UPJOKE
wildebeestimpalagazelledeersheepafricagoatbisoncattleelkherdbuffalocaribougrizzlyzebra

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Richard Attenborough showed me a selection of photos of small African antelope penises.

It was Dick's dik-dik dick pic picks.

I once went on safari and saw a giraffe humping an antelope.

Thinking back, I probably should’ve used google chrome.

What did one stocky, oxlike antelope say to another stocky, oxlike antelope?

Happy Gnu Year!

An Indian chief had three wives.

Each of his wives were pregnant.


The first gave birth to a boy. The chief was so elated he built her a teepee made of deer hide.


A few days later, the second gave birth, also to a boy. The chief was very happy. He built her a teepee made of antelope hide.


The thir...

Did you know that there’s a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house?

This is due the antelopes unnaturally strong hind legs, and he fact that the average house can’t jump

An antelope and a lion are star crossed lovers

One day, the antelope decides they should take it to the next level

Antelope: let's run away and get married, Lion!

Lion: I cantaloupe

An ant, an aunt, an antechamber, an antelope and an antenna walk into a bar.

The barman asks "what is this, an anti-joke?"

The ant replies: "no".

What do you call an antelope that is forbidden to marry?

Cantelope.

Why don't antelopes play poker in the African grasslands?

Too many cheetahs.

Why did the antelope go to her sisters house?

She wanted to see her nephewlope

What do African antelope herders and dyslexic politicians have in common?

They're both very worried about gnu control.

Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?

You're only allowed one carrion.

I once saw an antelope

Can you imagine that? It was the talk of the whole ant colony.

What did the villager say after the stampede of bearded antelopes ended?

No Gnus is Good News!

Why didn't the antelopes get married?

Because they cantaloupe.

OC: What does Babe Ruth and roughly 100,000 antelopes have in common?

They're both ballpark figures.

Did you hear about the antelope...

Did you hear about the antelope that was trampled by a herd of elephants while getting dressed?

He was a self dressed stamped antelope.

I fell out of a tree and landed on an antelope.

I was impala'd

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Two guys are walking through a field in Montana

when they stumble across a well. The men look down the well and notice it is so deep, they can't see the bottom. One guys says to the other, "throw a stick into it, see how deep the well is." So the man finds a stick, tosses it in the well, the men wait for the splash...nothing. No sound. Curious to...

The lion decided to invite everyone to his birthday party. But, him being the king, he ordered everybody to bring him meat as a present, or else he will hit them with his massive dong. And soon, the day came and all the animals lined up in front of the lion's cave with their presents.

The Wolf wanted to gift the King lamb, the fox had a chicken, the leopard an antelope, and so on...The lion greeted all of his guests and welcomed them to the party. Suddenly, the rabbit stood in front of him with a carrot. All guests went silent. The lion looked him in the eyes and said: " You know...

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Some Gorillas are getting drunk in the Belgian Congo... (NSFW)

So some gorillas are having some beers and goofing off at the edge of the forest in the Belgian Congo, clowning on each other, doing impressions, etc. one of them looks toward the bordering savanna and notices a lion intently stalking a distant antelope.

“Check out Mr. King of the Jungle ove...

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A man goes to prison

On his first night, he's pretty nervous. Somebody shouts out "34" and everybody else laughs. He thinks this is weird, but then 5 minutes later, somebody else shouts "23" and everybody else laughs. Then after another 10 minutes, a third prisoner shouts "16" and everybody laughs. His cellmate sees...

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A traveler walks into a bar...

As he sits down to order a drink, a man charges in screaming, "THE ANTELOPES ARE HERE THE ANTELOPES ARE HERE!"
The traveler watches in astonishment as the contents of the bar spills out of the room and into the streets where everyone starts fucking the antelopes. The man shakes his head, finishe...

What do you call two ants that run away to get married?

Antelopes

What do you call a deer who ran away with her ant lover?

An Antelope.

Big Artie

There once was a Hitman named Big Artie.

Things were tough in the Underworld at thew time, what with the Financial Crisis lately and such, the market hasn't been kind to his business. Because of this, he decides that he needs to put down the prices - It's been months since he'd had a job and ...

What do you get when ant's parents won't let him marry his girlfriend?

Antelopes.

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