I was gonna make a giraffe joke

But it's too long

Why didnt the audience laugh at the giraffe' s joke?

It went over their heads

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot u...

Giraffes are my favorite animal.

I always look up to them.

Why is it cheap to feed a giraffe?

A little goes a long way

A man walks into a bar wit a giraffe

He sits down at the bar and orders himself a pint and a milkshake for the giraffe.

He finishes his pint, the giraffe finishes it's milkshake and he orders another for each of them.

Again they finish and have another.

After the third the giraffe drops down dead. The man gets u...

A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe...

The man orders 2 beers, one for him and one for the giraffe. After a while the man goes back up to order another 2 beers and, still gives one to his giraffe and one for himself, this continues throughout the night.

As the bar closes the man gets up to leave, when suddenly his pet giraffe fal...

What do Giraffes eat?

Macaroni and leaves.

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A giraffe walks into a bar

High balls on me

What do you call a zoo where all the giraffes have colds?

Giraffe Sick Park

A rabbit is running in the woods, he sees a giraffe smoking pot.

- Dude, don’t smoke it, it’s harmful for your body. Let's keep it healthy, come run with me, and they start running.

A little later they see an elephant prepared to snort cocaine.

- My elephant friend, drop the cocaine, come run with us.

After a little run, they see the lion ...

Giraffes can grow up to fourteen feet

But normally they have only four

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A giraffe walks into a restaurant...

He asks the waiter, "Do you have any food specifically for giraffes?"

The waiter thinks for a second and comes back with a plate of spaghetti with the longest fork you've ever seen.

"Asshole!" the giraffe says, and he walks out.

The next day, a penguin walks into the restauran...

(OC) Why don't giraffes have stripes?

Because God took one look at them and said, "You know, that thing's so tall, it'll be easy to spot."

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Goddamn bastard giraffes

Always looking down on me

Did you know that a giraffes neck is strong enough to support the weight of a human climbing on it?

Anyway, I got banned from my local zoo today

What do you get when two giraffes collide?

A giraffic jam!

Wanna hear a giraffe joke?

Nah it will just go over your head.

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A mouse was sitting in a bar having a drink when a beautiful giraffe came in and sat down at the end of the bar. The mouse looked over at her and ordered her a drink...

Soon he had moved down beside her and ordered her another drink.

After a third round, the bartender looked up and they were leaving the bar together.

The next day the mouse limped into the bar, barely crawled up on the barstool and sat there gasping for air.

His whiskers were b...

Why do giraffes have such long necks?

To get away from the smell of their feet.

You're riding a horse full speed, and there's a giraffe on your left and a lion chasing you from behind, so what do you do?

Get off the carousel!

What do giraffes paint?

Giraffiti

Did you hear about the guy who made giraffe and elephant jam?

He called it Wildlife Preserve.

What do you get if you cross an alligator with a giraffe?

A visit from the ethics committee and immediate withdrawal of your funding.

What do two giraffes have in common?

Neither can ride a bike

Let us revive and old one.

There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

499.

How do you put an elephant into a fridge?

Open the door, put the elephant in, close the door.

How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?

Open the door, take the elephant out, put the giraffe in, clo...

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What did the giraffe say to the cat?

Get the fuck off my tree

A pirate, two giraffes, a duck and a nun walk into a bar..

The bartender says
"Is this some kind of joke?"

What is the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?

One has hydraulics, the other has high bollocks

A guy and a giraffe walk in to a bar...

They go up to the bar and order 20 shots each. 1 shot, 2 shots, 3, 4 .... they finally down the 20th shot. They both stand to leave and the giraffe passes out on the floor. The guy keeps stumbling to the door.

Right as he is going to leave. The bartender says, "Hey! Are you going to leave th...

Giraffes do not exist

Chuck Norris just uppercut a horse

What do you get if you mix human DNA and the DNA of a giraffe?

You get thrown out of the zoo you perv.

What do you call a giraffe driving a car?

A danger to society

A list of jokes [Long]

1. There are a hundred bricks on an airplane. One falls out. How many are left?

Answer: 99.

2. How many steps does it take to put a giraffe in your refrigerator?

Answer: Three--open the door, put the giraffe in, close the door.

3. How many steps does it take to put an e...

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and asks for a shot of whiskey

The bartender asks him, "what is that thing and why's it in my bar?"

"That's my pet," the man replies. "He follows me everywhere and we both love a good drink."

Sighing, the bartender decides he doesn't have time to argue the semantics of bringing animals into bars and pours two shots,...

Did you hear about the race between the giraffe and the ostrich?

It was neck and neck the whole way.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rabbit is running through the steppe when he meets a giraffe which is rolling a joint.

"No giraffe, you don't have to smoke that. Just come running with me!", it says to the giraffe. After thinking a few seconds, the giraffe happily joins the rabbit.

After a while they meet an elephant which is about to sniff some cocain. "No elephant, you don't have to sniff that. Just come ru...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar...

They both get pissed drunk and pass out.

The man wakes up, pays his tab, begins to leave and the bartender points and says:

“Oi! You can’t leave that lyin’ there!”

The man turns and says:

“It’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe.”

In a interview, my boss asked me, "Why do you think you should work here?"

I said, "My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned ... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.

I then tried crushing cans for recycling, but I quit because it was soda-pressing....

Why does a giraffe have a long neck?

So it can reach it's head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL Giraffe penises are 40in. long

Which explains their long necks

What noise does a dead giraffe make?

*thud*

A Republican, a Democrat, a Communist, a priest, a rabbi, an Imam, an African, a Caucasian, an Asian, a horse, a giraffe, an elephant, a fairy, an elf, and an unicorn walk into a bar...

The bar tender looks up

"What is this? A joke?"

Once you've seen one Lion eat a Giraffe...

You've seen a maul!

A giraffe walks into a bar and lies on the floor

The bartender asks a nearby customer "what's that lyin' on the floor?"
The customer replies "that's a giraffe not a lion!"

Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes a long time for them to swallow their pride.

I read about a heartwarming story of several doctors performing an overnight surgery on a giraffe's knee.

I guess it was a joint operation.

A zebra and a giraffe have a kid...

...and named him Al. Al is really good at maths. What species is he?




An Al-ge-bra

Where do you put Giraffes that don't feel good?

Giraffe-Sick Park

Have you heard the joke about the giraffe’s neck?

It’s a long one.

You know why giraffes have long necks?

Because their heads are far from their body.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Rabbits

A Little Rabbit is running happily through the woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You shouldn't do that. Think of your health. You should come running in the woods instead!" The Giraffe looks at the Little Rabbit, looks at the spliff...

A guy goes in to a pub with a giraffe.

He orders a beer, and ten shots.

Drinks his beer, taking his time, before eventually telling the giraffe "Let's get going then!"

With that the giraffe drinks all ten shots, before dying on the spot. The gentleman attempts to sneak off as the bartender yells out "Uh, excuse me pal, you...

Man & his Giraffe walk into a bar

The man orders a pint for himself and 1 for his giraffe. They finish the drink and the man orders another 2 pints. This keeps going until leaving time when the man and giraffe go to leave. The giraffe collapses on the walk out but the man keeps on walking. The bartender shouts " you can't leave that...

The worst part about being a giraffe

is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.

Credit. The Joke Cafe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear the one about the giraffe who learned Karate?

He looked like a fucking idiot.

What is a giraffe's favorite fruit?

Necktarines

What do you call a mural of a giraffe in the street?

Giraffiti

A giraffe walks into a Californian bar....

And says to the bartender "I'll have a bourbon and coke and 27 straws please, all joined together to make one large straw" the bartender, while perturbed, fulfills the giraffes order. Painstakingly joining all straws together.

The next day the giraffe comes back and orders the same. T...

Why did the giraffe leave her boyfriend?

He was a Cheetah!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Please don't bother teaching a giraffe to perform fellatio.

It's just not going to go down well.

At the touch of her lips, it grew hard an swollen...



I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I´d ever seen.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Deep into the woods there was bunny rabbit, hopping and prancing,

when he saw a monkey about to drop acid, so he yelled

"STOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP, THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH COME JOIN ME HOP THRU THE FOREST".

So the monkey said fuck it, let's do it rabbit.

So the monkey and the bunny where prancing through the woods when all of a sudden, saw a giraff...

What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist?

Nothing, giraffes aren't real.

A priest, a nun, a giraffe, a telepathic unicorn, 21 pilots, Pennywise the clown, a ninja and Donald Trump walk into a bar. The bartender, struggling to open the champagne, says

...yeah I don't know how I'm going to pull this one off.

So a guy walks into a bar with a giraffe......

They have a good few drinks and get rather drunk.
After many more straight whiskeys and ales the giraffe finally gives up the ghost and passes out beside the bar..
The guy feeling he’s not too far behind, finishes his last whiskey and turns to leave picking up his coat.
The barman says shar...

Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?

To connect its head and body together.

A long-neck giraffe is eating with a rabbit in the forest

... and then the giraffe brags, "Bet you are really envious of my long neck. When I'm eating, delicious food usually lingers in my throat and oh my, the taste, the scent, that feels really good!"

The rabbit swallows a mouthful real fast and then asks,

"Have you ever puked?"

What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?

Neck-romance-y.

CIA, MI5 and the Turkish secret service (MIT) are in a contest

And they are tasked with finding a monkey in a rainforest.

CIA goes in with its drones and tech, and comes back with the monkey in 2 hours.

MI5 goes in and with their network in the jungle villages and infiltration techniques they come back with the monkey in 1 hour.

MIT,the Tur...

What does a full set of glassware and a male giraffe have in common?

High balls.

What do Giraffes and zoning regulations have in common?

They both don't exist in Texas.

A bit of advice:

never read a pop-up book about giraffes.

A giraffe walks into a bar, he sits and orders 6 martinis........

Shame on you for wanting a punchline.

This giraffe needs help.

Why don't most restaurants serve giraffe?

It's a tall order.

An African chief had three wives.

Each wife slept on a different animal hide - one slept on a lion hide, one slept on a giraffe hide, and the third slept on a hippopotamus hide.

The chief slept with each of his wives, and they all got pregnant. The wife who slept on the lion hide bore him a son and the wife who slept on the g...

I once bought a box of animal crackers

It said “Do not eat if the seal is broken”, sure enough.. broken seal, rhino, giraffe, the whole squad. Had to throw the whole thing away.

A man and his Giraffe walk into a bar

So a man and a Giraffe walk into a bar, they stroll up to the bar and order a few drinks. Now after about an hour the Giraffe who has had far too much passes out, the man seeing this pays his tab and gets up to leave and the bar tender shouts: "Oi! You can't leave that lyin' there!" To which the man...

My favorite joke

If you have 500 bricks on a plane and you throw one off how many do you now have?

>!499!<

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

>!Open the door, then put the elephant inside!<

How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?

>!Open the door, take the elephant...

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