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The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

He was so happy that he entered it in another race, and it won again. The local paper headline read:PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper read: BISHOP SCRATC...

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Why did the limp Donkey cross the road ?..ahh forget it

.. sorry for such a lame ass joke.

A donkey, mule, and a horse walk into a bar

On their way to the bar a man looks at the donkey and yells “what an ass!”

The equestrians shrug off this distasteful jab and continue towards the bar.

The same man stands up and looks at the mule saying “I’d yell all day but now I’m a little horse!”

The equestrians ignore the m...

Once a certain donkey driver turned to Khoja Nasreddin: “Oh, wise one, explain one thing to me, otherwise I will lose my mind.”

\- I was given ten donkeys to drive to another city, and I hit the road. Before the road, I counted them, there were 10. I sat on a donkey and we drove off. On the way, I decided to count the donkeys again, and, to my horror, there were nine of them. Then I decided to make a halt, dismounted, and ag...

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The bish and the donkey.

A rural pastor had trouble getting hold of enough money for church roof repairs. So the parish comes up with the idea to pool their money and buy a race horse. The collection is done, and when the pastor goes shopping, he only has enough for a donkey. Nonetheless he buys the donkey and enters it int...

What do you call a 3 legged donkey ?

A wonkey .
What do you call a 3 legged donkey who is blind in one eye ?
A blinky wonkey .
What do you call a 3 legged donkey who is blind in one eye and loves Hank Williams ?
A honky tonky blinky wonkey donkey.

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My elderly donkey got bludgeoned badly by a large horned mountain goat now I can't walk right.

In other words my old ass got rammed.

What do you call a 3 legged donkey?

Wonky

I'm a girl training in MMA. My instructor just taught me how to do the donkey kick!

He says we're going to work on the donkey punch tomorrow!

Did ya hear about Donkey Kong’s Asian cousin, Viet Kong?

He specializes in Gorilla warfare

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every hole of a donkey is an asshole

that is all

A man asked his wife: how many teeth does a donkey have?

The wife's response: I don't know honey, look in the mirror, open your mouth, and count them.

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Somebody fed my donkey a whole rooster

Who put their cock in my ass?

I'm trying to get my aunt and uncle to buy a donkey...

But I don't wanna be an ass

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A man accepts a job in a village with no women

Once there, he asks a local:

-There are really no women here?

-None.

-So... What do you guys do when you need to have sex?

-There is a donkey close to the river for that.

The man tries to ignore that and goes home, from where he can see the river and therefore, the...

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NSFW: DONKEY/ ROOSTER

If I have a rooster and you have a donkey and I cut my roosters legs off and feed them to your donkey what do you have?

Two feet of my cock in your ass

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What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion?

Most of the time you get an onion with floppy ears, but every once in a while you get a piece of ass that will bring a tear to your eye

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A farmer had a donkey that will only eat part of its food.

It was very strong and fit, but whenever they were given food, they left a significant portion.

At one point, another farmer comes by and, seeing as how the donkey is big and strong, wants to buy it.

So the first farmer parts with his donkey.

The next day, the second farmer come...

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Apparently I'm going to hell because I infected the Donkey next door.

They said I must not COVID my neighbor's ass.

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Why do donkey trailers go faster when they're full?

Because they're hauling ass.

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What were the bees and the donkeys talking about?

None of your bees’n’ass.

The donkey once asked the Persian horse: "Do you play any instruments?" The horse replied:

"Ney"

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Me: I'm afraid of corpses and donkeys

My therapist: Deadass?

Me: *screams*

Did you hear about the donkey that got accepted to Harvard?

He is a real smart-ass

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So, my friend bought a cute baby donkey

First, he taught it to walk and run. It grew up to carry anything and still run at great speed. After that, he taught it to be friendly to everyone. It grew up to be a great emotional support animal. He taught it to study and read. It grew up to advance animal consciousness research.

So, afte...

A man, let's call him Ted, was walking along with his wife, his donkey, and his mother-in-law...

All of a sudden the donkey runs ahead, rears up, kicks and kills his mother-in-law.
At the funeral, Ted's friend Joe noticed that every time Ted is approached by a female Ted nods his head; and every time he is approached by a male he shakes his head, as if to say "no." His curiosity was too muc...

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A poor man goes to a sex club

After standing in line to get in het gets to the doorman. "What can I get for $5" the poor man says.

"You can get into the mystery room" says the doorman and he proceeds to lead the poor man to a door. Once he opens the door he sees a big round chamber with in the middle a donkey with a small...

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When I tell women about my 12” donkey dick...

They’re like “ooh I want to see it”


But when I take it out of the freezer, they’re all “I have to be going.”

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A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a donkey

The brothel keeper asks how she could help him. He replies "I need a woman, because mine has left me."

Brothel Keeper: Why? Also what's with the honeycomb and the donkey?

Dwarf: My wife found a genie in a bottle, and he granted her three wishes. The first she asked for a home fit for ...

A HTML developer was walking down the street when he was greeted by a donkey.

"Hello Mr Programmer", the donkey said, "how are you?".

"mighty fine, thank you donkey", the HTML dev replied.

Immediately the donkey started crying.

"What's the matter little friend?" the HTML dev asked.

"I called you a programmer, at least you could call me horse" t...

Two brothers and their donkeys

Two brothers argue on which of the two donkeys is theirs,
so the first man says, ” I’ll cut an ear off of my donkey and the donkey with only one ear will be mine you take the other one”. So they come to an agreement. At night the donkey with one ear looks at the other donkey with two ears in jea...

Two donkeys are standing at a roadside

Two donkeys are standing at a roadside, one asks the other: "So, shall we cross? "
The other shakes his head: "No way, look at what happened to the zebra."

My two British neighbours had their donkey escape from the barn, and are desperately looking for it.

They are assless chaps.

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I ate a donkey last night.

It tasted like ass.

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When carriages were first invented they had the donkey constantly backing up so they could maintain eye contact with the driver and remain calm.

Soon afterwards however they realized that the idea was completely ass backwards.

What's the difference between a teeter totter on a ranch and a donkey's grandpa?

One's a yee haw seesaw and the other is a hee haw peepaw.

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Scientists have recently created a new hybrid by mating a male donkey and a female deer.

It isn't very beautiful, but that ass doe

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What’s it called when a donkey kicks you?

Ass-ault

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A male donkey is called an ass

A female donkey is called an asset

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A guy and his donkey walk into a bar

the bartender says to the man: "Get your ass out of here."

What’s the difference between Donkey Kong and Donald Trump?

One’s a savage, uncivilized monkey which is often seen wearing a necktie and the other is an iconic Nintendo character.

A man went to the doctor and told him, "Every night for the past month and a half, I have dreams in which I have wrestling matches with donkeys."

The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Take these, and your dreams will go away."

"Can I start taking them tomorrow?" the man asked.

"Why?" the doctor inquired.

"Because I'm scheduled to wrestle in the championship match tonight," he replied.

I just shot a donkey

Deadass

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What did the vampire say after drinking the donkey's blood?

Tastes like ass.

A newly wed couple is riding through the field on a donkey-cart.

After a while the donkey trips up. The man calmly gets down and looks the donkey squarely in the eyes.

"This, is the first time," he says.

Terrified the donkey keeps trotting on and tries his best to not trip again, but eventually they get to wet grass and he can't help slipping. The m...

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Why don’t you ever see donkeys in school?

Because nobody likes a smart ass.

I told my friend that I shot a donkey.

“You’re lying.” he said.

I replied, “No, deadass!”

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I was bringing the animals in for the night, when a sinkhole opened up and all four of my donkeys fell into it

"What an asshole!!!" I shouted

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I used to spend a lot of my time sculpting a big donkey with my face on it.

I stopped when I realized I was just making a huge ass of myself.

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Old Macdonald, feeling lonely on his farm, asks his donkey what his favorite quality in a woman is. His donkey replies.

"I'm an ass man"

What does a donkey do when you tell him a joke?

He 'ha's.

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A man is riding his donkey in the desert looking for treasure.

They go 5 miles, and pass an oasis, the donkey looks back, and the man goes,

“Just a little longer, Jackass.

They go 10 miles, and pass another oasis, the donkey looks back, and the man goes,

“Just a little longer, Jackass.”

They go 15 miles, and pass another oasis, the...

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A young man wants to be a farmer.

He is walking around looking to start his farm. He comes across someone selling roosters. "Excuse me sir, can I purchase one of your roosters?" "Of course!" Replied the seller, "but to let you know, around these parts we call them by their formal name, a cock". The young man buys his rooster, ho...

A man prepares his donkey and dog for a long journey up a mountain.

He places a pack straddle on the donkey’s back and fills everything to maximum weight. Because of the weight, he decides to pull the donkey along so that it does not become tired as easily. The man, donkey, and his guard dog now begin the long trip up a mountain to get to the other side.

Hour...

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A farmer quickly purchased land in a low-lying depression and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill and the donkeys rarely got away.

Long story short, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so that they wouldn't bypass the ass hole.

What does a kitten, a donkey, and a the world cup have in common?

They live together. Catastrophe!

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Did you hear about the man who got hit by rocks while riding a donkey?

He was stoned off his ass...

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I saw a premature newborn playing with a stuffed donkey.

ICU baby, shaking that ass.

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My donkey swallowed a sheet of glass yesterday

It was a pane in the ass to get out of him

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If a rabbit lives in a rabbit hole,

and a Fox lives in a foxhole, does that mean a donkey live in a asshole?

Two donkeys are standing near a street light and deciding whether to cross the zebra crossing or not

Donkey-1:Yo! What are you waiting for?Lets cross the road!

Donkey-2:No Way! Did you see what happened to the zebra?

Did you know that you can't breathe with your tongue out?

Pull your tongue back, you look like a donkey.

What do you call a man with 2 donkeys?

Biased

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?

A wonky

I am so sorry about that one. My 6 year old cousin came running to me with that one, then proceeded to spend 30 minutes crying with laughter as if he is the best comedian.

I run a meditation and yoga studio for angry donkeys..

It's called "peace of ass"

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What would you call a donkeys grave?

An asshole.

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A nun buys a donkey and enters it in a local horse race

Remarkably, the donkey is incredibly quick and manages to win. The local paper reads *Local nun has winning ass*.

She enters it into a second race, and again it wins. The local paper reads *Nun has best ass in town*.

The priest is annoyed by these headlines, but the prize money is seri...

My trip to the Egyptian Pyramids was great!

I saw mummies of cats, dogs, and even donkeys! But I will not talk about the elephant in the tomb.

What do you call a donkey with one leg?

A wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye making love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind? <...

What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?

A Kick-Ass

What do Bruce Lee and the Donkey from Shrek have in common?

They have both entered the dragon.

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If you had a donkey

If you had a donkey.

And I had a rooster.

And if your donkey ate both my roosters feet, what would you have?

Two feet of cock in your ass.

My favourite joke, I have never seen it here so I thought I would share.
P.S. my first post so please be kind.

What do you call a group of British gentlemen who have misplaced their donkey?

Assless Chaps



My coworker used to tell me this one.

A man loads burden onto his donkey and says...

Eukaryote.

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I am finally living my dream. I bought land in Kissimmee Florida and opened my own donkey farm!

If you are in the area, stop by and see me at the Kissimmee Ass Ranch!

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A farmer is lazily laying on the ground...

Lounging in the morning sun next to his donkey when a man on a bike rides up and asks "Excuse me, do you have the correct time? My watch has stopped."

The farmer reaches over to his donkey, lifts it's testicles for a moment then says "It's 1:24"

The rider is taken aback, "Are you sur...

[WARNING OC!] What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to his donkey when he's late?

"Underlay Underlay Underlay!"

A donkey and a camel are walking in the desert

They get to the first waterhole and the donkey drinks some water while the camel doesn't. The donkey says to the camel

"You should drink some water before we move on"

The camel replies " shut up jackass I know what I'm doing"

Then they arrive to the second waterhole and the cam...

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A father is annoyed at his son who won't stop looking at dad jokes on reddit. "Son! Get your ass down here! double time!" He shouts

As his words hit the air, His son suddenly vanishes, leaving behind only a note.

It reads: "Me and my donkey are now downstairs. The year is 4040"

What do you call a frightened baby donkey?

A chicken burrito.

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I was late for work this morning, my boss asked me why to which I replied "I had a mechanical failure with my donkey." Perplexed my boss asked me what that had to do with getting to work.

To which i replied "I couldn't get my ass in gear"

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Two guys driving out in the countryside (long)

So these two guys are out driving in the countryside and the car comes to a slow stop. "oh shit we have run out of petrol" says the one driving. " Look there's a farmhouse over there you stay here and I will go see if I can get some won't be long". So he knocks on the farmhouse door and there is no ...

What's the difference between PETA and a donkey?

The donkey does something useful, but both of them are asses

What do you get when you have Avogadro's number of donkeys?

Molasses.

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I hate female dog donkey crossbreeds that can’t talk

Dumbass bitches

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Did you hear about the man with a rooster, a hen and a donkey?

He asked a guy on the street, "Hey, can you hold my cock and pullet, while I scratch my ass?"

You ever eat donkey?

I hear it tastes like ass

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Donkey balls clock

So an American man is wondering around Mexico and begins to wonder what time it is. The American spots a Mexican man having a siesta and decides to wake the Mexican. The American man asks, "Senor, do you know what time it is?" The Mexican man looks to a donkey beside him, places his hand on the donk...

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A famous explorer visits a tribe of all-male natives in the Amazon and asks “how do you guys sexually satisfy yourself?”

The chief replies: “Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s...

A patient tells his doctor he dreams about playing soccer with donkeys every night

The **doctor** responds, "No need to worry, I've got just the right medicine for you".

Immediately the **patient** whimpers, "Well, can you prescribe me the medication tomorrow".

The **doctor** chuckles, "Why?".

The **patient** states, "*Tonight is our finals*".

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A guy goes into the bathroom at a bar.

He's using the urinal when this really short guy starts using the urinal next to him. The guy can't help but notice this little guy is hung like a donkey. Having had a few drinks, he comments on the dudes huge member.
The short guy laughs and in a thick Irish accent he says, "Aye. I'm a leprecha...

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I just got my ass eaten yesterday!

I loved that donkey, damm that bastard mountain lion!

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One of my employees called in sick today because his donkey broke it's leg and he had to wait on a vet...

I'll admit, it was a lame ass excuse.

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One day a donkey fell into a well.

...
The farmer couldn’t get him out, so he knew he had to cover him up. He called in his neighbors, and they all started to throw dirt down the well, but instead of burying the animal, the donkey would shake the dirt off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, the pile of dirt got so high that th...

A priest, a nun and a donkey walk out of a bar

DAMN it, they are already coming out again, we missed the joke

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I just saw a guy riding a bike while trying to sell a donkey.

He was peddling his ass all over town.

This is how lotteries really work

A man moved to Texas and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

Come morning, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, but I got some bad news. The donkey died."

"Well then, just give me my money back."

"Can't do that. I w...

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Since we're doing translated jokes: here's a Greek one my father used to tell

An old man had a donkey that helped him with his daily duties. As the times got harder, the old man realized that he needed to do something about his financial situation. He had the idea to gradually reduce the amount of food he gave to the donkey.

Every day the meals of the donkey got smalle...

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A farmer's only donkey ran away in the forest.

He packed up a few days ration and ventured into the jungle to find his animal. He searched and he searched but he couldn't find it, so he decided to retire for the night. He climbed up a tree, tied himself to the trunk so he doesn't fall down.

Just as he was about to sleep, he heard some rus...

Who is the most famous donkey in history?

Donkey-ottie

What did the donkey say to the couch

Nothing, cause donkeys can’t speak

People that say "riding donkeys is cruel"......

..need to get off their high horse

Why did Donkey Kong go to the dentist?

He had tooth DK

A farmer had an argument with his wife

and she brought her mother to live with them. After 3 weeks of nagging, the mother in law went out one morning to the barn to the donkey stall. She was picking up the straw, and saw a spider. She shrieked, and the alarmed donkey kicked her in the head and killed her.

All the farmer's neighbou...

Why was Donkey Kongs corpse smelling?

It was beginning to DK

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What do you get if you cross a donkey with and onion?

Well 99 times out of hundred you get an onion with grey floppy ears, but that 100th time-- when the moon is full and the tides are just right-- you get a perfect piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

A farmer and his donkey take the train.

A farmer and his donkey take the train to the big city. The farmer refuses to leave the donkey behind because he distrusts his neighbors, so he brings it with him. At the train station he's told he cant bring the animal onboard, so he takes it outside and ties it with a rope to the back of the train...

Donkey joke

Bob’s having a beer in a bar, as you do. Another guy walks in and the barman shouts ‘hey here’s donkey’ and everyone laughs. Bob being a decent bloke goes up to the guy now sitting alone in the corner and asks ‘hey mate why does he call you donkey’. Guy replies ‘I don’t know .....he haw, he haw, he ...

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I bought a disobedient donkey and named him Oedipus...

He’s a bad ass mother fucker!

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What's the difference between a steamed fish and a stupid donkey?

One's a dum bass, the other's a dumb ass.

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My Dad told me stabbing a Donkey is easy

It turned out to be a real pain in the ass.

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