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Giraffe Jokes

I was gonna make a giraffe joke

But it's too long

You're being chased by a Lion, you're on a horse to the left of you is a Giraffe and on the right a unicorn what do you do?

You stop drinking and get off the Carousel.

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot up ...

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You're riding a horse full speed, there's a giraffe beside you and you're being chased by a lion. What do you do?

Get your drunk ass off the carousel.

I respect giraffe's...

They're an animal I can look up to.

what do you call a giraffe with a jet stuck in it's throat?

A plane in the neck.

Why did the giraffe get bad grades?

He always had his head stuck in the clouds

You’re riding a giraffe and a tiger is chasing you.. What do you do?

You get off the merry-go-round

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin

And giraffes were born

A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says “you want a longneck?”

The giraffe says “you mean I have a choice?”

Why didnt the audience laugh at the giraffe' s joke?

It went over their heads

A duck, a deer and a giraffe walk into a bar.

They order three shots of whiskey. They drink those down and order three more. Again, they drink those down and then get up to leave.

Bartender says, "Someone has got to pay for those!"

Duck said, "I've only got a bill."

Deer says, "I've only a buck."

Giraffe goes, "...

What do you call a giraffe’s birthday?

A launch date.

A giraffe walks into a bar

A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a bottle of Coors Light. "Long neck?" the bartender asks. "Some say so," the giraffe replies.

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How many giraffes can you fit in a Volkswagen?

Four, 2 in the front and 2 in the back.


- How do you know if there's been a giraffe in your fridge?

There's a set of hoof prints in the butter.


- How do you know if there's been 2 giraffes in your fridge?

There's 2 sets of hoof prints in the butter.


- H...

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a giraffe walks into a bar

And says "high balls are on me"

Giraffe at movies

I used to go out with a giraffe. Used to take it to the movies and other places. You’d always get some person complaining that they couldn’t see the screen.
It’s a giraffe, mate. What do you expect?

“Well he can take his hat off for a start”

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The box of condoms

Young couple finishes having sex when the female rolls over and looks at the box of condoms sitting on the nights stand, and notices that there are only six left out of the original dozen

She says,

\- ”We only used one. What happened to the other 5 condoms?”

The young man thinks...

Why people never believe giraffes?

Because they tell tall tales

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

After a few drinks, the giraffe slumps over and dies. The man starts to walk out when the bartender stops him. "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!" The bartender yells to the man.

The man replies "That's a giraffe my dear, not a lion."

Man walks into a bar with a Giraffe

Sits down at a table and orders a round, whiskey for him and a double for the giraffe

This goes on for a few more rounds until the giraffe is all but passed out, laying across the table

Man stands up and starts to stagger to the exit.

Barman looks over and says "Hey - you can't...

What's Worse Than A Giraffe With Sore Throat?

A centipede with sore feet

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Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?

Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

Why do elephants paint their balls red?
So they can hide in cherry trees.

What's the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffes eating cherries

How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the giraffe, and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.

A giraffe can grow up to 18 feet

But they usually only have 4

If there are 502 bricks in a plane and 1 falls off, how many are left?

>!501.!<

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

>!You open the door, put the elephant in, and close the door.!<

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

>!You open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, and close the door.!<

So, the ...

Why is it cheap to feed a giraffe?

A little goes a long way

Did you know Ronnie Pickering invented the giraffe?

He got into an argument with a horse and uppercutted it

I once went on safari and saw a giraffe humping an antelope.

Thinking back, I probably should’ve used google chrome.

A guy wakes up after some heavy drinking. He sees a purple giraffe standing next to his bed.

— What are you looking at? – asks the giraffe – There’s so many of you, goddamn drunks, that we had no pink elephants left!

Guy walks into a bar with a giraffe

They take a seat at the bar and start taking shots.

The giraffe gets blackout drunk and passes out on the floor.

Guy gets up and goes to leave the bar.

Bartender says “hey! You can’t leave that lyin’ there!”

Guy says “it’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe”

A giraffe walks into a bar

Giraffes aren’t good at playing limbo

What do you get if you cross an alligator with a giraffe?

A visit from the ethics committee and immediate withdrawal of your funding.

What school of magic does a Giraffe practice?

Neckromancy

The worst part about being a giraffe

is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.

Credit. The Joke Cafe

An Elephant, a Giraffe and a Penguin walk in to a bar

It's at this point I realise that there is something wrong with my pint.

There is an elephant and a giraffe in the bathroom

The giraffe says "pass the soap, please"

And the elephant says "no soap, radio!"

(OC) Why don't giraffes have stripes?

Because God took one look at them and said, "You know, that thing's so tall, it'll be easy to spot."

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A man goes to a restaurant and sees a sign by the door

The sign reads: "Order anything you want, if we cannot make it, you get $300."
So, when the waiter comes he orders steamed elephant testicles with fried giraffe tongue on toast. The waiter goes to the kitchen and gives the cook the order. The kitchen staff is frantic and scrambles to find what ...

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar...

They sit down and order 10 pints of beer. The bartender shrugs, but pours the beer and lines them up along the bar. They begin to slam back the pints, but the man finishes his first. The giraffe can't even make it to the last pint and passes out on the bar. The man laughs, pays the bill, and gets up...

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Animal game

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?" Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the tea...

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe.They both drink a beer and go to walk out the door but the giraffe collapses on the floor.The guy carries on leaving the bar and the bartender shouts.... 'hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!

The guy replies....It's not a lion,it's a giraffe!

Never go to bars run by male giraffes.

They only serve highballs.

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A rabbit is running through the steppe when he meets a giraffe which is rolling a joint.

"No giraffe, you don't have to smoke that. Just come running with me!", it says to the giraffe. After thinking a few seconds, the giraffe happily joins the rabbit.

After a while they meet an elephant which is about to sniff some cocain. "No elephant, you don't have to sniff that. Just come ru...

A man walks into a bar wit a giraffe

He sits down at the bar and orders himself a pint and a milkshake for the giraffe.

He finishes his pint, the giraffe finishes it's milkshake and he orders another for each of them.

Again they finish and have another.

After the third the giraffe drops down dead. The man gets u...

Friends are like giraffes...

...If you shoot them, they die.

Why do giraffes have such long necks?

To get away from the smell of their feet.

Wanna hear a giraffe joke?

Nah it will just go over your head.

A rabbit is running in the woods, he sees a giraffe smoking pot.

- Dude, don’t smoke it, it’s harmful for your body. Let's keep it healthy, come run with me, and they start running.

A little later they see an elephant prepared to snort cocaine.

- My elephant friend, drop the cocaine, come run with us.

After a little run, they see the lion ...

A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe...

The man orders 2 beers, one for him and one for the giraffe. After a while the man goes back up to order another 2 beers and, still gives one to his giraffe and one for himself, this continues throughout the night.

As the bar closes the man gets up to leave, when suddenly his pet giraffe fal...

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Did you hear the one about the giraffe who learned Karate?

He looked like a fucking idiot.

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and asks for a shot of whiskey

The bartender asks him, "what is that thing and why's it in my bar?"

"That's my pet," the man replies. "He follows me everywhere and we both love a good drink."

Sighing, the bartender decides he doesn't have time to argue the semantics of bringing animals into bars and pours two shots,...

Do you know why giraffes necks are so long?

Because their heads are so far from their body

A polygamist lion walks into a bar with 3 of his wives: a giraffe, an ostrich and a llama.

He walks up to the bar and asks the rhino bartender to recommend a beer.

Rhino: "Sure, we have lots of great choices on tap."

Lion: "C'mon man... Can't you see I prefer longnecks?"

What do you call a zoo where all the giraffes have colds?

Giraffe Sick Park

What's the difference between an optician and a giraffe?

If you can't tell the difference you only have to visit one!

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A mouse was sitting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar. The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink...

Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink.

After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air.

His whiskers were b...

A giraffe walks into an airport...

A giraffe walks into an airport, and a TSA agent walks up to him and asks:

"Hey, is this your laptop?"

And the giraffe says:

"I thought you'd never ask"

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A giraffe walks into a restaurant...

He asks the waiter, "Do you have any food specifically for giraffes?"

The waiter thinks for a second and comes back with a plate of spaghetti with the longest fork you've ever seen.

"Asshole!" the giraffe says, and he walks out.

The next day, a penguin walks into the restauran...

What is the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?

One has hydraulics, the other has high bollocks

Why are giraffes real but unicorns aren't?

What's more believable a horse with a horn or a leopard moose camel with a 40 foot neck?

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There was a mouse that used to stop by a neighborhood tavern every night…

Like clockwork, at 5:15 pm that screen door would kick open and if you looked closely you’d see that crazy little mouse. He’d sprint to his bar stool, spin around the pole on one arm and hop right up to the cushion with a big shit-eating grin. High fives with the bartender. “Gimme a beer, Sam!” “Sur...

Man & his Giraffe walk into a bar

The man orders a pint for himself and 1 for his giraffe. They finish the drink and the man orders another 2 pints. This keeps going until leaving time when the man and giraffe go to leave. The giraffe collapses on the walk out but the man keeps on walking. The bartender shouts " you can't leave that...

Did you know that a giraffes neck is strong enough to support the weight of a human climbing on it?

Anyway, I got banned from my local zoo today

A guy and a giraffe walk in to a bar...

They go up to the bar and order 20 shots each. 1 shot, 2 shots, 3, 4 .... they finally down the 20th shot. They both stand to leave and the giraffe passes out on the floor. The guy keeps stumbling to the door.

Right as he is going to leave. The bartender says, "Hey! Are you going to leave th...

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Fucking smug giraffes,

Always looking down on me.

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TIL Giraffe penises are 40in. long

Which explains their long necks

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a giraffe?

A really long pecker.

A guy goes in to a pub with a giraffe.

He orders a beer, and ten shots.

Drinks his beer, taking his time, before eventually telling the giraffe "Let's get going then!"

With that the giraffe drinks all ten shots, before dying on the spot. The gentleman attempts to sneak off as the bartender yells out "Uh, excuse me pal, you...

Did you hear about the guy who made giraffe and elephant jam?

He called it Wildlife Preserve.

Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes a long time for them to swallow their pride.

Zebra dies and goes to Heaven

The giraffe asks him, "Why you look so depressed? "

Zebra says, "I never knew if I was black with white stripes or white with black stripes."

Giraffe says, "We you can go to God and ask Him any question."

So the Zebra goes and comes back looking confused.

Giraffe asks, "...

What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist?

Nothing, giraffes aren't real.

Where do you put Giraffes that don't feel good?

Giraffe-Sick Park

Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?

It’s a long one.

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Please don't bother teaching a giraffe to perform fellatio.

It's just not going to go down well.

A pirate, two giraffes, a duck and a nun walk into a bar..

The bartender says
"Is this some kind of joke?"

Did you hear about the race between the giraffe and the ostrich?

It was neck and neck the whole way.

500 bricks on a plane

Q. There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off, how many left?

A. 499

Q. What are the 3 simple steps of putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open refrigerator, put elephant in, close refrigerator.

Q. What are the 4 simple steps of putting a giraffe in a refrigerat...

A Republican, a Democrat, a Communist, a priest, a rabbi, an Imam, an African, a Caucasian, an Asian, a horse, a giraffe, an elephant, a fairy, an elf, and an unicorn walk into a bar...

The bar tender looks up

"What is this? A joke?"

What do Giraffes eat?

Macaroni and leaves.

A giraffe walks into a bar, he sits and orders 6 martinis........

Shame on you for wanting a punchline.

This giraffe needs help.

What do giraffes paint?

Giraffiti

A zebra and a giraffe have a kid...

...and named him Al. Al is really good at maths. What species is he?




An Al-ge-bra

Why did the giraffe leave her boyfriend?

He was a Cheetah!

A penguin and a giraffe were fighting for a promotion

Giraffe got promoted because people looked up to him!

What do two giraffes have in common?

Neither can ride a bike

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A man and a giraffe walk into a bar...

They both get pissed drunk and pass out.

The man wakes up, pays his tab, begins to leave and the bartender points and says:

“Oi! You can’t leave that lyin’ there!”

The man turns and says:

“It’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.”

A long-neck giraffe is eating with a rabbit in the forest

... and then the giraffe brags, "Bet you are really envious of my long neck. When I'm eating, delicious food usually lingers in my throat and oh my, the taste, the scent, that feels really good!"

The rabbit swallows a mouthful real fast and then asks,

"Have you ever puked?"

Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...

You've seen a maul!

What do you call a mural of a giraffe in the street?

Giraffiti

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe...

The man and the giraffe drink shots back and forth and eventually the giraffe passes out from alcohol. The man puts some money on the table and starts to walk out. The bartender yells out "You can't leave that lyin' there!" The man replies "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

Read it out loud...

An inteovert elephant and an emo giraffe walks into a bar..

They couldnt fit in

A priest, a nun, a giraffe, a telepathic unicorn, 21 pilots, Pennywise the clown, a ninja and Donald Trump walk into a bar. The bartender, struggling to open the champagne, says

...yeah I don't know how I'm going to pull this one off.

Ever heard the one about the giraffe?

Nevermind, it'd probably go over your head.

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