A Zebra, pondering his life, sips water at the edge of a river....when a crocodile snaps up, bites the Zebras head and kills the zebra....

The zebra’s soul goes to heaven where St Peter meets the zebra to welcome him to heaven.

The Zebra says...“you know, I died because I was sitting there pondering if I was white with black stripes.....or black with white stripes. “

St Peter says..”well the only person who can answer th...

What do you get when you mix human DNA and Zebra DNA?

You get kicked out of the zoo.

It’s 1975 and a zebra from the Bronx zoo dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates. As he enters, he asks St. Peter "I have a question that's haunted me all of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"

St. Peter said "That's a question only God can answer.”

So the zebra went off in search of God. When he found Him, the zebra asked "God, please - I must know... am I white with black stripes, or am I black with white stripes?"

God simply replied "You are what you are.”

The zebra...

What do you get when you cross Helen Keller and a Zebra?

A referee

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What's the difference between a zebra and a barman?

The zebra has bars all around it's asshole while the barman has assholes all around his bar.

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Teacher: give me a sentence with "zebra"

Student: last night, the only thing between my hand and my gf's boobs was zebra

What's black and white and red all over?

* Classic answer: A newspaper.
* Children's answer: A zebra with a suntan.
* Holiday answer: Santa at the bottom of the chimney.
* Religious answer: An priest realizing that he really is wearing a dress.
* Appalling answer: An interracial couple in an automobile accident.

Two donkeys are standing near a street light and deciding whether to cross the zebra crossing or not

Donkey-1:Yo! What are you waiting for?Lets cross the road!

Donkey-2:No Way! Did you see what happened to the zebra?

What has two legs, and goes black,white,black,white,black,white,black,white,black,white,black,white then red?

Half a Zebra

As a reward for winning a race, a young stallion was put in a compound with a beautiful female zebra.

As the next day dawned, the keeper ran to see how the stallion had made out and was chagrined to see him leaning up against a tree. His mane was disheveled, his body covered in welts from angry hooves, and he had two giant black eyes. Astounded, the keeper asked what had happened.


The sta...

Zebra dies and goes to heaven...

As he approaches the pearly gates of heaven St Peter approaches the zebra and asks “Welcome to heaven, do you have any questions before you enter?”

The zebra replies “Yes I do, something has been bothering me my whole life.”

Peter replies “What is it? Ask me anything!”

“Am I bl...

Why did the chicken NOT cross the road?

Because it was a zebra crossing

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What are zebras good for?

For holding up ze german boobies.

What do you call a male zebra?

A zebro

Why do lions suck at driving?

They get stuck at every zebra crossing.

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What do you call a zebra with small boobs?

Abra

What’s a frat boy zebra’s favorite letter?

Z, bruh.

What do Penguins, Black and White movies, Zebras and newspapers all have in common?

The next generation is not going to know what any of those things are.

A leopard tried to sneak out of his enclosure by pretending to be a zebra.

But he was spotted.

So a zebra dies and goes to heaven.

Upon reaching heaven the zebra is met by St. Peter who tells him, "Zebra, you have led a good life so I will allow you into heaven and as a bonus you may ask any question you can think of."
So the zebra ponders for a moment and says "ever since I've been born there is a question that has been bot...

A group of people are travelling and see a zebra which is completely white

The buisnessman says: Look! The zebra here are white!

The biologist says: That may not be true, but its an important discovery nonetheless

The statistician says: This zebra is insignificant, only one is known to exist

The mathematician says: Actually we only know that this zebra...

When is the best time to eat a zebra?

When it's stripened.

What does a sherman and a zebra have in common?

They both run the hell away when they see a tiger.

Two zebras are standing in a field.

Zebra 1 asks "Hey, do you think I'm white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"

Zebra 2 responds "I don't know, why don't you go ask god?"

So, zebra 1 goes to god and asks him if he's white with black stripes or black with white stripes, to which god responds,

"You a...

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Your riding a horse, next to you is a giraffe and a zebra

You notice a lion chasing you from behind
What do you do?

Get your drunk ass off the carousel!

A zebra and a giraffe have a kid...

...and named him Al. Al is really good at maths. What species is he?




An Al-ge-bra

A zebra dies and goes to heaven

The zebra meets God and asks him the one true question that he's been wondering his whole life.

"God, am I a white zebra with black stripes, or a black zebra with white stripes?"

God responds, "You are who you are."

It was then that the zebra knew he was white with black stripe...

The lion’s birthday is coming up and he wants entertainment.

So he tells the zebra to find the funniest animal in the whole kingdom. In order to do this the zebra decides to hold a competition in which animals will have to compete in front of a judge. Whoever the first one to makemake the judge laugh wins and will perform for the lion.

So the first thi...

A zebra dies and goes to Heaven...

A zebra dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching the pearly gates, he sees St. Peter.
-
**SP**: *Is there anything you would like to know before you enter Heaven?*

**Z**: *You know, St. Peter, my whole life I've lived with this burden of never knowing the answer to one question: Am I w...

What did the blonde name her pet Zebra?

Spot

Please help me find my lost horse, Black Beauty.

The horse was last seen near the white fence I was repainting.
Side note, is anyone missing a zebra?

The first zebra

The first zebra in the world doesn't know if he is black or white so he goes to Moses and asks "Moses I'm I black or white" and Moses replied "I don't know ask Jesus he might know" so he went to Jesus and asked "I'm I black or white" Jesus said "you are what you are" so he went back to Moses and sai...

A Zebra dies and goes to heaven...

When he gets to the Gates, a man is there and says "you may ask 1 question before you enter and you will get your answer.." The Zebra thinks for a second and says "Am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?" Stumped the man tells the Zebra to wait there and he will get the answer fro...

A zebra was having a crisis.

He couldn't decide if he was white with black stripes, or he was black with white stripes. For many months this bothered him, sometimes even keeping him up all night wondering.

On morning, he decided to see the wise old monkey in the baobab tree to find answers to his quandary. Far and long h...

A Zebra dies and goes to heaven.

He's greeted by Saint Pete at the Pearly Gates

"Hello Zebra, welcome to heaven!" Says Peter.

"Oh wow", exclaims the Zebra.

"Yes, it's quite magnificent" , replies Peter, "as is the custom here, if you had any unanswered questions about your life, now is the time to ask them."...

A Zebra died and went to Heaven...

..Upon reaching the gates and St. Peter, Zebra says
"Wow! This is place is huge! Am I really dead?" St. Peter replies with a chuckle and an
"I'm afraid so my child. But look around you, you're in heaven! Enjoy yourself, later today you get to have your meeting with God and you can ask hi...

[LONG] A zebra dies and goes to heaven...

A zebra dies and goes to heaven. When he reaches the pearly gates, St. Peter welcomes him inside and shows him around. There was everything there that could make a zebra happy for eternity. Lush green grass, crystal clear waters, rolling pastures as far as the eye could see, and plenty of lady zebra...

The Zebras stripes (long Joke)

Once upon a time a zebra was contemplating his life and everything that had meaning, when all of a sudden he had a thought "Am I a white zebra with black stripes, or a black zebra with white stripes"
He pondering on this for a while when he decided to go ask the lion.

After a short time of...

Zebra dies and goes to heaven.

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter greets him and informs him that all newcomers to heaven are allowed a single question to ask of The Almighty.

Pete gestures to a magnificent pedestal nearby and says to Zebra, "just step up there and ask away."

Zebra walks over to the pede...

A zebra dies and appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

All my life I've wondered, says the Zebra, if I'm White with black stripes or Black with white stripes. Can you please tell me?

St. Peter is baffled. I do not know this, he says, but fear not, for we will ask Jesus and all your questions will be answered.

So St. Peter summons Jesus and...

A zebra died and went to heaven...

Upon reaching the Pearly Gates he is greeted by Saint Peter.

"Welcome, my creature, to the Kingdom of Heaven! Before entering I will answer one question your mortal body may have been concerned with!" Peter says.

The zebra, who had always had one question on his mind, immediately ...

A zebra at Heaven's gates

A zebra dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching Heaven's gates the guard says, "Welcome, child of God."
The zebra responds by asking, "Can I ask God a question?"
The angel, baffled, says, "What is your question?"
"Well, I want to know if I am white with black stripes or black with white s...

The animal kingdom had become overpopulated.

The lion, being the head of the animal kingdom, made a decree: a joke telling contest would be held at the end of the week. The tortoise, unanimously agreed upon as being the fairest of all the animals, was appointed as the official judge. The rules were simple: tell your joke to the tortoise, and i...

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A teacher and her class of kindergarteners learn about grown-up words

A teacher is teaching her class of kindergarteners how to use grown-up expressions.

She points to little Sally and asks, "Sally, what did you do this weekend."

Sally tilted her head and said, "I went on a choo choo!"

"Marvelous, dear," said the teacher, "But next time, try 'I ro...

Two zebras die and go to heaven

When they reach the pearly gates, One Zebra addresses Saint Peter, "Hey Peter, now that we're here, we have to ask; are we black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

Peter furrows his brow, thinking hard, then says, "Well guys that's one you'll have to ask the big man once you get...

So there was this zebra....

... And he wanted to know if he was white with black stripes or black with white stripes. So, he asked St. Peter. St. Peter said,

'I'm sorry, but I can't answer that question for you. You'll have to go ask God.'

Then the zebra made the long, arduous, and perilous journey up to heaven...

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The lion is throwing a jungle sex party and everyone's invited

Before the party starts the lion goes in front of everyone and says
"there is only one rule in this party. No condoms! You can fuck with everyone but you can't use any condoms no matter what."

So the party starts and as predicted everyone is having a great time.
The lion walks around t...

The Lion

There's a zebra, a warthog and an impala and they drinking at the water hole when a pride of lions appears out of the bushes and surrounds them.



The biggest lion says "Okay you three are going to each tell me a joke and if I don't laugh I'm going to kill you."



So the ze...

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A lion walks up to a zebra

Lion’s walking in the woods and comes up to a zebra and the lion says, “you know something zebra? You are a ridiculous looking animal. You’re half white. Half black. Half horse. Half donkey. Look at me. I’m rough. I’m tough. I’m the king of the jungle.”
Zebra just shrugs and moves on.
Lion com...

Okapis are the laziest animals...

Their zebra costumes are always half-assed

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It's little Johnny's first day of a new school. His mum takes the teacher aside and says "unfortunately my ex had a terrible mouth on him, so Johnny swears every other word, try not to let him speak in class". That day they're doing the alphabet...

The teacher says "Who has a word that starts with A?" and little Johnny's hand goes straight up. Teacher thinks 'oh no, lot's of A words he might say' and chooses someone else.


"Who has a word starting with B?" and once again Johnny's hand shoots up. This carries on for every letter u...

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A traveler arrives in a remote village

He receives a warm welcome. The villagers gather around him, asking him to tell them about his adventures.

"Well.. what do you want to know?" he asked.

After a brief pause, they answered:

"Tell us what animals did you see?"

"What animals do you know?" He asked them.
...

So I went to a park and saw a cross-bred species

The species was named a Zedonk. A half-zebra, half-donkey cross breed. They are known to be very lazy and stubborn. Whenever they manage to do anything, it is usually done half-assed.

I just finished up reading the dictionary.

It turns out that the Zebra did it.

A Pony in Striped Pyjama

A zebra lived her whole life in a zoo but was getting on in age, so the zoo decided to let her spend her final years on a farm. The zebra was excited to see a huge pasture with green grass and hills and many strange animals.


She went up to a fat brown thing and said, "I'm a zebra, what ar...

A donkey is having a drink in a pub

when he spots a horse at the bar so goes over for a chat. "What do you do for a living then?" asks the donkey. "I'm a racehorse" comes the reply. "Oh right" says the donkey, "have you won any races then?". "Well", says the horse, " on the flat I've won the 2,000 guineas & the derby, & over t...

What has 3 words, 8 letters, is easy to say, and hard to prove?

I'm a zebra.

A horse is in the pub having a few drinks...

... when he spots a donkey in the corner so he nips over to have a natter, donkey asks "what did you do for a living" horse says " I ran on the flat in the summer and over the jumps in the winter".

Donkey says "I worked with the kids on blackpool beach" , then he asks "did you win anything"....

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The Zoo

A little boy and his sister went to the zoo with their parents. At the zoo, they split up and each parent took a child around for a look at the animals.

When the little boy and his mother got to the gorilla, the boy said “Mommy! What’s that!”

“Well, son, that’s a gorilla.”

Then...

When all the animals left the ark, Noah gave them instructions as they departed:

To the Aardvarks, he commanded, "Go forth and multiply!"

A couple snakes came slithering out, and he commanded, "Go forth and multiply!"

"We can't, we're adders." replied the snakes.

Well Noah kept giving commands, until at last he told the zebras, "Go forth and multiply!" ...

Am I black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?

So there is this zebra who wants to know if he is black with white stripes or white with black stripes. He goes up to his brother and says, "Hey brother, am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" His brother says, "I don't know. You'll have to go ask dad."

So the zebra ...

You’re liking my dad’s “groan”joke. So here’s another. (Much worse)

An adventurer was out in the jungle when he came upon Tarzan. He was painting white stripes on black zebras and black stripes on white zebras.
Although curious, the explorer returned home.
A year later he came back.
Again he finds Tarzan in the jungle. He’s painting white stripes on blac...

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What animal has the largest breasts?

The Zebra

What do you call a horse in pyjamas?

A nightmare.

(This was a Christmas cracker joke with the real answer being 'a zebra'. My boyfriend came up with this answer before the real answer was revealed.)

The Chicken is offended that even after all the jokes

the crossing on the road is still named after a Zebra.

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