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Ox Jokes

What do you call an ox that’s gone gluten-free?

Silly yak.

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My 8 year old son's joke: What do you call an ox with big butt?

Buttocks

Man went to the butchers and asked if he had any ox tales

‘Sure’ replied the butcher ‘once upon a time an ox…’

Sorry messed up title should read ‘ox tails’ whoops

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Old Ox

An old man when to his doctor to have a check up. The doctor was surprised to see this 80 year old man in good excellent condition.

Doctor: what is your secret?

Old man: i go to the beach every morning and have sex

Doctor: does your wife enjoy going to the beach?

Old man...

A German woman swore an oath to prepare her large field for planting using only the teachings of Lao-tsu, an ox and a pig. Local farmers call this "impossible".

# Headline:"Frau vows to plow with Tao, cow and sow... somehow."

An old lady is at tea and her host asks "Would you care for a slice of cold pressed ox tongue?"

"Oh no," shudders the old lady, "I couldn't eat something that came out of an animal's mouth! Just an egg, please."

Happy Year of the Ox ...

what a bunch of bull.

I have the work ethic of an ox -

If you tie a yoke to my shoulders and whip me until I move, I'm probably going to get a lot done.

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Two guys want to start a farm and go to a farmer to buy an ox to plow their fields...

They examine the ox and notice that his eyes are crossed. They mention this to the farmer who explains that there's a solution for that, "You just take this pipe, stick it up the ox's ass and blow as hard as you can, watch." They stood at the ox's head while the farmer put the pipe in the ox's ass a...

An archaeologist was in Jerusalem when he discovered a slab of rock with five figures on it: the Star of David, an ox, a shovel, an owl, and a woman.

"This is really fascinating," said the archaeologist. "This tells me a lot about ancient Hebrew culture. The Star of David tells me, of course, that they were a very religious people. The ox tells me that they used domesticated animals, such as oxen, to plow the fields. The shovel tells me that they...

A guy runs into a saloon and yells "everybody clear out, Big John's comin' to town!"

A couple minutes later a mountain of a man rides into town on an ox and he's dragging a mountain lion on a chain behind him. He gets down and punches the ox and slams the mountain lion and says "You guys stay here."

He walks into the saloon, ripping the doors off the hinges. Walks up to the b...

Who is 50 feet tall, has a blue ox and kills co-eds?

Ted Bunyan.

My friend died when she saw a wild ox wearing a knitted jumper.

It was a Cardi Yak arrest.

King

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, Who is mightiest of all jungle animals? The trembling monkey says, You are, mighty lion!Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals? The ...

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There were two farms, one bordering the other.

On one side of the fence was an ox, flirting with the cow on the other side........

he couldn't take it anymore and wanted to go to the other side of the fence, which was very high, to trace the neighbor's cow......

One day he took courage, took distance and jumped the fence, got clo...

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Bus Driver

While driving the bus, the driver heard a little boy sitting in the front seat and saying, if my dad was a dog and mom was bitch, I would have been a puppy. If my dad was and ox and mom a cow, I would have been a calf. The boy continued with a long list of animals until the bus driver became super a...

Wikipedia suggests the third oldest joke in the world has a missing punchline. I’d like to suggest that Reddit’s most upvoted punchline is the true punchline

From the history segment on the Wikipedia article for joke.

The tale of the three ox drivers from Adab completes the three known oldest jokes in the world. This is a comic triple dating back to 1200 BC Adab. It concerns three men seeking justice from a king on the matter of ownership over a ...

my boss thinks I'm an idiot

But he's the idiot. just the other day he told me to go into the front office and to bring him the tube oxes that had just arrived. I wasn't sure what a tube ox was, but I informed him that the plural would be "tube oxen." Worse, all I found was a couple of FedEx packages..

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Surprising the Cow

Little Johnny lives with his mother on a farm, one day he comes running in and screams: "Mommy, Mommy, the Ox is fucking the Cow". His Mother slaps him hard and says: "We don't use language like that in this house, the next time it happens, say 'The Ox is surprising the Cow'". Rubbing his cheek, Lit...

A young lawyer died and stood before the gates of Heaven.

Lawyer: "St. Peter, what happened? I was as healthy as an ox, and I'd barely passed my 48th birthday!"

St. Peter: "48? According to your billable hours you were 172."

Sh***y Joke I came up with when I was little

A man was talking to his pet ox. He asked the ox “Hey ox, what’s your favorite number?” The ox replied, “I don’t know. I guess I’ll go with 1.” The man thought for a second then exclaimed, “But Ox, why not number 2?” The ox replied, “Constipation”.

Buddha was walking down the road with his students...

Buddha was walking down the road with his students when he saw a hole in the road with an ox stuck inside and farmer trying to get the ox out, with no avail. Buddha nodded to his pupils and they helped the guy out quickly. They continued walking, when they saw another hole in the road with another o...

Store owner: Good morning Janet! What can i get for you?

Janet: Something for dinner, please
Store owner: I have some lovely fresh ox tongue!
Janet: Oh, no! Yuck! I couldn't eat something that comes out of an animal's mouth! I'll just have a dozen egg

A vampire dies and he goes to the heaven

And he meets the God, the God says:

"I see you were a good vampire, never hurts any human, and only feed on ox blood, didn’t you?"

"Yes, yes my lord." The vampire answers humbly.

"So," the God says, "I will give you a chance for you to choose your own next life, you could be a...

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Three Cowboys are gathered around a fire...

It’s a lonesome night on the prairie, three cowboys with the bravado in which cowboys are famous are gathered around a fire, and a night of tall tales commences...

The first cowboy says “Just the other day, a bull got loose on the coral and gouged six men before I wrestled him down with my ba...

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A very large man asks for the time

A young man 6'7 and wide as an ox, he goes up to an older lady in the mall and he asks: "Scuze m,m,me m,m,ma'am do you havthes the time?"

Feeling sorry she can't help this man with a speech impediment she says to him: "Sorry sonny, my watch is in the shop being repaired"

The large ma...

A man is taking his family to his father's funeral...

.. He is talking with his wife as his two children sit in the backseat, the daughter fiddles with her phone charger while the son listens in.

"Honey, I don't know what I'm going to say in his eulogy."

"Well, you could make comparisons, say he was as strong as an ox."

"Yeah, that...

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Two friends fly to spain

They decide to participate in a bullfight.

The first one goes up to the field and the ox runs at him really fast, suddenly a second before the collision, the bull turns on its back and wails in pain, the whole crowd cheers and exultes.

His friend asks him "How did you do it? I would ...

In the days of old the River Thames was once plagued with a giant wyrm.

The dread creature preyed upon any who used or went near the river, and many lives were lost, and eventually the call went out for a brave knight to slay the vile creature. It soon became apparent that this was no task for a common knight, but only the holiest and most dedicated - a living saint....

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