A dragon would never explode

But a dino might

Why couldn’t the dragon eat his birthday cake?

He destroyed it while trying to blow out the candles.

Once there was a dragon slayer named Nick.....

Nick was a wealthy man, due to the fact that there were many dragons around the kingdom that required killing. The king of the land used to pay a great price for every dragon killed. But Nick had a deep secret, he had a massive desire to sleep with the queen, even if it was just for a night.
One...

Why don’t you want to listen to a dragon’s story?

Because they tend to drag-on

What did the tired dragon make for dinner?

Flamin yawn.

[joke about Minecraft] Why can’t the Ender Dragon read a book?

Because she always starts at the End.

Why did the nobleman eschew the slaying of the dragon?

Because it was a fool's gerund.

2 dragons walk into a bar

The first one says "it's hot in here."

The second one says "shut your mouth"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Nathan


the Erudite lawyer, the King's chief adviser....

I took my friend to a concert. He said to me “Hey, you said there would be dragons here.”

So, I responded “No, man. I said you’d have to imagine them.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Grandma, have you seen my LSD?"

Grandma replies "Fuck the LSD, have you seen the dragons in the kitchen?!"

History is a lot like Imagine Dragons...

It's repetitive, never really good, and somehow only getting worse.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why couldn’t the dragon get a boner?

He had a reptile dysfunction

Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?

Because the early beard gets the wyrm

I recently came up with a pirate-themed tabletop RPG, but then the makers of Dungeons and Dragons found out.

They sent me a seas-and-d6 letter.

Dungeons and Dragons is a lot like Bitcoin

I know it's popular but I don't understand it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a monitor lizard who lives in Japan?

A Kimono dragon.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dragon appears and burns down a village...

...so the inhabitants of the another village across the river plead with Sir Roland, a mighty knight, to come and slay the beast.

Sir Roland dons his best plate, arms himself with his finest weapons, and rides out to battle the dragon. He comes to the area where the beast was last seen, and f...

Why do dragons sleep during the day?

So they can fight knights!

How do you ruin a dragon's birthday party?

Tell him to blow out the candles on his cake.

What happens when a dragon gets bored of strip steaks?

Flaming Yawn

Why were dragons called rappers during ancient times?

Because they used to spit fire.

Why did the yellow dragon keep slipping?

Banana for scale.

Noah! Noah! The Unicorns are playing with the dragon eggs and won’t get on the ark!

Noah, “come help me with these squirrels, we’ll get to them later.”

A Dungeons and Dragons Joke about the most fearsome of foes: Furniture

The barkeep asked why we carried weapons into his bar.

I said ‘Mimics.’

The party laughed.

The barkeep laughed.

The table laughed.

We killed the table. Good times.

How do you milk a Dragon?

By making 3 movies and a couple TV series about it.

Why do dragons never finish anything on time?

bc they like to drag on and on.

Crouching tiger, hidden dragon.

It wasn't a great day at the zoo.

A leprechaun, a walking tree, and a dragon walk into a bar

I should quit drinking

I wanted to change my name to Dragon Ball Z...

My friend said, "Wow, that's a lot of papers you have to fill out!"
I said "Yeah, this isn't even my final form!"

How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

1, but it’s gonna take about 5 episodes.

What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?

One is eight nights while the other ate knights.

What’s a tired dragon’s favorite steak?

Flaming yawn

I am thinking about opening a dungeons and dragons themed vacation rental...

I’m going to call it Air D&D

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes running to the doctors one day.

"Doctor doctor my ass hurts like hell and I think it's bleeding" the man says, The doctor says "well what happen". The man starts talking and saying how he was taking a shit and it wouldn't come out so I pushed and pushed and pop it came out and in that time I jumped up and shouted ahh my ass and I ...

Why do dragons like knights?

The come with their own pans.

A tramp, seeking shelter on a freezing night, knocks on George and the Dragon Inn. A hefty lady answers the door and her expletives send him scampering. Desperate, he tries again minutes later.

"May... may I speak to George, please?"

What did the komodo dragon mumma say to her hatchling?

You were a snaccident!

How do you synthesize/summarise Dragon Ball into one word?

The answer is: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

Ok my 4 year old came up with this one, not sure he really understands how clever it is though... Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?

He wanted to eat some chicken.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Early one morning, you pull down your favourite cup, only to find a small dragon, curled up and sleeping contentedly inside.

Confused and still half asleep you take the cup outside to empty the dragon carefully onto the grass, then return to rinse your cup and make coffee. The next morning he is back, curled snuggly inside the cup as before and you repeat the process.

After a week of repeating this process you make...

A Scotsman was competing in the highland games...

Carothers had a few pints after the caber toss and wanted to take a nap before all the dancing started. So he headed out to the woods and found a nice meadow to take a wee snooze.

Two young and beautiful lasses were picking flowers in the meadow when they stumbled upon him. Being curious on...

Elon Musk is reported to have written a short joke on his Crew Dragon rocket

I guess the real joke will be in the comets.

Donkey could take down Bruce Lee...

...because he entered the dragon

Q: How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: FIND OUT NEXT TIME, ON DRAGONBALL Z!

My dragon is asleep

He's dragoff.

What happens when you try to crossbreed a turtle and a dragon?

You get a crushed turtle.

What do furries and weeaboos have in common?

They both like dragon balls.

Donald Trump is walking along a beach

He stumbles over an old bottle, he picks it up and pulls the cork.
With a flash of light and a puff of smoke a Genie appears before him.

"Thank you Donald for releasing me from my prison, I shall grant you any 1 wish"

Trump immediately blurts out "I want a Dragon like from game of t...

What do you call that friend who will always seize the opportunity to run a Dungeons & Dragons game for your group?

A Carpe D.M

Why do dragons make good accountants?

The economies of scale

How many dragon Ball characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?

.
.
.
One, but it takes 12 episodes.

*twisting slowly*
Kaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.......

Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee......

Frieza from Dragon Ball Z gets a job as a medical receptionist

After a long day of fighting Vegeta comes into the Dr’s office to get some wounds looked at. As a new patient, Frieza directs him to fill out a hefty stack of new patient paperwork.

After some time, Vegeta brings his finished paperwork to Frieza only to be handed another stack of paperwork. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why did the guy who made Dragons Fucking Cars pick cars instead of castles?

They're impenetrable

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hero comes to a village...

The villagers all looks very upset, so the hero ask what happen. ‟There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it’ll come down and eat one of our virgin girls” the villager reply. The hero then promise to help. Two weeks later, the dragon starved to death.

How do dragon-type Pokemon solve their disputes?

They let bagons be bagons

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is wandering around deep in the forest when he comes upon a strange looking pub...

The man walks inside and is immediately greeted by the barkeep.

"What can I get you?" he asks.

"I'll just have a beer," the man replies.

"We're all out of beer," the barkeep says. "However, I do have another drink I can offer you... the Elixir of the Forest Elves!"

"What'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

George and the Dragon

A poor vagabond, travelling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.

The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?" he asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dragon catches three men

A German, a Japanese and a Russian. Tells them he'll give them a chance to live if they survive his fire blow. They can also hide behind one object.

German goes first and decides to hide behind a steel plate, claiming he believes in manufacturing and quality of products. Dragon blows at him a...

Knight vs dragon

A knight is fighting a dragon. He cuts its head, but the dragon grows two new heads. The knight cuts them, but the dragon grows 4 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 8 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 16 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 32 heads. The knight cuts t...

What’s the difference between Santa Clause and a knight?

One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh!

There was a dragon called Ted

Ted dropped out of school and rarely ever drank water. In fact, his dealer grew concern for him so everytime Ted went to buy his product, he'd ask Ted to drink a bottle of water first. Ted thought nothing of this until one day, curiosity got the better of him.

"Hey, why do you always want me ...

Why are dragons so good at rapping?

Because they're always spitting fire.

What do you call a dragon with no silver?

a dron.



dr**ag**on (science joke)

Many Chinese restaurants have names like, Golden Palace, Golden Lotus, Golden Dragon...

But mine is named after my favourite dish, Golden Retriever.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do y'know there's Dragon Ball Z smut?

Kamehameha Sutra

I asked my karate instructor if I'd ever be able to do a dragon punch.

He said, "Suuuureyoucan!"

How do you kill the ender dragon

You ender

A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.

He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.

I have an amazing joke about Dragon Ball Z.

Find out tomorrow on R/jokes!

2 dragons walk into a bar

One goes, "it's hot in here."

The other responds, "shut your mouth."


Originally by Jimmy Carr (I think, he may have stolen it)

Probably a repost, but reddit search is useless.

This Zamboni operator skidded out of control into our Dungeons & Dragons meeting

Why he be all slidin into my DMs

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They're coming out with a Dragon Ball Z for old people.

It's called Draggin' Balls Z

Have you ever seen ....

I've been saving these to send to my grandsons. The more the merrier - feel free to add your own.

A horse *fly*?

A goldfish *bowl*?

A shoe *box*?

A floor *mop*?

A cat *fish*?

A spelling *bee*?

A chimney *sweep*?

A chicken *strip*?

A monk...

How do you get dragon milk?

Find a cow with no back legs

Imagine Dragons is doing a concert in Washington DC

They start singing Believer... "First things first I'ma say all the words inside my head"

"Challenge accepted" Donald Trump replies

Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?

They do it for the Experience.

Do you know why the Reddit Dragon is yellow?

It's got bananas for scales

If Daenerys from Game of Thrones married Khal Moro instead of Khal Drogo, guess what she would've named her biggest dragon?

Moron.

What do you call a connection between two points in space-time through which only dragons can pass?

A wyrmhole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old guys chatting.

First guy: The wife and I fuck like rabbits every night.

Second guy: You lucky bastard, I get it once a month, and I call it the Bruce Lee night.

First guy: Why the fuck do you call it that for?

Second guy: Because it's the night I enter the dragon.

Do you like pop music, like Imagine Dragons?

Well imagine dragon these nuts across your chin.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Game of Thrones S7 Spoiler] What do Dragons call Jon Snow?

Motherfucker.

My girlfriend smokes a lot, i call her the Dragon

Because she doesn't exist

Why did the pre-pubescent dragon lose the rap battle?

He couldn't yet spit hot fire

Cannot get milk for my coffee, in space.

Once their Crew Dragon craft made it to safely to space, and they were headed toward the International Space Station, Bob Behnken completed some reports and then decided to have a cup of coffee. Well, a pouch of coffee anyway. Still, it was coffee, and thanks to SpaceX's desire to make space trave...

Poor Dragons!. Have you even wondered how they drink tea?

The more they blow, the more hotter each sip gets.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Kill the Dragon

An evil and powerful dragon lives near a village.
It eats a virgin from the village every week.
No one can defeat it.

One day a hero comes and attempts to kill the dragon.
He finds that the dragon is too power to be defeated.
He decides to kill the dragon with intelligen...

A man and his wife are playing Dungeons and Dragons together...

During the man's turn, he rolls his D20 and rolls a 1. Simultaneously, he stubs his toe against the table leg so hard that his toe essentially falls off. Blood everywhere. The wife has to rush them both to the ER.

She's waiting.

She's waiting...

The doctor emerges, and the wife ...

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