UPJOKE
mulehorsezebraburrofoalequidaestallionassmarehybridwild horsechariotponyoxequid

Donkey Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

i sexually identify as a donkey

my pronouns are he/haw

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you have a donkey and I have a rooster and your donkey eats the feet off my rooster what do you have?

Two feet of my cock in your ass?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day the...

A donkey fell out of the sky into my lawn!

Meet Eeyore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a donkey on cocaine?

An Ass Crack

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A donkey walks into a bar, and everyone cheers. Why?

Because if he had passed it he would have been a bad ass lawyer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My donkey died the other day, so I dug it a grave.

It was an asshole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Priest and his Donkey

A young priest wanted to raise money for his church, and seeing that there was a fortune in horse racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However , at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep that the priest ended up buying a donkey.

The priest fig...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I tell women about my 12” donkey dick...

They’re like “ooh I want to see it”


But when I take it out of the freezer, they’re all “I have to be going.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw the strangest thing on the road today: a horse at full speed pulling a donkey in a cart.

That horse was really haulin' ass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the ventriloquist who claimed that he could use a live donkey as a puppet?

Turns out he was just talking out of his ass.

A farmer who raises donkeys goes out of town, leaving his wife alone at the farm

A neighbouring farmer, who desires an affair with her, takes advantage of the opportunity and seduces the wife while her husband is away.

The wife soon finds out that she is pregnant with the neighbour’s child, and after informing them of this they decide that it would be best to confess to ...

My friend got killed by a donkey

Some say he was assassinated

As a commercial livestock hauler, my main responsibility is transporting donkeys.

My clients..have their asses handed to them.

What do you get when you cross a small dog with a donkey?

A Jack Russell Derrière.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went for a job interview as a Blacksmith yesterday.

He asked me if I had ever shoed a horse, and I said no but I once told a donkey to fuck off.

My stupid, hungry donkey decided to eat a window

It was a huge pane in the ass

A ca. 800 year old joke from Islamic folklore about Mullah Nasruddin

One day, a neighbor whom Mullah Nasruddin didn't like came to see him. The neighbor asked Nasruddin, "May I borrow your donkey?"

Nasruddin did not want to lend his donkey to the neighbor he didn't like. So, he told him, "I would be glad to loan you my donkey. Unfortunately, my brother came y...

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?

A wonky

Where do donkeys get their horoscopes?

From asstrologers!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the butthole of a donkey?

An asshole.

How about the mouth?

An asshole.

How about the ear?

An asshole.

How about the hair?

That's just hair you idiot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

A piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

A man crosses the border each morning on a donkey...

...and each day, his donkey is loaded with only bags of straw. When he reaches the bridge marking the border, the tax collectors search his bags to calculate what duty he must pay on his exports. Every day, they find nothing. And yet, in the evening, after their shift has finished and they are in th...

On the highway, a driver saw a man holding a rabbit for sale.

He stopped, opened the window and asked: "How much is the donkey?"

The guy said: "It's a rabbit, not a donkey!"

The driver replied: "You shut up, I'm talking to the rabbit not to you."

What's Donkey's favourite movie?

Enter the Dragon

Me: I think it’s safe to assume we are both donkeys.

My friend: Careful, you know what happens when you assume.

Me: Exactly.

What did the donkey say as he fell down the well?

Hew-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaw!

What do you call Donkey Kong's thick sister?

BaDonky Kong.

The Legend of the King and the Fisherman

After the palace meteorologist assured them there was no chance of rain, the King and the Queen went fishing.

On the way, they met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and they asked the man if the fish were biting. The fisherman said, "Your Majesties, you should return to the palace...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is donkey bread made of?

Dat ass dough…

I hear that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, absolutely loves to take part in Nativity plays. He's played a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...

But he never made it as a wise man

Sausage Factory

A Mississipi Man took his son to visit a sausage factory.

- See this my son? This is a modern machine in which a donkey was placed on one side and the sausage came out ready on the other side.

- Dad, is there a machine like this one, where we put the sausage and it releases a donke...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donkey, Chicken, Rooster

A man was walking down the road with his donkey, chicken, and rooster. Along the way, the donkey kept stopping and reaching up with his back leg to scratch himself, but he never seemed to hit the spot. The man was frustrated with the donkey, but couldn’t help it, since he was holding the chicken and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Strange how people think Mules do better work than Donkeys.

Especially considering Mules only do a half Ass job.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a bar with a donkey and an ostrich.

He sits down at the counter and asks for a beer.

“That will be 5.98$, sir.”, the bartender says.

The man, puts his hand into his pocket and pulls out 5 dollars and 98 cents in exact change.

“How much will it cost to buy everyone here a round of drinks?”, the man asks, taking a s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I spent many hours trying to attach a faucet to a donkey.

I tapped that ass all night.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off.

I guess I was stoned off my ass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Donkey Woman

A guy and his wife walked into a bar one day, the wife takes a seat and the guy goes up to the bar.

The barman goes over to the guy and asks him what he wants, the guy replies", I'll have a bottle of bud and an orange juice for the jackass".

The barman looks at the guy puzzled but say'...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer quickly purchased land in a low-lying depression and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill and the donkeys rarely got away.

Long story short, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so that they wouldn't bypass the ass hole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a donkey that's on fire?

The hottest ass you've ever seen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scientists have recently created a new hybrid by mating a male donkey and a female deer.

It isn't very beautiful, but that ass doe

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the vampire say after drinking the donkey's blood?

Tastes like ass.

horse and a donkey meet for a drink. (soccer joke)

Horse and a donkey meet and go to the horses house for drinks.
On the walls of the horses house are medals trophies and ribbons.
Donkey asks: "what are all the rewards from?"
Horse:"I used to race and I was pretty good so I won all these medals and trophies"
After they finished drinking,...

I went to an Irish pub for the first time.

It was St. Patrick's Day and they were having an all-day happy hour. Half-price Guinness all day. Who could resist?

So I walk in, and I hear a lot of conversations around me, and I notice pretty much all of the people in there are Irish. Well, I don't wanna stick out like a sore thumb, so I d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a donkey.

The brothel keeper asks how she can help him. He says, "I need a woman, because mine has left me."

The keeper says "Why? And what are the honeycomb and donkey for?" The dwarf says, "My wife found a genie in a bottle, and he granted her three wishes. The first, she asked for a house fit for a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm embarrassed by my donkey fetish

Sometimes it makes me feel like an ass.

What do you call a person with 2 donkeys?

Biased

What’s donkey from shrek’s favorite Bruce Lee movie?

Enter the dragon

A donkey, mule, and a horse walk into a bar

On their way to the bar a man looks at the donkey and yells “what an ass!”

The equestrians shrug off this distasteful jab and continue towards the bar.

The same man stands up and looks at the mule saying “I’d yell all day but now I’m a little horse!”

The equestrians ignore the m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does Bruce Willis, a donkey with sunglasses on, and my ex have in common?

They’re all bad ass.

How does a male donkey laugh at a mediocre joke

He haws

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish and a Star of David on the wall.

Pointing to the first drawing, the head of the team declared: 'This indicates that these people were family oriented and held women in high position. The donkey shows that they were intelligent enough to use animals to till the soil. The shovel means that they were able to forge tools. Even further ...

What sound does a Swiss donkey make on a mountain?

Yodel-ay-hee-haw

How did the donkey's doctor know it had covid?

It was a little horse

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was surprised to find out his donkey is pregnant.

He thought it's impossible to get pregnant by coming in ass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just had to stop for a donkey crossing the road.

Cool thing was he looked both ways before he crossed.

What a smart ass.

A donkey and a horse met in a bar

After talking for a few minutes they decided to go to the horse's house. When they arrived the donkey noticed that the horse had a lot of trophies and medals all across the walls, he asked him:

"Where did you get all of this things?"

"I am a race horse, I won them", the horse replied.<...

Two donkeys are standing at a roadside,

one asks the other: Shall we cross?

His friend replies: No way, look what happened to that zebra.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why isn't a mule as good as a donkey?

They always half-ass everything.

What would a donkey's pronouns be?

Hee-Her

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An interview with an old man .

An 80 years old man had an interview with the local TV channel and they told him : old man can you tell us about a happy memory from your youth ?

Old man : one time my donkey got lost and all the village went out to search for and when we found it we were so happy we all fucked it .

J...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s it called when a donkey kicks you?

Ass-ault

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently received a letter about my donkey dying, but as I was reading it, a gust of wind caught it and blew it up into the sky.

It became an ass ending sending ascending.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old farmer and his dog are riding back home on a donkey pulled cart.

They reach a hill and the tired donkey is struggling to go up. Annoyed by this, the old farmer pulls out his whip and hits the donkey to make him go faster. However, the more the old farmer whips, the slower the donkey gets. Stuck in a frenzy, the old farmer continually yells and whips the donkey. S...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young farmer is tending to his crop. A car pulls up and a man says, "Hey! See that guy over there? Well, he just told me your mother fucked a donkey and you're the result!"

The young farmer says, "What? That jerk? Ignore him. Hee-haways says that."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] What would you call Oedipus if he was a donkey?

A dumbass motherfucker

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you guys hear the one about where a donkey got into a hat store destroying all the hats and the cops had to come and kill it?

It was pretty crazy, dead ass no cap.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bish and the donkey.

A rural pastor had trouble getting hold of enough money for church roof repairs. So the parish comes up with the idea to pool their money and buy a race horse. The collection is done, and when the pastor goes shopping, he only has enough for a donkey. Nonetheless he buys the donkey and enters it int...

What do you get when you have Avogadro's number of donkeys?

Molasses.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A donkey fell into a bowl of sugar...

Now that’s a sweet ass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nun buys a donkey and enters it in a local horse race

Remarkably, the donkey is incredibly quick and manages to win. The local paper reads *Local nun has winning ass*.

She enters it into a second race, and again it wins. The local paper reads *Nun has best ass in town*.

The priest is annoyed by these headlines, but the prize money is seri...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I ate a donkey last night.

It tasted like ass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens when you put Donald Trump and a female sex crazed donkey in the same room?

Nothing. Even donkeys have standards.

If a donkey bucks you in the face...

...is it still considered an "ass-kicking"?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why will donkeys never become fossorial?

Because the world already has enough assholes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When carriages were first invented they had the donkey constantly backing up so they could maintain eye contact with the driver and remain calm.

Soon afterwards however they realized that the idea was completely ass backwards.

How to Sell a Dead Donkey

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, 'Sorry Chuck, but I have some bad news The donkey died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The far...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the man who got hit by rocks while riding a donkey?

He was stoned off his ass...

A HTML developer was walking down the street when he was greeted by a donkey.

"Hello Mr Programmer", the donkey said, "how are you?".

"mighty fine, thank you donkey", the HTML dev replied.

Immediately the donkey started crying.

"What's the matter little friend?" the HTML dev asked.

"I called you a programmer, at least you could call me horse" t...

A man baught a donkey from a preacher

The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, is to say, "Hallelujah!"

The only way to make the donkey stop, is to say, "Amen!"

The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The lost and found attendant said I couldn't have my lost donkey, so we got into a fight.

Needless to say, I got my ass handed to me.

Who is the most famous donkey?

Donkey Hotay

Teacher : "Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,what virtue would I be showing?"

Student : "Brotherly love".

Why was Donkey Kongs corpse smelling?

It was beginning to DK

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why don’t you ever see donkeys in school?

Because nobody likes a smart ass.

I once knew a Formula 1 driver who had a day job trucking donkeys.

He was never a good driver, but he hauled ass!

I'm a girl training in MMA. My instructor just taught me how to do the donkey kick!

He says we're going to work on the donkey punch tomorrow!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy and his donkey walk into a bar

the bartender says to the man: "Get your ass out of here."

What did the donkey say when his owner kept poking him?

Stop fingering your ass!

An old man was roaming the desert when he reached a village...

Last year on my first cake day, I shared one of my grandmother's long jokes. I think of making it a tradition, so here's another:

An old man was walking in the Sahara desert with his donkey when he reached a village. The people welcomed him with everything they could, offering him hospitality...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We used to have a moat around our yard that the neighbors’ donkeys would always fall into when they came onto our property.

It was a real ass hole.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Apparently I'm going to hell because I infected the Donkey next door.

They said I must not COVID my neighbor's ass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you had a donkey

If you had a donkey.

And I had a rooster.

And if your donkey ate both my roosters feet, what would you have?

Two feet of cock in your ass.

My favourite joke, I have never seen it here so I thought I would share.
P.S. my first post so please be kind.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My elderly donkey got bludgeoned badly by a large horned mountain goat now I can't walk right.

In other words my old ass got rammed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A donkey had an IQ of 186.

He had no friends at all though. Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass.

What do you call a donkey with one leg?

A wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye making love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind? <...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Happy Thanksgiving!

If the natives had given the pilgrams donkeys instead of turkeys, we would all be eating Ass for Thanksgiving!

Donkey Lives Matter

Two terrorists having discussion in a bar. The waiter asks them what the discussion was about? Terrorist :- We are planning to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey.. Waiter :- Why a donkey? Then one terrorist says to the other, "See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if a donkey falls off a road?

Ass-phalt

I just shot a donkey

Deadass

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of the babies on the Intensive Care Unit is playing with a toy donkey

ICU baby, shaking that ass.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a donkey with and onion?

Well 99 times out of hundred you get an onion with grey floppy ears, but that 100th time-- when the moon is full and the tides are just right-- you get a perfect piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

Did you hear about the donkey that neglected its kids to go work out every day?

Such a jacked ass

I was gonna tell you a joke I came up with about a were-donkey,

but I decided it was too half-assed

I told my friend that I shot a donkey.

“You’re lying.” he said.

I replied, “No, deadass!”

Why does Donkey Kong brush his teeth?

To prevent tooth DK.

Donkey joke

Bob’s having a beer in a bar, as you do. Another guy walks in and the barman shouts ‘hey here’s donkey’ and everyone laughs. Bob being a decent bloke goes up to the guy now sitting alone in the corner and asks ‘hey mate why does he call you donkey’. Guy replies ‘I don’t know .....he haw, he haw, he ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: I'm afraid of corpses and donkeys

My therapist: Deadass?

Me: *screams*

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.