Two Dragons walk into a bar

Dragon 1: It's hot in here

Dragon 2: Shut your mouth

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Boy asks, "Granny, have u seen my pills, they're marked LSD"

Granny replies, "Fuck the pills, have u seen the dragon in the kitchen?!"

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Once upon a time there lived a ravishing Queen with huge tits..

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague,Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor.Horatio thought about...

(OC) Once, back the days of dragons...

Once back in the days of knights and dragons there was a mountain to which people would travel from leagues around.

At the summit of this mountain was a magic cradle which would heal the illness of any child placed in it, but only if the child's parent would then roll up into a ball and tumbl...

Did you know that LSD is a really effective weight loss drug?

How are you supposed to eat if there’s a dragon guarding the fridge?

Frieza from Dragon Ball Z gets a job as a medical receptionist

After a long day of fighting Vegeta comes into the Dr’s office to get some wounds looked at. As a new patient, Frieza directs him to fill out a hefty stack of new patient paperwork.

After some time, Vegeta brings his finished paperwork to Frieza only to be handed another stack of paperwork. ...

You think birds are scary?

Imagine Dragons.

A dragon would never explode

But a dino might

Why couldn’t the dragon eat his birthday cake?

He destroyed it while trying to blow out the candles.

A tourist driving across rural England decided to stay the night in a small town.

The only place with rooms available was a quaint English pub, The George and Dragon, which had a lovingly painted sign with a Knight beside a defeated dragon blowing in the evening breeze.

Entering the bar room, which while empty had a roaring fire against the back wall, leather padded booths...

How do dragon-type Pokemon solve their disputes?

They let bagons be bagons

What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?

A wyrmhole.

Do you like pop music, like Imagine Dragons?

Well imagine dragon these nuts across your chin.

An Imagine Dragons song is like syphilis.

Catchy, but not really good.

How do you kill the ender dragon

You ender

I wanted to change my name to Dragon Ball Z...

My friend said, "Wow, that's a lot of papers you have to fill out!"
I said "Yeah, this isn't even my final form!"

A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.

He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.

How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, but it’s gonna take about 5 episodes.

If Daenerys from Game of Thrones married Khal Moro instead of Khal Drogo, guess what she would've named her biggest dragon?

Moron.

What do you call Dragon with no silver?

A dron

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Do y'know there's Dragon Ball Z smut?

Kamehameha Sutra

Ok my 4 year old came up with this one, not sure he really understands how clever it is though... Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?

He wanted to eat some chicken.

Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?

They do it for the Experience.

Do you know why the Reddit Dragon is yellow?

It's got bananas for scales

This Zamboni operator skidded out of control into our Dungeons & Dragons meeting

Why he be all slidin into my DMs

What do you call that friend who will always seize the opportunity to run a Dungeons & Dragons game for your group?

A Carpe D.M

I asked my karate instructor if I'd ever be able to do a dragon punch.

He said, "Suuuureyoucan!"

What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?

One is eight nights while the other ate knights.

How do you get dragon milk?

Find a cow with no back legs

It was my pet dragon's birthday today

We lit the candles on his cake. He was really upset when he tried to blow them out.

Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?

Because the early beard gets the wyrm

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Game of Thrones S7 Spoiler] What do Dragons call Jon Snow?

Motherfucker.

What's worse than a dragon speaking to you?

The money that you have to pay for therapy.

Why couldn't the dragon be a fireman?

Because dragons aren't real

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I made my front yard into a cemetery for Halloween... then my neighbor put a fog breathing dragon on his roof.

I told him if he wanted a dick measuring contest he could have asked his wife.

How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb?

Find out next time, on Dragon Ball Z!

Imagine Dragons is doing a concert in Washington DC

They start singing Believer... "First things first I'ma say all the words inside my head"

"Challenge accepted" Donald Trump replies

How many dragon Ball characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

.
.
.
One, but it takes 12 episodes.

*twisting slowly*
Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......

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A hero comes to a village...

The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. "There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it will come down and eat one of our virgin girls" the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.

Many Chinese restaurants have names like, Golden Palace, Golden Lotus, Golden Dragon...

But mine is named after my favourite dish, Golden Retriever.

The UK Government has decided to make LSD legal as a drug for weight loss

It makes sense if you think about it. It's kinda hard to get to the fridge when there's a dragon guarding it...

2 dragons walk into a bar

One goes, "it's hot in here."

The other responds, "shut your mouth."


Originally by Jimmy Carr (I think, he may have stolen it)

Probably a repost, but reddit search is useless.

Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?

He couldn't yet spit hot fire

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation….

….until I saw a dragon and fucking shit myself.

I designed a dungeons and dragons weapon for wizards. It's a magical melee weapon shaped like a tome that uses intellect for damage instead of strength.

I call it "Book Club"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dragon catches three men

A German, a Japanese and a Russian. Tells them he'll give them a chance to live if they survive his fire blow. They can also hide behind one object.

German goes first and decides to hide behind a steel plate, claiming he believes in manufacturing and quality of products. Dragon blows at him a...

Have you ever seen a baby dragon eating ice cream?

It'll melt your heart.

Why are dragons so good at rapping?

Because they're always spitting fire.

I have an amazing joke about Dragon Ball Z.

Find out tomorrow on R/jokes!

Knight vs dragon

A knight is fighting a dragon. He cuts its head, but the dragon grows two new heads. The knight cuts them, but the dragon grows 4 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 8 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 16 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 32 heads. The knight cuts t...

What's the difference between a Dragon Ball Z episode and a Markiplier video?

A *Dragon Ball Z* episode doesn't have as much screaming

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George and the Dragon

A poor vagabond, travelling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.

The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?" he asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and...

The reptile race

There was an exotic pet race to take place.

Adam brought an iguana. "Hes big and fast so hes sure to win!"
Daniel brought a komodo dragon. "He can go really fast when theres a treat for him at the end!"
John brought a leopard gecko. "Hes small but does his best!"

The bets were p...

Why are dragons such good story tellers?

Because they have long tails

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They're coming out with a Dragon Ball Z for old people.

It's called Draggin' Balls Z

What is a European dragon’s favorite food?

Swiss charred.

After a long day at work, I feel like half a mythical creature...

Because I'm Dragon Ass

A man and his wife are playing Dungeons and Dragons together...

During the man's turn, he rolls his D20 and rolls a 1. Simultaneously, he stubs his toe against the table leg so hard that his toe essentially falls off. Blood everywhere. The wife has to rush them both to the ER.

She's waiting.

She's waiting...

The doctor emerges, and the wife ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a kingdom, a long, long time ago. where a dragon would eat the virgins of the land.

Then one wonderful day, a hero came to the kingdom. The leader told the hero of their predicament. He told him that every day, the dragon would take a few virgins to his cave to eat. The hero said that he will save the kingdom, and take care of the dragon.


After two weeks, the dragon star...

What's a dragon's favorite snack?

Fire Crackers!

My girlfriend smokes a lot, i call her the Dragon

Because she doesn't exist

A fun story about Dungeons and Dragons

I remember reading this great story, goes somewhere along these lines:

The party is traveling on a mountain in a blizzard, and every member rolls to see if they fall from the cliff. A dwarf warrior doesn't pass the check due to his armor, and falls.

DM: You fall from the cliff but hav...

Santa: What do you want for Christmas?

Me: a dragon!
Santa: noo, be realistic
Me: a girlfriend
Santa: * cough * what color do you want your girlfriend?

I was invited to go play Dungeons and Dragons. I was told i needed to pick a race and a class for my character

So I picked white and middle. Apparently that's not how its played, but I just think they know I'd win

In the ancient village of Gennemill, there lived the Trids...

The Trids were a happy folk, mostly due to their vast riches. They weren't known for being warriors, or for being artists, or for their architecture, but simply because they had the most gold, an entire mountain of it infact. But one day the powerful dragon, Sorial, swooped down on Gennemill and ove...

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Kill the Dragon

An evil and powerful dragon lives near a village.
It eats a virgin from the village every week.
No one can defeat it.

One day a hero comes and attempts to kill the dragon.
He finds that the dragon is too power to be defeated.
He decides to kill the dragon with intelligen...

Getting real sick of all the Dragon Ball Z references...

Just Saiyan...

Some people say that Frieza was the best character in Dragon Ball Z, but...

I think his brother was cooler.

St. George the Dragon Slayer rides up to a huge cave

"Come out, Dragon, and fight me!" he shouts into the cave. But there is no response.
"Come out, and fight me to the death" he shouts even louder. Still no response. And the cave stinks absolutely awfully.
"Come out, you cowardly worm," shouts St. George one more time at the top of his lungs,...

What do you call the act of giving annalingus on the back of a flying dragon?

A Skyrimjob

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