What did the arts museum acquisitions director say to the cultural benefactor and collector of early Renaissance paintings?

S3ND NUD3S

My friend Victor is a historian

He invited me to a party at his house and started introducing me to all his colleagues.
“This is Victor, he’s a historian of the renaissance. The guy next to him is Victor Jr, he’s a historian of ancient Egypt. And those two guys over there are Victor and Victor, they are doing great work on Mes...

I volunteer part time as a jouster at the renaissance fair.

I’m a free lancer.

I didn't believe she went to the renaissance fair

Then I saw her mace

Had a lot of fun the Renaissance fair last summer with the wife.

I had a great time riding her in to battle!

My wife is on her lady time while at the Renaissance Faire and told me she was craving chocolate.

I asked her if the craving was period-specific.

The restaurant's menu said "Breakfast Any Time"

So I ordered steak n' eggs from the Renaissance Period.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Now that I have lived through a plague...

I get why most renaissance paintings are of fat people lounging around with their boobs and dicks out

I just got arrested while on stage at a renaissance fair.

Apparently my agent was confused and they actually booked me to perform a lute act on stage.

What did the terminator say when he accidentally got sent back in time to the renaissance?

I'll be Bach.

Did you hear about the crab that could paint?

There was a crab that people taught how to paint. He eventually got better and started painting these Renaissance-like paintings

His name was Leonardo Da-Pinchi

Hundreds of years ago vulgarity was commonplace, people were often drunk before noon, and public urination was not unusual.

At least that's what I tried telling the security guard at the renaissance faire.

Some bloke just told me I have no culture

Just because I can name more ninja turtles than renaissance artists.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do tampons and renaissance art have in common?

You get upset when your dog tears up either of them because they are period pieces.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Yo momma’s so old...

When it’s that time of the month, she has a renaissance period.

My girlfriend and I went to the Renaissance fair and saw a minstrel get cut in the arm

He's gonna be okay though, my girlfriend had just the thing to stop the flow of minstrel blood

Art Show

A man walked into the Lourve with a plastic clicking box.

He held it up to a renaissance portrait; the box didn't click at all. He moved on to the surrealist paintings—the plastic box clicked a little. Security got anxious.

Just as they were about to stop him he moved into an exhibitio...

Super bowl mistake

My good friend has 2 tickets for the 2018 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,000 for both tickets, but he didn't realize when he bought them, it was going to be the same day of his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place. It's at @ 3pm at the Renaissance . Her...

Why couldn't the Medici family diversify their wealth?

Because in Renaissance times, stocks were bonds.

Guy walks into a bar with brown robes on...

Guy walks into a bar with brown robes on and the bartender asks "what’s with the robes, you just get out of a Renaissance faire?”


He replies, ”No I’m a Carmelite priest.”

The bartender exclaims "I’ll be damned!”

He answers “I hope not!"

I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time

So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

I started studying art history.

I'm really learning a lot. This painter named 'Renaissance' is just amazing.

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