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Dragon Jokes

A dragon would never explode

But a dino might

Why couldn’t the dragon eat his birthday cake?

He destroyed it while trying to blow out the candles.

Why don’t you want to listen to a dragon’s story?

Because they tend to drag-on

[joke about Minecraft] Why can’t the Ender Dragon read a book?

Because she always starts at the End.

My niece told me this joke: What's the difference between Chanukah and a dragon?

Chanukah is always eight nights.

A dragon sometimes ate knights.

What do you call a dragon without its silver?

Dr\_ \_on

It's a stupid science joke that lives in my head rent free.

Did you hear about the very old dragon?

They said he started draggin balls.

Why are dragon plushies soft and cuddly?

They aren't scale models.

So I went on Dragons Den with my grandad's shotgun and Peter Jones said, "so what's the business idea?"

I said, "It's a very simple concept, Peter. Put the money in the bag."

2 dragons walk into a bar

The first one says "it's hot in here."

The second one says "shut your mouth"

What do you call Dragon with no silver?

A dron

Okay, we need a title for our fantasy novel involving dragons. Any ideas?

…Dragon?

It can’t just be Dragon.

Umm… Cragon?

No, that’s awful. Come on, think harder.

Umm…. Eragon?

….Bingo.

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Dragon Ball Z is real.

Messi collected 7 golden balls and successfully wished for a world cup.

Did you hear about the komodo dragon that couldn't get an erection?

Turns out he had ereptile dysfunction

How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one but it takes 15 episodes.

Once there was a dragon slayer named Nick.....

Nick was a wealthy man, due to the fact that there were many dragons around the kingdom that required killing. The king of the land used to pay a great price for every dragon killed. But Nick had a deep secret, he had a massive desire to sleep with the queen, even if it was just for a night.
One...

Why do January 6 deniers never last very long in Dungeons & Dragons campaigns?

They always fail their Constitution checks.

The Dragon's Tail

A Dragon is rampaging through a kingdom. The king recruits the bravest knight in all the land to slay it, and bring back its tail. The knight rides off on his horse, and stops at a monastery on the way to the dragon's cave. The knight explained to one of the monks about his quest, and together they...

When the singer from DragonForce came down with a cold...

He was hit with inspiration for their new hit song.

Through the Fire and Phlegm

Dragon Ball fans are like creationists

If you talk about Evolution, they get mad.

Knight vs Dragon

A knight goes into a cave to fight the big bad three-headed dragon. He goes inside and after one hour, he comes out with the first head, shouting out loud:

\-One for me, zero for the dragon!!!

Then he goes back into the cave and he, again with another head, comes out screaming:

...

What would a rainbow dragon musician's skin be covered with?

Chromatic scales

A guy walks into his kitchen and sees his roommate writing on a piece of paper

Guy: what's up?

Roommate: Im legally changing my name to Dragon Ball Z.

Guy: wait, what, can you even do that?

Roommate: yea, it's a lot of paperwork tho.
This isn't even my final form.

Tramp

A tramp knocks on the door of an inn known as St. George and the Dragon. The landlady answers. “Could you give a poor man something to eat?” asks the tramp.

“No!” yells the woman, slamming the door in his face. A few minutes later, he knocks again. “Now what do you want?” the woman asks.
<...

I recently came up with a pirate-themed tabletop RPG, but then the makers of Dungeons and Dragons found out.

They sent me a seas-and-d6 letter.

I wanted to change my name to Dragon Ball Z...

My friend said, "Wow, that's a lot of papers you have to fill out!"
I said "Yeah, this isn't even my final form!"

A leprechaun, a walking tree, and a dragon walk into a bar

I should quit drinking

Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning?

Because the early beard gets the wyrm

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Dex: Wife and me fuck like rabbits every night.

Ter: You lucky bastard. Only get it once a month and I call it the bruce lee night.

Dex: Why the fuck do you call it that for?

Ter: Because it’s the night I enter the dragon

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The Queen's breasts

The Queen's breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Sid revealed hi...

What has a tattoo of a dragon squeaks when you eat it?

Halloumi Rapace.

A Psychiatrist Had No Patients In His Office…..

Suddenly, the door opened slowly and a man crept into the room on four legs.
His mouth was full with pieces of colored plastic.
He was holding strange objects in his hands.
He was dragging cables along behind himself.
The doctor was glad because of the visit and exclaimed,
“And what d...

A Dungeons and Dragons Joke about the most fearsome of foes: Furniture

The barkeep asked why we carried weapons into his bar.

I said ‘Mimics.’

The party laughed.

The barkeep laughed.

The table laughed.

We killed the table. Good times.

So I just watched the music video for Radioactive, and if you think fighting stuffed animals are weird…

Imagine Dragons.

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Long ago in a far away land,

A hero comes upon a village. The villagers all look very upset, so the hero asks what happened.

"There is a huge dragon living in the mountain. Every week, it comes down and eats one of our virgin girls" one of the villagers replies.

The hero then promises to help with their predicam...

Crouching tiger, hidden dragon.

It wasn't a great day at the zoo.

Ok my 4 year old came up with this one, not sure he really understands how clever it is though... Why did the Dragon Cross the Road?

He wanted to eat some chicken.

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The dark presence of the knight in black armor terrified the patrons of the inn. And he was sulking at the bar, clearly worried as he down the pint of ale.

He towered over the others who were also in the inn's bar, his armor covered in jagged spikes that were as lethal as the man-sized swords that hung from his back. His eyes glowed blood-red and a sickening black miasma poured through the small cracks in the plate armor. He even had a large pair of ho...

How do you synthesize/summarise Dragon Ball into one word?

The answer is: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...

Why did the yellow dragon keep slipping?

Banana for scale.

I took my friend to a concert. He said to me “Hey, you said there would be dragons here.”

So, I responded “No, man. I said you’d have to imagine them.”

How do you milk a Dragon?

By making 3 movies and a couple TV series about it.

History is a lot like Imagine Dragons...

It's repetitive, never really good, and somehow only getting worse.

Why do dragons sleep during the day?

So they can fight knights!

How do you ruin a dragon's birthday party?

Tell him to blow out the candles on his cake.

Knight vs dragon

A knight is fighting a dragon. He cuts its head, but the dragon grows two new heads. The knight cuts them, but the dragon grows 4 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 8 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 16 heads. The knight cuts them, the dragon grows 32 heads. The knight cuts t...

What happens when a dragon gets bored of strip steaks?

Flaming Yawn

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Early one morning, you pull down your favourite cup, only to find a small dragon, curled up and sleeping contentedly inside.

Confused and still half asleep you take the cup outside to empty the dragon carefully onto the grass, then return to rinse your cup and make coffee. The next morning he is back, curled snuggly inside the cup as before and you repeat the process.

After a week of repeating this process you make...

A tramp, seeking shelter on a freezing night, knocks on George and the Dragon Inn. A hefty lady answers the door and her expletives send him scampering. Desperate, he tries again minutes later.

"May... may I speak to George, please?"

Why do dragons like knights?

The come with their own pans.

I am thinking about opening a dungeons and dragons themed vacation rental...

I’m going to call it Air D&D

What do you call that friend who will always seize the opportunity to run a Dungeons & Dragons game for your group?

A Carpe D.M

What's Donkey's favourite movie?

Enter the Dragon

Why were dragons called rappers during ancient times?

Because they used to spit fire.

What’s a tired dragon’s favorite steak?

Flaming yawn

Noah! Noah! The Unicorns are playing with the dragon eggs and won’t get on the ark!

Noah, “come help me with these squirrels, we’ll get to them later.”

What did the komodo dragon mumma say to her hatchling?

You were a snaccident!

Why do dragons never finish anything on time?

bc they like to drag on and on.

Who is Gordon Ramsays least favourite Dragon Ball character?

Frieza

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George and the Dragon

A poor vagabond, travelling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked.

The innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some food?" he asked.

The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and...

Frieza from Dragon Ball Z gets a job as a medical receptionist

After a long day of fighting Vegeta comes into the Dr’s office to get some wounds looked at. As a new patient, Frieza directs him to fill out a hefty stack of new patient paperwork.

After some time, Vegeta brings his finished paperwork to Frieza only to be handed another stack of paperwork. ...

Many Chinese restaurants have names like, Golden Palace, Golden Lotus, Golden Dragon...

But mine is named after my favourite dish, Golden Retriever.

Elon Musk is reported to have written a short joke on his Crew Dragon rocket

I guess the real joke will be in the comets.

Why did the yung dragon lose the rap battle?

He couldn't spit hot fire

My dragon is asleep

He's dragoff.

Why are dragons so good at rapping?

Because they're always spitting fire.

A man walks into a bar

And orders a drink. Whilst drinking it, a massively scarred Asian dude stumbles in the bar.

"What happened?" The man asks as he downs his drink.

"There's a dragon 10km east from here." The Asian dude rasps before passing out.

So the Man gets on his bike and travels 10km east an...

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A dragon catches three men

A German, a Japanese and a Russian. Tells them he'll give them a chance to live if they survive his fire blow. They can also hide behind one object.

German goes first and decides to hide behind a steel plate, claiming he believes in manufacturing and quality of products. Dragon blows at him a...

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Why did the guy who made Dragons Fucking Cars pick cars instead of castles?

They're impenetrable

A komodo dragon works security cameras at a store for other komodo dragons. Mostly, he makes sure no other dragon is spying on the customers.

He's a monitor monitor monitoring a monitor for monitoring monitors.

2 dragons walk into a bar

One goes, "it's hot in here."

The other responds, "shut your mouth."


Originally by Jimmy Carr (I think, he may have stolen it)

Probably a repost, but reddit search is useless.

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Kill the Dragon

An evil and powerful dragon lives near a village.
It eats a virgin from the village every week.
No one can defeat it.

One day a hero comes and attempts to kill the dragon.
He finds that the dragon is too power to be defeated.
He decides to kill the dragon with intelligen...

How do dragon-type Pokemon solve their disputes?

They let bagons be bagons

Why do dragons make good accountants?

The economies of scale

I have an amazing joke about Dragon Ball Z.

Find out tomorrow on R/jokes!

How do you kill the ender dragon

You ender

Imagine Dragons is doing a concert in Washington DC

They start singing Believer... "First things first I'ma say all the words inside my head"

"Challenge accepted" Donald Trump replies

Why do interns make the best Dungeons and Dragons players?

They do it for the Experience.

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They're coming out with a Dragon Ball Z for old people.

It's called Draggin' Balls Z

There was a dragon called Ted

Ted dropped out of school and rarely ever drank water. In fact, his dealer grew concern for him so everytime Ted went to buy his product, he'd ask Ted to drink a bottle of water first. Ted thought nothing of this until one day, curiosity got the better of him.

"Hey, why do you always want me ...

How do you get dragon milk?

Find a cow with no back legs

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Do y'know there's Dragon Ball Z smut?

Kamehameha Sutra

I asked my karate instructor if I'd ever be able to do a dragon punch.

He said, "Suuuureyoucan!"

A man and his wife are playing Dungeons and Dragons together...

During the man's turn, he rolls his D20 and rolls a 1. Simultaneously, he stubs his toe against the table leg so hard that his toe essentially falls off. Blood everywhere. The wife has to rush them both to the ER.

She's waiting.

She's waiting...

The doctor emerges, and the wife ...

My girlfriend smokes a lot, i call her the Dragon

Because she doesn't exist

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[Game of Thrones S7 Spoiler] What do Dragons call Jon Snow?

Motherfucker.

Do you like pop music, like Imagine Dragons?

Well imagine dragon these nuts across your chin.

Do you know why the Reddit Dragon is yellow?

It's got bananas for scales

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