I was gonna make a giraffe joke

But it's too long

Why didnt the audience laugh at the giraffe' s joke?

It went over their heads

There’s a man at an outdoor bar who orders one pint of beer for himself and 10 for his giraffe...

He continues to do this throughout the night. When he heads home, the giraffe stands up but then toppled over because of how drunk he is. The bartender says ‘Hey! You can’t leave that lying there!’
The man then says ‘It’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.’

You're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do?

Get off the carousel!

Did you know that a giraffes neck is strong enough to support the weight of a human climbing on it?

Anyway, I got banned from my local zoo today

Did you hear about the guy who made giraffe and elephant jam?

He called it Wildlife Preserve.

A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe...

The bartender welcomes the man and his giraffe, then the man orders 2 beers, one for him and one for his pet.
15 mins later the man orders another 2 beers, again, one for him and another for the giraffe.
Hours pass without the man ordering any drinks, when just before closing time he orders a ...

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A mouse was sitting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar. The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink...

Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink.

After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air.

His whiskers were b...

Wanna hear a joke about Giraffe?

I promise it will be necks level.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop, hop, hop, when he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed. Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest."

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run, run, run. Hop, hop, hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep. This sheep is about to shoot up heroin. The ra...

You know, giraffes can grow up to 18 feet

but most of them only have 4

What do you get if you cross an alligator with a giraffe?

A visit from the ethics committee and immediate withdrawal of your funding.

A zoo-keeper lost his Bible while he was cleaning the giraffe cage.

He looked for it for an hour but it was just gone. After awhile a giraffe walked up to him with the Bible in its mouth and the zoo-keeper cried "It's a miracle!"

The giraffe said "Well, not really. Your name is written inside the cover."

A pirate, two giraffes, a duck and a nun walk into a bar..

The bartender says
"Is this some kind of joke?"

What do two giraffes have in common?

Neither can ride a bike

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the giraffe say to the cat?

Get the fuck off my tree

A male giraffe walks into a bar

And says “Highballs on me.”

300 Bricks on a plane

There are 300 bricks on a plane, 1 falls off. How many are left? Pretty simple, 299.


What are the 3 steps to put an elephant in a fridge? Easy, open the fridge, put the elephant inside, and close the fridge.


What are the 4 steps to put a Giraffe in the fridge? Easy, open the fr...

A guy and a giraffe walk in to a bar...

They go up to the bar and order 20 shots each. 1 shot, 2 shots, 3, 4 .... they finally down the 20th shot. They both stand to leave and the giraffe passes out on the floor. The guy keeps stumbling to the door.

Right as he is going to leave. The bartender says, "Hey! Are you going to leave th...

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A man and a giraffe walk into a bar...

They both get pissed drunk and pass out.

The man wakes up, pays his tab, begins to leave and the bartender points and says:

“Oi! You can’t leave that lyin’ there!”

The man turns and says:

“It’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.”

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and asks for a shot of whiskey

The bartender asks him, "what is that thing and why's it in my bar?"

"That's my pet," the man replies. "He follows me everywhere and we both love a good drink."

Sighing, the bartender decides he doesn't have time to argue the semantics of bringing animals into bars and pours two shots,...

What do you call a zoo that only has giraffes in it?

Giraffic Park

Did you hear about the race between the giraffe and the ostrich?

It was neck and neck the whole way.

A penguin and a giraffe were fighting for a promotion

Giraffe got promoted because people looked up to him!

I read about a heartwarming story of several doctors performing an overnight surgery on a giraffe's knee.

I guess it was a joint operation.

What do you call a giraffe driving a car?

A danger to society

A Republican, a Democrat, a Communist, a priest, a rabbi, an Imam, an African, a Caucasian, an Asian, a horse, a giraffe, an elephant, a fairy, an elf, and an unicorn walk into a bar...

The bar tender looks up

"What is this? A joke?"

What noise does a dead giraffe make?

*thud*

What's the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?

One has hydraulics and the other has high bollocks.

Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...

You've seen a maul!

Where do you put Giraffes that don't feel good?

Giraffe-Sick Park

A giraffe walks into a bar and lies on the floor

The bartender asks a nearby customer "what's that lyin' on the floor?"
The customer replies "that's a giraffe not a lion!"

CIA, MI5 and the Turkish secret service (MIT) are in a contest

And they are tasked with finding a monkey in a rainforest.

CIA goes in with its drones and tech, and comes back with the monkey in 2 hours.

MI5 goes in and with their network in the jungle villages and infiltration techniques they come back with the monkey in 1 hour.

MIT,the Tur...

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A rabbit is running through the steppe when he meets a giraffe which is rolling a joint.

"No giraffe, you don't have to smoke that. Just come running with me!", it says to the giraffe. After thinking a few seconds, the giraffe happily joins the rabbit.

After a while they meet an elephant which is about to sniff some cocain. "No elephant, you don't have to sniff that. Just come ru...

Ever heard the one about the giraffe?

Nevermind, it'd probably go over your head.

Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?

It’s a long one.

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open do...

Man & his Giraffe walk into a bar

The man orders a pint for himself and 1 for his giraffe. They finish the drink and the man orders another 2 pints. This keeps going until leaving time when the man and giraffe go to leave. The giraffe collapses on the walk out but the man keeps on walking. The bartender shouts " you can't leave that...

A guy goes in to a pub with a giraffe.

He orders a beer, and ten shots.

Drinks his beer, taking his time, before eventually telling the giraffe "Let's get going then!"

With that the giraffe drinks all ten shots, before dying on the spot. The gentleman attempts to sneak off as the bartender yells out "Uh, excuse me pal, you...

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and says, “A beer for me, and one for the giraffe, please.” The two of them drink their beers. Then: “A shot for me, and one for the giraffe, too.” And the two of them keep drinking all night. Finally the giraffe passes out on the floor of the bar. The guy pays ...

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Fucking smug giraffes,

Always looking down on me.

Why does a giraffe have a long neck?

So it can reach it's head.

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TIL Giraffe penises are 40in. long

Which explains their long necks

I once bought a box of animal crackers

It said “Do not eat if the seal is broken”, sure enough.. broken seal, rhino, giraffe, the whole squad. Had to throw the whole thing away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the zoo the other day...

And I saw the monkeys wanking...

Then I went to see the giraffes, and I was still wanking.

Unlucky

Q: A plane is carrying one hundred bricks. One falls out. How many are left on the plane?
A: 99.

Q: What are the three steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge?
A: Open the fridge, put the giraffe in, and close the fridge.

Q: What are the four steps to putting an elephant in the fr...

What is higher than a Giraffe's balls?

Snoop Dogg

A zebra and a giraffe have a kid...

...and named him Al. Al is really good at maths. What species is he?




An Al-ge-bra

Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes a long time for them to swallow their pride.

Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?

To connect its head and body together.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the giraffe who learned Karate?

He looked like a fucking idiot.

An inteovert elephant and an emo giraffe walks into a bar..

They couldnt fit in

What do you call a mural of a giraffe in the street?

Giraffiti

An African chief had three wives.

Each wife slept on a different animal hide - one slept on a lion hide, one slept on a giraffe hide, and the third slept on a hippopotamus hide.

The chief slept with each of his wives, and they all got pregnant. The wife who slept on the lion hide bore him a son and the wife who slept on the g...

What is a giraffe's favorite fruit?

Necktarines

Some what not so bad joke...

Do you know why you should never fight a dinosaur?

Because you'll get JURASSKICKED!

Do you know why you should never fight a giraffe?

Because you'll get GIRAFFEKICKED!

Do you know why you should never fight a dog?

Because you're... probably gonna get bit...

The worst part about being a giraffe

is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.

Credit. The Joke Cafe

A giraffe walks into a Californian bar....

And says to the bartender "I'll have a bourbon and coke and 27 straws please, all joined together to make one large straw" the bartender, while perturbed, fulfills the giraffes order. Painstakingly joining all straws together.

The next day the giraffe comes back and orders the same. T...

Got a list for y'all

1. (OC) Where do ghosts go to get their teeth worked on?

>!The Orthohauntist!!<



2. Two muffins are in the oven, one says to the other: Ya think it's getting hot in here?

the other one says: >!AHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!!<



3. One guy says to his fri...

Why did the giraffe leave her boyfriend?

He was a Cheetah!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Please don't bother teaching a giraffe to perform fellatio.

It's just not going to go down well.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler sitting there talking to the bartender...

Hitler what are you doing here, I thought you were dead! says the man

Hitler replies oh no no no that was all staged. I'm alive and well and with a new master plan. I'm killing all poor people AND a giraffe!

Puzzeled the man asked Ooookay, but what's with the giraffe?

Hitler tu...

A long-neck giraffe is eating with a rabbit in the forest

... and then the giraffe brags, "Bet you are really envious of my long neck. When I'm eating, delicious food usually lingers in my throat and oh my, the taste, the scent, that feels really good!"

The rabbit swallows a mouthful real fast and then asks,

"Have you ever puked?"

My favorite joke

If you have 500 bricks on a plane and you throw one off how many do you now have?

>!499!<

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

>!Open the door, then put the elephant inside!<

How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?

>!Open the door, take the elephant...

A priest, a nun, a giraffe, a telepathic unicorn, 21 pilots, Pennywise the clown, a ninja and Donald Trump walk into a bar. The bartender, struggling to open the champagne, says

...yeah I don't know how I'm going to pull this one off.

So a guy walks into a bar with a giraffe......

They have a good few drinks and get rather drunk.
After many more straight whiskeys and ales the giraffe finally gives up the ghost and passes out beside the bar..
The guy feeling he’s not too far behind, finishes his last whiskey and turns to leave picking up his coat.
The barman says shar...

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. One to set the bicycle on fire and two to fill the bathtub with giraffes.

What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls?

You walk him and pitch to the giraffe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy walks into a bar and sees Hitler

So a guy walks into a bar, and sitting at the bar across from the bartender is Hitler himself. The guy walks up to him and says "Hitler, you're alive? I thought you died a long time ago?"

"Aah, that's just a conspiracy. I've been in hiding, and now I have a new plan. I'm going to kill 6 milli...

What do Giraffes and zoning regulations have in common?

They both don't exist in Texas.

What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist?

Nothing, giraffes aren't real.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a small rabbit was taking a run through the forest.

As he was running he came upon a giraffe. This giraffe was about to shoot up some heroin. The rabbit looked at he giraffe for a moment and then said, "Giraffe, don't do heroin. Heroin is a drug, and drugs are bad for you. Come running with me through the forest."

The giraffe looked at the rab...

Teacher: "Children, please list ten animals who live in Africa."

Children: "An elephant and nine giraffes."

Why don't most restaurants serve giraffe?

It's a tall order.

Another light bulb joke

How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?

2

One to ride the giraffes, and one to put the clocks into the bathtub.

What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?

Neck-romance-y.

What does a full set of glassware and a male giraffe have in common?

High balls.

So a giraffe is in the security line at the airport...

And the security agent takes the giraffe's bag, looks inside, and says: "is this your laptop?" And the giraffe says, "i thought you'd never ask!"

What do you get when 2 giraffes collide?

A giraffic jam

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family goes to the zoo...

and when they get there, they decide to split up so they can see more animals. The little boy goes with his mother, and after they walk for a bit he points and says, "Mommy, what's that?!" She tells him that it's a monkey. Soon after he points again, asking "Mommy, what's that?" She tells him that i...

A giraffe walks into a bar, he sits and orders 6 martinis........

Shame on you for wanting a punchline.

This giraffe needs help.

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Why do Elephants paint their balls red?

So they can hide in cherry trees.
What’s the loudest sound in the jungle ?
Giraffes eating cherries.

How do you fit an elephant in the fridge in three simple steps?

* How do you fit an entire elephant in the refrigerator in three simple steps?
* *How?*
* You open the door, you stick the elephant in, and you close the door



* How do you fit a giraffe in the refrigerator in four easy steps?
* *How?*
* You open the door, you take the elep...

What do you get when you cross a cheese grater with a giraffe?

A ban from the zoo.

What do you call a giraffe that eats another giraffe?

Giraffrey Dahmer

Drunk Giraffe

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat, the giraffe does the same. The man orders a beer for himself and a double scotch for the giraffe. They both proceed to drink and after a while they order the same again.
They continue all night, ordering the same dri...

A man and his Giraffe walk into a bar

So a man and a Giraffe walk into a bar, they stroll up to the bar and order a few drinks. Now after about an hour the Giraffe who has had far too much passes out, the man seeing this pays his tab and gets up to leave and the bar tender shouts: "Oi! You can't leave that lyin' there!" To which the man...

How does an elephant hide in the forest?

Paints its nuts red and hides in a cherry tree.

What's the loudest sound in the wild?

A giraffe eating cherries.

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