I was gonna make a giraffe joke

But it's too long

I respect giraffe's...

They're an animal I can look up to.

A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says “you want a longneck?”

The giraffe says “you mean I have a choice?”

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot u...

Why people never believe giraffes?

Because they tell tall tales

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor. Bartender comes out, sees the giraffe, and says, "Hey, why's that lying there?" The man says, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

Did you know Ronnie Pickering invented the giraffe?

He got into an argument with a horse and uppercutted it

Why did the mage take the giraffe out on a date?

Because he was a necromancer.

Credit goes to my (imaginary) 7 year old.

A giraffe walks into a bar and says...

The highballs are on me.

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Never believe a giraffe's ass

Whatever comes out of it is a tall tail

Why is it cheap to feed a giraffe?

A little goes a long way

Why didnt the audience laugh at the giraffe' s joke?

It went over their heads

Friends are like giraffes...

...If you shoot them, they die.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a giraffe?

A visit from the ethics board an a rescind of your grant.

what do you call a group of Giraffes?

a Myth

A man walks into a bar wit a giraffe

He sits down at the bar and orders himself a pint and a milkshake for the giraffe.

He finishes his pint, the giraffe finishes it's milkshake and he orders another for each of them.

Again they finish and have another.

After the third the giraffe drops down dead. The man gets u...

Giraffes can grow up to fourteen feet

But normally they have only four

Man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe

After a few hours the drunken pair get up to leave.

The giraffe stumbles and falls to the floor unconscious, the man walks on.

"Oi" shouts the bar man, "You can't just leave THAT lyin' there"

The man turns as says:

"It's not a lion, it's a giraffe"

A man and his giraffe walk into a bar...

The man orders drinks and they both stand around drinking for hours until finally the giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays the bill and gets up to leave. As he walks out the door, the bartender says “You’re not gonna leave that lying on the floor are you?” and the man says “That’s not a lio...

What's the difference between an optician and a giraffe?

If you can't tell the difference you only have to visit one!

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A giraffe walks into a restaurant...

He asks the waiter, "Do you have any food specifically for giraffes?"

The waiter thinks for a second and comes back with a plate of spaghetti with the longest fork you've ever seen.

"Asshole!" the giraffe says, and he walks out.

The next day, a penguin walks into the restauran...

A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe...

The man orders 2 beers, one for him and one for the giraffe. After a while the man goes back up to order another 2 beers and, still gives one to his giraffe and one for himself, this continues throughout the night.

As the bar closes the man gets up to leave, when suddenly his pet giraffe fal...

What do you call a zoo where all the giraffes have colds?

Giraffe Sick Park

A rabbit is running in the woods, he sees a giraffe smoking pot.

- Dude, don’t smoke it, it’s harmful for your body. Let's keep it healthy, come run with me, and they start running.

A little later they see an elephant prepared to snort cocaine.

- My elephant friend, drop the cocaine, come run with us.

After a little run, they see the lion ...

(OC) Why don't giraffes have stripes?

Because God took one look at them and said, "You know, that thing's so tall, it'll be easy to spot."

Why do giraffes have such long necks?

To get away from the smell of their feet.

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a giraffe?

A really long pecker.

What do Giraffes eat?

Macaroni and leaves.

Wanna hear a giraffe joke?

Nah it will just go over your head.

You're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do?

Get off the carousel!

A Mouse and A Lion walk into a Bar

They’re sitting there chugging away at a few beers when a giraffe walks in. “Get a load of her” says the mouse, “I fancy that!”

“Well, why not try your luck?” says the lion.

So the mouse goes over to the giraffe and starts talking to her, and within five minutes they’re out the door an...

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Goddamn bastard giraffes

Always looking down on me

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A mouse was sitting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar. The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink...

Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink.

After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air.

His whiskers were b...

Did you hear about the guy who made giraffe and elephant jam?

He called it Wildlife Preserve.

Did you know that a giraffes neck is strong enough to support the weight of a human climbing on it?

Anyway, I got banned from my local zoo today

A teacher asked Mary to name 5 animals from Africa.

*"Four elephants and a giraffe."*

What do giraffes paint?

Giraffiti

A pirate, two giraffes, a duck and a nun walk into a bar..

The bartender says
"Is this some kind of joke?"

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What did the giraffe say to the cat?

Get the fuck off my tree

What is the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?

One has hydraulics, the other has high bollocks

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Rabbit is running through the forest

He finds giraffe about to smoke a joint. He says,
“Giraffe, don’t do drugs! Come run through the forest with me!”
Giraffe throws away his weed and follows rabbit running through the forest. They come across lion about to do a rail of cocaine. Rabbit says,
“Lion, don’t do drugs! Come run thr...

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A rabbit is running through the steppe when he meets a giraffe which is rolling a joint.

"No giraffe, you don't have to smoke that. Just come running with me!", it says to the giraffe. After thinking a few seconds, the giraffe happily joins the rabbit.

After a while they meet an elephant which is about to sniff some cocain. "No elephant, you don't have to sniff that. Just come ru...

What do you call a giraffe driving a car?

A danger to society

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and asks for a shot of whiskey

The bartender asks him, "what is that thing and why's it in my bar?"

"That's my pet," the man replies. "He follows me everywhere and we both love a good drink."

Sighing, the bartender decides he doesn't have time to argue the semantics of bringing animals into bars and pours two shots,...

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A man and a giraffe walk into a bar...

They both get pissed drunk and pass out.

The man wakes up, pays his tab, begins to leave and the bartender points and says:

“Oi! You can’t leave that lyin’ there!”

The man turns and says:

“It’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.”

Let us revive and old one.

There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

499.

How do you put an elephant into a fridge?

Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.

How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?

Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, clo...

Did you hear about the race between the giraffe and the ostrich?

It was neck and neck the whole way.

Man & his Giraffe walk into a bar

The man orders a pint for himself and 1 for his giraffe. They finish the drink and the man orders another 2 pints. This keeps going until leaving time when the man and giraffe go to leave. The giraffe collapses on the walk out but the man keeps on walking. The bartender shouts " you can't leave that...

A guy goes in to a pub with a giraffe.

He orders a beer, and ten shots.

Drinks his beer, taking his time, before eventually telling the giraffe "Let's get going then!"

With that the giraffe drinks all ten shots, before dying on the spot. The gentleman attempts to sneak off as the bartender yells out "Uh, excuse me pal, you...

Why does a giraffe have a long neck?

So it can reach it's head.

A Republican, a Democrat, a Communist, a priest, a rabbi, an Imam, an African, a Caucasian, an Asian, a horse, a giraffe, an elephant, a fairy, an elf, and an unicorn walk into a bar...

The bar tender looks up

"What is this? A joke?"

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TIL Giraffe penises are 40in. long

Which explains their long necks

Where do you put Giraffes that don't feel good?

Giraffe-Sick Park

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Did you hear the one about the giraffe who learned Karate?

He looked like a fucking idiot.

The worst part about being a giraffe

is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.

Credit. The Joke Cafe

Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...

You've seen a maul!

A penguin and a giraffe were fighting for a promotion

Giraffe got promoted because people looked up to him!

You know why giraffes have long necks?

Because their heads are far from their body.

I read about a heartwarming story of several doctors performing an overnight surgery on a giraffe's knee.

I guess it was a joint operation.

At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen.

I sighed as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd seen.

Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes a long time for them to swallow their pride.

A zebra and a giraffe have a kid...

...and named him Al. Al is really good at maths. What species is he?




An Al-ge-bra

What noise does a dead giraffe make?

*thud*

Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?

It’s a long one.

A list of jokes [Long]

1. There are a hundred bricks on an airplane. One falls out. How many are left?

Answer: 99.

2. How many steps does it take to put a giraffe in your refrigerator?

Answer: Three--open the door, put the giraffe in, close the door.

3. How many steps does it take to put an e...

What do you call a mural of a giraffe in the street?

Giraffiti

In a interview, my boss asked me, "Why do you think you should work here?"

I said, "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

I then tried crushing cans for recycling, but I quit because it was soda-pressing....

Why did the giraffe leave her boyfriend?

He was a Cheetah!

What is a giraffe's favorite fruit?

Necktarines

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Please don't bother teaching a giraffe to perform fellatio.

It's just not going to go down well.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rabbits

A Little Rabbit is running happily through the woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You shouldn't do that. Think of your health. You should come running in the woods instead!" The Giraffe looks at the Little Rabbit, looks at the spliff...

What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?

Neck-romance-y.

Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?

To connect its head and body together.

A long-neck giraffe is eating with a rabbit in the forest

... and then the giraffe brags, "Bet you are really envious of my long neck. When I'm eating, delicious food usually lingers in my throat and oh my, the taste, the scent, that feels really good!"

The rabbit swallows a mouthful real fast and then asks,

"Have you ever puked?"

A giraffe walks into a Californian bar....

And says to the bartender "I'll have a bourbon and coke and 27 straws please, all joined together to make one large straw" the bartender, while perturbed, fulfills the giraffes order. Painstakingly joining all straws together.

The next day the giraffe comes back and orders the same. T...

A priest, a nun, a giraffe, a telepathic unicorn, 21 pilots, Pennywise the clown, a ninja and Donald Trump walk into a bar. The bartender, struggling to open the champagne, says

...yeah I don't know how I'm going to pull this one off.

What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist?

Nothing, giraffes aren't real.

So a guy walks into a bar with a giraffe......

They have a good few drinks and get rather drunk.
After many more straight whiskeys and ales the giraffe finally gives up the ghost and passes out beside the bar..
The guy feeling he’s not too far behind, finishes his last whiskey and turns to leave picking up his coat.
The barman says shar...

What do Giraffes and zoning regulations have in common?

They both don't exist in Texas.

A giraffe walks into a bar, he sits and orders 6 martinis........

Shame on you for wanting a punchline.

This giraffe needs help.

Why don't most restaurants serve giraffe?

It's a tall order.

A man and his Giraffe walk into a bar

So a man and a Giraffe walk into a bar, they stroll up to the bar and order a few drinks. Now after about an hour the Giraffe who has had far too much passes out, the man seeing this pays his tab and gets up to leave and the bar tender shouts: "Oi! You can't leave that lyin' there!" To which the man...

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