I was gonna make a giraffe joke

But it's too long

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You're riding a horse full speed, a giraffe keeps pace beside you. A lion is chasing you. What do you do?

Get your drunk ass off the merry go round!

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The mouse and the giraffe

A mouse was setting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar.

The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink.

Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink.

After a third round, the bartender looked up an...

Why didnt the audience laugh at the giraffe' s joke?

It went over their heads

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Fucking smug giraffes,

Always looking down on me.

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop, hop, hop, when he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed. Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest."

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run, run, run. Hop, hop, hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep. This sheep is about to shoot up heroin. The ra...

What do you call a giraffe driving a car?

A danger to society

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out till the bartender stops him

"Hey you can't leave that lyin' there" the bartender shouts

The man looks back and says "it's not a lion. It's a giraffe."

Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...

You've seen a maul!

Some Giraffes can grow up to 18 feet

But most only have 4

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So there is a Lizard in the jungle

He's walking around doing a little exploring. He then notices there is a small hut in a tree that has some smoke coming out of it. So, the lizard yells up to the hut and says 'Hey! is everything okay up there?"

A monkey pokes his head out of the hut and looks down and says "Yeah man, just up...

What do you call a zoo that only has giraffes in it?

Giraffic Park

What is the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?

One has hydraulics, the other has high bollocks

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TIL Giraffe penises are 40in. long

Which explains their long necks

Ever heard the one about the giraffe?

Nevermind, it'd probably go over your head.

A giraffe walks into a bar and lies on the floor

The bartender asks a nearby customer "what's that lyin' on the floor?"
The customer replies "that's a giraffe not a lion!"

A guy and a giraffe walk in to a bar...

They go up to the bar and order 20 shots each. 1 shot, 2 shots, 3, 4 .... they finally down the 20th shot. They both stand to leave and the giraffe passes out on the floor. The guy keeps stumbling to the door.

Right as he is going to leave. The bartender says, "Hey! Are you going to leave th...

I read about a heartwarming story of several doctors performing an overnight surgery on a giraffe's knee.

I guess it was a joint operation.

A giraffe's neck is so strong a human can climb up it

Also, I'm banned from my local zoo

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A rabbit is running through the steppe when he meets a giraffe which is rolling a joint.

"No giraffe, you don't have to smoke that. Just come running with me!", it says to the giraffe. After thinking a few seconds, the giraffe happily joins the rabbit.

After a while they meet an elephant which is about to sniff some cocain. "No elephant, you don't have to sniff that. Just come ru...

This fella and a giraffe walk into the bar

The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor.

The barman says: "it, what's that lyin there?"

Fella says: "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe"

A guy goes in to a pub with a giraffe.

He orders a beer, and ten shots.

Drinks his beer, taking his time, before eventually telling the giraffe "Let's get going then!"

With that the giraffe drinks all ten shots, before dying on the spot. The gentleman attempts to sneak off as the bartender yells out "Uh, excuse me pal, you...

Man & his Giraffe walk into a bar

The man orders a pint for himself and 1 for his giraffe. They finish the drink and the man orders another 2 pints. This keeps going until leaving time when the man and giraffe go to leave. The giraffe collapses on the walk out but the man keeps on walking. The bartender shouts " you can't leave that...

Where do you put Giraffes that don't feel good?

Giraffe-Sick Park

An inteovert elephant and an emo giraffe walks into a bar..

They couldnt fit in

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe and says, “A beer for me, and one for the giraffe, please.” The two of them drink their beers. Then: “A shot for me, and one for the giraffe, too.” And the two of them keep drinking all night. Finally the giraffe passes out on the floor of the bar. The guy pays ...

Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?

To connect its head and body together.

What do you call a mural of a giraffe in the street?

Giraffiti

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Did you hear the one about the giraffe who learned Karate?

He looked like a fucking idiot.

Why did the giraffe leave her boyfriend?

He was a Cheetah!

There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off how many are left?

499.

What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, put an elephant in, close fridge.

What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge?

Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.

The lion king is having a ...

You know why giraffes have long necks?

Because their heads are far from their body.

At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly.

It was the best balloon giraffe I'd ever seen.

A long-neck giraffe is eating with a rabbit in the forest

... and then the giraffe brags, "Bet you are really envious of my long neck. When I'm eating, delicious food usually lingers in my throat and oh my, the taste, the scent, that feels really good!"

The rabbit swallows a mouthful real fast and then asks,

"Have you ever puked?"

The worst part about being a giraffe

is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.

Credit. The Joke Cafe

Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes a long time for them to swallow their pride.

A zebra and a giraffe have a kid...

...and named him Al. Al is really good at maths. What species is he?




An Al-ge-bra

So a guy walks into a bar with a giraffe......

They have a good few drinks and get rather drunk.
After many more straight whiskeys and ales the giraffe finally gives up the ghost and passes out beside the bar..
The guy feeling he’s not too far behind, finishes his last whiskey and turns to leave picking up his coat.
The barman says shar...

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Please don't bother teaching a giraffe to perform fellatio.

It's just not going to go down well.

What is a giraffe's favorite fruit?

Necktarines

What do you get when you cross a shark and a giraffe?

A stern reprimand from the bioethics committee.

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A giraffe walks into a bar...

He asks the bartender, "Do you have any giraffe drinks?"

The bartender thinks for a second and comes back with a drink with the longest straw you've ever seen.

"Asshole!" the offended giraffe exclaims, and he walks out.

The next day, a penguin walks into the bar. He asks the b...

A Pirate, Rabbi, Ninja, and Giraffe walk into a bar together.

The bartender looks at all of them and asks out loud, "What is this? A joke?!"

Why does the giraffe have a long neck?

Because it has smelly feet.

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A little rabbit is running happily through the forest

... when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with ...

What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist?

Nothing, giraffes aren't real.

Why don't most restaurants serve giraffe?

It's a tall order.

A priest, a nun, a giraffe, a telepathic unicorn, 21 pilots, Pennywise the clown, a ninja and Donald Trump walk into a bar. The bartender, struggling to open the champagne, says

...yeah I don't know how I'm going to pull this one off.

What do Giraffes and zoning regulations have in common?

They both don't exist in Texas.

Did you hear about the Giraffe and Ostrich race?

It was neck and neck.

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Two part joke

Q. How does an elephant hide in an apple tree?
A. He paints his balls red.

Q. What's the loudest sound in Africa?
A. Giraffes eating apples.

A giraffe walks into a bar, orders 6 martinis

...and shame on you for wanting a punchline. This giraffe needs help.

What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?

Neck-romance-y.

What do you get when 2 giraffes collide?

A giraffic jam

Drunk Giraffe

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat, the giraffe does the same. The man orders a beer for himself and a double scotch for the giraffe. They both proceed to drink and after a while they order the same again.
They continue all night, ordering the same dri...

What do you get when you cross a cheese grater with a giraffe?

A ban from the zoo.

What does the tree say to the giraffe?

Leaf me alone!

I'm out!

A man and his Giraffe walk into a bar

So a man and a Giraffe walk into a bar, they stroll up to the bar and order a few drinks. Now after about an hour the Giraffe who has had far too much passes out, the man seeing this pays his tab and gets up to leave and the bar tender shouts: "Oi! You can't leave that lyin' there!" To which the man...

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe...

The man and the giraffe drink shots back and forth and eventually the giraffe passes out from alcohol. The man puts some money on the table and starts to walk out. The bartender yells out "You can't leave that lyin' there!" The man replies "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

Read it out loud...

What do you call a hillbilly giraffe that lives in a trailer and drinks beer all day?

A rednnnnnneeeeeeeccccccccckkkkkk.

Why do giraffes have a great love life?

Because they keep a good distance between their brains and their heart.

My favorite joke

If you have 500 bricks on a plane and you throw one off how many do you now have?

>!499!<

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

>!Open the door, then put the elephant inside!<

How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?

>!Open the door, take the elephant...

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar...

He orders a beer for himself, and one for the giraffe too. They each have 5 beers, and after they finish the fifth one, the man says to the giraffe, "c'mon, it's time to go."

But the giraffe was too drunk to walk out, so it just collapses on the bar floor, and the man begins to walk out rega...

What is something that mother giraffes have but no other animal has?

Baby giraffes.

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