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A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a donkey

The brothel keeper asks how she could help him. He replies "I need a woman, because mine has left me."

Brothel Keeper: Why? Also what's with the honeycomb and the donkey?

Dwarf: My wife found a genie in a bottle, and he granted her three wishes. The first she asked for a home fit for ...

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What would you call a donkeys grave?

An asshole.

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Why can’t they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in Mexico?

They had to give the donkey a break at some point

Two donkeys are standing at a roadside,

one asks the other: Shall we cross?

His friend replies: No way, look what happened to that zebra.

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Two hillbillys are sitting on the porch in rocking chairs.

The 1st hillbilly says "I'M BORED'....

So the second hillbilly says.. "I'll tell you whut....I'm gonna think of something... but I'm not gonna tell you what I'm thinkin...and then you get to ask me Three questions... then after three questions....you gotta guess what I'm thinkin'...."
...

What do you call a donkey with one leg?

A wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye making love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind? <...

What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?

A Kick-Ass

A man loads burden onto his donkey and says...

Eukaryote.

What do you call a frightened baby donkey?

A chicken burrito.

I'd definitely go to the party organized by a Kangaroo and a Donkey..

Its going to be Kick-Ass!

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I was late for work this morning, my boss asked me why to which I replied "I had a mechanical failure with my donkey." Perplexed my boss asked me what that had to do with getting to work.

To which i replied "I couldn't get my ass in gear"

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Did you hear about the man with a rooster, a hen and a donkey?

He asked a guy on the street, "Hey, can you hold my cock and pullet, while I scratch my ass?"

Did you hear about the man who got hit by rocks while riding a donkey?

He was stoned off his ass...

[WARNING OC!] What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to his donkey when he's late?

"Underlay Underlay Underlay!"

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When I tell women about my 12” donkey dick...

They’re like “ooh I want to see it”


But when I take it out of the freezer, they’re all “I have to be going.”

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A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"

"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey....

What do you call a man with 2 donkeys?

Biased

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A nun buys a donkey and enters it in a local horse race

Remarkably, the donkey is incredibly quick and manages to win. The local paper reads *Local nun has winning ass*.

She enters it into a second race, and again it wins. The local paper reads *Nun has best ass in town*.

The priest is annoyed by these headlines, but the prize money is seri...

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Donkey balls clock

So an American man is wondering around Mexico and begins to wonder what time it is. The American spots a Mexican man having a siesta and decides to wake the Mexican. The American man asks, "Senor, do you know what time it is?" The Mexican man looks to a donkey beside him, places his hand on the donk...

What's the difference between PETA and a donkey?

The donkey does something useful, but both of them are asses

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I hate female dog donkey crossbreeds that can’t talk

Dumbass bitches

A priest, a nun and a donkey walk out of a bar

DAMN it, they are already coming out again, we missed the joke

One day a donkey fell into a well.

...
The farmer couldn’t get him out, so he knew he had to cover him up. He called in his neighbors, and they all started to throw dirt down the well, but instead of burying the animal, the donkey would shake the dirt off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, the pile of dirt got so high that th...

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A farmer quickly purchased land in a low-lying depression and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill and the donkeys rarely got away.

Long story short, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so that they wouldn't bypass the ass hole.

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A farmer's only donkey ran away in the forest.

He packed up a few days ration and ventured into the jungle to find his animal. He searched and he searched but he couldn't find it, so he decided to retire for the night. He climbed up a tree, tied himself to the trunk so he doesn't fall down.

Just as he was about to sleep, he heard some rus...

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If you had a donkey

If you had a donkey.

And I had a rooster.

And if your donkey ate both my roosters feet, what would you have?

Two feet of cock in your ass.

My favourite joke, I have never seen it here so I thought I would share.
P.S. my first post so please be kind.

A patient tells his doctor he dreams about playing soccer with donkeys every night

The **doctor** responds, "No need to worry, I've got just the right medicine for you".

Immediately the **patient** whimpers, "Well, can you prescribe me the medication tomorrow".

The **doctor** chuckles, "Why?".

The **patient** states, "*Tonight is our finals*".

Who is the most famous donkey in history?

Donkey-ottie

A man is riding his donkey in the desert looking for treasure.

They go 5 miles, and pass an oasis, the donkey looks back, and the man goes,

“Just a little longer, Jackass.

They go 10 miles, and pass another oasis, the donkey looks back, and the man goes,

“Just a little longer, Jackass.”

They go 15 miles, and pass another oasis, the...

You ever eat donkey?

I hear it tastes like ass

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A king enrolled his donkey in a race...

A king enrolled his donkey in a race and won.

Local papers read:
'KING's ASS WON'

The king was so upset with this kind of publicity. So he gave the donkey to the queen.

The local paper then read: "QUEEN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN"

The king fainted....
Queen sold the...

Jonesey bought a donkey from Brathwaite, an old farming partner for $300

Brathwaite agreed to deliver the donkey the following day.
One day later Brathwaite drove up and said;

“Sorry Jonesey, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.”
“Well give me back my money.” Said Jonesey.
“Worse news boy, I spent it already...”
“Ok then, give me the dead donke...

People that say "riding donkeys is cruel"......

..need to get off their high horse

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I bought a disobedient donkey and named him Oedipus...

He’s a bad ass mother fucker!

What do Bruce Lee and the Donkey from Shrek have in common?

They have both entered the dragon.

What did the donkey say to the couch

Nothing, cause donkeys can’t speak

Why did Donkey Kong go to the dentist?

He had tooth DK

What's the difference between a steamed fish and a stupid donkey?

One's a dum bass, the other's a dumb ass.

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What did the farmer say when I dug a perfect 6×8×10 foot pit to bury his dead donkey?

"Wow. What an asshole."

Frank the farmer had a nagging wife

She made his life miserable. The only real peace he got was when he was out in the field ploughing.

One day while in the field, Frank's wife brought him his lunch. Then while he quietly ate she berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining.
Suddenly, Frank's old donkey kick...

What kind of shoes does a donkey wear ?

adidASS

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I just saw a guy riding a bike while trying to sell a donkey.

He was peddling his ass all over town.

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What do you get when you cross a Donkey with an Onion?

An ass that will bring you to tears.

What do you call a donkey wearing glasses

A smart ass

Why does a donkey-meat lover make women wet?

Because he eats ass.

A horse in in a pub having a few beers when he spots a donkey in the corner, so he goes over for a chat....

The donkey asks “What do you do for a living?”

The horse says “I run on the flats in the summer and do the jumps in the winter.”

And the donkey says “I work with the kids on the beach.” He then ask the horse “Did you win anything?”

The horse replies “Yes, on the flats I won the...

What do you get when you have Avogadro's number of donkeys?

Molasses.

What did Ferris Bueller name his donkey?

Shane, darling donkey Shane.

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A man walks into a bar with an overweight donkey and a sour looking cat.

He sits down, and asks for a 1 beer. He gets a bucket of water for the donkey, and milk for the cat. The cat looks at the milk and scowls in disgust. The man explains that the cat only drinks 2% milk and nothing else.
After drinking he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount ...

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Does anyone know if you can take a skin graft from a donkey and transplant it onto a mate of mine who was burned?

Just ass skin for a friend.

I’ve never tried eating donkey

I imagine it tastes like ass

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One of my employees called in sick today because his donkey broke it's leg and he had to wait on a vet...

I'll admit, it was a lame ass excuse.

What do you call a bunch of upper-class British gentlemen bereft of donkeys?

Assless Chaps.

My donkey stumbled on the road, bucking me off. Who's fault was it?

It was the asphalt.

An American got busted at the border for trying to smuggle two donkeys into Mexico.

It was an assassination attempt.

Donkey screws a girl

A new circus rolls into New York. Despite the new and wonderful acts, the circus keeps running at half-house.

Worried about his fortunes, the circus owner erects a board saying, 'Never seen before Act, at an invitational price of $69.... Donkey Screws a Girl'

As predicted, the show qui...

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What's the difference between a horse's dick and a donkey's dick?

A donkey's dick gets more ass.

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What do you get if you cross a donkey with and onion?

Well 99 times out of hundred you get an onion with grey floppy ears, but that 100th time-- when the moon is full and the tides are just right-- you get a perfect piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

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Two guys are trekking through the Russian Arctic with their two Donkeys.

They both stop for a moment to take in the scenery.
Guy #1: I have to piss so badly.
Guy #2: Again???????????? We just did this five minutes ago.
Guy #1: But I really have to go.
Guy #2: Alright, but hurry up! I'm freezing my ass off!

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Why does the donkey’s voice sound bad?

Because it’s a little hoarse.

2 farmers are fighting over their donkeys.

They can't tell the donkeys apart so the first farmer says "I'll cut my the tail of my donkey off so that we can tell."

A few days later the donkeys get into a fight and the other donkey gets it's tail bitten off.

The other farmer says "I'll cut my donkey's ear off so I know it's mine...

Why did the Ghost of the Pin-the-tail-on-the Donkey go to Bevmo?

Because they retail spirits.

(My 9-year-old came up with this, be kind)

My Dad told me stabbing a Donkey is easy

It turned out to be a real pain in the ass.

There's this guy who likes to collect donkey remains.

It's a pretty assinine hobby.

[My 7-year old made this up] What do you call a crazy donkey?

Re-donkeyous

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A newly graduated doctor is assigned to a rural area, and after a few days he realizes that there were no women in the village, they were all men.

After taking a bit of confidence he asks one of his patients that they did when they had the need for sex and the patient replied: That they went down to the river.

The weekend came and the doctor went to the river, and there was a huge line of men standing on the shore of the river. Being so...

Why was Donkey Kongs corpse smelling?

It was beginning to DK

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A boy and his father were going to town with his donkey...

A boy and his father were going to town with their donkey. Some people remarked “what a shame that little boy is riding the donkey when he has energy, and making the poor old man walk”. The old man and his son agreed to switch places. Then others remarked “look at that grown man on a donkey making a...

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If a rabbit lives in a rabbit hole and fox lives in a foxhole

Does that mean a donkey lives in an asshole?

Two englishmen lost their donkey at a fetish convention

What a pair of assless chaps

Donkey joke

Bob’s having a beer in a bar, as you do. Another guy walks in and the barman shouts ‘hey here’s donkey’ and everyone laughs. Bob being a decent bloke goes up to the guy now sitting alone in the corner and asks ‘hey mate why does he call you donkey’. Guy replies ‘I don’t know .....he haw, he haw, he ...

A big internet company now renders donkeys with open-source technology

It's called "Google GL ass"

The man, the donkey, and the dog.

A man is walking alongside a donkey and a dog on a very hot day. Feeling the sun beating down on him, he looks up at the sky and says, "It sure is hot today, never seen a day this hot in my life". The donkey says, "I'm with you man, I feel like I'm going to melt". The man, surprised and terrified th...

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If the Indians gave the pilgrams a donkey instead of a turkey

We'd be having a nice piece of ass right now...

What do you call a person with an elephant as a father and a donkey as a mother?

A libertarian.

Why are donkeys happy?

They're hung like a horse

A donkey is having a drink in a pub

when he spots a horse at the bar so goes over for a chat. "What do you do for a living then?" asks the donkey. "I'm a racehorse" comes the reply. "Oh right" says the donkey, "have you won any races then?". "Well", says the horse, " on the flat I've won the 2,000 guineas & the derby, & over t...

What happens when a donkey smuggler is chased by the cops?

They haul ass

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The horse and the donkey

WARNING: If you are not from Europe you might not get this. Feel free to go on.





So the donkey meets his old pal the horse after many many years.

H-"Hey mate, how's life?"

D-"Can't complain, all is good, what about you?"

H-"I am fine as well. Listen you sho...

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I once knew a scientist that tried to clone a donkey using his own DNA...

Everyone in his field said it couldn't be done. Needless to say, he made an ass out of himself.

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I went for a job interview as a blacksmith yesterday.

He said, "Have you ever shoed a horse?"
I said, "No, but I've told a donkey to fuck off once."

It took me an hour to remove a shard of glass from my donkey after it kicked in a window.

It was a pane in the ass.

A donkey and his farmer were hauling some corn on an old road

when a wheel broke, cracking the road underneath. The township sued the farmer for road repairs, but a judge dismissed the case stating "it's not the ass's fault asphalt has faults"

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If your donkey eats one of my rooster's legs, what do you have?

A foot of my cock in your ass.

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The Preacher and the Donkey

A preacher wanted to raise money for the local church and, upon hearing that there was a fortune to be found in horse racing, he decided to purchase one and enter himself. Unfortunately, the going price for a horse at the local auction house was too high so he ended up getting a donkey instead. He d...

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Boss: "Why did you hire a donkey to work in the copy room?"

Me: "Well, I gave a buncha animals a tryout."

Boss: "And..."

Me: "That ass collated quickly."

If someone threw a rock and knocked you off your donkey

Would you be stoned off your ass

Did I tell you the one about the two priests and a donkey?

I'm sure you'll get a kick out of it...

A fishing story

The king and the queen went fishing. On the way he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm."

The king replied: "T...

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Donkey balls

A farmer is out at the edge of his field, lounging in the morning sun next to his donkey when a man on a bike rides up and asks "excuse me, do you have correct time? My watch is wrong". The farmer reaches over to his donkey, lifts it's testicles for a moment then says "It's 25 past 9." The rider is ...

A donkey is sitting at a bar...

A donkey is sitting at a bar after a long day’s work carrying kids around on the beach. He’s having a quiet drink by himself when a thoroughbred race horse joins him.

They’re having a a nice time until the pub calls last orders.

As they’re leaving the horse asks the donkey to join him...

How to Sell a Dead Donkey

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, 'Sorry Chuck, but I have some bad news The donkey died.'
Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'
The far...

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A sad donkey walked in to a bar.

The bartender asked awhy the long ass face?

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You've got a donkey, I've got a rooster. Your donkey bit the leg off my rooster...

Now you've got a foot of my cock in your ass.

Why don't we send donkeys to school?

No one likes a smart ass

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