A HTML developer was walking down the street when he was greeted by a donkey.

"Hello Mr Programmer", the donkey said, "how are you?".

"mighty fine, thank you donkey", the HTML dev replied.

Immediately the donkey started crying.

"What's the matter little friend?" the HTML dev asked.

"I called you a programmer, at least you could call me horse" t...

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Me: I'm afraid of corpses and donkeys

My therapist: Deadass?

Me: *screams*

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A farmer walks into a bar with two donkeys...

And ask the bartender, "How much beer can I get for these donkeys?"
Bartender: What am I supposed to do with two donkeys?
Farmer: I dont know but they're an ass set!

My two British neighbours had their donkey escape from the barn, and are desperately looking for it.

They are assless chaps.

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If your donkey bites a leg off my rooster, what do you have?

A foot of my cock in your ass.

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The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey, that he entered it in the race again and it won again.


The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.


The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
...

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A guy and his donkey walk into a bar

the bartender says to the man: "Get your ass out of here."

What's the difference between a teeter totter on a ranch and a donkey's grandpa?

One's a yee haw seesaw and the other is a hee haw peepaw.

A man, let's call him Ted, was walking along with his wife, his donkey, and his mother-in-law...

All of a sudden the donkey runs ahead, rears up, kicks and kills his mother-in-law.
At the funeral, Ted's friend Joe noticed that every time Ted is approached by a female Ted nods his head; and every time he is approached by a male he shakes his head, as if to say "no." His curiosity was too muc...

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When carriages were first invented they had the donkey constantly backing up so they could maintain eye contact with the driver and remain calm.

Soon afterwards however they realized that the idea was completely ass backwards.

Did you hear about the donkey that got accepted to Harvard?

He is a real smart-ass

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A male donkey is called an ass

A female donkey is called an asset

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Scientists have recently created a new hybrid by mating a male donkey and a female deer.

It isn't very beautiful, but that ass doe

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So, my friend bought a cute baby donkey

First, he taught it to walk and run. It grew up to carry anything and still run at great speed. After that, he taught it to be friendly to everyone. It grew up to be a great emotional support animal. He taught it to study and read. It grew up to advance animal consciousness research.

So, afte...

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What’s it called when a donkey kicks you?

Ass-ault

A man went to the doctor and told him, "Every night for the past month and a half, I have dreams in which I have wrestling matches with donkeys."

The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Take these, and your dreams will go away."

"Can I start taking them tomorrow?" the man asked.

"Why?" the doctor inquired.

"Because I'm scheduled to wrestle in the championship match tonight," he replied.

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When I tell women about my 12” donkey dick...

They’re like “ooh I want to see it”


But when I take it out of the freezer, they’re all “I have to be going.”

What do you call a Mexican donkey?

A Jack-Ese.

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A dwarf walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and a donkey

The brothel keeper asks how she could help him. He replies "I need a woman, because mine has left me."

Brothel Keeper: Why? Also what's with the honeycomb and the donkey?

Dwarf: My wife found a genie in a bottle, and he granted her three wishes. The first she asked for a home fit for ...

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I ate a donkey last night.

It tasted like ass.

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I was bringing the animals in for the night, when a sinkhole opened up and all four of my donkeys fell into it

"What an asshole!!!" I shouted

I told my friend that I shot a donkey.

“You’re lying.” he said.

I replied, “No, deadass!”

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Why don’t you ever see donkeys in school?

Because nobody likes a smart ass.

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I used to spend a lot of my time sculpting a big donkey with my face on it.

I stopped when I realized I was just making a huge ass of myself.

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Old Macdonald, feeling lonely on his farm, asks his donkey what his favorite quality in a woman is. His donkey replies.

"I'm an ass man"

We have a donkey who doesn't behave good..

He's a badass

A man prepares his donkey and dog for a long journey up a mountain.

He places a pack straddle on the donkey’s back and fills everything to maximum weight. Because of the weight, he decides to pull the donkey along so that it does not become tired as easily. The man, donkey, and his guard dog now begin the long trip up a mountain to get to the other side.

Hour...

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A farmer quickly purchased land in a low lying depression, and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill, and the donkeys rarely got away.

In other words, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so they wouldn't by pass the ass hole.

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A man is riding his donkey in the desert looking for treasure.

They go 5 miles, and pass an oasis, the donkey looks back, and the man goes,

“Just a little longer, Jackass.

They go 10 miles, and pass another oasis, the donkey looks back, and the man goes,

“Just a little longer, Jackass.”

They go 15 miles, and pass another oasis, the...

I just shot a donkey

Deadass

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What do you get when you mix a donkey and an onion?

A piece of ass that’ll bring a tear to your eye

A newly wed couple is riding through the field on a donkey-cart.

After a while the donkey trips up. The man calmly gets down and looks the donkey squarely in the eyes.

"This, is the first time," he says.

Terrified the donkey keeps trotting on and tries his best to not trip again, but eventually they get to wet grass and he can't help slipping. The m...

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What did the vampire say after drinking the donkey's blood?

Tastes like ass.

What do you call a donkey with 3 legs?

A wonky

I am so sorry about that one. My 6 year old cousin came running to me with that one, then proceeded to spend 30 minutes crying with laughter as if he is the best comedian.

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A father is annoyed at his son who won't stop looking at dad jokes on reddit. "Son! Get your ass down here! double time!" He shouts

As his words hit the air, His son suddenly vanishes, leaving behind only a note.

It reads: "Me and my donkey are now downstairs. The year is 4040"

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I saw a premature newborn playing with a stuffed donkey.

ICU baby, shaking that ass.

Two donkeys are standing near a street light and deciding whether to cross the zebra crossing or not

Donkey-1:Yo! What are you waiting for?Lets cross the road!

Donkey-2:No Way! Did you see what happened to the zebra?

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I have a donkey dick

And one very frustrated desexed pet donkey

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My donkey swallowed a sheet of glass yesterday

It was a pane in the ass to get out of him

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A man accepts a job in a village with no women

Once there, he asks a local:

\-There is really no women here?

\-None.

\-So... How do you guys do when you need to have sex?

\-There is a donkey close to the river for that.

The man tries to ignore and go home, where he can see the river and therefore, the donkey. A...

I run a meditation and yoga studio for angry donkeys..

It's called "peace of ass"

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What would you call a donkeys grave?

An asshole.

What do you call a donkey with one leg?

A wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye?
A winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye making love?
A bonky winky wonky donkey

What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye, making love while breaking wind? <...

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Did you hear about the man who got hit by rocks while riding a donkey?

He was stoned off his ass...

What does a donkey do when you tell him a joke?

He 'ha's.

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I am finally living my dream. I bought land in Kissimmee Florida and opened my own donkey farm!

If you are in the area, stop by and see me at the Kissimmee Ass Ranch!

What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?

A Kick-Ass

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A famous explorer visits a tribe of all-male natives in the Amazon and asks “how do you guys sexually satisfy yourself?”

The chief replies: “Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s...

What do you call a man with 2 donkeys?

Biased

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Starting a farm

A man decides to start a farm. So he walks into town to buy some animals. At the farmers’ market he first asks for a rooster.

“We don’t call them roosters here,” the clerk says snootily. “We call ’em cocks.”

So the man buys one cock, then points at another animal and asks, “What do you...

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A nun buys a donkey and enters it in a local horse race

Remarkably, the donkey is incredibly quick and manages to win. The local paper reads *Local nun has winning ass*.

She enters it into a second race, and again it wins. The local paper reads *Nun has best ass in town*.

The priest is annoyed by these headlines, but the prize money is seri...

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I hate female dog donkey crossbreeds that can’t talk

Dumbass bitches

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If you had a donkey

If you had a donkey.

And I had a rooster.

And if your donkey ate both my roosters feet, what would you have?

Two feet of cock in your ass.

My favourite joke, I have never seen it here so I thought I would share.
P.S. my first post so please be kind.

What do you call a frightened baby donkey?

A chicken burrito.

A shy horse wants to go to the bar and have a drink.

But he does not want to be seen in public. So he puts on a a donkey mask. Wearing the donkey mask, the horse walks into the bar.

The Chinese bartender says, "Hey, why the wrong face?"

A man loads burden onto his donkey and says...

Eukaryote.

What do you call a group of British gentlemen who have misplaced their donkey?

Assless Chaps



My coworker used to tell me this one.

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I was late for work this morning, my boss asked me why to which I replied "I had a mechanical failure with my donkey." Perplexed my boss asked me what that had to do with getting to work.

To which i replied "I couldn't get my ass in gear"

An old man was traveling on his donkey's back on a highway

Two cops having seen that decide to mess with him, so they approach the man and say

-Hey, why didn't you fasten your seat belt?

-Well I ain't gonna do that!

-Then we have to fine you.

-Yeah just make it quick I'm in a hurry

-So do you want us to fine you or the don...

What's the difference between PETA and a donkey?

The donkey does something useful, but both of them are asses

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Donkey balls clock

So an American man is wondering around Mexico and begins to wonder what time it is. The American spots a Mexican man having a siesta and decides to wake the Mexican. The American man asks, "Senor, do you know what time it is?" The Mexican man looks to a donkey beside him, places his hand on the donk...

You ever eat donkey?

I hear it tastes like ass

[WARNING OC!] What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to his donkey when he's late?

"Underlay Underlay Underlay!"

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One day a donkey fell into a well.

...
The farmer couldn’t get him out, so he knew he had to cover him up. He called in his neighbors, and they all started to throw dirt down the well, but instead of burying the animal, the donkey would shake the dirt off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, the pile of dirt got so high that th...

What do Bruce Lee and the Donkey from Shrek have in common?

They have both entered the dragon.

A patient tells his doctor he dreams about playing soccer with donkeys every night

The **doctor** responds, "No need to worry, I've got just the right medicine for you".

Immediately the **patient** whimpers, "Well, can you prescribe me the medication tomorrow".

The **doctor** chuckles, "Why?".

The **patient** states, "*Tonight is our finals*".

Why did Hulk Hogan and Donkey Kong meet at the same time?

They were both in court for copyright claims filed against them.

Who is the most famous donkey in history?

Donkey-ottie

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A farmer's only donkey ran away in the forest.

He packed up a few days ration and ventured into the jungle to find his animal. He searched and he searched but he couldn't find it, so he decided to retire for the night. He climbed up a tree, tied himself to the trunk so he doesn't fall down.

Just as he was about to sleep, he heard some rus...

What do you get when you have Avogadro's number of donkeys?

Molasses.

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Did you hear about the man with a rooster, a hen and a donkey?

He asked a guy on the street, "Hey, can you hold my cock and pullet, while I scratch my ass?"

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I told my teacher "what dat ass do?"

She sighed heavily and said,

Donkeys work as pack animals, in vineyards, agriculture, and petting zoos. They can carry equipment and supplies for day trips or overnight camping expeditions.

Furthermore, some pull carts or plow small fields for farmers. In many countries, donkeys are ...

A horse in in a pub having a few beers when he spots a donkey in the corner, so he goes over for a chat....

The donkey asks “What do you do for a living?”

The horse says “I run on the flats in the summer and do the jumps in the winter.”

And the donkey says “I work with the kids on the beach.” He then ask the horse “Did you win anything?”

The horse replies “Yes, on the flats I won the...

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I just saw a guy riding a bike while trying to sell a donkey.

He was peddling his ass all over town.

“Deadass?”

Farmer in disbelief that his donkey has passed away

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One of my employees called in sick today because his donkey broke it's leg and he had to wait on a vet...

I'll admit, it was a lame ass excuse.

Jonesey bought a donkey from Brathwaite, an old farming partner for $300

Brathwaite agreed to deliver the donkey the following day.
One day later Brathwaite drove up and said;

“Sorry Jonesey, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.”
“Well give me back my money.” Said Jonesey.
“Worse news boy, I spent it already...”
“Ok then, give me the dead donke...

Not mine found it somewhere

A master smuggler bragged to border control that he was about to start smuggling but they wouldn't be able to catch him.
Soon, he crosses the border on a donkey.
The guards diligently and thoroughly search him and the donkey, but come up empty.
The smuggler smiles and passes.
The...

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I bought a disobedient donkey and named him Oedipus...

He’s a bad ass mother fucker!

Why did Donkey Kong go to the dentist?

He had tooth DK

What did the donkey say to the couch

Nothing, cause donkeys can’t speak

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What's the difference between a steamed fish and a stupid donkey?

One's a dum bass, the other's a dumb ass.

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A chiropractor was talking to his client, his client mentioned that he lived on an acreage and invited the chiropractor over to hunt on his land.

The chiropractor was not a frequent hunter, so he calls up his buddy to come with him. They get up to the clients land, and the chiropractor goes to the door to let the client know they will be accessing their land. The client says, ‘no problem. Could I get a favour from you first though?’ See that ...

What kind of shoes does a donkey wear ?

adidASS

A priest, a nun and a donkey walk out of a bar

DAMN it, they are already coming out again, we missed the joke

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are on a train...

So an Englishman a Scotsman and an Irishman are on a train, drinking and being loud together.

Dickie, Scotty and Paddy.

At the next stop an elderly priest and a beautiful nun get on, store their bags overhead and sit across from the three.

As the train gets under way, the pries...

Why did the Ghost of the Pin-the-tail-on-the Donkey go to Bevmo?

Because they retail spirits.

(My 9-year-old came up with this, be kind)

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I had a job interview at a blacksmiths today

He asked me if I had ever shoed a horse before, i said 'no but i once told a donkey to fuck off'

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What do you get if you cross a donkey with and onion?

Well 99 times out of hundred you get an onion with grey floppy ears, but that 100th time-- when the moon is full and the tides are just right-- you get a perfect piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

Why was Donkey Kongs corpse smelling?

It was beginning to DK

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A man walks into a bar with an overweight donkey and a sour looking cat.

He sits down, and asks for a 1 beer. He gets a bucket of water for the donkey, and milk for the cat. The cat looks at the milk and scowls in disgust. The man explains that the cat only drinks 2% milk and nothing else.
After drinking he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount ...

Donkey screws a girl

A new circus rolls into New York. Despite the new and wonderful acts, the circus keeps running at half-house.

Worried about his fortunes, the circus owner erects a board saying, 'Never seen before Act, at an invitational price of $69.... Donkey Screws a Girl'

As predicted, the show qui...

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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor for help. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervious I take a sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass he found the following note on his door:

Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

There are 10 commandments, not 1...

Donkey joke

Bob’s having a beer in a bar, as you do. Another guy walks in and the barman shouts ‘hey here’s donkey’ and everyone laughs. Bob being a decent bloke goes up to the guy now sitting alone in the corner and asks ‘hey mate why does he call you donkey’. Guy replies ‘I don’t know .....he haw, he haw, he ...

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Why does a donkey-meat lover make women wet?

Because he eats ass.

2 farmers are fighting over their donkeys.

They can't tell the donkeys apart so the first farmer says "I'll cut my the tail of my donkey off so that we can tell."

A few days later the donkeys get into a fight and the other donkey gets it's tail bitten off.

The other farmer says "I'll cut my donkey's ear off so I know it's mine...

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Why does the donkey’s voice sound bad?

Because it’s a little hoarse.

There's this guy who likes to collect donkey remains.

It's a pretty assinine hobby.

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Man goes on a job hunt...

Guy goes into a blacksmiths and asks have you got any jobs going. Blacksmith replied "well do you have any experience?" Guy replies "what kind of experience?" Blacksmith says "well for example, have you ever shoed a horse?" Guy says " no but I once told a donkey to fuck off"

I’ve never tried eating donkey

I imagine it tastes like ass

My donkey stumbled on the road, bucking me off. Who's fault was it?

It was the asphalt.

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Does anyone know if you can take a skin graft from a donkey and transplant it onto a mate of mine who was burned?

Just ass skin for a friend.

An American got busted at the border for trying to smuggle two donkeys into Mexico.

It was an assassination attempt.

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A boy and his father were going to town with his donkey...

A boy and his father were going to town with their donkey. Some people remarked “what a shame that little boy is riding the donkey when he has energy, and making the poor old man walk”. The old man and his son agreed to switch places. Then others remarked “look at that grown man on a donkey making a...

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What's the difference between a horse's dick and a donkey's dick?

A donkey's dick gets more ass.

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What did the farmer say when I dug a perfect 6×8×10 foot pit to bury his dead donkey?

"Wow. What an asshole."

What do you call a donkey wearing glasses

A smart ass

A woman was wandering in the desert

A woman was wandering in the desert with her donkey.

After some time she saw a man walking towards her.

After walking for so long, he fainted and fell down.

The woman, seeing him ,bent down to give him some water.

Then the man said something.After hearing what he said
...

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The Preacher and the Donkey

A preacher wanted to raise money for the local church and, upon hearing that there was a fortune to be found in horse racing, he decided to purchase one and enter himself. Unfortunately, the going price for a horse at the local auction house was too high so he ended up getting a donkey instead. He d...

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City slicker buys an old farm

There was a gentlemen from the city who decided he wanted to live a simpler life. He buys an old empty farm. Going to the local general store by his new homestead, he asks where he can get some animals. The owner tells him to go to Old Man Murphy’s farm down the road a ways and he will get him all s...

A donkey is having a drink in a pub

when he spots a horse at the bar so goes over for a chat. "What do you do for a living then?" asks the donkey. "I'm a racehorse" comes the reply. "Oh right" says the donkey, "have you won any races then?". "Well", says the horse, " on the flat I've won the 2,000 guineas & the derby, & over t...

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Two guys are trekking through the Russian Arctic with their two Donkeys.

They both stop for a moment to take in the scenery.
Guy #1: I have to piss so badly.
Guy #2: Again???????????? We just did this five minutes ago.
Guy #1: But I really have to go.
Guy #2: Alright, but hurry up! I'm freezing my ass off!

Two englishmen lost their donkey at a fetish convention

What a pair of assless chaps

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My Dad told me stabbing a Donkey is easy

It turned out to be a real pain in the ass.

Two men are playing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

Two men, one called X and the other called Y, are playing Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. They've invited some friends, A, B, C and Z, over for a tournament.

Z is the last to arrive, but he's brought whiskey so he's all good. After they've all had a shot of whiskey, they start the tournament. A c...

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