What do you call a male zebra?

A zebro

When is the best time to eat a zebra?

When it's stripened.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Zebra with body dysmorphia goes to the doctor...

Tells the doctor he spends hours a day critiquing himself in the mirror.

​

Doctor replies, 'It's simple. Stop looking at things in black and white.'

​

​

\- Technical Crab, 04/3/19 circa afternoon shit.

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Your riding a horse, next to you is a giraffe and a zebra

You notice a lion chasing you from behind
What do you do?

Get your drunk ass off the carousel!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What are zebras good for?

Supporting ze German boobies.

What do Penguins, Black and White movies, Zebras and newspapers all have in common?

The next generation is not going to know what any of those things are.

A zebra and a giraffe have a kid...

...and named him Al. Al is really good at maths. What species is he?




An Al-ge-bra

A zebra gets killed by a loin.

When the zebra gets to heaven he spots an angel and asks him “I’ve always wanted to know, am I white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?”.

The angel responds “ I don’t know, for that answer you will have to ask god himself”.

Even more curious now the zebra seeks out god,...

A Turtle,Hippo, and Zebra are told to tell a joke to a Lion....

The Lion tells the three animals if he doesnt laugh at their jokes then he will kill them

The Turtle steps up and tells his joke, the Lion doesn't laugh, so he kills the Turtle

The Hippo, nervous, steps up and tells his joke, the Lion doesn't laugh, so he kills the Hippo

The Zeb...

What does a sherman and a zebra have in common?

They both run the hell away when they see a tiger.

A Zebra dies and goes to heaven...

When he gets to the Gates, a man is there and says "you may ask 1 question before you enter and you will get your answer.." The Zebra thinks for a second and says "Am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?" Stumped the man tells the Zebra to wait there and he will get the answer fro...

Two zebras are standing in a field.

Zebra 1 asks "Hey, do you think I'm white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"

Zebra 2 responds "I don't know, why don't you go ask god?"

So, zebra 1 goes to god and asks him if he's white with black stripes or black with white stripes, to which god responds,

"You a...

A Zebra dies and goes to heaven.

He's greeted by Saint Pete at the Pearly Gates

"Hello Zebra, welcome to heaven!" Says Peter.

"Oh wow", exclaims the Zebra.

"Yes, it's quite magnificent" , replies Peter, "as is the custom here, if you had any unanswered questions about your life, now is the time to ask them."...

The Chicken is offended that even after all the jokes

the crossing on the road is still named after a Zebra.

A zebra was having a crisis.

He couldn't decide if he was white with black stripes, or he was black with white stripes. For many months this bothered him, sometimes even keeping him up all night wondering.

On morning, he decided to see the wise old monkey in the baobab tree to find answers to his quandary. Far and long h...

A zebra dies and goes to heaven

The zebra meets God and asks him the one true question that he's been wondering his whole life.

"God, am I a white zebra with black stripes, or a black zebra with white stripes?"

God responds, "You are who you are."

It was then that the zebra knew he was white with black stripe...

A Zebra wanted to know if he was Black With White Stripes or White with Black Stripes so....

A zebra wanted to know if he was black with white stripes or white or black stripes.
So he walks up to all the zebras around him and asks them if he is white with black stripes or black with white stripes.

None of the Zebras can answer his question. Then one of his Zebra Friends said the...

What has 3 words, 8 letters, is easy to say, and hard to prove?

I'm a zebra.

Am I black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?

So there is this zebra who wants to know if he is black with white stripes or white with black stripes. He goes up to his brother and says, "Hey brother, am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" His brother says, "I don't know. You'll have to go ask dad."

So the zebra ...

What did the blond name her zebra?

Spot.

[LONG] A zebra dies and goes to heaven...

A zebra dies and goes to heaven. When he reaches the pearly gates, St. Peter welcomes him inside and shows him around. There was everything there that could make a zebra happy for eternity. Lush green grass, crystal clear waters, rolling pastures as far as the eye could see, and plenty of lady zebra...

A leopard tried to sneak out of his enclosure by pretending to be a zebra.

But he was spotted.

A Zebra died and went to Heaven...

..Upon reaching the gates and St. Peter, Zebra says
"Wow! This is place is huge! Am I really dead?" St. Peter replies with a chuckle and an
"I'm afraid so my child. But look around you, you're in heaven! Enjoy yourself, later today you get to have your meeting with God and you can ask hi...

What's black and white and red all over?

A dead zebra.

As a reward for winning a race, a young stallion was put in a compound with a beautiful female zebra.

As the next day dawned, the keeper ran to see how the stallion had made out and was chagrined to see him leaning up against a tree. His mane was disheveled, his body covered in welts from angry hooves, and he had two giant black eyes. Astounded, the keeper asked what had happened.


The sta...

What do you get when you mix human DNA with zebra DNA?

Well, kicked out of the zoo for starters.

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What is the difference between a zebra and a bar?

Zebras have bars around their asshole, and there are assholes around the bars.

A zebra at Heaven's gates

A zebra dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching Heaven's gates the guard says, "Welcome, child of God."
The zebra responds by asking, "Can I ask God a question?"
The angel, baffled, says, "What is your question?"
"Well, I want to know if I am white with black stripes or black with white s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A lion walks up to a zebra

Lion’s walking in the woods and comes up to a zebra and the lion says, “you know something zebra? You are a ridiculous looking animal. You’re half white. Half black. Half horse. Half donkey. Look at me. I’m rough. I’m tough. I’m the king of the jungle.”
Zebra just shrugs and moves on.
Lion com...

Two zebras are pondering

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, "Am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

The other replies, "Well I don't know. You should pray to God about that and ask him." So that night he did,
and God replied, "You are what you are."

The next day he said to ...

A zebra dies and appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

All my life I've wondered, says the Zebra, if I'm White with black stripes or Black with white stripes. Can you please tell me?

St. Peter is baffled. I do not know this, he says, but fear not, for we will ask Jesus and all your questions will be answered.

So St. Peter summons Jesus and...

A zebra dies and goes to Heaven...

A zebra dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching the pearly gates, he sees St. Peter.
-
**SP**: *Is there anything you would like to know before you enter Heaven?*

**Z**: *You know, St. Peter, my whole life I've lived with this burden of never knowing the answer to one question: Am I w...

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turtles birthday!

It was the Turtles birthday in the animal kingdom and he was turning 150 years. King of the animals was the lion and he proclaimed, (For Turtles birthday we should have a great party and each animal will say a joke to the Turtle for his birthday. Whoever disrepected the Turtle and did not make him l...

Two zebras were arguing one day....

Two zebras were arguing whether all zebras are white with black stripes or black with white stripes. So they decided to walk up to all the zebras around and ask them if they think that they are white with black stripes or black with white stripes. They eventually made it to one of the zebra elders, ...

Real definition of Zebra from Blonde's perspective

What is a Zebra?
A Z-bra is 25 sizes bigger than an A-bra.

The Zebras stripes (long Joke)

Once upon a time a zebra was contemplating his life and everything that had meaning, when all of a sudden he had a thought "Am I a white zebra with black stripes, or a black zebra with white stripes"
He pondering on this for a while when he decided to go ask the lion.

After a short time of...

Zebra dies and goes to heaven.

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter greets him and informs him that all newcomers to heaven are allowed a single question to ask of The Almighty.

Pete gestures to a magnificent pedestal nearby and says to Zebra, "just step up there and ask away."

Zebra walks over to the pede...

A zebra died and went to heaven...

Upon reaching the Pearly Gates he is greeted by Saint Peter.

"Welcome, my creature, to the Kingdom of Heaven! Before entering I will answer one question your mortal body may have been concerned with!" Peter says.

The zebra, who had always had one question on his mind, immediately ...

Zebra in heaven

The Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.


As he enters, he asks St. Peter, “I have a question that's haunted me all
of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with
white stripes?”


St. Peter said, “That's a question only God can answer.”...

Why wouldn't you ask the zebra for music advice?

Because he only knows about The White Stripes.

A horse is in the pub having a few drinks...

... when he spots a donkey in the corner so he nips over to have a natter, donkey asks "what did you do for a living" horse says " I ran on the flat in the summer and over the jumps in the winter".

Donkey says "I worked with the kids on blackpool beach" , then he asks "did you win anything"....

A Pony in Striped Pyjama

A zebra lived her whole life in a zoo but was getting on in age, so the zoo decided to let her spend her final years on a farm. The zebra was excited to see a huge pasture with green grass and hills and many strange animals.


She went up to a fat brown thing and said, "I'm a zebra, what ar...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A traveler arrives in a remote village

He receives a warm welcome. The villagers gather around him, asking him to tell them about his adventures.

"Well.. what do you want to know?" he asked.

After a brief pause, they answered:

"Tell us what animals did you see?"

"What animals do you know?" He asked them.
...

I just finished up reading the dictionary.

It turns out that the Zebra did it.

So there was this zebra....

... And he wanted to know if he was white with black stripes or black with white stripes. So, he asked St. Peter. St. Peter said,

'I'm sorry, but I can't answer that question for you. You'll have to go ask God.'

Then the zebra made the long, arduous, and perilous journey up to heaven...

What do you call a horse in pyjamas?

A nightmare.

(This was a Christmas cracker joke with the real answer being 'a zebra'. My boyfriend came up with this answer before the real answer was revealed.)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Zoo

A little boy and his sister went to the zoo with their parents. At the zoo, they split up and each parent took a child around for a look at the animals.

When the little boy and his mother got to the gorilla, the boy said “Mommy! What’s that!”

“Well, son, that’s a gorilla.”

Then...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The horse and the donkey

WARNING: If you are not from Europe you might not get this. Feel free to go on.

​

​

So the donkey meets his old pal the horse after many many years.

H-"Hey mate, how's life?"

D-"Can't complain, all is good, what about you?"

H-"I am fine...

A donkey is having a drink in a pub

when he spots a horse at the bar so goes over for a chat. "What do you do for a living then?" asks the donkey. "I'm a racehorse" comes the reply. "Oh right" says the donkey, "have you won any races then?". "Well", says the horse, " on the flat I've won the 2,000 guineas & the derby, & over t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What animal has the largest breasts?

The Zebra

Driver's License Test Question:

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are travelling on), and on your right side is a fire engine travelling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as ...

When all the animals left the ark, Noah gave them instructions as they departed:

To the Aardvarks, he commanded, "Go forth and multiply!"

A couple snakes came slithering out, and he commanded, "Go forth and multiply!"

"We can't, we're adders." replied the snakes.

Well Noah kept giving commands, until at last he told the zebras, "Go forth and multiply!" ...

A boy at school

A boy was at school and his teacher asked him to learn 3 new words over the weekend. His father is a pilot and taught him the word "takeoff." His mother is a zoo keeper and taught him the word "zebra." His big sister was going to have a baby and taught him the word "baby." He went to school the next...

You’re liking my dad’s “groan”joke. So here’s another. (Much worse)

An adventurer was out in the jungle when he came upon Tarzan. He was painting white stripes on black zebras and black stripes on white zebras.
Although curious, the explorer returned home.
A year later he came back.
Again he finds Tarzan in the jungle. He’s painting white stripes on blac...

A lion was walking through a jungle

...and asked a monkey, 'Who's king of the jungle.' 'You are, sir!' said the monkey. The lion asked zebra, 'Who's king of the jungle.' 'You are, sir!' said the zebra. When lion asked an elephant the elephant picked up the lion with his tusks and tossed him aside. 'Just because you don't know the answ...

A donkey is sitting at a bar...

A donkey is sitting at a bar after a long day’s work carrying kids around on the beach. He’s having a quiet drink by himself when a thoroughbred race horse joins him.

They’re having a a nice time until the pub calls last orders.

As they’re leaving the horse asks the donkey to join him...

A racehorse walks into a bar .....

One day, a race horse walked into a bar fresh after winning his biggest event of the year. He sits down at the bar, orders a drink and looks over to see a donkey sitting on the other side of the room. The race horse gets up from his stool and decides to say what's up, and they began talking and real...

What's black and white and green and black and white?

Two zebras fighting over a pickle.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A monkey is smoking a joint.. (NFSW)

A monkey is smoking a joint when rabbit arrives and says: “ Come on monkey leave the joint and go for run with me, its healthier...”

A monkey thinks about it and says: “You are right, lets go!”

They both start running and after a while they see a zebra preparing some hash.

Rabb...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Little Johnny is sitting in class

And the teacher is going over the alphabet. Knowing the kind of kid Johnny is, the teacher is careful about when to pick him to answer a question. "We will be going over the alphabet today so let's start with the letter A. Can someone tell me a word that starts with A?" asked the teacher. Every hand...

An African kid moves to the UK

A kid from South Africa moves to the UK and goes to his new school. During the first lesson, his teacher realises he doesn't know English very well so she tells him for his first homework to go to 3 places in England and to get a word from each place and learn it. Understanding this, the kid goes aw...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Horse and Donkey

A horse and a donkey meet in a bar one night, they get chatting and hit it off, the horse invites the donkey back to his place, they go back and all around the walls are pictures of the horse winning the derby, the Guineas, the oaks etc etc. So anyway they have a bang and the horse suggests going to...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The king of the jungle

A gorilla was walking through the jungle
when he came across a deer eating grass in a
clearing. The gorilla
roared, 'Who is the king of the jungle?'and the deer
replied,
'Oh, you are, Master.'
The gorilla walked off pleased. Soon he
came across a zebra drinking at
a wa...

A guy comes back from hunting in africa

"So how was you trip?" asked his friend
"Oh it was great!I had alot of fun" the guy replied
"So what did you hunt down?" his friend asked curiously
So the guy started "Well i killed 2 lions 1 zebra 4 tigers and 48 "noplis" "
His friend look confused "Noplis? whats that?"
"I honestly ...

What are the two oldest animals on Earth?

The Zebra and the Panda. Because we see them in black and white.

A biologist, a statistician, a mathematician and a computer scientist are on a photo-safari in Africa

They drive out on the savannah in their jeep, stop and scout the horizon with their binoculars.

The biologist says, "Look! There's a herd of zebras! And there, in the middle, a white zebra! There are white zebra's! We'll be famous!"

The statistician explains, "It's not significant. We ...

This mnemonic joke helps you remember the alphabet...

Acronym


Based


Comedy

Doesn't

Ever

Feel


Good

Honestly,

I

Just

Keep

Lamenting

My

Negative

Opinion,

Perhaps

Questioning

Reality


Serves

The


U...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you put on zeboobs?

Zebra

[Long] A guy wanted to lose weight

There's a guy. We'll call him Bob. Bob is a fat slob, but one day decides that he's going to turn things around and start getting in shape. So he sees an ad for a new workout program, and calls the number. The operator agrees to start him off with a one-month trial of their lowest level program,...