Why would a judge make a good tooth fairy?

Because they want the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth.

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the ki...

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"What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?"

A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."

I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy.

Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.

“You are what you eat” said the fairy, unwisely

Pinocchio gave an eery look at the elementary school.

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Once upon a time, a noble knight and his horse got lost in a dark forest

Once upon a time, a noble knight and his horse got lost in a dark forest when he suddenly came across a fairy. The fairy says: "Oh noble knight, you're the first human being to find me in 300 years. So as a reward, I'll grant you three wishes."

The knight takes some time to think, he already ...

So I’m dating this girl, called magnesium hydroxide, she likes fairy lights, nickelback and pumpkin spiced lattes...

Yeah she is pretty basic.

Daddy? Do all fairy tales begin with ‘once upon a time’?

No, there are a whole series of fairy tales that begin with ‘If elected, I promise...’

A fat girl is sitting on a sidewalk crying, then a fairy comes and says,

"Why are you crying little girl.."

The fat girl responds, "All the kids are laughing at me for being fat!"

The fairy then says, "I will grant you one wish, I suppose your wish is t-" She is interrupted and the girl says

"I'd like 3 burgers and a large Coke!"

I was devastated when I found out the Tooth Fairy isn't real. Because that means it was my parents...

who molested me.



credit: Ryan Stout

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How do you know if you’re reading a black or a white Fairy Tale?

White: One upon a time...

Black: Y’all Motherfuckers ain’t gonna believe this...

A German meets a fairy who is stuck in thorns

It said: Can you help me?
The German answered: What do I get?
The fairy said: You will have a wish fulfilled!
So the German helps her and wished to be a prince who lives in a great castle with an beautiful princess. Then he falls asleep.
When he wakes up, a beautiful princess is looking ...

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A succubus, a furry and a fairy all walked into a bar

* The bartender was a bit shocked but than asked, "how may I help you today"?
* The Succubus said, "A dry martini and a horny man".
* The furry said, " A light beer and a hairy pussy".
* The bartender looked at the fairy and said, "Lemme Guess, A sweet glass of nectar and a gay man?" ...

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When I was a young boy, my fairy godmother gave me a choice of two gifts.

She told me I could either have a long memory, or a long penis. I can't remember which one I picked now...

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Snow white was kicked out of fairy land

Apparently she was caught sitting on pinocchios face screaming "lie to me you little shit!"

World's Shortest Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me."

The girl said, "No!"

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenev...

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A Male Fairy Tale...

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess said, "NO!!!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and banged skinny long-legged big-breasted broads and hunted and fished and raced cars and went to titty bars and dated women hal...

The Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the tooth fairy walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says “What is this, some kind of joke?”

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I met a magical fairy yesterday who said she would grant me one wish.

“I wish to live forever,” I said.

“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant that particular wish.”

“Fine,” I said. “Then I want to die the day after Congress is filled with honest, hard-working, bipartisan men and women who act only in the people’s best interests!”

“You...

Who is the odd one out between.... Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, Bill Cosby and the tooth fairy?

The Easter bunny, the rest only come when you are sleeping.

The Tooth Fairy wasn't too impressed with the dentures I left under my pillow...

...Tooth be trolled.

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Fairy and the evil bastard.

There was a fairy who granted 3 wishes to everyone she met. But there was an evil bastard.

Fairy:"Because you're an evil bastard, you only get one wish."

Evil bastard:"Ok, go f*ck yourself."

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I met a fairy today. She gave me the choice between a huge penis or a great memory...

I can’t remember what happened next though.

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The bear and the rabbit and their fairy tale

In the woods. There is a bear and a rabbit. The bear is an grumpy and always horny guy.
The rabbit has to suffer a lot from him. He gets humiliated all the time. When the bear goes to the toilet and there is no paper around, he takes the rabbit to wipe his butt.
When he gets horny... He also...

How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist?

They're always searching for the tooth.

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A white fairy story starts with "Once upon a time".

A black fairy story starts with "Y'all ain't gonna b'lieve dis shit

Woman goes to a fairy

A woman goes into the woods and finds a fairy.

"I will grant you one wish," says the fairy.

"I want my cat to be a beautiful prince," says the woman.

"Sure," replies the fairy, and the woman rushes home to find her cat a beautiful prince.

However, the prince is annoyed.<...

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale.

Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest.

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So, these 3 brothers buy a donkey for their farm...

After just 3 days of working, the donkey dies. The youngest brother decides to bury the donkey in the nearby forest. He brings his shovel, grabs the donkey and goes out. On his way to the forest he remembers that there is a very deep lake somewhere around. After a few hours of searching he finds the...

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A bear is chasing a rabbit, when a fairy interrupts him

"I am a magic fairy, and if you promise not to kill each other, I'll grant you each 2 wishes."

the bear says "I wish I was the most attractive bear in the world!"

and the bear becomes a beautiful, handsome, gorgeous lady bear magnet.

the rabbit says: "I wish I had a motorcycle"<...

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer, and a hobo are walking down the street when they simutaneously see a $100 bill. Who gets it?

The hobo. The rest are mythical creatures.

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A Dane, Swede and a Norwegian stumbled upon a magic fairy next to three pools.

The fairy told them that she would turn the water in each of the pools into whatever they want once they jump in the water. The Norwegian immediatly jumps and shouts "Soda!" and the water turns to soda. The Dane is up next, and he screams "Orange juice!" and the water turns to orange juice. When it'...

Do all Fairy Tales begin with ''Once Upon a Time''?

No........
The Best begin with ''If Am Elected''

What do you call the slang of Fairy World?

Jorgen

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The farmer's only cow dies

He doesn't know what to do anymore, so he hangs himself.

The wife comes home, sees that her husband and the cow are both dead, so she hangs herself too.

The eldest son comes home and sees the bloodbath. He goes to the forest to die. At the edge of the woods, he meets a fairy who says...

So Cinderella was crying...

...when her fairy godmother shows up. She asks poor Cinderella, "What's troubling you, my dear?" "My sisters have all gone to the ball, but I can't! I have nothing to wear and no way to go..." cried Cinderella. "Oh fret not. Let me handle this for you," said the fairy godmother. "But first, you have...

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A dude visits the fairy...

...hoping she could help him resolve his problem. Indeed, his dick was too big and he could never have sex 'cause every woman was too scared it would rip them appart.

'Oh, that's not my competence. Go visit the witch and ask her to marry you. Whenever she says "no", your dick will become 20% ...

Who's the poorest person in West Virginia?

The Tooth Fairy.

A Fairy Tale

After his daughter is cursed by the dark fairy, Maleficent, King Stefan summons his royal carpenters and commands them to make the finest, most comfortable bed in all the land.

"It will be done, Your Majesty," replies the master builder. "Does His Majesty prefer a queen or a king?"

"A ...

Cinderella

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, ...

How do meth users get the money to buy their drugs?

The toothfairy.

If you ever see a troll eat a fairy

It's either time for rehab or you're on Reddit.

Old Lady and the Fairy Godmother

An old lady is rocking away the last of her days on her front porch, reflecting on her long life, when, all of a sudden, a fairy godmother appears in front of her and informs her that she will be granted three wishes.

“Well, now,” says the old lady, “I guess I would like to be really, really ...

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A newly made fairy godmother is walking through the forest...

when she hears the sound of crying. She follows the sound and discovers a yellow frog. "Why are you crying?" she asks the frog. "Look at me," he responds, "I'm yellow all over. The other frogs laugh at me and I just can't take it anymore."

"Well," says the fairy godmother, "I just happen...

What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?

One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.

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My elementary school art teacher told this one

He began class by saying that Sebastian, Evan, and Joseph (some of my classmates) were stranded on an island. They find a fairy or something like that (I don't know, it was years ago) and they each get a wish, as long as it doesn't involve escaping the island.
Sebastian says he wishes for a lot ...

A fairy tale for men

One day a handsome young man proposes to his girlfriend, but she says no.

And the man lives happily ever after!

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Cinderella was being a brat...

Cinderella was being bitchy and bratty days before the ball and it pissed her fairy godmother off something furious. To teach her a lesson, the fairy godmother said;

"Look I'm not going to be heartless. You can go to the ball and dance with Prince Charming, but if you're back ONE MINUTE after...

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There's a family living in a village

So there's a family of four living in a village. The couple are old and poor, their two young sons are unemployed, and they are all dependent on a buffalo for their living.

One morning, the woman wakes up to find the buffalo dead. Distressed, she shoots herself and dies. Next to wake up is he...

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So, a man walks into a bar

and he sees a guy, sitting in a corner, staring sadly at a rooster sitting on his table. He walks over to the guy and asks him, where the hell did he get a rooster in the middle of the night? He answers: "Well, you just walk out of the bar, to your left and rub the base of the third street lantern y...

Bend over, little fairy...

...a wish is a wish.

Cinderella

So Cinderella is going to go out with Prince Charming. She approaches her Fairy Godmother and asks for some birth control.

"Absolutely not!" says the Fairy Godmother.

"Fine," says Cinderella. "But just remember this when there are all of these little princes running around."

...

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So a winged magical fairy visits Rome ....

The fairy flies around a bit among the tourists before stopping in front of two classical and gorgeous greek statues placed beside each other - one being a scantily clad and muscled Apollo and the other beautiful and busty Aphrodite, the goddess of love and sex.

The fairy looks on these two b...

12th Stroke of Midnight

The Fairy Godmother said that all of Cinderella's things would magically turn back on the twelfth stroke, but looking at how milquetoast Prince Charming is, I bet he won't last 4.

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Cinderella's Fairy Godmother

The horribly ugly Cinderella really wanted to marry the handsome prince, but was afraid to ask him to marry her because elf her looks. Her fairy godmother told Cinderella, "don't worry, everytime the prince denies your offer for marriage, your breasts will multiply in size 3 times". Cinderella asked...

Fairy tale involving a Bishop.

A long time ago, in a land far away, there was a Bishop.

He was wandering trough a sunny field, reading his Bible and praising the beauties of Creation, while a croak stopped him.

He looked down and, besides a small bush, he saw a Frog who told him:

"Bishop, Bishop! Please kiss ...

Fairy tales

A father is tucking in his son at night. His son asks him if he can tell him a fairy tale.

"Of course," the father replies. He begins telling a story, "Once upon a time..."

The son interrupts him, asking "Do all fairy tales begin with once upon a time?"

The father says, "No, s...

A man is in Iraq and sees a fancy antique lamp for sale in shop.

The shop owner assured the man that if he rubbed the lamp a genie would appear and he would get 3 wishes.

The man spent many days planning for his three wishes and finally rubbed the lamp.

When the genie appeared the man exclaimed in wonder. It was true! "For my first wish....."
<...

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A father was about to tell his ten year old son about the birds and the bees.

“I don’t want to know”, said the son.

“Why?” said the father.

“Because when I was seven you told me there was no tooth fairy, when I was eight you told me there was no Easter bunny and when I was nine you told me there was no Santa Claus. If you’re about to tell me grown ups don’t actu...

Russian joke

Two peasants, Boris and Igor are poor. Boris has a goat. Igor does not. One day while walking thru the woods, Igor meets a fairy. "What do you wish for?" She ask.

"I wish" Igor says "that Boris's goat should die"

A bald man walks into a bar...

He approaches the barkeeper and tells him

"I have something in my pocket that I will show you. If you swear you've never seen anything like it before, I'll have free drinks all night"

The barkeeper, in his mid fifties, who has clearly seen a lot in his life, agrees with a nod.

T...

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The family cow

A poor family had a cow. When the time came they were going to sell it and have money to prosper with. It was going to be worth a lot. But until then they replied on the milk.

One day the farmer woke up and seen the cow was mutilated. Blood and guts everywhere. He freaked out knowing that thi...

When I was young, at bedtimes...

My mum used to tell me fairy stories with a happy ending. Just one of the
benefits of having a masseuse as a parent I guess.

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Three men climb to the diving pad at a swimming pool.

A fairy appeared there and grants them a wish each. Three men think for a while then the first one jumps and wishes for beer and all of a sudden the pool is brimming with beer. Second one jumps and wishes for money and the pool is brimming with dollar bills. Third one is about to jump but slips says...

What do you call a gnome that muffs a fairy ?

Goblin....

Do you know what Tinkerbell's tooshie is called?

A fairy tale

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A man was out golfing

He shanked his ball off the tee,

When he found it, it was sitting in a patch of butter cups.

He lines up to take a swing and hears "don't hit the buttercups" he looks around but see nothing

Sets up for another swing " don't hit the buttercups" looks around, he see no one.
...

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[NSFW] My favorite NSFW joke from my high school.

Three brothers owned a prized horse. One day when the brothers were checking in, they found the horse was dead. So they prayed the whole morning asking god to bring back the horse. Suddenly, a fairy appeared.

Fairy: I can bring back the horse but on one condition, at least one of you have to ...

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A pervert and a jerk are having a walk at the forest...

A pervert and a jerk are having a walk at the forest, when suddenly a fairy appears and offers 3 wishes to each one.

The pervert has the first turn, and he wishes for the whole forest to be filled with women only for him. His wish is done, the forest is full of women.

It’s the jerk’s t...

What do you call Tinkerbell’s nipples?

Fairy-olas

Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let her.

As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother appears, and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go to the ball, but only on two conditions.

"First, you must wear a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees.

"What's the second condition?"

"You must be...

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X-Rated Cinderella

You all know the story, Cinderella makes a deal with the Fairy Godmother to go out to the ball, but this time, at midnight, its her downstairs that turns into a pumpkin.

So away she goes to find her Prince, while the Fairy Godmother sits at home waiting.

12 o'clock rolls around, and th...

Once upon a time there was an egg...

This egg was very smart, even at a very young age he decided to be the most successful chicken in the world! During his chick years he was so hardworking and competitive that he was always top of the class and graduated a couple of months younger than his peers. Of course, naturally he was accepted ...

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[NSFW] Cinderella is at the ball...

The fairy godmother was very specific in her instructions. "You must be back before midnight...when the clock strikes 12 your carriage will turn back into a pumpkin, your horses will turn back to mice and your vagina will become a pumpkin".

It's a wonderful evening at the Prince's ball. Cinde...

Three blondes are lost in a forest.

When they reach to a giant lake. It is to big to go around it, so they want to go straight trough it. And than, a good fairy appears. She says that she will give one wish to each of the blondes. First one wishes for a boat. With the boat, she gets to the middle of the lake, and there is a tiny vorte...

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DAD: Johnny, do youy know about the birds and the bees?

Little Johnny (Bursting into tears): "I dont want to know!"

Father: "Whats wrong?"

LJ: Oh dad, first there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter bunny and finally no Tooth-Fairy. If you are about to tell me grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to beleive in!

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Bear and rabbit get wishes

Bear and rabbit were just walking through the forest, as a fairy apearred. it granted both 3 wishes.
bears first wish was, to make every bear girl in this forest like only him. the rabbit on the other hand just wanted a very fast harley.
second wish from bear was that every bear girl on the wh...

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A guy was peeing on a tree

When suddenly a fairy appeared out of nowhere.

"Thank you" said the fairy.

"Your hot water saved me from a curse that was cast unto me for being stupid. I may be dumb but I can grant wishes, as a thank you for saving me from that terrible curse I can grant one of your wishes."

T...

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Once there was a young shepherd living in the mountains

He lived only with his parents. One day his father gets sick and dies. Not much after that, his mother also gets sick and she also dies. So the young boy remains alone. Although he was a real workaholic he decided to get married so that he would he would have a bit of help.

He goes to the ne...

Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater

Cinderella wanted to go to the ball one night, but she didnt have any tampons to use and she was on the rag.

Her Fairy Godmother came to the rescue and turned a pumpkin next to Cinderella’s house into a tampon. The Godmother says, "Now use the tampon, but be sure to get back home before midni...

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Hugh the Blacksmith

So there are three friars living atop a mountain, and they tend to the most beautiful garden in all the land.

One day, one of the friars decides he could make a flower one hundred times prettier than all the other flowers in the garden, if only he could cross-breed a few that he had already.<...

Cinderella is late for the ball when her period comes.

To her great relief, her fairy godmother is able to fashion a magic tampon out of a pumpkin. But she warns her, “you MUST be home before midnight, or it will turn right back!”

Midnight comes and goes, and the fairy godmother goes from angry to terribly worried. At 5 am Cinderella shows up, sm...

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The real story of Cinderella

Many people don't know the true story, but the fairy godmother told Cinderella that if she did not return from the ball by midnight, her vagina would turn into a pumpkin. So Cinderella left and the fairy godmother waited patiently for her return. Midnight came, no Cinderella. 2am, no Cinderella. Fin...

Two friends are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says: "YES...NO...YES....NO...YES...NO..."

It is a big company where the boss is an English man.The deputy manager an Iyengar requested for leave for performing "purattasi sanikkizhamai puja".The boss called him and asked him to bring the concerned leave file,Going through the file the boss told him he has not took leave last year for this p...

Who gets the money?

In a room there is a poor Nigerian man, a rich Nigerian man, Santa Clause, and the Tooth Fairy. In the middle of the room there is a million dollars. Out of the 4 who gets the millions dollars?



Obviously the poor Nigerian man because the other 3 do not exist.

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[NSFW] A Modern Day Cinderella Story

Cinderella is getting ready to go out to the club and tells her fairy god-mother that she wont be home until around 2 am. The fairy god-mother warns her, "If you're out past midnight, your pussy will turn into a pumpkin." Scared about what will happen, Cinderella reluctantly decides that she will b...