One sunny day a rabbit came out of her hole in the ground to enjoy the fine weather.

The day was so nice that she became careless and a fox snuck up behind her and caught her.

"I am going to eat you for lunch," said the fox.

"Wait," replied the rabbit, "You should at least wait a few days."

"Oh yeah? Why should I wait?"

"Well, I am just finishing my thesi...

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Why is rabbit sex so quiet?

Cotton Balls.

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Once upon a time there was a bear and a rabbit

They were out in the forest when the bear attacked the rabbit. All of a sudden the spirit of the forest appeared and said, “STOP! I will grant you both three wishes.”
The bear said, “my first wish is that I’d like to be the only male bear in the forest so i could have all the females.”
The rab...

What do you call four hundred french rabbits turning around and running away from a fight?

A receding hare line.

My four year old neighbor buddy just told me this joke he made up: what do you call a bunny rabbit with no ears?

A backpack.


P.s. I love nonsensical kid jokes.

Man opens fridge to find rabbit asleep inside...

He says "Excuse me, what do you think you are doing?"

Rabbit replies "This is Westinghouse isn't it?"

Man says "Yes it is"

Rabbit says "Well, would you mind closing the door, I'm westing"

What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?

A receding hare-line

“Going down the rabbit hole” is an expression meaning to enter into a strange or complicated situation,

And also to a person exploring their new furry kink.

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A bear and a rabbit are taking a poo in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says..

"Do you have trouble with poo sticking to your fur?"

"No..no I don't." Says the rabbit.

So the bear picks the rabbit up and wipes his bum with it.

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A bear and a rabbit were taking a shit in the woods...

The bear turns to the rabbit and says: excuse me, but do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?

The rabbit says: No.

So the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.



(Credit: Eddie Murphy’s Delirious)

I teased my dad about being bald, so he told me he was going to draw lots of rabbits on his head.

From a distance they will look like hares.

A rabbit walks into a pub...

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman,
'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?'

The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.

The following ...

What do you call a group of 8 rabbits?

A rabbyte.

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A bear started a cleaning program after a season

He gathered all the animals and gave each of them a task.
But 1 animal was missimg, a rabbit.
The bear was searching for him for couple of hours without finding him.
But then he noticed some movement in nearby bush.
He said: "Rabbit is that you ?"
He responded with: "Yes"
Then bear...

How do you catch a rabbit?

You hide behind a bush and make a sound like a carrot.

My pet rabbit was an enlightened thinker but was electrocuted.

Now, he's a Volt-Hare

I won the prize for "Largest litter of rabbits!"

But only by a hare.

The CIA,The FBI and the KGB

The CIA, the FBI and the KGB argue about who’s the best at catching criminals.

The Secretary General of the UN decides to test them. He releases a rabbit into the woods and each of the divisions has to catch it.

The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They ...

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What do you call a rabbit with a crooked dick?

Fucks Funny

What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole?

Hot Cross Bunnies!

What would you get if you genetically crossed a rabbit and an oyster?

A visit from the ethics committee and your funding taken away.

Do you know what a rabbit's favorite music is?

Hippidy Hoppady

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A rabbit is hopping through the woods. Hop, hop, hop, when he comes upon a giraffe. Now, this giraffe is about to smoke some weed. The rabbit looks up at the giraffe and say, "Giraffe, don't smoke weed. Weed is a drug and drugs are bad, come running with me through the forest."

The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. The giraffe tossed his blunt aside and they go running through the forest together. Run, run, run. Hop, hop, hopping along.

Soon they come to a clearing with a sheep. This sheep is about to shoot up heroin. The ra...

A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.

A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.
The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.
He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of na...

A little rabbit is running through the forest

when he sees a bear and a wolf smoking a joint. Not knowing what a joint is, he approaches them.

"What are you doing guys?" the rabbit asks. "Smoking a joint." they said, "Wanna try?". "I can't. Mrs. rabbit is waiting for me." answers the rabbit. "Come on, rabbit. It's gonna be fun.". Rabbit ...

I haven't been so far deep into the rabbit hole...

...than I have with bestiality

What do you call a cross between a rooster and a rabbit?

A hop a doodle doo!

Courtesy of my 9yr old daughter

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Long. A little white rabbit is being chased through the forest by a bear.

As they are running, they both trip over a magic lamp. The genie pops out and looks at the two.

“Since you both touched the lamp, you will both get 3 wishes,” says the genie.

The bear starts jumping up and down waving its paws and says “Oh, oh, oh, me first! I wish all the bears in thi...

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A Rabbit and a bear are fighting in a forest, when a wizard walks by

He explains to them that if they stop fighting, he will grant them three wishes each.

So of course they stop fighting immediately.

“Right,” says the wizard, “why don't you go first, bear?”

The bear thinks about his first wish for a few seconds and then says, “I wish that every b...

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What’s four feet long and fucks rabbits?

My shotgun

A Pair of Rabbits

A wild rabbit was caught and taken to a National Institute of Health laboratory. When he arrived, he was befriended by a rabbit that had been born and raised in the lab.

One evening the wild rabbit noticed that his cage hadn't been properly closed and decided to make a break for freedom. He i...

What nationality was the White Rabbit from Alice in Wonderland?

He was Russian!

What did the Avocado said before the rabbit disappeared?

Avocadobra!

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Little rabbit opens a public musical toilet in the forest.

The animals are all queuing to try it. First comes the fox.
"What kind of music would you like?", the little rabbit asks.
"Definitely heavy metal", the fox answers.
"2 dollars", says the rabbit and he presses some buttons on the machine. The fox hands over the money, enters the toilet, and ...

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Mr. Bear and Mr. Rabbit live in the same forest, but they don't like each other.

One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Mr. Bear wishes that all the other bears in the forest were female. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a crash helmet. Mr. Bear's second wish is that all the bears in the neighboring forests were female as well. Mr. Rabbit wishes for a mo...

What the... that rabbit is wearing a tuxedo.

Yeah, he’s probably coming from a hare dresser.

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A bear and a rabbit are taking a friendly stroll through the forest when they both have to take a dump

So they each go to find a tree. Afterwards, as they resume their walk, the bear asks

“Rabbit, do you ever have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?”

“Not at all” Rabbit says proudly.

So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit a couple times and tosses him in a bush.

What do you call a rabbit who is an anesthesiologist?

An Ether Bunny

What do you call an arctic rabbit

A polar hare

Rabbits are trying to eat away my old Toyota!

Mechanic said it could be car rot.

(I remain optimistic that one day reddit will like one of my dad jokes)

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One day a small rabbit was taking a run through the forest.

As he was running he came upon a giraffe. This giraffe was about to shoot up some heroin. The rabbit looked at he giraffe for a moment and then said, "Giraffe, don't do heroin. Heroin is a drug, and drugs are bad for you. Come running with me through the forest."

The giraffe looked at the rab...

Since it’s Easter, what do you call a group of rabbits hopping backward in sync?

A receding hareline.

Why don't rabbits like to play the drums?

They're afraid of getting caught in a snare.

Why don't rabbits make noise when they make love?

Because they have little cotton balls.

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My dog disgraced himself by escaping and bringing home next doors rabbit.

It was very dead and covered in dirt but I couldn't see any wound so I thought I might just be able to get away without confessing. So I quickly washed and blow dried the deceased bunny, snuck round the fence and popped bun back in its hutch, all snuggled up looking in its straw so it looked just l...

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A bear is chasing a rabbit

Through the woods and stumble upon a magic lamp. A genie pops out and says "thank you for freeing me, I have granted you two the ability to communicate with. I will give both of you 2 wishes.". The bear speaks up first "I wish to have the biggest bear penis in the world." The genie looks to the rabb...

A rabbit walks into a butcher shop

(All credit to Eddie Izzard, who told this joke at the end of his Wunderbar show here recently and who left us in stitches with his delivery of it.)



One morning, a rabbit walks into a butcher shop and says, 'Hello, sir. Do you have any carrots?'

The barber responds, 'Carrots? T...

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NSFW Long A mole challenges a rabbit to a race...

Hey rabbit want to bet that I can get to that tree before you on a race, said the mole to the rabbit.

Of course and I will win, said the arrogant rabbit, but what do you want to bet?

I have an idea; said the little mole, the winner gets to fuck the other in the ass...

WTF said t...

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The rabbit(R) is sitting by the lake smoking weed, a beaver(B) is swimming by, sees the rabbit and asks

B: hey, what you got there?
R: oh, this thing is called weed and it does some insane shit. You inhale hold it, swit to the other side and exhale. It makes you feel sooooo goood.
B: lemme try
The rabbit gives him the weed, the beaver does like the rabbit said, comes out the other side of the...

A hippopotamus walks into a bar. He buys a drink for the rabbit on the bar stool. She bats her eyes at him. He asks for a dance..

The rabbit says "tango?"

He says "nope.... Lets do Hip Hop!"

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I failed my driving test today. I was driving down a country road with the examiner, when a rabbit ran out right in front of the car.

I remembered my instructor said you should never swerve or try to avoid an animal, because it's dangerous and you can end up causing a more serious accident.You should always just hit it and keep on driving.

Had to chase that little bugger for miles across the fields before I finally got it!

What do you call a rabbit that's gonna be king?

An Heir

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Passover joke about rabbits.

So this Jew owns two pet rabbits. Every so often, he'd give them some cardboard to chew on.

On Passover, he decided to give them some matzah to see how they'd like it.

The two rabbits try the matzah. One said to the other, "Does this cardboard taste a bit funny to you?"

The seco...

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An elephant picks up a white rabbit

An elephant picks up a white rabbit after taking a dump. It asks the rabbit: “Are you afraid of getting dirty?” The rabbit says no and the elephant wipes his bum with it.

The next day the elephant picks up a squirrel after eating. It asks the squirrel: “Are you afraid of getting dirty?” The s...

If I ran a night club I'd hire a rabbit to guard the front door.

I heard they're good bouncers.

I’m going to tattoo a row of rabbits running away on the top of my head.

That way if I go bald everyone can see my receding hare line.

The MI5, the CIA and the KGB are having a competition

Three small parties of all three Agencies meet on neutral ground, on the edge of a big german forest.

For the goal of the competition, they decided that each of their parties should catch a rabbit, using their espionage skills. The party that manages to catch the rabbit the quickest, wins....

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Little Billy is standing in the barn with his grandpa. There are rabbits in the barn and their droppings are all over the floor.

The boy says, "What are all these pellets on the ground, grandpa?"

Grandpa says, "They're smart pills, Billy. Eat them and you'll get smarter."

Little Billy liked the sound of that so he grabbed a handful off the ground and shoved them in his mouth. He immediately spit them out and s...

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A rabbit one day managed to break free from a laboratory

where he had been born and brought up. As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life.


"WOW! This is great," he thought. It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing ...

I've opened up a barber shop for rabbits

I do hare cuts, only.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

*You 'neak up on him.*

**How do you catch a tame rabbit?**

*The tame way!*

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A bear is chasing a rabbit around a dead hollow tree.

They are causing lots of commotion. Eventually a forest spirit rises from the tree.

“You two have woken me from my slumber. If you promise to go away I will grant you both three wishes”

The bear and rabbit instantly agree.

The spirit asks the bear for his first wish.

“I w...

The FBI, CIA and KGB go into a forest for a rabbit hunting competition.

They each have 2 days to do it and whoever finds a rabbit the fastest wins. First, the FBI go in. They go in with the latest and greatest rabbit locating equipment, and it’s clear that they have prepared for a while. They come back after two days with a rabbit in hand. Next, the CIA go in. Their equ...

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A bear is chasing a rabbit through the forest when they stumble across a magic lamp.

The rabbit picks up the lamp, and rubs it. Out comes a genie, and it grants them both 3 wishes.

The bear, now focused on the wishes, decides to test the genie’s limits. He says, “I wish every other bear in the forest were female!”

The rabbit simply says, “I wish for a motorcycle helmet...

teacher asks to a student that if I give you 3+3 rabbits, how many do you have"?

student tells, I will have 7 rabbits. teacher asks, how? student tells, i already have 1 rabbit.

I ordered rabbit stew but had to return it.

There was a hare in my soup

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A rabbit is running through the steppe when he meets a giraffe which is rolling a joint.

"No giraffe, you don't have to smoke that. Just come running with me!", it says to the giraffe. After thinking a few seconds, the giraffe happily joins the rabbit.

After a while they meet an elephant which is about to sniff some cocain. "No elephant, you don't have to sniff that. Just come ru...

My brother has been out of town for a month and I've had to take care of his pet rabbit the whole time.

Let me tell ya...it's been hare raising.

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My Kids Got Pissed at Me for Cooking Pancakes this Morning

Seems he was their favorite rabbit

What do you say to a rabbit when returning something?

Thanks for letting me burrow that.

What happens to evil rabbits?

They carrot in hell.

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A rabbit and a bear stumble upon a magic lamp.(some of you may have heard it)

They rub it and a genie appears. The genie promises each of them three wishes each but they'd have to take turns making the wishes.
It's the bear first, so he goes "I wish all the bears in this jungle were female with the exception of me."
The wish was granted.
The rabbit's turn. He goes" I...

So Mama Rabbit and Papa Rabbit are trapped in this hollow log.

They had been chased by the old farmer's hound dogs across three field, two fences and a gulley. They never slowed down. They never gave up, but still they hadn't managed to get away. Seeing the log, they ran in as a last resort.

With a hound dog barking and yapping at either end, Mama Rabbit...

You know the joke where a guy tells another guy to eat rabbit pellets saying that they are "smart pills"?

The second guy comes back the next day and says, "Hey, these are rabbit pellets! They're not smart pills at all!"

And the first guy says, "You see, they're working already."

One day an old dog lost his way while chasing rabbits.

Soon he noticed a lion in the distance running towards him with a hungry look in his eye.

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, the dog immediately settled down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the lion was about to leap, the old dog exclaimed, "That wa...

One time, two blondes were walking through the forest

...and they came across some tracks.


The first blonde pointed and said, "Oh, look! Rabbit tracks!"

The second blonde said, "No dummy, those are deer tracks!"


They were both still arguing when the train hit them.

What do you call a rabbit with no legs?

The loudest Fleshlight I ever used.

A blind rabbit and a blind snake have been friends for years

One day, they decide to feel each other over so they can tell each other what animal they are.

The snake feels across the rabbits body and says "hmm, long ears, fluffy tail, big feet... you must be a bunny."

The rabbit feels the snake and says "cold, slimy, forked tongue, no balls... y...

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves.........?

Two rabbits were being chased by a pack of wolves. The wolves chased the rabbits into a thicket. After a few minutes, one rabbit turned to the other and said, "Well, do you want to make a run for it or stay here a few days and outnumber them?"

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If a rabbit lives in a rabbit hole and fox lives in a foxhole

Does that mean a donkey lives in an asshole?

Four rabbis were golfing

EDIT: So everyone seems to be reading "rabbits," like "bunnies," only to get confused halfway through the joke. This is actually about "rabbis," meaning Jewish clergymen. Carry on...



*************



Four rabbis had a tradition of spending a day each week golfing and di...

A man is driving down the road and runs over a rabbit

He slams on his brakes, gets out and walks up to the flattened bunny. The bunny is obviously expired. A passing car slams on it’s brakes and screeches to a halt. The driver of that car runs up to the bunny pulls out an aerosol can and sprays the bunny with the aerosol spray. The Bunny jumps up runs...

I went out partying and drinking last night, and I forgot to feed my pet rabbit.

I really let my hare down.

My friend and I can't agree on what his job title at the rabbit farm actually is, he calls himself a processor while I say he is a butcher...

... Either way, he is just splitting hares.

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A bear and a rabbit was walking in a forest, and they met a genie

The genie granted them each 3 wishes
The bear wished that all the bears in the local area were girls (the bear is a guy) and the rabbit wished for a motorbike. The bear then wished that all the bears in the the country were girls except for him, and the rabbit wished for a motorbike helmet. The b...

How do Rabbits travel?

By Hareplane!

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The bear and the rabbit

A bear and a rabbit are walking through the woods and find a lamp. After rubbing it, a genie appears and agrees to grant them both 3 wishes.

For his first wish, the bear says, "I wish all the female bears in this forrest find me irresistable and sexy" and the genie grants his wish. The rabbit...

A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road

He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.
The driver ...

I almost hit a rabbit...

I had to cross two lanes to get it.

I served rabbit for my New Years party.

It got over the net, but there was almost no bounce.

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The Bear, the Rabbit, and the Magic lamp

A bear was casing a rabbit though the woods to eat. During the case the two stumble over a magic lamp.

A Genie appeared to the both of them as said. "I will grant you each three wishes."

The bear went first, "I wish every other bear in the woods was female!" The genie waved his hand an...

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