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Renaissance Jokes

I volunteer part time as a jouster at the renaissance fair.

I’m a free lancer.

What do you call an Italian Renaissance painter who smokes weed from a one-hitter pipe?

Leonardo da Pinchy.



...I'll see myself out.

Some bloke just told me I have no culture

Just because I can name more ninja turtles than renaissance artists.

I went into a restaurant that said they'd serve breakfast any time...

so I ordered french toast during the Renaissance

A farmer who raises donkeys goes out of town, leaving his wife alone at the farm

A neighbouring farmer, who desires an affair with her, takes advantage of the opportunity and seduces the wife while her husband is away.

The wife soon finds out that she is pregnant with the neighbour’s child, and after informing them of this they decide that it would be best to confess to ...

Hundreds of years ago vulgarity was commonplace, people were often drunk before noon, and public urination was not unusual.

At least that's what I tried telling the security guard at the renaissance faire.

Did you hear about the crab that could paint?

There was a crab that people taught how to paint. He eventually got better and started painting these Renaissance-like paintings

His name was Leonardo Da-Pinchi

Had a lot of fun the Renaissance fair last summer with the wife.

I had a great time riding her in to battle!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Now that I have lived through a plague...

I get why most renaissance paintings are of fat people lounging around with their boobs and dicks out

The restaurant's menu said "Breakfast Any Time"

So I ordered steak n' eggs from the Renaissance Period.

My friend Victor is a historian

He invited me to a party at his house and started introducing me to all his colleagues.
“This is Victor, he’s a historian of the renaissance. The guy next to him is Victor Jr, he’s a historian of ancient Egypt. And those two guys over there are Victor and Victor, they are doing great work on Mes...

My wife is on her lady time while at the Renaissance Faire and told me she was craving chocolate.

I asked her if the craving was period-specific.

Yo momma’s so old...

When it’s that time of the month, she has a renaissance period.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Several years ago, a group of artistic polymaths decided to mathematically represent different styles of painting.

Each of the polymaths was a leading figure in a different field of mathematics, and each pursued and studied a different style of painting. Together, they decided that if they co...

Not to brag, but I’m a Renaissance man.

That is, I’m completely confused and frightened by what’s going on in 2020.

Guy walks into a bar with brown robes on...

Guy walks into a bar with brown robes on and the bartender asks "what’s with the robes, you just get out of a Renaissance faire?”


He replies, ”No I’m a Carmelite priest.”

The bartender exclaims "I’ll be damned!”

He answers “I hope not!"

Super bowl mistake

My good friend has 2 tickets for the 2018 SUPER BOWL, both box seats. He paid $2,000 for both tickets, but he didn't realize when he bought them, it was going to be the same day of his wedding. If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place. It's at @ 3pm at the Renaissance . Her...

I just got arrested while on stage at a renaissance fair.

Apparently my agent was confused and they actually booked me to perform a lute act on stage.

Why couldn't the Medici family diversify their wealth?

Because in Renaissance times, stocks were bonds.

What did the terminator say when he accidentally got sent back in time to the renaissance?

I'll be Bach.

My girlfriend and I went to the Renaissance fair and saw a minstrel get cut in the arm

He's gonna be okay though, my girlfriend had just the thing to stop the flow of minstrel blood

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do tampons and renaissance art have in common?

You get upset when your dog tears up either of them because they are period pieces.

3 guys are to be executed

Back in the renaissance era 3 guys were to be executed so they bring in the first guy out him in the guillotine and they ask him if he has any last words and he says "god bless the king" so they drop the blade and it stops within inches of his neck so they think this must be divine intervention and ...

I started studying art history.

I'm really learning a lot. This painter named 'Renaissance' is just amazing.

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