What did the mermaid wear to her math class?

An algae bra.

Did you hear that the Air Force just bought a bunch of copies of The Little Mermaid on DVD?

They must be preparing for an Ariel assault.

Why do mermaids wear seashells?

They out grew their b-shells.

Why did the little mermaid wear seashells?

The B shells were too small.

Why was the mermaid so good at math?

Because she wore an algae-bra.

What kind of detergent does a mermaid use?


I'm thinking about starting up a neurodivergent, mermaid-themed parody band of AC/DC. It's gonna be called


A man fell in love with a mermaid

Everything went on smoothly until his mother began to smell something fishy.

A man walks into a bar and sits next to a guy with a little head...

*After having a couple drinks the man asks the other guy, "hey, I don't mean to be rude, but how is it you have such a small head."

The guy replies, "well it's a bitter sweet story. You see when I was in the war my plane got shot down in the Pacific. I parachuted out and ended up on an desert...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do mermaid mathematicians use to hold their breasts up?

An algae-bra.

What do you call getting attacked by a mermaid?

An ariel assault.

What font does the mermaid use when typing?


Why do French people not trust mermaids?

Because that girl is poisson.

What do you call a mermaid who identifies as a man?


Why don’t mermaids use Bash?

Because they prefer a C-Shell.

If Merman's best friend is dogfish, what's Mermaid's best friend?

Sea cucumber.

What’s a mermaid’s favorite drug?


What's the opposite of a mermaid?

Land Ho!

I once dated a mermaid

I didn't believe her at first, due to the human legs. But the smell was unmistakable.

What does a mermaid wear to a Maths class ?

An algaebra.

Note: Not my original. I had read this somewhere a few years ago. Kudos to the original creator.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Scotsman and an Englishman

Were walking along the beach when they come upon a beautiful Mermaid sitting on a rock.

Englishman says "Have you ever been kissed?" She says No, and he kisses her.

Scotsman says "Have you ever been fucked?" She says No, he says "Well you are now the tide's just gone out"

Why didn't the mermaid finish high school?

Because her grades were always under the C

How do mermaids clean their tails?

With Tide

Last night I dreamt my math teacher was a mermaid…

and my secret lover.

But she dumped me after I couldn’t unhook her top part.

Too bad. I failed my algae bra test.

Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed?

Because her algaebra didn't hold up.

Did you guys hear about the half of a mermaid that washed up on shore?

It's only a tail.

Why was the mermaid couple so indecisive?

Because they both refused to wear the pants in the relationship.

What is the similarities between ariel the mermaid and my love life?

They're fictional

What does a mermaid smoke?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poor mermaid

Paddy English man, Irish man and Welsh man are on the beach. They see a mermaid sitting on a rock. The most beautiful creature they had ever seen.

English man goes up and asks, have you every been kissed? The mermaid is all coy and says no. English man gives her a gentle kiss on the cheek.Wel...

I need help. Whenever I call my redheaded wife "my little mermaid" she always lights up

How else can I politely say "your bottom half smells like fish"?

Three fishermen were out fishing when they suddenly came upon a mermaid.....

The mermaid offered them one wish each,

so the first fisherman said:

"Double my IQ!"

So the mermaid did and to his surprise, he started reciting Shakespeare.

Then the second fisherman said:

"Triple my IQ!"

Sure enough the mermaid did and amazing...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a mermaid prostitutes?

Water Hose.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

- Dad, are mermaids fish or women?

-It depends on if you are horny or hungry.

One sailor said to another, "Did you know that starfishes have mouths in the center of their bodies?"

"Yup," the other sailor nods, replying, "And mermaids use them as bras!"

How do mermaids give birth?

A sea section.

What do you call violent mermaids?


This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Both a surgeon and a tattoo artist have to have a steady hand,

With the surgeon it's the difference between life and death, with the tattoo artist it's the difference between a beautiful mermaid and a fat bitch with an fish up her ass

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A disheveled man with a shrunken head walks into a bar.

After a few drinks he starts to relax, so the curious bartender feels comfortable enough to inquire about the man's tiny noggin.

"Sorry to be intrusive.. but how did you end up with such a tiny head?" Asks the bartender.

The man replies: "I was the captain of an elite naval vessel pat...

What does a mathematical mermaid wear when she can't find her seashells?

An algebra.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The mermaid joke

The guy that has only one testicle was swimming in the pond and all of a sudden someone grabs him from his testicle. He looks down and sees a mermaid is holding his ball.
Then mermaid asks:
plus 1 or minus 1?
The shocked and scared guy says:
plus 1.
Tge mermaid lets him go and swim...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why should you always use protection when having sex at sea?

So you don't get mermaids.

I know The Little Mermaid's breast size.

It's obvious. She's wearing C-shells.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a mermaid's flying boob?

Ariel's aerial areola.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The two parts of a mermaid are one part sexy...

and one part human.

Why do drones get so many pictures of mermaids?

They're Ariel photographers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do men check out women's rear?

Historically, men at sea were trapped and killed by Mermaids who attracted them using their upper body beauty. Soon, the word was spread among all the sailors/pirates and subsequently to the whole world to check out women's rear to save yourself from murderous mermaids.

Thank you for coming t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer wakes up to discover that his precious Alpine goat had died overnight.

Since he loved that goat very deeply, he decided to jump into the river by his house and commit suicide. Soon after, his wife woke up, and discovered his note. She too, followed in his steps and jumped into the river.

Their younger son woke up to find both of his parents dead, and seeing no ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dead Cow and the Mermaid (a bit long but worth the ride)

On a farm out in the country lived a man and a woman and their three sons.

Early one morning, the woman awoke, and while looking out of the window onto to the pasture, she saw that the family's only cow was lying dead in the field. The situation looked hopeless to her -- how could she pos...

(Corny)-What do you call a mermaid on a roof?


What did the sea say to the mermaid?

Nothing, it just waved.

Two fishermen caught a mermaid.

One of them holding the mermaid in his arms looked at her attentively and threw her back into the sea.
But why? - asked the other fisherman.
But how? - answered the first one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔


An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.

"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"

The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to ...

How do you take a picture of the Little Mermaid?

Using Ariel photography. (If that doesn't work, try your shell phone.)

A mermaid finally got off the couch and hit the gym once she found a dolphin physical trainer.

She moved with a porpoise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Mermaid Joke

On the outskirts of a small town in eastern Missouri, there once lived a farmer, his wife, and their three sons. Once upon a time their dairy farm had been huge, and business was booming. But a terrible cow-afflicting disease swept throughout the town, and hit this families bovine particularly hard ...

What do the Washington Metro system and the Little Mermaid have in common?

They're both under DC.

A girl I am dating said, "I expect to be treated like a Disney Princess."

So I told her to pretend she is the Little Mermaid and stop talking.

Why do mermaids wear seashells?

Because D-shells are too big and B- shells are too small.

*A random elderly woman just stopped in the street in front off where I was sitting and told me this. Awesome*

So my brother is dating a mermaid.

Yeah, apparently their relationship's on the rocks.

Why do mermaids wear sea shells?

Because they can't fit in d-shells.

Why did the mermaid wear sea shells?

Cause she was too big for B- shells!

(my 6 year old niece likes to tell this joke)

What do math and mermaids have in common?

They both have an alge-bra.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did the mermaid prostitute make all her money?

Blue whales

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Mermaid Joke

A guy walks into a bar and sees a man at the other end with a very small head, about the size of a softball. He walks up and says, I just have to ask, whats up with your head? The guy with the tiny head says, "I was walking along the beach alone one night and a mermaid appeared. She said that she...

Why couldn't the little mermaid get into college?

Her GPA was unda da C.

Why did the comedian mermaid die ?

Because it had a dry sense of humor .

Why did the Little Mermaid run away with the fisherman?

He had allure.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.