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Giraffe Jokes

I was gonna make a giraffe joke

But it's too long

You're being chased by a Lion, you're on a horse to the left of you is a Giraffe and on the right a unicorn what do you do?

You stop drinking and get off the Carousel.

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot up ...

A duck, a deer and a giraffe walk into a bar.

They order three shots of whiskey. They drink those down and order three more. Again, they drink those down and then get up to leave.

Bartender says, "Someone has got to pay for those!"

Duck said, "I've only got a bill."

Deer says, "I've only a buck."

Giraffe goes, "...

The worst part about being a giraffe

is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.

Credit. The Joke Cafe

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar..

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar and start having a few drinks. After a while, they both get rather tipsy, and the giraffe passes out on the floor.

The man, feeling guilty about the giraffe, gets up to leave and starts for the door. The bartender stops him, saying, "Hey, you can't ju...

A giraffe walks into a bar…

A 15-foot giraffe walks into a bar, and asks the bartender what the longest straw they have is. The bartender responds that their longest straw is around 12 inches, since that’s the size of most of their tall glasses. The giraffe says “Perfect! One of those, please!” And the bartender gives him the ...

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open do...

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There was a mouse that used to stop by a neighborhood tavern every night…

Like clockwork, at 5:15 pm that screen door would kick open and if you looked closely you’d see that crazy little mouse. He’d sprint to his bar stool, spin around the pole on one arm and hop right up to the cushion with a big shit-eating grin. High fives with the bartender. “Gimme a beer, Sam!” “Sur...

Why didnt the audience laugh at the giraffe' s joke?

It went over their heads

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You're riding a horse full speed. There's a giraffe next to you and a lion chasing you, what do you do?

Get your drunk ass off the carousel.

A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says “you want a longneck?”

The giraffe says “you mean I have a choice?”

A giraffe walks into a bar

…and says “The highballs are on me”.

what do you call a giraffe with a jet stuck in it's throat?

A plane in the neck.

What do you call a giraffe’s birthday?

A launch date.

What's Worse Than A Giraffe With Sore Throat?

A centipede with sore feet

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Did you hear the one about the giraffe who learned Karate?

He looked like a fucking idiot.

What do you get if you cross an alligator with a giraffe?

A visit from the ethics committee and immediate withdrawal of your funding.

A giraffe walks into a bar

A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a bottle of Coors Light. "Long neck?" the bartender asks. "Some say so," the giraffe replies.

A giraffe can grow up to 18 feet

But they usually only have 4

Giraffe at movies

I used to go out with a giraffe. Used to take it to the movies and other places. You’d always get some person complaining that they couldn’t see the screen.
It’s a giraffe, mate. What do you expect?

“Well he can take his hat off for a start”

I once went on safari and saw a giraffe humping an antelope.

Thinking back, I probably should’ve used google chrome.

Why is it cheap to feed a giraffe?

A little goes a long way

Guy walks into a bar with a giraffe

They take a seat at the bar and start taking shots.

The giraffe gets blackout drunk and passes out on the floor.

Guy gets up and goes to leave the bar.

Bartender says “hey! You can’t leave that lyin’ there!”

Guy says “it’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe”

A giraffe walks into a bar

Giraffes aren’t good at playing limbo

What school of magic does a Giraffe practice?

Neckromancy

An Elephant, a Giraffe and a Penguin walk in to a bar

It's at this point I realise that there is something wrong with my pint.

Did you know Ronnie Pickering invented the giraffe?

He got into an argument with a horse and uppercutted it

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A rabbit is running through the steppe when he meets a giraffe which is rolling a joint.

"No giraffe, you don't have to smoke that. Just come running with me!", it says to the giraffe. After thinking a few seconds, the giraffe happily joins the rabbit.

After a while they meet an elephant which is about to sniff some cocain. "No elephant, you don't have to sniff that. Just come ru...

What do you call a giraffe driving a car?

A danger to society

There is an elephant and a giraffe in the bathroom

The giraffe says "pass the soap, please"

And the elephant says "no soap, radio!"

Man walks into a bar with a Giraffe

Sits down at a table and orders a round, whiskey for him and a double for the giraffe

This goes on for a few more rounds until the giraffe is all but passed out, laying across the table

Man stands up and starts to stagger to the exit.

Barman looks over and says "Hey - you can't...

A guy wakes up after some heavy drinking. He sees a purple giraffe standing next to his bed.

— What are you looking at? – asks the giraffe – There’s so many of you, goddamn drunks, that we had no pink elephants left!

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar...

They sit down and order 10 pints of beer. The bartender shrugs, but pours the beer and lines them up along the bar. They begin to slam back the pints, but the man finishes his first. The giraffe can't even make it to the last pint and passes out on the bar. The man laughs, pays the bill, and gets up...

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe.They both drink a beer and go to walk out the door but the giraffe collapses on the floor.The guy carries on leaving the bar and the bartender shouts.... 'hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!

The guy replies....It's not a lion,it's a giraffe!

What's the difference between an optician and a giraffe?

If you can't tell the difference you only have to visit one!

Wanna hear a giraffe joke?

Nah it will just go over your head.

A man walks into a bar wit a giraffe

He sits down at the bar and orders himself a pint and a milkshake for the giraffe.

He finishes his pint, the giraffe finishes it's milkshake and he orders another for each of them.

Again they finish and have another.

After the third the giraffe drops down dead. The man gets u...

A rabbit is running in the woods, he sees a giraffe smoking pot.

- Dude, don’t smoke it, it’s harmful for your body. Let's keep it healthy, come run with me, and they start running.

A little later they see an elephant prepared to snort cocaine.

- My elephant friend, drop the cocaine, come run with us.

After a little run, they see the lion ...

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and asks for a shot of whiskey

The bartender asks him, "what is that thing and why's it in my bar?"

"That's my pet," the man replies. "He follows me everywhere and we both love a good drink."

Sighing, the bartender decides he doesn't have time to argue the semantics of bringing animals into bars and pours two shots,...

A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe...

The man orders 2 beers, one for him and one for the giraffe. After a while the man goes back up to order another 2 beers and, still gives one to his giraffe and one for himself, this continues throughout the night.

As the bar closes the man gets up to leave, when suddenly his pet giraffe fal...

A polygamist lion walks into a bar with 3 of his wives: a giraffe, an ostrich and a llama.

He walks up to the bar and asks the rhino bartender to recommend a beer.

Rhino: "Sure, we have lots of great choices on tap."

Lion: "C'mon man... Can't you see I prefer longnecks?"

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A giraffe walks into a restaurant...

He asks the waiter, "Do you have any food specifically for giraffes?"

The waiter thinks for a second and comes back with a plate of spaghetti with the longest fork you've ever seen.

"Asshole!" the giraffe says, and he walks out.

The next day, a penguin walks into the restauran...

A giraffe walks into an airport...

A giraffe walks into an airport, and a TSA agent walks up to him and asks:

"Hey, is this your laptop?"

And the giraffe says:

"I thought you'd never ask"

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A mouse was sitting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar. The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink...

Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink.

After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air.

His whiskers were b...

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a giraffe?

A really long pecker.

Man & his Giraffe walk into a bar

The man orders a pint for himself and 1 for his giraffe. They finish the drink and the man orders another 2 pints. This keeps going until leaving time when the man and giraffe go to leave. The giraffe collapses on the walk out but the man keeps on walking. The bartender shouts " you can't leave that...

A guy and a giraffe walk in to a bar...

They go up to the bar and order 20 shots each. 1 shot, 2 shots, 3, 4 .... they finally down the 20th shot. They both stand to leave and the giraffe passes out on the floor. The guy keeps stumbling to the door.

Right as he is going to leave. The bartender says, "Hey! Are you going to leave th...

An ostrich, a loin, and a giraffe...

An ostrich, lion, and giraffe decide to visit the local drinkery after a long day at work.

"I've got the first round!" says the Lion, and they all proceed to enjoy their beverages and talk about their day.

Soon enough their first round of drinks are empty. "Waitress!!" exclaims the ost...

What is the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?

One has hydraulics, the other has high bollocks

Did you hear about the guy who made giraffe and elephant jam?

He called it Wildlife Preserve.

A guy goes in to a pub with a giraffe.

He orders a beer, and ten shots.

Drinks his beer, taking his time, before eventually telling the giraffe "Let's get going then!"

With that the giraffe drinks all ten shots, before dying on the spot. The gentleman attempts to sneak off as the bartender yells out "Uh, excuse me pal, you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL Giraffe penises are 40in. long

Which explains their long necks

What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist?

Nothing, giraffes aren't real.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Please don't bother teaching a giraffe to perform fellatio.

It's just not going to go down well.

Did you hear about the race between the giraffe and the ostrich?

It was neck and neck the whole way.

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A giraffe walks into a bar...

He asks the bartender, "Do you have any giraffe drinks?"

The bartender thinks for a second and comes back with a drink with the longest straw you've ever seen.

"Asshole!" the offended giraffe exclaims, and he walks out.

The next day, a penguin walks into the bar. He asks the b...

Why does a giraffe have a long neck?

So it can reach it's head.

A Republican, a Democrat, a Communist, a priest, a rabbi, an Imam, an African, a Caucasian, an Asian, a horse, a giraffe, an elephant, a fairy, an elf, and an unicorn walk into a bar...

The bar tender looks up

"What is this? A joke?"

What noise does a dead giraffe make?

*thud*

A giraffe walks into a bar, he sits and orders 6 martinis........

Shame on you for wanting a punchline.

This giraffe needs help.

Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...

You've seen a maul!

Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?

It’s a long one.

A penguin and a giraffe were fighting for a promotion

Giraffe got promoted because people looked up to him!

A zebra and a giraffe have a kid...

...and named him Al. Al is really good at maths. What species is he?




An Al-ge-bra

Why did the giraffe leave her boyfriend?

He was a Cheetah!

Two nuns, a penguin, a man with a parrot on his shoulder and a giraffe walk into a bar

The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar...

They both get pissed drunk and pass out.

The man wakes up, pays his tab, begins to leave and the bartender points and says:

“Oi! You can’t leave that lyin’ there!”

The man turns and says:

“It’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.”

What do you call a mural of a giraffe in the street?

Giraffiti

Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?

To connect its head and body together.

An inteovert elephant and an emo giraffe walks into a bar..

They couldnt fit in

It takes a long time for a giraffe...

...to swallow its pride.

Drunk Giraffe

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat, the giraffe does the same. The man orders a beer for himself and a double scotch for the giraffe. They both proceed to drink and after a while they order the same again.
They continue all night, ordering the same dri...

What do you get when you cross a cheese grater with a giraffe?

A ban from the zoo.

So a man owns a pet giraffe...

...and one day decides that he is peckish. So he goes down to his local McDonalds, giraffe in tow. He decides that he will have a hamburger; he buys one for the giraffe too. Then decides he's still hungry, so he has some fries. Again, the giraffe gets the same. The man then decides he is thirsty, an...

A long-neck giraffe is eating with a rabbit in the forest

... and then the giraffe brags, "Bet you are really envious of my long neck. When I'm eating, delicious food usually lingers in my throat and oh my, the taste, the scent, that feels really good!"

The rabbit swallows a mouthful real fast and then asks,

"Have you ever puked?"

A priest, a nun, a giraffe, a telepathic unicorn, 21 pilots, Pennywise the clown, a ninja and Donald Trump walk into a bar. The bartender, struggling to open the champagne, says

...yeah I don't know how I'm going to pull this one off.

Ever heard the one about the giraffe?

Nevermind, it'd probably go over your head.

Why don't most restaurants serve giraffe?

It's a tall order.

What do you call a hillbilly giraffe that lives in a trailer and drinks beer all day?

A rednnnnnneeeeeeeccccccccckkkkkk.

What does the tree say to the giraffe?

Leaf me alone!

I'm out!

What do you call a giraffe that eats another giraffe?

Giraffrey Dahmer

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