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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot u...

A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank

The rabbit says : I think I might be a type O.

A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar

The minister asks the rabbit what he'll take.

"I don't know. I'm only here because of autocorrect."

A Fox, a Rabbit and a Bear are about to be drafted into the military.

The Fox says “There is no way I’m the world I’m letting myself get drafted, we need to find a way for us to get excused. Are you guys with me?”
The Bear and the Rabbit agree.
The Fox, quickly thinking, suggests: “I’ll cut off my own tail. A Fox without a tail is useless, right?”
The Rabbit ...

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards ?

A receding hare-line !

My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.

Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.

That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids ar...

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What did the monkey do when he saw the rabbit?

Painted his balls orange to look like a carrot!

Why did the Man send back his rabbit stew?

Because there was a hare in it

What would you get if you genetically crossed a rabbit and an oyster?

Your funding taken away and a call from the ethics board.

How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew?

When you find a hare in it.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi (not a rabbit) want to see who’s best at his job.

So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister,...

Father Rabbit teaches his Rabbit Son life lessons.

So Father Rabbit takes four female rabbits and lines them up in front of his son.

"Son", says Father Rabbit, "we are small and vulnerable animals, and everyone in the woods wants to eat us. That's why we have to do everything really fast to stay safe. Including reproduction. I brought these f...

If you ever need to look like you have a beard, glue a rabbit to your face.

And presto-chango, facial hare!

My friend always has the most ridiculous stories. Yesterday he called me and said he had his hand up a rabbit.

I said, "Get out of hare?!"

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[NSFW] [Easter] How do you say “Robert and Richard had intercourse with the rabbit” without any Rs?

Bob and Dick fucked the bunny

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Why can’t you hear rabbits having sex

Because they have cotton balls

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A rabbit and a bear find a genie in the woods

A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods when they trip over a magic lamp. The genie pops out of the lamp and stops them both. He says, “I don’t know who called me out so I’ll give you each three wishes.”

The bear and rabbit both start thinking about their wishes and the bear looks at the...

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My girlfriend and I fuck like rabbits...

In the presence of middle class families at the local PetSmart.

What do you get when you pour boiling water into a rabbit hole?

Hot cross bunnies!

Happy easter everyone

A Baptist preacher, a Catholic priest, and a rabbit walk into a bar.

The rabbit takes a look around and says, "I'm beginning to think I'm a typo."

Why can’t bald people eat rabbits?

They don’t have hare.

How to catch a rabbit

Hide in the bushes and try to sound like a lettuce

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Bear and a Rabbit talking about the toilet paper shortage,...

The bear says, "It sucks being out of toilet paper. Do you have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?

The rabbit says, "No, not really."

The bear says, "Thanks", and wipes his ass with the rabbit.

I ordered rabbit stew at a pub the other day...

The server drops the rabbit stew off at my table and starts walking away.

I call him back and say, "There's a hare in my stew."

I was balding and losing confidence so I had a rabbit tattooed on my scalp.

People tell me, from a distance it looks like hare.

Where does a rabbit go for a trim?

To the hare dresser.

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A bear and a rabbit stumbled upon a magical lamp in the forest...

They rubbed it and guess what, a genie appeared. He granted both of them 3 wishes each. The rabbit asked the bear to go first, becuase he knew the bear's playboy nature.

Bear: I wish to be the most handsome bear in the whole world.
Genie: Granted.
Rabbit: I want a motorbike.
Genie (...

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

I compared the bottom of a co-worker to a rabbit.

Perhaps this was a bit hareassing.

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A bear asks his rabbit friend if he ever gets poop stuck in his fur after pooping. Rabbit says no.

So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

Why did the rabbit blush?

It had a hair up its hole...

I got in trouble for trying to bring a dead rabbit on a plane.

I thought I was allowed one carrion.

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A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods.

The bear turns to the rabbit and asks "Do you ever have trouble with shit sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit shakes his head, so the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

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A hunter shot a rabbit and his wife made a stew with it

They all ate well and were very content.

A couple days later, his daughter walks in and she says:

"Dad, i went to the toilet and peed shotgun pellets. What's wrong?"

"Ah shoot!" exlaims the dad "i just remembered I forgot to clean them out of the carcass. Call the rest of the fa...

A rabbit enters the bar

A barman was on duty one night, when a rabbit enters the bar. He sits at the bar and says ‘I’ll have a cheese and onion toastie please.” The barman is amazed by this, and not knowing what to say he serves the rabbit his toastie. The rabbit eats his toastie and leaves.
The barman tells a few of h...

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The Three Rabbit Brothers

Once upon a time there were three rabbit brothers named Foot, Foot Foot, and Foot Foot Foot.

One day Foot, Foot Foot, and Foot Foot Foot were out in the meadow eating grass. Well Foot ended up eating some bad grass, so Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot took Foot to the hospital. The doctor said "I...

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Rabbits

A Little Rabbit is running happily through the woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You shouldn't do that. Think of your health. You should come running in the woods instead!" The Giraffe looks at the Little Rabbit, looks at the spliff...

What do you call a guy with a rabbit in his ass?

Warren

A rabbit is running in the woods, he sees a giraffe smoking pot.

- Dude, don’t smoke it, it’s harmful for your body. Let's keep it healthy, come run with me, and they start running.

A little later they see an elephant prepared to snort cocaine.

- My elephant friend, drop the cocaine, come run with us.

After a little run, they see the lion ...

A rabbit on a run through the forest.

So there's this rabbit running through the forest. After a few minutes he comes across a fox who's about to light up a joint. The rabbit kicks the joint from the fox's mouth, saying: "That's bad for your health, you're better off if you join me on my run!" So the fox says, "You're right!" and joins ...

Patient: every day I feel more and more like a cartoon rabbit

**Doctor:** you have a bad case of updoc

**Patient:** what’s updoc?

**Doctor:** this is more serious than I thought

A rabbit goes into a bar

A rabbit goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he has vodka. The bartender tells him that yes, he does have vodka.
Then, the rabbit asks: How much does a drop costs?
The bartender, confused, tells him that a drop of vodka costs nothing.
The rabbit, grining, replies: Then give me 1000 dr...

One night, my dog brings me my neighbour’s rabbit, dead in its mouth.

It’s dirty, definitely dead and I’m a bit drunk so I panic. My neighbours hate me anyway. This could get me evicted.

So I take the rabbit, meticulously wash off the dirt and dry it. Then I sneak over the fence and put it back in it’s hutch, leaving no trace. Job well done.

My neighbour...

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Did you know that rabbits die right after they have sex?

Well at least the one I fucked did

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A magical frog, a bear, and a rabbit

Once there was a magical frog in a forest. He woke up one morning and said to himself, “Today I’m going to be generous. I will grant 3 wishes to the first 2 animals I see.” He goes outside and he sees a bear. Soon after he sees a rabbit.

The frog calls over the bear and the rabbit, and he tel...

Did you hear about the beer made entirely out of rabbits, frogs and kangaroos?

It’s mostly hops.

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A rabbit is joyfully running through the forest...

...when he stumbles upon a skunk rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the skunk and says, "Skunk my friend, why do you do this? Come and run with me through the forest! You'll feel so much better!"

The skunk looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rab...

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A bear and a rabbit stumble upon a fairy

"You both get three whishes granted", says the fairy. The bear does not need to think for long and says: "I want to be compelling to all female bears in this entire forest!"

"Ok," says the fairy, "and what is your wish, little rabbit?"

"I'd like a beautiful and strong helmet, which fit...

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A bear and a rabbit are in the woods

A bear and a rabbit are in the woods, and they’re both taking a dump.

All of a sudden the bear turns to the rabbit and says, “pardon me, but do you have problems with poop sticking to your fur?”

And the rabbit says, “Why no, I don’t.”

So the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit.

The U.S. Army introduced the first unit of specially trained combat rabbits

Hare Force One

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3 Wishes for Bear and Rabbit

Bear and Rabbit are walking in the woods when suddenly they come upon a magical lamp. They rub the lamp and a genie appears. "You have set me free," the genie says, "and I will grant you each 3 wishes."

Bear is excited, he goes first. "I wish I were young again."

"Granted," says Genie,...

What's a rabbit's favorite beer

Answer: an IPA because it so hoppy

A rabbit hops into a bar

And asks the bartender for a ham and cheese toastie.

The bartender, surprised, forks it over and says 'two pounds, please'

The rabbit pays and leaves.

The next day, the same rabbit comes in and asks the same thing- '' ham and cheese toastie, please''

This goes on for quit...

Something about rabbit races creeps me out.

It's hare racing.

Where does a rabbit live?

In a rabbitat.

What does a Christian rabbit say when it sees it's food?

Lettuce pray.

A blind snake and a blind rabbit bump into each other...

The snake feels the rabbit and says "You are soft,small, and have a bushy tail, you must be a rabbit.", the the rabbit feel the snake and says "You're slimy, have beady eyes, slither in the ground, and have a forked tongue, you must be a politician!".

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An elephant in the forest once asked a rabbit...

'do you care about hygiene?' The rabbit said no. The elephant picked him up with his trunk and used him to wipe his ass.

The next day the elephant saw a squirrel. He asked the same question and the squirrel said no. He picked him up with his trunk and wanted to wipe his mouth but the squirre...

Some rabbits may be dumb, but they have math skills

They're really good at multiplying.

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The rabbit enters the store

The rabbit enters the store. The rabbit asks "do you got some kale?". The guy behind the counter replies "No.. We dont got any kale". The rabbit leaves the store dissapointed. The next day the rabbit enters the store again. He asks "you got some kale?". "No, we got no kale". Dissapointed again the r...

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What's got 200 balls and fucks rabbits?

A shotgun

MI5, CIA and FSB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest

MI5 forms a task group of twelve agent and proceeds to set up surveillance and monitor the inhabitants of the forest 24/7. They also buy information on the rabbit from several forest critters. After three months, MI5 abandons the search and concludes that the rabbit does not exist.


CIA ro...

A game show host is talking to a rabbit

The host looks at his question card. "Okay, here is your first question: What is 7 plus 5?"

"Twelve", replied the rabbit.

"That's correct! Now for question 2: What is 56 minus 37?"

The rabbit thought for a moment. "Nineteen"

"That's correct! Okay, now here is your grand p...

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Deep into the woods there was bunny rabbit, hopping and prancing,

when he saw a monkey about to drop acid, so he yelled

"STOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP, THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH COME JOIN ME HOP THRU THE FOREST".

So the monkey said fuck it, let's do it rabbit.

So the monkey and the bunny where prancing through the woods when all of a sudden, saw a giraff...

A rabbit and a lion once got into an argument...

Once

A rabbit crosses an intersection and gets hit by a car,killing it instantly...

An animal lover,concerned about the well being of the rabbit,gets out of her car and rushes over to the rabbit,takes it's pulse,and immediately grabs a can out of her purse.She sprays it on the rabbit and instantly the recent roadkill jumps back to life,hops three times and waves,hops three times a...

A blind rabbit and a blind snake have been friends for years

One day, they decide to feel each other over so they can tell each other what animal they are.

The snake feels across the rabbits body and says "hmm, long ears, fluffy tail, big feet... you must be a bunny."

The rabbit feels the snake and says "cold, slimy, forked tongue, no balls... y...

What did the rabbit say when he found 24 carrots?

Thanks for the gold!

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6 life lessons

6 life lessons

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, ...

The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove they are the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to set them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest, and each of them has to catch it.



The FBI people go in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive in...

I tried rabbit stew for the first time today.

But I found a hare in my food

The rabbit

A man was driving on a back country road as he usually did coming home from work. The February weather was quite cold, but in the distance he saw a car on the side of the road. As he got closer he noticed a woman, however she didn't look hurt, and the car was parked nicely. Puzzled why she was outsi...

What do you call a group of 8 rabbits?

A rabbyte.

I remember when I divorced my wife...

.. she insisted on dividing everything up fifty-fifty. She took half the dishes; I took half the dishes. She took half the furniture; I took half the furniture. I mean, right down to the pets. She wanted half the cats; I got half the cats. She wanted half the fish; I got half the fish. She even wa...

What kind of music do rabbits listen to?

Hare Metal

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What do you call a rabbit with a crooked dick?

Fucks Funny

A beautiful blond woman was driving down a curvy back country road in her pink Cadillac.

As she comes around a corner, she sees an extremely large rabbit lying dead in the middle of the road. It looked to be about three feet tall. The rabbit had a blue and pink vest on. On the ground next to the bunny was a large wicker basket, and strewn about the road was an abundance of candy, small ...

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A dog and a rabbit are in a bar having a few drinks when a drunk decides that he doesn't like their kind patronizing his establishment.

He goes over and voices his displeasure with them being in HIS bar.
Now now take it easy slim, says the rabbit ,if you can solve this riddle we will buy you all the drinks you can have for the night. Well he thinks about it for a minute and thinks, why not. Ok then but if you get it wrong my dog...

What do you get when you cross a tiger with a rabbit?

A tiger.

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A lion and a lioness and resting in a shade of a tree. All of a sudden a rabbit comes, slaps the lion in the face and runs off.

The lion just chuckles.

The Lioness is pissed: "Why did you let him slap you? Are you not the king of the animals? This is a major disrespect. Go kill that little shit!"

The lion replies calmly: "Dear, the rabbit is small and stupid - he doesn't know what he is doing...".

In a ...

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Once upon a time there was a bear and a rabbit

They were out in the forest when the bear attacked the rabbit. All of a sudden the spirit of the forest appeared and said, “STOP! I will grant you both three wishes.”
The bear said, “my first wish is that I’d like to be the only male bear in the forest so i could have all the females.”
The rab...

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Dad rabbit teaches son rabbit how to reproduce

The dad puts three female rabbits in front of him and explains:

Dad "look son, we're rabbits and we do it fast, like one
two three" *Dad fucks all 3 female rabbits in seconds*

Dad: "Now you try son"


Son: *onnneee......twwwooo.....*


Dad: "no no son, I said fas...

A little rabbit is running through the forest

when he sees a bear and a wolf smoking a joint. Not knowing what a joint is, he approaches them.

"What are you doing guys?" the rabbit asks. "Smoking a joint." they said, "Wanna try?". "I can't. Mrs. rabbit is waiting for me." answers the rabbit. "Come on, rabbit. It's gonna be fun.". Rabbit ...

What do you call four hundred french rabbits turning around and running away from a fight?

A receding hare line.

A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.

A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.
He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of na...

How do you know if a rabbit's foot really brings good luck?

Go ask the three-legged rabbit.

What's it called when a rabbit walks to its own beat?

Hip hop

My four year old neighbor buddy just told me this joke he made up: what do you call a bunny rabbit with no ears?

A backpack.


P.s. I love nonsensical kid jokes.

Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake.

By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

“Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'...

A boy came to a restaurant with his dad

Waiter: What would you like to order?

Dad: I'll have the rabbit stew.

Waiter: Ok. Only if you promise not to say ''Waiter, there's a hare in my stew'' after I bring it to you

Dad:

Waiter:

Dad: I'll have the chicken

Taxi

Woman takes a taxi. After a while she noticed that she doesn't have her wallet.

*Woman*: „Sorry, but I don't have any money, could I pay somehow else?“

Taxicab drove into dark forest, stopped there, got out of the car and spreaded blanket on ground. ...

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A Rabbit and a bear are fighting in a forest, when a wizard walks by

He explains to them that if they stop fighting, he will grant them three wishes each.

So of course they stop fighting immediately.

“Right,” says the wizard, “why don't you go first, bear?”

The bear thinks about his first wish for a few seconds and then says, “I wish that every b...

How do you catch a rabbit that is different than the rest?

Unique up on it.

A Pair of Rabbits

A wild rabbit was caught and taken to a National Institute of Health laboratory. When he arrived, he was befriended by a rabbit that had been born and raised in the lab.

One evening the wild rabbit noticed that his cage hadn't been properly closed and decided to make a break for freedom. He i...

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I failed my driving test today. I was driving down a country road with the examiner, when a rabbit ran out right in front of the car.

I remembered my instructor said you should never swerve or try to avoid an animal, because it's dangerous and you can end up causing a more serious accident.You should always just hit it and keep on driving.

Had to chase that little bugger for miles across the fields before I finally got it!

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A married couple had been stranded for a long time.

The island was very little, with just one palm tree. They had this system where one of them would get up on top of the tree and Scout for rescuers while the other one was resting or preparing food.

Then came the day where a second man got stranded on the island. The couple where extatic to fi...

Rabbits don't know Addition or Subtraction but

they sure do know how to Multiply .

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Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other.

One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a mo...

A rabbit walks into a pub...

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following ...

I won the prize for "Largest litter of rabbits!"

But only by a hare.

Captain Crunch, The Trix rabbit and Tony the Tiger have been found dead in their homes.

I guess you could say there’s a cereal killer on the loose.

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One day a small rabbit was taking a run through the forest.

As he was running he came upon a giraffe. This giraffe was about to shoot up some heroin. The rabbit looked at he giraffe for a moment and then said, "Giraffe, don't do heroin. Heroin is a drug, and drugs are bad for you. Come running with me through the forest."

The giraffe looked at the rab...

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My dog disgraced himself by escaping and bringing home next doors rabbit.

It was very dead and covered in dirt but I couldn't see any wound so I thought I might just be able to get away without confessing. So I quickly washed and blow dried the deceased bunny, snuck round the fence and popped bun back in its hutch, all snuggled up looking in its straw so it looked just l...

Man opens fridge to find rabbit asleep inside...

He says "Excuse me, what do you think you are doing?"

Rabbit replies "This is Westinghouse isn't it?"

Man says "Yes it is"

Rabbit says "Well, would you mind closing the door, I'm westing"

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a list of puns!

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

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What’s four feet long and fucks rabbits?

My shotgun

What should a snowman never ask a rabbit?

Can you scratch my nose?

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Sex After Death

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, Frank was the first to die and, true to his word, he made the first contact:

"Kris, Kris, can...

My pet rabbit was an enlightened thinker but was electrocuted.

Now, he's a Volt-Hare

Since we are posting our kids’ jokes ...here’s my 5 year old’s ..

My dad texted a joke for me to show my son (how do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on him . Ha.)

So I ask my son “How do you catch a unique rabbit?”

He says “you grabbit! ” he was super proud and honestly , I like his better

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A bear and a rabbit are taking a friendly stroll through the forest when they both have to take a dump

So they each go to find a tree. Afterwards, as they resume their walk, the bear asks

“Rabbit, do you ever have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?”

“Not at all” Rabbit says proudly.

So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit a couple times and tosses him in a bush.

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