.

After years of blood on his hands and the helpless cries of this fa...

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The Mermaid Joke

On the outskirts of a small town in eastern Missouri, there once lived a farmer, his wife, and their three sons. Once upon a time their dairy farm had been huge, and business was booming. But a terrible cow-afflicting disease swept throughout the town, and hit this families bovine particularly hard ...

(Corny)-What do you call a mermaid on a roof?

Aerial

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The two parts of a mermaid are one part sexy...

and one part human.

How do you take a picture of the Little Mermaid?

Using Ariel photography. (If that doesn't work, try your shell phone.)

Why do mermaids wear seashells?

Because D-shells are too big and B- shells are too small.



*A random elderly woman just stopped in the street in front off where I was sitting and told me this. Awesome*

So my brother is dating a mermaid.

Yeah, apparently their relationship's on the rocks.

Two fishermen caught a mermaid.

One of them holding the mermaid in his arms looked at her attentively and threw her back into the sea.
But why? - asked the other fisherman.
But how? - answered the first one.

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Dead Cow and the Mermaid (a bit long but worth the ride)

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.


Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she pos...

Why do mermaids wear sea shells?

Because they can't fit in d-shells.

A mermaid finally got off the couch and hit the gym once she found a dolphin physical trainer.

She moved with a porpoise.

What do the Washington Metro system and the Little Mermaid have in common?

They're both under DC.

What do math and mermaids have in common?

They both have an alge-bra.

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