This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop, hop, hop, when he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed. Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest."

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run, run, run. Hop, hop, hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep. This sheep is about to shoot up heroin. The ra...

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You’re riding a horse, a lion is chasing you & there’s a giraffe next to you, what do you do?

Get your drunk ass off the carrousel

Some Giraffes can grow up to 18 feet

But most only have 4

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So there is a Lizard in the jungle

He's walking around doing a little exploring. He then notices there is a small hut in a tree that has some smoke coming out of it. So, the lizard yells up to the hut and says 'Hey! is everything okay up there?"

A monkey pokes his head out of the hut and looks down and says "Yeah man, just up...

Why is a giraffe’s neck so long?

To connect its head and body together.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

TIL Giraffe penises are 40in. long

Which explains their long necks

A giraffe's neck is so strong a human can climb up it

Also, I'm banned from my local zoo

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar...

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies. The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

A guy goes in to a pub with a giraffe.

He orders a beer, and ten shots.

Drinks his beer, taking his time, before eventually telling the giraffe "Let's get going then!"

With that the giraffe drinks all ten shots, before dying on the spot. The gentleman attempts to sneak off as the bartender yells out "Uh, excuse me pal, you...

Where do you put Giraffes that don't feel good?

Giraffe-Sick Park

What do you call a giraffe driving a car?

A danger to society

An inteovert elephant and an emo giraffe walks into a bar..

They couldnt fit in

This fella and a giraffe walk into the bar

The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor.

The barman says: "it, what's that lyin there?"

Fella says: "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe"

What do you call a mural of a giraffe in the street?

Giraffiti

Man & his Giraffe walk into a bar

The man orders a pint for himself and 1 for his giraffe. They finish the drink and the man orders another 2 pints. This keeps going until leaving time when the man and giraffe go to leave. The giraffe collapses on the walk out but the man keeps on walking. The bartender shouts " you can't leave that...

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A rabbit is running through the steppe when he meets a giraffe which is rolling a joint.

"No giraffe, you don't have to smoke that. Just come running with me!", it says to the giraffe. After thinking a few seconds, the giraffe happily joins the rabbit.

After a while they meet an elephant which is about to sniff some cocain. "No elephant, you don't have to sniff that. Just come ru...

Why did the giraffe leave her boyfriend?

He was a Cheetah!

A zebra and a giraffe have a kid...

...and named him Al. Al is really good at maths. What species is he?




An Al-ge-bra

Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?

It takes a long time for them to swallow their pride.

A giraffe walks into a Californian bar....

And says to the bartender "I'll have a bourbon and coke and 27 straws please, all joined together to make one large straw" the bartender, while perturbed, fulfills the giraffes order. Painstakingly joining all straws together.

The next day the giraffe comes back and orders the same. T...

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Did you hear the one about the giraffe who learned Karate?

He looked like a fucking idiot.

A long-neck giraffe is eating with a rabbit in the forest

... and then the giraffe brags, "Bet you are really envious of my long neck. When I'm eating, delicious food usually lingers in my throat and oh my, the taste, the scent, that feels really good!"

The rabbit swallows a mouthful real fast and then asks,

"Have you ever puked?"

You know why giraffes have long necks?

Because their heads are far from their body.

At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly.

It was the best balloon giraffe I'd ever seen.

What do you get when you cross a shark and a giraffe?

A stern reprimand from the bioethics committee.

The worst part about being a giraffe

is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.

Credit. The Joke Cafe

There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off how many are left?

499.

What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, put an elephant in, close fridge.

What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge?

Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.

The lion king is having a ...

A priest, a nun, a giraffe, a telepathic unicorn, 21 pilots, Pennywise the clown, a ninja and Donald Trump walk into a bar. The bartender, struggling to open the champagne, says

...yeah I don't know how I'm going to pull this one off.

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There's a meeting at the zoo and once again, the Giraffe is late.

Lion: you're late, the meeting started at sunset.

Giraffe: I can still see the sun you fucking midget!

So a guy walks into a bar with a giraffe......

They have a good few drinks and get rather drunk.
After many more straight whiskeys and ales the giraffe finally gives up the ghost and passes out beside the bar..
The guy feeling he’s not too far behind, finishes his last whiskey and turns to leave picking up his coat.
The barman says shar...

What is a giraffe's favorite fruit?

Necktarines

What's the difference between a tractor and a giraffe?

One has hydraulics and the other has hybollocks

A Pirate, Rabbi, Ninja, and Giraffe walk into a bar together.

The bartender looks at all of them and asks out loud, "What is this? A joke?!"

Why does the giraffe have a long neck?

Because it has smelly feet.

Why don't most restaurants serve giraffe?

It's a tall order.

What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist?

Nothing, giraffes aren't real.

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A little rabbit is running happily through the forest

... when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the giraffe and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come. Run with me through the forest! You''ll feel so much better!"

The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A giraffe walks into a bar...

He asks the bartender, "Do you have any giraffe drinks?"

The bartender thinks for a second and comes back with a drink with the longest straw you've ever seen.

"Asshole!" the offended giraffe exclaims, and he walks out.

The next day, a penguin walks into the bar. He asks the b...

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Please don't bother teaching a giraffe to perform fellatio.

It's just not going to go down well.

What does a full set of glassware and a male giraffe have in common?

High balls.

What do you get when 2 giraffes collide?

A giraffic jam

A giraffe walks into a bar, orders 6 martinis

...and shame on you for wanting a punchline. This giraffe needs help.

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Two part joke

Q. How does an elephant hide in an apple tree?
A. He paints his balls red.

Q. What's the loudest sound in Africa?
A. Giraffes eating apples.

What do Giraffes and zoning regulations have in common?

They both don't exist in Texas.

Two nuns, a penguin, a man with a parrot on his shoulder and a giraffe walk into a bar

The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

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A kid gets on the bus and sits right behind the driver every day.

After getting seated the child would play a game. He would always think of a new animal and say
"if my mommy was a shark and my daddy was a shark, I would be a little shark"
"If my mommy was a lizard and my daddy was a lizard, i would be a little lizard!"

He would keep going until he d...

What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice?

Neck-romance-y.

What do you get when you cross a cheese grater with a giraffe?

A ban from the zoo.

Two giraffes walk into a bar

They end up doing a bunch of shots, and after a while one of them passes out drunk on the floor. The other giraffe decides it's time to leave and drunkenly decides to leave his buddy behind. As he heads to the door the bartender shouts after him

"Hey, you can't just leave that lyin' there!"<...

Drunk Giraffe

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. He walks up to the bar and takes a seat, the giraffe does the same. The man orders a beer for himself and a double scotch for the giraffe. They both proceed to drink and after a while they order the same again.
They continue all night, ordering the same dri...

A man and his Giraffe walk into a bar

So a man and a Giraffe walk into a bar, they stroll up to the bar and order a few drinks. Now after about an hour the Giraffe who has had far too much passes out, the man seeing this pays his tab and gets up to leave and the bar tender shouts: "Oi! You can't leave that lyin' there!" To which the man...

What do you call a hillbilly giraffe that lives in a trailer and drinks beer all day?

A rednnnnnneeeeeeeccccccccckkkkkk.

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe...

The man and the giraffe drink shots back and forth and eventually the giraffe passes out from alcohol. The man puts some money on the table and starts to walk out. The bartender yells out "You can't leave that lyin' there!" The man replies "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

Read it out loud...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

One day a small rabbit was taking a run through the forest.

As he was running he came upon a giraffe. This giraffe was about to shoot up some heroin. The rabbit looked at he giraffe for a moment and then said, "Giraffe, don't do heroin. Heroin is a drug, and drugs are bad for you. Come running with me through the forest."

The giraffe looked at the rab...

A man and his pet giraffe walk into a bar...

He orders a beer for himself, and one for the giraffe too. They each have 5 beers, and after they finish the fifth one, the man says to the giraffe, "c'mon, it's time to go."

But the giraffe was too drunk to walk out, so it just collapses on the bar floor, and the man begins to walk out rega...

What is something that mother giraffes have but no other animal has?

Baby giraffes.

I met up with my zoologist friend the other day and he told me that he's working on a big project - he's attempting to study the characteristics of giraffes across various taxonomical groups.

I told him that seems like a rather tall order.