Person 1: What came first the chicken or the egg?

Person 2: I'm pretty sure the rooster came first.

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What did the pirate captain say when he caught his first mate hiding a rooster in his treasure chest?

**Get yer cock out of me booty!**

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce?

A chicken sees a salad.

What do you call a cross between a rooster and a rabbit?

A hop a doodle doo!

Courtesy of my 9yr old daughter

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A farmer goes out and buys a new, young rooster. As soon as he brings him home, the young rooster rushes and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. The farmer is impressed.

At lunchtime, the young rooster again screws all 150 hens. The farmer is not just impressed anymore,he is worried. Next morning,not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he is screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow. Later farmer looks out into the barnyard and finds the rooster stretched out, l...

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Hi, my name is Rico the Rooster, and I’m a sex addict.

Over the course of 12 months, Farmer Ted saved every penny that he could to purchase the prize winning rooster known as Rico. Little did he know, Rico the rooster was a sexy addict. Farmer Ted returned home from the prize winning rooster auction and began to introduce his farm animals to Rico, as so...

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My friend was devastated when he found out that cockfighting is done with roosters.

He wasted six months of his life training for nothing.

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Why did the hen share her crayons with the rooster?

So the cock could doodle too

Why did the rooster go to KFC?

He wanted to see a chicken strip

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The little rooster

It is a beautiful summers day when Rocky the rooster is taking his son out of the house for the first time.

"Son" the rooster says, "today you will become a man!"

The young rooster jumps up and down in pure excitement. "What are we going to do dad!?"

"Well son, my buddy Jeff tol...

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I got a tattoo of a rooster in a noose on my shin.

I've always wanted a cock that hangs below my knee.

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How is shaving your dick and balls like time travel for roosters?

It turns an old cock into tender meat and eggs.

Happy Father's Day!

A farmer buys a rooster to service his 200 hens. When he gets the rooster into the barnyard, he tells him, "Randy, I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Have fun, but take your time."

The farmer points him toward the henhouse and the rooster takes off like a shot.

WHAM! Randy nails every hen in the henhouse, three or four times. Randy runs out and sees a flock of geese down by the lake. WHAM! He nails all the geese. Randy runs to the pigpen, the cow pasture -- soon, he's b...

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I was walking down main street and there was a homeless man with a signt hat said “1 dollar for dirty joke.”

Seemed like a good investment to me so I gladly handed over a dollar.

Homeless man: “Alright sir whats your name?

Me: “Username-valid ”

Homeless man: “So username-valid, there is black rooster alright? How many legs does that chicken have”

Me: “two?”

Homeless man: ...

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The Farmers New Rooster

A farmer bought a bought a rooster and said roster was delivered later that day in a wooden crate. The farmer was excited to finally get a new rooster because he had over 50 hens but not a single rooster. As soon as he pried the crate open the rooster went straight to the hens and started to have se...

So, I hit a rooster on my way to work yesterday...

So, I hit a rooster on my way to work yesterday while it was crossing the road, I tried to stop for it but I didn't have enough time, anyway while i was reflecting back on it today I came to a profound realization. I realized the true origins of a joke that has been going over my head for 26 years, ...

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Just found out that cockfighting is done with roosters.

That's 27 years of rigorous training, straight down the fucking drain.

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Well I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters

There goes my last 6 months of training

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A cat and a rooster sitting on the lake shore...

The cat falls into the lake and the rooster starts laughing hysterically.


Morale of the story:


When there is a wet pussy, there's a happy cock also

Why didn't the rooster tell Dad Jokes?

He was afraid his kids would crack up!

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[NSFW] The rooster decided to enroll in a foreign language class down on the farm...

Should I learn to speak horse, or cow, he wondered. Or pig? Finally, he decided he would learn to speak turkey.

When he came home from class, however he was crying. Mama hen asked him, " did something happen at school today?"

"Yes Mama, I had to file a sexual harassment claim against m...

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A farmer was looking for a new rooster as his old one after many years of faithful service had finally passed on.

When he told his neighbouring farmer about the problem he said "I have just the rooster for you , but I have to warn you Ron is one horny goat of a rooster". How horny can a rooster be the farmer said to himself. "OK sure I'll buy him off you". When the farmer got back to the farm with Ron the roost...

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What's the difference between a rooster and a nymphomaniac?

The rooster crows : **"Cock-a-doodle-doo"**

The nymphomaniac goes :**"Any-Cock-will-dooo"**

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I just learned today that cock fighting involves two roosters...

...well there goes a year and a half of intense training.

Butch the Rooster

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business. She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilise the eggs.



She kept records and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.



This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and a...

The Farmer was careful to monitor the ratio of roosters to chickens

He was trying to control ova population.

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What’s the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?

One goes “cockle-doodle-doo” and one goes “any-cock-will-do”

Puzzled Girlfriend

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, 'Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started.'

Her boyfriend asks, 'What is it supposed to be when it's finished?' The blonde says, 'According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster.'
...

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So a farmer wakes up one morning and looks out the window and sees his prize rooster laying in the middle of the barnyard stiff as a board with buzzards circling overhead.

With his only rooster dead, he decides to go to the market to buy a new rooster. At the market he sees a stall with a very nice looking rooster and he asks the seller how much he wants for the rooster and the seller tells him $1000. The farmer is absolutely shocked at this price, but the seller tell...

What do you call an intrepid rooster?

Marco "Pollo"

I asked my rooster what he wanted to drink....

Diet Coke’l dooooo!

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Practice!!!

A farmer sees an advertisement for a virile rooster and immediately buys it. Upon returning home it puts him into the hen pen and goes for his noon siesta.
Upon returning he finds that the roster has fucked every single one of the 50 hens. The farmer is shocked but satisfied that he'll have a ric...

Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard.

Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?" His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the cloud...

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Bob came home drunk one night...

Bob came home drunk one night, slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber.

He awoke before the Pearly Gates, where St. Peter said, 'You died in your sleep, Bob....' Bob was stunned. 'I'm dead? No, I can't be! I've got too much to live for. Send me back!'

St....

What is a Mexican Roosters' favorite meal?

Hen-chiladas

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Bob did like he always does, kissed his ol lady, crawled into bed and fell a sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.

"What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked.

"This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

"WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Bob. "I want you to send me back immediately." ...

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The priests rooster

The Priest of a small village was very fond of his flock of ten hens and a cockerel.

He kept them in a hen house behind the parish, but one Saturday night, the cockerel was missing.

The priest, suspecting fowl play decided to say something about it at church the next morning.

At...

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A guy walks in to a bar with a large rooster

A guy walks in to a bar with a large rooster. He goes to the counter and sits on a stool with the rooster next to him.

"I'd like a whiskey, a few crisps, pour something for yourself as well, and... give me a beer."

"Very well"

After the guy has finished drinking.

"Okay, s...

How did the rooster meet the hen?

Chicken tinder....

Why did the rooster cross the basketball court?

He heard the ref was blowing fowls.

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Old Rooster

In the farm, all the chickens gathered around the new rooster. He had arrived on the farm in the morning, and was looking at himself proudly as the old rooster of the farm - the only other male of the species in the vicinity - came to him.

The old rooster said, "See, boy, this is my farm. I c...

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A horny rooster

A farmer wakes up to find his rooster dead in the garden. Desperate that his chickens will no longer lay eggs, he goes to the market in search of another. Upon arrival he sees a a large, heavy built rooster so he asks the seller:

“Oi! How many bucks for that one?”

“5000 dollars!”
...

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What's the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?

A rooster says cock-a-doodle-do and a prostitute says any-cock'll-do

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What does a sick rooster say?

Cock-a-doodle-choo!!!

Bad himalayan joke

Me: *on edge of roof* no one likes my jokes

Cop: there’s still a lot to live for. tell me one of your jokes

Me: what do you call a rooster that produces eggs?

Cop: I don't know. What?

Me: himalayan

Cop: omg just jump

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A farmer trained his rooster to peel the husks off of corn

What a cock-shucker

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What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl?

A cock that stays up all night

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I dressed up like a giant rooster and scared my wife.

Apparently she doesn’t like boo cocky.

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If your donkey eats one of my rooster's legs, what do you have?

A foot of my cock in your ass.

What would be the offspring of a vixen and a rooster?

A foxy chick.

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NSFW what's the difference between a penis and a rooster?

One cock gets up to wake you up
While the other cock is up when you wake up

Did you hear about the fighting rooster who never lost a fight?

His record was impeccable.

What’s a rooster’s favorite dating app?

Chicken Tinder

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[NSFW] If your donkey ate the legs off of my rooster

There would be two feet of my cock in your ass.

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Did you hear about the dyslexic, homosexual rooster?

Dude'll do a cock!

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The Chinese are celebrating the year of the rooster

Meanwhile the Americans are celebrating the year of the cock

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Did you hear about the Rooster who walked into the hen-house on Easter morning?

He saw all the colored eggs, then went over and beat the hell out of the Peacock.

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A chicken farmer buys a new rooster. . .

And he's assured by his friend who sold it to him that he's the perfect breeder.
Feeling a little sceptical, the farmer still takes the rooster back to his farm. No sooner then putting the rooster is let out of his box then it runs into the barn and starts having sex with every hen it can find....

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

The rooster came first.

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You've got a donkey, I've got a rooster. Your donkey bit the leg off my rooster...

Now you've got a foot of my cock in your ass.

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What do you call a bird that’s half rooster and half turkey?

Cock Gobbler

What's the difference between a hen and a rooster?

Hens lay eggs. Roosters lay hens.

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What is the difference between a rooster and an artist who draws nudes?

One goes cock-a-doodle, and the other doodles cocks.

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What do you call a rooster drawing a doodle?

Cock-a-doodle-do!

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What's the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?

Rooster goes CockaDOODLEDOOO!!

Prostitute goes AnyCOCKLEDOOO!!


(Such an old joke maybe some of these young redditors have never heard it ;)

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Horny Cock

A farmer wanted to have his hens serviced, so he went to the market looking for a rooster.

He was hoping he could get a special rooster - one that would service all of his many hens.

When he told this to the market vendor, the vendor replied, "I have just the rooster for you.
...

Hit a rooster

A traveling salesman was driving through farm country. He took his eye off the road for a second, then all of a sudden "WHAM!" -- he ran over a rooster crossing the road.

He stopped the car, got out, confirmed the rooster was dead, and saw a nearby farmhouse. He drove up to the house, knock...

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Did you hear about the rooster in the bathroom?

He was going cock a doodle DOO.

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What do you call an overconfident rooster?

**Cocky**

Thank you I will unfortunately be here all week.

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A farmer buys a rooster

A farmer has a few hens and decides to buy a rooster to help breed the population. After a few days of having this rooster, he walks to the chicken coop one day and sees the rooster fucking all the hens. "GODDAMN, that roosters gonna kill himself at the pace he's going!", the farmer says.

A f...

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