UPJOKE
horsemountain zebraquaggaequidaeafricaequinedonkeyburchell's zebrazebroidequidequus grevyiequushyenamulehippo

Zebra Jokes

A zebra wonders throughout his life if he is a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes...

So after never getting an answer throughout his life, the zebra passes away and goes up to Heaven. At the pearly gates he meets Saint Peter and asks him if he knows the answer: "Saint Peter, am I a white zebra with black stripes or a black zebra with white stripes?" to which Saint Peter says he does...
upvote downvote report

What happens when you put a zebra in a lion cage?

You get fired from the zoo
upvote downvote report

What does a zebra call his best friends?

Zeebros.
upvote downvote report

Why are zebras like my underwear?

Each has its own unique stripes.
upvote downvote report

An arrogant zebra insists there are no lions in the area.

A herd of zebras are grazing peacefully. They begin to suspect that lions are waiting to ambush them in a nearby meadow. One of the zebras however thinks he knows everything and confidently declares that there can’t be lions because lions don’t move into that area until the autumn and haven’t arrive...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Zebra Crossing.

I was in town today and saw an old lady trying to cross the road.

Everytime she stepped off the kerb a car nearly knocked her down. I shouted at her, "There's a zebra crossing down there."

She shouted back, "I hope he's having more fucking luck than I am."

A zebra dies and goes to heaven

He meets Saint Peter at the Parley Gates and asks him.

"Saint, am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?"

Saint Peter was puzzled and told the Zebra he didn't know but once he was in heaven, the Zebra should ask God.

The next day, the Zebra saw God and asked h...
upvote downvote report

What did the horse say the first time they saw a zebra?

That horse has been to prison.
upvote downvote report

A leopard tried to sneak out of his enclosure by pretending to be a zebra.

But he was spotted.
upvote downvote report

As a reward for winning a race, a young stallion was put in a compound with a beautiful female zebra.

As the next day dawned, the keeper ran to see how the stallion had made out and was chagrined to see him leaning up against a tree. His mane was disheveled, his body covered in welts from angry hooves, and he had two giant black eyes. Astounded, the keeper asked what had happened.


The sta...
upvote downvote report

A horse, a zebra, and a duck

A horse, a zebra, and a duck walk into a bar, they eat their food and have their drinks. The horse goes up to the bartender to pay, and the bartender says, “why the long face?” The horse stares at him for a little, and then storms out without paying. The zebra goes up to the bartender to pay instead...
upvote downvote report

A Zebra, pondering his life, sips water at the edge of a river....when a crocodile snaps up, bites the Zebras head and kills the zebra....

The zebra’s soul goes to heaven where St Peter meets the zebra to welcome him to heaven.

The Zebra says...“you know, I died because I was sitting there pondering if I was white with black stripes.....or black with white stripes. “

St Peter says..”well the only person who can answer th...
upvote downvote report

Zebra in Heaven

A Zebra dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates Saint Peter tells him he can ask one question before entering.
"I have always wanted to know if i am white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"
"Only God knows this" he replied "You should ask him, down the hall last door on th...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are zebras good for?

For holding up ze german boobies.

Donkeys……

Two donkeys are standing at the roadside,one asks the other:”Shall we cross?”
His friend replies: “No way, look what happened to that zebra”.
upvote downvote report

Zebra dies and goes to heaven.

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter greets him and informs him that all newcomers to heaven are allowed a single question to ask of The Almighty.

Pete gestures to a magnificent pedestal nearby and says to Zebra, "just step up there and ask away."

Zebra walks over to the pede...
upvote downvote report

A Zebra walks into a pub and asks for a beer.

A Zebra walks into a pub and asks for a beer.

The bartender says "Sorry I can't serve you"
The Zebra asks "Why not?"

"Because you're barred" replies the bartender.


I just thought this up but I doubt I'm the first. Sorry if it is lame.
upvote downvote report

Two zebras are standing in a field.

Zebra 1 asks "Hey, do you think I'm white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"

Zebra 2 responds "I don't know, why don't you go ask god?"

So, zebra 1 goes to god and asks him if he's white with black stripes or black with white stripes, to which god responds,

"You a...
upvote downvote report

So a young zebra asks his father...

"Dad, am I white with black stripes or black with white strpes?"

"I don't know, son. Go ask God"

So the young zebra goes to see god, and asks " God, am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"

To which God replies "You are what you are."

At that moment the...
upvote downvote report

All Zebra

There was an island in the middle of the lake, over which the kingdoms had been fighting for years. Finally, the three kings decided that they would send their knights out to do battle, and the winner would take the island. The night before the battle, the knights and their squires pitched camp and ...
upvote downvote report

The Zebra in Heaven.

My mom told me this awhile back, it made me laugh so I thought I would share.

A zebra had died and when he got to the pearly white gates of heaven, he was greeted by Saint Peter.
"Welcome to Heaven." said Saint peter.

"Wow, so this is Heaven huh? Its beautiful!" said the zebra.
<...
upvote downvote report

A zebra and a giraffe have a kid...

...and named him Al. Al is really good at maths. What species is he?




An Al-ge-bra
upvote downvote report

Zebra dies and goes to heaven...

As he approaches the pearly gates of heaven St Peter approaches the zebra and asks “Welcome to heaven, do you have any questions before you enter?”

The zebra replies “Yes I do, something has been bothering me my whole life.”

Peter replies “What is it? Ask me anything!”

“Am I bl...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Q: You're riding on a horse at high speed chasing a zebra. To your right is a sheer dropoff. Two feet to your left is a grizzly bear. Right on the heels of your horse is an angry lion. What do you do?

A: Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

The Zebras stripes (long Joke)

Once upon a time a zebra was contemplating his life and everything that had meaning, when all of a sudden he had a thought "Am I a white zebra with black stripes, or a black zebra with white stripes"
He pondering on this for a while when he decided to go ask the lion.

After a short time of...
upvote downvote report

When is the best time to eat a zebra?

When it's stripened.
upvote downvote report

Zebra in heaven

The Zebra dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.


As he enters, he asks St. Peter, “I have a question that's haunted me all
of my days on earth. Am I white with black stripes, or am I black with
white stripes?”


St. Peter said, “That's a question only God can answer.”...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Zebra with body dysmorphia goes to the doctor...

Tells the doctor he spends hours a day critiquing himself in the mirror.



Doctor replies, 'It's simple. Stop looking at things in black and white.'





\- Technical Crab, 04/3/19 circa afternoon shit.

The first zebra

The first zebra in the world doesn't know if he is black or white so he goes to Moses and asks "Moses I'm I black or white" and Moses replied "I don't know ask Jesus he might know" so he went to Jesus and asked "I'm I black or white" Jesus said "you are what you are" so he went back to Moses and sai...
upvote downvote report

What do you get when you mix human DNA with zebra DNA?

Kicked out of the zoo.
upvote downvote report

For my cake day, I’d like to tell you that I eat zebras...

but then I’d be lion
upvote downvote report

A zebra at Heaven's gates

A zebra dies and goes to Heaven. Upon reaching Heaven's gates the guard says, "Welcome, child of God."
The zebra responds by asking, "Can I ask God a question?"
The angel, baffled, says, "What is your question?"
"Well, I want to know if I am white with black stripes or black with white s...
upvote downvote report

What did the blonde name her pet Zebra?

Spot
upvote downvote report

What do Penguins, Black and White movies, Zebras and newspapers all have in common?

The next generation is not going to know what any of those things are.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 chickens are trying to cross the road

The one turns around to the other and asks “shall we cross here?” The other chicken replies “fuck that! Have you saw what they done to the zebra?!”

An elephant drinking from a stream spots a tortoise lounging on the shore.

He grabs it with his trunk and flings it into the jungle. A passing zebra asks, "Why did you do that?" ...... "Forty years ago that very tortoise nipped my tail just for fun," the elephant said. "Wow" says the Zebra, "forty years ago! How did you remember that?" "That's easy" said the elephant. "...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Teacher: give me a sentence with "zebra"

Student: last night, the only thing between my hand and my gf's boobs was zebra

What do you get when you cross Helen Keller and a Zebra?

A referee
upvote downvote report

So a zebra dies and goes to heaven.

Upon reaching heaven the zebra is met by St. Peter who tells him, "Zebra, you have led a good life so I will allow you into heaven and as a bonus you may ask any question you can think of."
So the zebra ponders for a moment and says "ever since I've been born there is a question that has been bot...
upvote downvote report

A Zebra dies and goes to heaven...

When he gets to the Gates, a man is there and says "you may ask 1 question before you enter and you will get your answer.." The Zebra thinks for a second and says "Am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?" Stumped the man tells the Zebra to wait there and he will get the answer fro...
upvote downvote report

A Zebra dies and goes to heaven.

He's greeted by Saint Pete at the Pearly Gates

"Hello Zebra, welcome to heaven!" Says Peter.

"Oh wow", exclaims the Zebra.

"Yes, it's quite magnificent" , replies Peter, "as is the custom here, if you had any unanswered questions about your life, now is the time to ask them."...
upvote downvote report

A Zebra died and went to Heaven...

..Upon reaching the gates and St. Peter, Zebra says
"Wow! This is place is huge! Am I really dead?" St. Peter replies with a chuckle and an
"I'm afraid so my child. But look around you, you're in heaven! Enjoy yourself, later today you get to have your meeting with God and you can ask hi...
upvote downvote report

What does a sherman and a zebra have in common?

They both run the hell away when they see a tiger.
upvote downvote report

[LONG] A zebra dies and goes to heaven...

A zebra dies and goes to heaven. When he reaches the pearly gates, St. Peter welcomes him inside and shows him around. There was everything there that could make a zebra happy for eternity. Lush green grass, crystal clear waters, rolling pastures as far as the eye could see, and plenty of lady zebra...
upvote downvote report

A group of people are travelling and see a zebra which is completely white

The buisnessman says: Look! The zebra here are white!

The biologist says: That may not be true, but its an important discovery nonetheless

The statistician says: This zebra is insignificant, only one is known to exist

The mathematician says: Actually we only know that this zebra...
upvote downvote report

So there was this zebra....

... And he wanted to know if he was white with black stripes or black with white stripes. So, he asked St. Peter. St. Peter said,

'I'm sorry, but I can't answer that question for you. You'll have to go ask God.'

Then the zebra made the long, arduous, and perilous journey up to heaven...
upvote downvote report

Why is the Chicken NOT crossing the Road?

It's a Zebra Crossing.
upvote downvote report

I read the dictionary the other day

At the start you think it’s the aardvark, but by the end it turns out the zebra did it.
upvote downvote report

A zebra was having a crisis.

He couldn't decide if he was white with black stripes, or he was black with white stripes. For many months this bothered him, sometimes even keeping him up all night wondering.

On morning, he decided to see the wise old monkey in the baobab tree to find answers to his quandary. Far and long h...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lion walks up to a zebra

Lion’s walking in the woods and comes up to a zebra and the lion says, “you know something zebra? You are a ridiculous looking animal. You’re half white. Half black. Half horse. Half donkey. Look at me. I’m rough. I’m tough. I’m the king of the jungle.”
Zebra just shrugs and moves on.
Lion com...

Two donkeys are standing near a street light and deciding whether to cross the zebra crossing or not

Donkey-1:Yo! What are you waiting for?Lets cross the road!

Donkey-2:No Way! Did you see what happened to the zebra?
upvote downvote report

What's black, white and red all over?

The slowest zebra in a herd
upvote downvote report

A lion gets bored of eating antelope...

So he decides to have bird for dinner. He dons a hippopotamus outfit and walks towards an eagle inside a group of hippos. As he gets closer, the bird spots him and flies away.

Undaunted, the lion puts on a zebra costume the next day, and walks towards the bird among a group of zebras. Once ag...
upvote downvote report

A zebra dies and appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates.

All my life I've wondered, says the Zebra, if I'm White with black stripes or Black with white stripes. Can you please tell me?

St. Peter is baffled. I do not know this, he says, but fear not, for we will ask Jesus and all your questions will be answered.

So St. Peter summons Jesus and...
upvote downvote report

Statistician joke...

Why did a statistician take a zebra with him when he boarded a train?


Because statistically, it's a lot less likely to be a train accident with a Zebra inside it...
upvote downvote report

A girl looking for a job

A girl graduated from an engineering university and was looking for a job, but she did not find any opportunity, but one time she met a person, a zoo manager , and he offered her a job with a very good salary, and the job is to dress up as a zebra and stay in the cage for visitors see it because the...
upvote downvote report

Am I black with white stripes, or white with black stripes?

So there is this zebra who wants to know if he is black with white stripes or white with black stripes. He goes up to his brother and says, "Hey brother, am I black with white stripes or white with black stripes?" His brother says, "I don't know. You'll have to go ask dad."

So the zebra ...
upvote downvote report

The lion’s birthday is coming up and he wants entertainment.

So he tells the zebra to find the funniest animal in the whole kingdom. In order to do this the zebra decides to hold a competition in which animals will have to compete in front of a judge. Whoever the first one to makemake the judge laugh wins and will perform for the lion.

So the first thi...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Animal game

One day the teacher decides to play an animal game. She holds up a picture of a giraffe and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one raises his/her hand. The teacher says "See it's long neck? What animal has a long neck?" Sally holds up her hand and asks if it is a giraffe. "Very good Sally," the tea...

Black and white

What’s black and white and lives in Africa?
A zebra.

What’s black and white and hides in caves?
A zebra that owes me money.
upvote downvote report

The Lion

There's a zebra, a warthog and an impala and they drinking at the water hole when a pride of lions appears out of the bushes and surrounds them.



The biggest lion says "Okay you three are going to each tell me a joke and if I don't laugh I'm going to kill you."



So the ze...
upvote downvote report

The Chicken is offended that even after all the jokes

the crossing on the road is still named after a Zebra.
upvote downvote report

Tried translating a joke from Latvian.

John, a rural farmer, decided to visit the zoo in the capital with his family. He has a lot of fun, and comes back ecstatic. His neighbor
Tolya asks him what he saw there.

"Well, I saw a giraffe."

"What's a giraffe?"

"Well, you know horses?"

"Yeah."

"It's like ...
upvote downvote report

An old joke I learned in third grade...

So, this french guy - he wants to learn English. So boards a plane to the US and he hears the Pilot say "take off". The first stop he makes in the US is the San Diego Zoo, where he learns "zebra". While he's looking at the Zebras, a couple walks up with a stroller and he learns the word "baby". So t...
upvote downvote report

A Pony in Striped Pyjama

A zebra lived her whole life in a zoo but was getting on in age, so the zoo decided to let her spend her final years on a farm. The zebra was excited to see a huge pasture with green grass and hills and many strange animals.


She went up to a fat brown thing and said, "I'm a zebra, what ar...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You are driving in a car at a constant speed

On your left side is a 'drop off', (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on)on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse, which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a galloping z...

A donkey is having a drink in a pub

when he spots a horse at the bar so goes over for a chat. "What do you do for a living then?" asks the donkey. "I'm a racehorse" comes the reply. "Oh right" says the donkey, "have you won any races then?". "Well", says the horse, " on the flat I've won the 2,000 guineas & the derby, & over t...
upvote downvote report

The animal kingdom had become overpopulated.

The lion, being the head of the animal kingdom, made a decree: a joke telling contest would be held at the end of the week. The tortoise, unanimously agreed upon as being the fairest of all the animals, was appointed as the official judge. The rules were simple: tell your joke to the tortoise, and i...
upvote downvote report

A desperate zoo

The leading zoologist gets a phone call one day from a desperate zoo, asking him to come right away and they will pay double.

He gets to the zoo and talks to the head keeper who explains that unfortunately while they were moving the animals around it seems like one of the zebra’s has got preg...
upvote downvote report

Austria’s Prime minister...

... and his minister of health were sitting in a restaurant and laughing out loud. A guest comes by and asks: “Why are you laughing that hard?”
The PM replies: “We are planning the next lockdown!”
Guest: “And that’s so funny?”
PM: “Yes…”
Guest: “What are you planning to do?”
PM: “We w...
upvote downvote report

You’re liking my dad’s “groan”joke. So here’s another. (Much worse)

An adventurer was out in the jungle when he came upon Tarzan. He was painting white stripes on black zebras and black stripes on white zebras.
Although curious, the explorer returned home.
A year later he came back.
Again he finds Tarzan in the jungle. He’s painting white stripes on blac...
upvote downvote report

What has 3 words, 8 letters, is easy to say, and hard to prove?

I'm a zebra.
upvote downvote report

A donkey and a horse met in a bar

After talking for a few minutes they decided to go to the horse's house. When they arrived the donkey noticed that the horse had a lot of trophies and medals all across the walls, he asked him:

"Where did you get all of this things?"

"I am a race horse, I won them", the horse replied.<...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's little Johnny's first day of a new school. His mum takes the teacher aside and says "unfortunately my ex had a terrible mouth on him, so Johnny swears every other word, try not to let him speak in class". That day they're doing the alphabet...

The teacher says "Who has a word that starts with A?" and little Johnny's hand goes straight up. Teacher thinks 'oh no, lot's of A words he might say' and chooses someone else.


"Who has a word starting with B?" and once again Johnny's hand shoots up. This carries on for every letter u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Keeping your horse satisfied.

A rag and bone man decides the streets of London aren't like the old days, so he decides to retire his cart and long time partner, his horse. He has invested long ago in a large acreage property in the country with lovely pastures and a barn for his horse.

When he breaks the news to the horse...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information