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Fairy Jokes

Not all fairy tales begin with "Once upon a time...

Many begin with "If I am elected, I promise to..."

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”

The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

I’ve met a fairy once and it granted me a choice; to have a big p*nis or a good memory…

I don’t remember what did i choose though

A Fairy and the farmer

A buffalo suddenly dies unknowingly in a farming family, whole family got upset.

One night the father came out of his house and started crying near the well. Suddenly a fairy comes up from the well..She asked why is he crying? he tells her the reason that his his buffalo has died.

She ...

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Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

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What’s the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?

A northern fairy tale begins, “Once upon a time, …”
A southern fairy tale begins, “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this shit…!”

My love life is like a fairy tale

it's grim.

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Cinderella, now 90 years old, and Prince Charming being long dead, sat on the balcony of her castle with her cat resting in her lap.

Suddenly, the Fairy Godmother appeared out of nowhere. Cinderella was completely stunned.

\- Wh... what are you doing here after all these years? asked Cinderella.

\- Cinderella, you have lived a perfect life. You have never done anything out of malice, and you have been a wonderful wi...

An old lady sits on her front porch, rocking away the last days of her long life...

...when all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

''Well, now,'' says the old lady, ''I guess I would like to be really rich.''

*** POOF *** Her rocking chair turns to solid gold.

''And, gee, I guess I wouldn't mind being a...

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What the tooth fairy looks like

This came from the book “chicken soup for the dental soul” my dentist had it in the waiting room.

I’m quoting from memory.

A 5 year old girl just lost a baby tooth and the dentist was explaining to her that if she put her tooth under the pillow at night that the tooth fairy would come ...

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Eve the beautiful fairy had the power to bring life to the world with her poop.

She had been wandering the forest near the king's palace for a good spot to take a nice dump, and she found one in a nice shapely pile of leaves. Once finished, she noticed the dead flowers around her bloom as if it were spring. Unbeknowst to our favourite fairy Eve, the poop itself came to life in ...

An old woman was sitting next to her fire one day when suddenly a spark jumped out and turned into a fairy.

The fairy told the old woman she could have three wishes.

The old woman thinks for a while and then asks for the following:

1) she wants 10 million dollars

2) she wants to be 18 years old again

3) she wants her faithful tomcat, Tiger, to be turned into a healthy 19 year o...

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The bear and the rabbit and their fairy tale

In the woods. There is a bear and a rabbit. The bear is an grumpy and always horny guy.
The rabbit has to suffer a lot from him. He gets humiliated all the time. When the bear goes to the toilet and there is no paper around, he takes the rabbit to wipe his butt.
When he gets horny... He also...

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

"Daddy," a little girl asked her father, "do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'? "

"No, sweetheart," he answered. "Some begin with 'If I am elected.'"

A man meets a fairy

"I grant you 2 wishes" , says the fairy.

"I want a bottle of beer that never gets empty" , says the man.

He starts to drink. After two minutes he stops drinking and the bottle is still full.

"And youre second wish?" , the fairy asks.

"Another one of those"

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3 brothers own a cow, which suddenly dies.

The cow being almost a part of their family and a major income source for the family, the 3 brothers become very heartbroken and decide to commit suicide in the river. So they approach the river and are almost about to jump in when a fairy comes out of the river.

Fairy: "If anyone of you is ...

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her… As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions."First, you must wear a diaphragm."

Cinderella agrees."What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2 a.m. Any later and your diaphragm will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2 a.m.

The appointed hour comes and goes and Cinderella doesn't show up.

Finally, at 5 a.m., Cinderella shows up, l...

What is the difference between the tooth fairy and a loan shark?

The first one takes your tooth and leaves money on your pillow, and the second takes your money and leaves your tooth on your pillow.

Bend over, little fairy...

...a wish is a wish.

My Valentines Day so far has been going like a fairy tale.

Grimm.

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The Golf Fairy

A man was playing 18 holes by himself. On the 15th tee he hooked his ball into some buttercups along the left of the fairway. Being an honorable man, he penalized himself one stroke and moved his ball out of the pretty flowers.

Then a fairy appeared. She said “Thank you for moving your ball o...

Why did the old witch in the woods get removed from the Grimm's fairy tales?

Hansel Culture.



\-- Late Night with Seth Meyers

(I apologize for this)

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A poor family lives on a farm and they rely on their chickens for income.

One morning, the father walks outside to find the chicken coop empty and the corpses of chickens on the ground.

"There’s nothing that could help get us out of poverty now," says the dad as he shoots himself.

The mom walks outside and sees the dad and the chickens on the ground.

...

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What do fairy tales, Disney movies and porn have in common?

Unrealistic stepmother depictions

A fairy once appeared and told a family couple

"For 25 years you were a wonderful family couple. I now shall grant each of you one wish."
The wife went first.
"I want to travel the world with my dearly beloved husband'.
The fairy waved her magic wand, and instantly in the wife's hand appeared plane tickets and travel vouchers.
But u...

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A bear and a rabbit stumble upon a fairy

"You both get three whishes granted", says the fairy. The bear does not need to think for long and says: "I want to be compelling to all female bears in this entire forest!"

"Ok," says the fairy, "and what is your wish, little rabbit?"

"I'd like a beautiful and strong helmet, which fit...

What do you call a fairy that smells bad

Stinkerbell!

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The woodland statues and the Fairy

Two statues have stood facing each other for over a 1000 years. A handsome Male and a beautiful Female. One day a Fairy floats down from the sky and tells them that she has seen them there for ages and will treat them to half an hour as humans.

As soon as she had waved her magic wand and they...

Teacher: Johnny do you have a fairy godmother?

Johnny: No, but we have an uncle we keep a close eye on.

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Once upon a time, a noble knight and his horse got lost in a dark forest

Once upon a time, a noble knight and his horse got lost in a dark forest when he suddenly came across a fairy. The fairy says: "Oh noble knight, you're the first human being to find me in 300 years. So as a reward, I'll grant you three wishes."

The knight takes some time to think, he already ...

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I met a fairy today that granted me one wish

"I want to live forever" I said.

"Sorry" said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant those type of wishes."

"Fine" I said, "I want to die only after the last repost has been made in /r/jokes!"

"You crafty bastard!" said the fairy.

How did Cinderella know that she had truly found her fairy godmother?

Her new dress actually had decently-sized pockets!

New Zelda game is going to be set in Spain at Christmas time. Story surrounds freeing a fairy’s captured father.

Zelda: Release Navi’s Dad

A good lawyer, the Tooth-fairy, Santa Claus, and a homeless man are walking down the street,

They see a 100$ bill, who gets it?

The homeless man obviously, the rest are mythical creatures

Shrek was furious when all the fairy tale creatures were forced onto his swamp

It was Marsh Madness!

It's Christmas and the German Chancellor has a visit from a wish fairy. He has three wishes.

His first wish is that China declares war on Germany and sends its troops to the front by the shortest route.

The fairy is astonished, but complies with the wish. War is declared, but even after days no Chinese shows up.

The fairy now asks for the second wish. The chancellor wishes a s...

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Three men encounter a fairy

The fairy says: "You will jump from a 3m Tower into a pool. Whatever you say first, the pool will be filled with it and you will land in it."

The first man goes ahead, jumps and screams "Vodka" The pool is instantly filled to the brim with Vodka and he lands in it.

The second man jumps...

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The story of the magic Fairy in the wood!

A guy wonders in the woods, seeking for mushrooms

he picks up one, and by magic a fairy APPEARS!

"Hello, im the magic fairy you've been very nice boy, i will grant you ONE wish" say the fairy

the guy, in shock, shruggs

"hmm..Well..**hehe**.., im a waiter..in a restaurant...

World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl
said, "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing and hunting
and skied a lot and drank beer and left the toilet seat up and farted
whenever he wanted.

THE END

The teacher said “Little Timmy, do you believe that you have a fairy godmother?”

Little Timmy said “I’m not sure, but I’ve got an uncle we keep an eye on.”

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What do you call a fairy giving a blow job

A Goblin

I heard that Fairy Tale merchandise is on sale!

Now, that's what I call fair retail!

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale...

I gave her some bread crumbs and left her in the forest.

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So Cinderella was crying...

...when her fairy godmother shows up. She asks poor Cinderella, "What's troubling you, my dear?" "My sisters have all gone to the ball, but I can't! I have nothing to wear and no way to go..." cried Cinderella. "Oh fret not. Let me handle this for you," said the fairy godmother. "But first, you have...

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Fairy and the evil bastard.

There was a fairy who granted 3 wishes to everyone she met. But there was an evil bastard.

Fairy:"Because you're an evil bastard, you only get one wish."

Evil bastard:"Ok, go f*ck yourself."

A fairy appears in front of an old man.

"For the good things you've done in your life, I grant you three wishes!"

The old man squints and asks: "Can you speak up a bit? My hearing isn't the best anymore..."

The fairy replies: "SURE! YOU HAVE TWO WISHES!"

A Fairy Tale

After his daughter is cursed by the dark fairy, Maleficent, King Stefan summons his royal carpenters and commands them to make the finest, most comfortable bed in all the land.

"It will be done, Your Majesty," replies the master builder. "Does His Majesty prefer a queen or a king?"

"A ...

I'm a fairy.

My name's Nuff. Fair enough.

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Snow white was kicked out of fairy land

Apparently she was caught sitting on pinocchios face screaming "lie to me you little shit!"

Woman goes to a fairy

A woman goes into the woods and finds a fairy.

"I will grant you one wish," says the fairy.

"I want my cat to be a beautiful prince," says the woman.

"Sure," replies the fairy, and the woman rushes home to find her cat a beautiful prince.

However, the prince is annoyed.<...

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Why is a massage like a fairy tale?

They're both better with a happy ending.

Side note- female here, was having a non-sexual massage in a mall yesterday, from a little Asian lady who was probably in her late 50s. Somehow it was almost a happy ending, although unintentionally on both sides. As I was lying there wondering what t...

My 3 year old daughter as a pink fairy princes

To my wife: “I’ll make you a queen!”
To me: “I’ll make you a cookie monster!”

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When I was a kid my fairy God mother asked if I wanted a long penis or a long memory...

I forget my response

A German meets a fairy who is stuck in thorns

It said: Can you help me?
The German answered: What do I get?
The fairy said: You will have a wish fulfilled!
So the German helps her and wished to be a prince who lives in a great castle with an beautiful princess. Then he falls asleep.
When he wakes up, a beautiful princess is looking ...

Fairy tales

A father is tucking in his son at night. His son asks him if he can tell him a fairy tale.

"Of course," the father replies. He begins telling a story, "Once upon a time..."

The son interrupts him, asking "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time?"

The father says, "No, s...

I was devastated when I found out the Tooth Fairy isn't real. Because that means it was my parents...

who molested me.



credit: Ryan Stout

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A male fairy tale...

A Male Fairy Tale:

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "No!!!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-titted babes and went rowing and watched rugby and went to naked bars a...

Fairy tale involving a Bishop.

A long time ago, in a land far away, there was a Bishop.

He was wandering trough a sunny field, reading his Bible and praising the beauties of Creation, while a croak stopped him.

He looked down and, besides a small bush, he saw a Frog who told him:

"Bishop, Bishop! Please kiss ...

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A dude visits the fairy...

...hoping she could help him resolve his problem. Indeed, his dick was too big and he could never have sex 'cause every woman was too scared it would rip them appart.

'Oh, that's not my competence. Go visit the witch and ask her to marry you. Whenever she says "no", your dick will become 20% ...

Posting OC before bed is like waiting for the tooth fairy

You're always disappointed when you wake up

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I met a magical fairy yesterday who said she would grant me one wish.

“I wish to live forever,” I said.

“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant that particular wish.”

“Fine,” I said. “Then I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people’s best interests!”

“You...

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A Dane, Swede and a Norwegian stumbled upon a magic fairy next to three pools.

The fairy told them that she would turn the water in each of the pools into whatever they want once they jump in the water. The Norwegian immediatly jumps and shouts "Soda!" and the water turns to soda. The Dane is up next, and he screams "Orange juice!" and the water turns to orange juice. When it'...

So I’m dating this girl, called magnesium hydroxide, she likes fairy lights, nickelback and pumpkin spiced lattes...

Yeah she is pretty basic.

What's a tooth fairy's side hustle?

Prostitooth

My son wrote a short fairy tale about a prince who became a princess

He named it Once Upon a Wiener

(True story)

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Cinderella's Fairy Godmother

The horribly ugly Cinderella really wanted to marry the handsome prince, but was afraid to ask him to marry her because elf her looks. Her fairy godmother told Cinderella, "don't worry, everytime the prince denies your offer for marriage, your breasts will multiply in size 3 times". Cinderella asked...

Cinderella

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, ...

A fairy tale for men

One day a handsome young man proposes to his girlfriend, but she says no.

And the man lives happily ever after!

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A newly made fairy godmother is walking through the forest...

when she hears the sound of crying. She follows the sound and discovers a yellow frog. "Why are you crying?" she asks the frog. "Look at me," he responds, "I'm yellow all over. The other frogs laugh at me and I just can't take it anymore."

"Well," says the fairy godmother, "I just happen...

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Cinderella wanted to go to a ball one night

But her stepmother said she could not go. Devastated, Cinderella ran up to her room, sat on her bed, and started sobbing.

Not soon later, a fairy godmother came into her room via window. "Would you still luke to go to the ball?" The fairy godmother asked. "Yes!" Cinderella exclaimed. "Ok," t...

What do you call the slang of Fairy World?

Jorgen

Do all Fairy Tales begin with ''Once Upon a Time''?

No........
The Best begin with ''If Am Elected''

If you ever see a troll eat a fairy

It's either time for rehab or you're on Reddit.

Did you hear about the fairy godmother that needed extra minutes to decide her first move in a chess game?

Wants pawn time.

The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the tooth fairy walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says “What is this, some kind of joke?”

Santa, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street when they see a $100 bill on the sidewalk. Who picks it up?

The drunk of course. The other three are imaginary.

I used to wonder why the tooth fairy never visited me...

Then I remembered I live in Kentucky.

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Robbed.

I put my mobile phone under my pillow last night.

When I woke up it was gone and there was a $1 coin in it's place.

Fucking Bluetooth Fairy!

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So a winged magical fairy visits Rome ....

The fairy flies around a bit among the tourists before stopping in front of two classical and gorgeous greek statues placed beside each other - one being a scantily clad and muscled Apollo and the other beautiful and busty Aphrodite, the goddess of love and sex.

The fairy looks on these two b...

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Mild (NSFW) When I was younger I had a fairy godmother who granted me one wish.

She said I can either have a long penis or a long memory...


I forget my respnse

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A Lion is chasing a Monkey in the Jungle

The lion was chasing the monkey then suddenly a fairy appeared and stopped both of them.
The fairy said that she’ll give both the lion and the monkey 3 wishes each if the lion stops chasing the monkey.
The lion agrees and states his first wish “ I wish all the lions in this jungle become lione...

Who is the odd one out between.... Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, Bill Cosby and the tooth fairy?

The Easter bunny, the rest only come when you are sleeping.

When I was 7 years old, I realized that Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and my dad all had the same handwriting.

Good thing none of those things actually exist.

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When I was a kid, my parents fed me a lot of bullshit, like believing in the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. But I finally started thinking for myself and realized it was all wishful thinking.

Thank you Jesus!

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