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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop! Hop! Hop! When he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed! Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest!"

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed.

The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run! Run! Run! Hop! Hop! Hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep.

This sheep is about to shoot u...

A priest, an imam, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says,"I think I might be a type O."

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A bear and a rabbit were strolling through the forest…

… when suddenly they realize that they both need to take a dump. So they sit beside each other and do their business. As they are finishing, the bear looks down at the rabbit and asks: “Does shit cling to your fur?”. The rabbit, confused, looks up at the bear and answers “no”. “Great” says the bear,...

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A bear and a rabbit find a magical fish.

The fish tells them “I will grant you three wishes.”
Bear: “I wish for all the bears in the forest to be female.”
Fish: “Granted. All bears in the forest are now female.”
Rabbit: “I wish for a motorcycle.”
Fish: “Granted.” A motorcycle appears out of thin air ...

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a snake?

A jump rope.

What does elephant and rabbit have in common?

They both start with letter R if elephants name is Raul

A rabbit and a beaver are looking up at the majesty of the Hoover Dam

And the beaver says to the rabbit

"Well I didn't build it but it's based on my design"

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If a rabbit lives in a rabbit hole,

and a Fox lives in a foxhole, does that mean a donkey live in a asshole?

A blind rabbit and a blind snake were friends. One day the blind rabbit told the blind snake that he didn’t know what he was, because he couldn’t see. So he asked the snake for help in determining what he was.

The blind snake slithered up to the blind rabbit, felt it all over and said: “You have long, furry ears and a short little tail. You must be a rabbit.”

The blind rabbit was delighted with the news, and agreed to repay the favour so that the blind snake could find out what he was.

The b...

What do you cal a rabbit with fleas?

Bugs bunny

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare-line.

A man was going bald, so he got rabbits tattooed on to his head.

From a distance they looked like hares.

A Priest a rabbit and a Minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit,what'll you have?

The rabbit says" I don't know I'm only here because of auto correct".

Down the rabbit hole

I went down the rabbit hole to find myself.

Then I went up the rabbit hole to find myself arrested and banned from the petting zoo.

Saw A Homeless person pushing a trolley full of horse shoes and rabbit feet

I thought to myself he's really pushing his luck

A little girl walks into a pet store and tells an employee that she’d like to buy a rabbit.

The employee smiles down at the little girl and says, “Right this way! We have lots of different rabbits to choose from depending on what you’re looking for.” She leads the little girl over to a large enclosure where a huge collection of bunnies of all different sizes and colors are hopping about or...

A priest, an Imam, and a Rabbit walk into a blood bank.

Priest: "What's your blood type, Rabbit? Also, I'm getting really angry seeing this joke reposted over and over. It's driving me insane."

Rabbit: "Calm down, dude, it's not a big deal. B Positive"

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Why don't rabbits make noise when they're having sex?

Cotton balls.

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So a bear and a rabbit is shitting in the woods

So a bear and a rabbit is shitting in the woods.

The bear goes to the rabbit: "Hey man, do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit goes: "No man!"

So the bear grabs the rabbit and wipes his ass with it.

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.

The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?

What did Reverend Rabbit say before blessing his meal ?

Lettuce Pray.

Why does the rabbit sleep with its eyes open?

Because it has short skin.

What do you call two thousand rabbits running in reverse?

A receding hare line.

What do you call a prince rabbit?

The "hare" to the throne

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Rabbit is running through the forest

He finds giraffe about to smoke a joint. He says,
“Giraffe, don’t do drugs! Come run through the forest with me!”
Giraffe throws away his weed and follows rabbit running through the forest. They come across lion about to do a rail of cocaine. Rabbit says,
“Lion, don’t do drugs! Come run thr...

My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.

Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.

That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids ar...

Captain Crunch, Tony the Tiger, and the Trix Rabbit were found dead recently

The police concluded that this is the work of a Cereal Killer.

In a competition between CIA, Mossad and MSS (Chinese intllelligence), they are tasked to find a rabbit in a dense forest...

The CIA, returns with a rabbit in 24 hours, explaining that they'd used an arrey of satellites pinpointing the location of the rabbit in record time.
The Mossad, returns with a rabbit in 48 hours, stating that they'd used a network of informants and ground operatives to locate the rabbit with a f...

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In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the President narrowed the field to three finalists, the CIA, the FBI, and the N.Y.P.D. The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.

The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the for...

What do you call a group of rabbits

A nest

What do you call a group of birds
A flock

What do you call a group of Lions
Dangerous

What do frogs and rabbits have in common?

They both like hip hop.

A priest, a minister, and a rabbi (not a rabbit) want to see who’s best at his job.

So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister,...

What's the difference between a rabbit and a plum ?

They're both purple except for the rabbit.

Father Rabbit teaches his Rabbit Son life lessons.

So Father Rabbit takes four female rabbits and lines them up in front of his son.

"Son", says Father Rabbit, "we are small and vulnerable animals, and everyone in the woods wants to eat us. That's why we have to do everything really fast to stay safe. Including reproduction. I brought these f...

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What did the monkey do when he saw the rabbit?

Painted his balls orange to look like a carrot!

One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

A Fox, a Rabbit and a Bear are about to be drafted into the military.

The Fox says “There is no way I’m the world I’m letting myself get drafted, we need to find a way for us to get excused. Are you guys with me?”
The Bear and the Rabbit agree.
The Fox, quickly thinking, suggests: “I’ll cut off my own tail. A Fox without a tail is useless, right?”
The Rabbit ...

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A rabbit and a bear find a genie in the woods

A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods when they trip over a magic lamp. The genie pops out of the lamp and stops them both. He says, “I don’t know who called me out so I’ll give you each three wishes.”

The bear and rabbit both start thinking about their wishes and the bear looks at the...

What would you get if you genetically crossed a rabbit and an oyster?

Your funding taken away and a call from the ethics board.

I ordered rabbit stew at a pub the other day...

The server drops the rabbit stew off at my table and starts walking away.

I call him back and say, "There's a hare in my stew."

If you ever need to look like you have a beard, glue a rabbit to your face.

And presto-chango, facial hare!

A Baptist preacher, a Catholic priest, and a rabbit walk into a bar.

The rabbit takes a look around and says, "I'm beginning to think I'm a typo."

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[NSFW] [Easter] How do you say “Robert and Richard had intercourse with the rabbit” without any Rs?

Bob and Dick fucked the bunny

My friend always has the most ridiculous stories. Yesterday he called me and said he had his hand up a rabbit.

I said, "Get out of hare?!"

I compared the bottom of a co-worker to a rabbit.

Perhaps this was a bit hareassing.

What do you get when you pour boiling water into a rabbit hole?

Hot cross bunnies!

Happy easter everyone

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My girlfriend and I fuck like rabbits...

In the presence of middle class families at the local PetSmart.

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A hunter shot a rabbit and his wife made a stew with it

They all ate well and were very content.

A couple days later, his daughter walks in and she says:

"Dad, i went to the toilet and peed shotgun pellets. What's wrong?"

"Ah shoot!" exlaims the dad "i just remembered I forgot to clean them out of the carcass. Call the rest of the fa...

How to catch a rabbit

Hide in the bushes and try to sound like a lettuce

How do you know when you’re eating rabbit stew?

When you find a hare in it.

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Bear and a Rabbit talking about the toilet paper shortage,...

The bear says, "It sucks being out of toilet paper. Do you have a problem with crap sticking to your fur?

The rabbit says, "No, not really."

The bear says, "Thanks", and wipes his ass with the rabbit.

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A bear asks his rabbit friend if he ever gets poop stuck in his fur after pooping. Rabbit says no.

So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

Why can’t bald people eat rabbits?

They don’t have hare.

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A bear and a rabbit stumbled upon a magical lamp in the forest...

They rubbed it and guess what, a genie appeared. He granted both of them 3 wishes each. The rabbit asked the bear to go first, becuase he knew the bear's playboy nature.

Bear: I wish to be the most handsome bear in the whole world.
Genie: Granted.
Rabbit: I want a motorbike.
Genie (...

I was balding and losing confidence so I had a rabbit tattooed on my scalp.

People tell me, from a distance it looks like hare.

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Rabbits

A Little Rabbit is running happily through the woods when he comes across a Giraffe rolling a joint. He runs up the Giraffe and says, "Hey, Giraffe. You shouldn't do that. Think of your health. You should come running in the woods instead!" The Giraffe looks at the Little Rabbit, looks at the spliff...

Where does a rabbit go for a trim?

To the hare dresser.

A rabbit is running in the woods, he sees a giraffe smoking pot.

- Dude, don’t smoke it, it’s harmful for your body. Let's keep it healthy, come run with me, and they start running.

A little later they see an elephant prepared to snort cocaine.

- My elephant friend, drop the cocaine, come run with us.

After a little run, they see the lion ...

A rabbit enters the bar

A barman was on duty one night, when a rabbit enters the bar. He sits at the bar and says ‘I’ll have a cheese and onion toastie please.” The barman is amazed by this, and not knowing what to say he serves the rabbit his toastie. The rabbit eats his toastie and leaves.
The barman tells a few of h...

A rabbit on a run through the forest.

So there's this rabbit running through the forest. After a few minutes he comes across a fox who's about to light up a joint. The rabbit kicks the joint from the fox's mouth, saying: "That's bad for your health, you're better off if you join me on my run!" So the fox says, "You're right!" and joins ...

I got in trouble for trying to bring a dead rabbit on a plane.

I thought I was allowed one carrion.

Did you hear about the beer made entirely out of rabbits, frogs and kangaroos?

It’s mostly hops.

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The Three Rabbit Brothers

Once upon a time there were three rabbit brothers named Foot, Foot Foot, and Foot Foot Foot.

One day Foot, Foot Foot, and Foot Foot Foot were out in the meadow eating grass. Well Foot ended up eating some bad grass, so Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot took Foot to the hospital. The doctor said "I...

What do you call a guy with a rabbit in his ass?

Warren

What’s a rabbits least favorite instrument?

A snare drum

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3 Wishes for Bear and Rabbit

Bear and Rabbit are walking in the woods when suddenly they come upon a magical lamp. They rub the lamp and a genie appears. "You have set me free," the genie says, "and I will grant you each 3 wishes."

Bear is excited, he goes first. "I wish I were young again."

"Granted," says Genie,...

One night, my dog brings me my neighbour’s rabbit, dead in its mouth.

It’s dirty, definitely dead and I’m a bit drunk so I panic. My neighbours hate me anyway. This could get me evicted.

So I take the rabbit, meticulously wash off the dirt and dry it. Then I sneak over the fence and put it back in it’s hutch, leaving no trace. Job well done.

My neighbour...

A rabbit goes into a bar

A rabbit goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he has vodka. The bartender tells him that yes, he does have vodka.
Then, the rabbit asks: How much does a drop costs?
The bartender, confused, tells him that a drop of vodka costs nothing.
The rabbit, grining, replies: Then give me 1000 dr...

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Seven Lessons of Life

**Lesson 1:**

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give y...

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A bear and a rabbit stumble upon a fairy

"You both get three whishes granted", says the fairy. The bear does not need to think for long and says: "I want to be compelling to all female bears in this entire forest!"

"Ok," says the fairy, "and what is your wish, little rabbit?"

"I'd like a beautiful and strong helmet, which fit...

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A rabbit is joyfully running through the forest...

...when he stumbles upon a skunk rolling a joint.

The rabbit looks at the skunk and says, "Skunk my friend, why do you do this? Come and run with me through the forest! You'll feel so much better!"

The skunk looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rab...

Patient: every day I feel more and more like a cartoon rabbit

**Doctor:** you have a bad case of updoc

**Patient:** what’s updoc?

**Doctor:** this is more serious than I thought

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One of my great grandfather’s favorite jokes...

A guys walking down the street with a bag of rabbit droppings he runs into one of his friends who asks what’s in the bag. Guy says “Smart Pills,” his friend says “Gimme one of them Smart Pills,” then reaches in the bag and pops a handful of them in his mouth. He looks at the guy and says “These smar...

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A magical frog, a bear, and a rabbit

Once there was a magical frog in a forest. He woke up one morning and said to himself, “Today I’m going to be generous. I will grant 3 wishes to the first 2 animals I see.” He goes outside and he sees a bear. Soon after he sees a rabbit.

The frog calls over the bear and the rabbit, and he tel...

When googling Gary Oldman, be very careful....

....I forgot the 'r' and went down a rabbit hole I wasn't prepared for.

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A bear and a rabbit are in the woods

A bear and a rabbit are in the woods, and they’re both taking a dump.

All of a sudden the bear turns to the rabbit and says, “pardon me, but do you have problems with poop sticking to your fur?”

And the rabbit says, “Why no, I don’t.”

So the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit.

Two rabbits really wanted to have babies but couldn't. So they went to the wise old owl and asked for help.

The owl looked them over, stroked its feathery chin, blinked a few times and said:

"Now... look here boys..."

A rabbit hops into a bar

And asks the bartender for a ham and cheese toastie.

The bartender, surprised, forks it over and says 'two pounds, please'

The rabbit pays and leaves.

The next day, the same rabbit comes in and asks the same thing- '' ham and cheese toastie, please''

This goes on for quit...

Where does a rabbit live?

In a rabbitat.

What's a rabbit's favorite beer

Answer: an IPA because it so hoppy

Some rabbits may be dumb, but they have math skills

They're really good at multiplying.

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What's got 200 balls and fucks rabbits?

A shotgun

MI5, CIA and FSB are tasked with finding a rabbit in a forest

MI5 forms a task group of twelve agent and proceeds to set up surveillance and monitor the inhabitants of the forest 24/7. They also buy information on the rabbit from several forest critters. After three months, MI5 abandons the search and concludes that the rabbit does not exist.


CIA ro...

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The rabbit enters the store

The rabbit enters the store. The rabbit asks "do you got some kale?". The guy behind the counter replies "No.. We dont got any kale". The rabbit leaves the store dissapointed. The next day the rabbit enters the store again. He asks "you got some kale?". "No, we got no kale". Dissapointed again the r...

Something about rabbit races creeps me out.

It's hare racing.

A blind snake and a blind rabbit bump into each other...

The snake feels the rabbit and says "You are soft,small, and have a bushy tail, you must be a rabbit.", the the rabbit feel the snake and says "You're slimy, have beady eyes, slither in the ground, and have a forked tongue, you must be a politician!".

Dam I wish I'd thought of it first

A rabbit and a beaver is sitting staring at the Hoover Dam.
The rabbit says, "Did you really build it?"
The beaver responds, "I didn't actually build it, but it is based on my design."

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trapped in the woods.

Finally, the trio realize they are lost and decide to hunker down and make camp. They're hungry and decide to hunt.

The brunette goes first and comes back with a rabbit. The blonde and redhead are impressed.

"How'd you do that?" they ask.

"Simple," replies the brunette. "Found t...

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What do you call a rabbit with a crooked dick?

Fucks Funny

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Little Johnny talks like an adult

This is my sister's favorite joke

\--

One day in Kindergarten...

Mrs Smith: Ok class, today we're going to try and talk like adults. OK? Let's try it. Kevin, what did you have for dinner last night?

Kevin: We ate cheesy macaroony!

Mrs Smith: OK, but let's talk...

A game show host is talking to a rabbit

The host looks at his question card. "Okay, here is your first question: What is 7 plus 5?"

"Twelve", replied the rabbit.

"That's correct! Now for question 2: What is 56 minus 37?"

The rabbit thought for a moment. "Nineteen"

"That's correct! Okay, now here is your grand p...

A rabbit crosses an intersection and gets hit by a car,killing it instantly...

An animal lover,concerned about the well being of the rabbit,gets out of her car and rushes over to the rabbit,takes it's pulse,and immediately grabs a can out of her purse.She sprays it on the rabbit and instantly the recent roadkill jumps back to life,hops three times and waves,hops three times a...

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An elephant in the forest once asked a rabbit...

'do you care about hygiene?' The rabbit said no. The elephant picked him up with his trunk and used him to wipe his ass.

The next day the elephant saw a squirrel. He asked the same question and the squirrel said no. He picked him up with his trunk and wanted to wipe his mouth but the squirre...

A rabbit and a lion once got into an argument...

Once

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Deep into the woods there was bunny rabbit, hopping and prancing,

when he saw a monkey about to drop acid, so he yelled

"STOOOOOOOPPPPPPPP, THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH COME JOIN ME HOP THRU THE FOREST".

So the monkey said fuck it, let's do it rabbit.

So the monkey and the bunny where prancing through the woods when all of a sudden, saw a giraff...

I tried rabbit stew for the first time today.

But I found a hare in my food

What did the rabbit say when he found 24 carrots?

Thanks for the gold!

I fed thousands of /r/jokes to the new OpenAI artificial intelligence (GPT-3), here's what it came up with.

Q: How do astronauts shower?
A: They take a spaceship!

Q: Where do birds go when they want to talk to each other?
A: Tweet-el

Q: What did the pepper do when he got excited?
A: He pepped up!

Q: What do you call a man who is trapped in a bush with a lion, tiger and bear?<...

A blind rabbit and a blind snake have been friends for years

One day, they decide to feel each other over so they can tell each other what animal they are.

The snake feels across the rabbits body and says "hmm, long ears, fluffy tail, big feet... you must be a bunny."

The rabbit feels the snake and says "cold, slimy, forked tongue, no balls... y...

What kind of music do rabbits listen to?

Hare Metal

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A lion and a lioness and resting in a shade of a tree. All of a sudden a rabbit comes, slaps the lion in the face and runs off.

The lion just chuckles.

The Lioness is pissed: "Why did you let him slap you? Are you not the king of the animals? This is a major disrespect. Go kill that little shit!"

The lion replies calmly: "Dear, the rabbit is small and stupid - he doesn't know what he is doing...".

In a ...

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A dog and a rabbit are in a bar having a few drinks when a drunk decides that he doesn't like their kind patronizing his establishment.

He goes over and voices his displeasure with them being in HIS bar.
Now now take it easy slim, says the rabbit ,if you can solve this riddle we will buy you all the drinks you can have for the night. Well he thinks about it for a minute and thinks, why not. Ok then but if you get it wrong my dog...

The rabbit

A man was driving on a back country road as he usually did coming home from work. The February weather was quite cold, but in the distance he saw a car on the side of the road. As he got closer he noticed a woman, however she didn't look hurt, and the car was parked nicely. Puzzled why she was outsi...

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Once upon a time there was a bear and a rabbit

They were out in the forest when the bear attacked the rabbit. All of a sudden the spirit of the forest appeared and said, “STOP! I will grant you both three wishes.”
The bear said, “my first wish is that I’d like to be the only male bear in the forest so i could have all the females.”
The rab...

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An old hillbilly has a beautiful young bride.

One day a salesman comes to his door selling rabbits. "That's a mighty fine looking rabbit you have there," says the old man. "How much do you want for it?"

"This one sells for 20 bucks," says the salesman.

"That's mighty expensive for a rabbit," says the hillbilly. "Tell you what, my ...

My four year old neighbor buddy just told me this joke he made up: what do you call a bunny rabbit with no ears?

A backpack.


P.s. I love nonsensical kid jokes.

What do you call four hundred french rabbits turning around and running away from a fight?

A receding hare line.

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