What do you call an elephant in a dress?

Elegant

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What do you get when you breed an elephant and a duck?

A dead duck with gaping asshole

What did the elephant say when a man was walking naked ?

How do you drink with that small trunk?

I bought the newlyweds an elephant for their room.

They smiled and thanked me so I said, *"Don't mention it."*

Me: “Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?”

Them: “Why?”

Me: “To hide in the strawberry patch”

Them: “……..”

Me: “have you ever seen an elephant in a strawberry patch?”

Them: “no?”

Me: “then I guess it works”

Cue applause.

A billionaire buys an elephant

Two billionaire friends meet. After a casual conversation, one of them finally asks: So, how's your home life?

The other answers: Couldn't be better! I bought an elephant!

The other guy looks at him astonished: An elephant? Have you gone mad?

The guy replies, smiling: Oh, man, ...

Why did the lifeguard kick the elephants out of the pool?

They kept dropping their trunks.

Anything not related to elephants

is irrelephant.

Helping an Elephant

An American exchange student goes to Africa. While there, he spends a lot of time hiking around in the jungle. One day, he hears a commotion. He goes towards the sounds. Peering through some bushes, he spots an elephant.

The elephant seems to be in some distress. The student steps through...

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Why don't you see elephants hiding in a tree?

Because they're very good at it.

Why do the elephants paint their balls red?

So they can hide in a cherry tree.

What's the loudest sound in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries.

What do you get when you mix an elephant with a rhino?

Hellifiknow

Joke from my 12 year old “why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?”

Because they’re so good at it!

Please don’t ban me

I used to make a living by circumcising elephants

The pays were lousy but the tips were huge!

What happened to Batman and Robin when a herd of elephants trampled over them ?

They became Flatman and Ribbon...

an elephant looked through the tall grass when he saw a nudist tribe

it gasped and said said “how do you breathe through those?”

Elephant never forgets

This man, Rajesh Patel wnet to Africa on a safari. While there, he comes upon an elephant, in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot. Rajesh very carefully approaches the elephant, and gingerly removes the thorn from its foot. The elephant begins to walk away, then turns and stares at Rajesh for...

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A man goes into his doctors after being assaulted by an elephant in the jungle.

As the man explains what happened in the jungle the doctor is confused.
"Well, I can't see any injuries on you, so what happened?"

The man responds
"Well you see Doc, the elephant knocked me down and.... Had his way with me.. I know it's bad but can you have a look for me?"

The d...

A man walked onto a bus with an elephant.

He stuffs a piece of bread into each ear of the elephant.

"What the hell is that???" Yelled the shocked driver.

The man replies, annoyed "None of your business what I put in my sandwich."

A pink elephant walks into a bar

The barman looks at him and says

“You’re too early mate, he’s not in yet”

Did you hear the one about the elephant with diarrhea?

No? Funny, it’s all over town.

How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?

You take the “s” out of “safe” and the “f” out of “way”

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For my first cake day I want to share a joke my dad told me when I was probably too young to really understand it. How does an elephant hide in the jungle?

Climbs to the top of a cherry tree and paints his balls red.

What’s the loudest sound in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries!

(Apologies if you’ve heard it before fellow Redditors! Maybe by next cake day I’ll get better material)

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A mum, dad and their son go to the zoo. When they get to the elephants, one walks over in their direction. The son asks the mother “what’s that hanging done”. The mother says “that’s his trunk”. “No behind that” says the son. “Oh that’s nothing” replies the mother.

The son then asks the dad, who says “that’s the elephant’s penis, son”. “Then why did mummy say it’s nothing?” Asks the boy. “Son, I’ve really spoiled that woman”

I have the memory of an elephant.

I saw an elephant.

My friend once had a job circumcising elephants

Well according to him the pay was lousy but at least the tips were huge!

What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle?

Wipe it off and say you’re sorry!

(Works best verbally)

How do you tell an African from an Indian elephant?

The ears.
Lift them up and whisper “Where you from?”.

What's the difference between a riddle and an elephant sitting on a bun?

One is conundrum and the other is a bununderhim.

My balloon elephant wouldn't fit in my backseat

So I had to pop the trunk

What do you call an elephant that flies ?

A Jumbo Jet...

An elephant and an ant got into an argument.

The elephant lost his temper decided he was going to squash the ant.

The ant exclaimed, "ONLY IF YOU CAN CATCH ME!!!!" and ran off.

Elephants is chasing the ant, and as ant rounds a corner, he sees a rabbit.

"Yo, rabbit! Can I hide out in your fur? This elephant wants to kill m...

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

Did you know that humans, like elephants have evolved a very specific call to warn others about bees they have encountered?

Want to hear what it sounds like?

-


-



-


“BEES!”

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The animals hear that the world is going to end

So, the Lion, as their king, calls an official meeting of all animals.

“We have only 10 days until everything as we know it is destroyed. Nothing matters anymore. Let’s just all have sex with each other and go out with a bang.”

The antelope flicks and ear to ask a question: “What about...

A naked Tarzan sees an elephant drinking from the pond.

The elephant after seeing him approach says, "How much water can you drink from that tiny thing son?"

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

Elephino. It just isn't rhelephant.

(This joke works best when said out loud.)

Why do elephants and stoners get along so well?

.......uhhhh.... I can’t remember.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, t...

A medieval king was hunting in Africa. He killed a lion, an elephant, and a hippopotamus, and awarded the skins to his three squires back home in his kingdom. Thus, the three squires became known as the Lion Squire, the Elephant Squire, and the Hippo Squire.

As the years passed, the Lion Squire and the Elephant Squire became very jealous of the Hippo Squire because they wanted the hippo skin too. So, they hatched a plan to assassinate the Hippo Squire and divide the hippo skin between them equally.

Now the Lion Squire had eight sons, and the Elep...

Why do elephants have long noses?

So they can scratch their bag

I like elephants.

Everything else is irrelephant.

What do you get when you mate and Elephant with a Rhino?

You get thrown out of the Safari Park

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A man has an elephant...

A man has an elephant that is getting too expensive to feed, so he puts an ad in the paper for a 50/50 contest. 20 dollars to enter, and if you can make the elephant jump, you win half the pot. Many people try but nobody can do it. One day, a slick guy in a Cadillac shows up puts money in the jar...

An elephant escapes from the circus

It wanders around and eventually ends uo in an old lady's garden eating the vegetables. The old lady came out and had never seen an elephant before nor did she know what it was. Panicked she ran inside and called the police

"Hello, what is your emergency" said the operator

"There is so...

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she won’t think twice...

Call a girl fat once and she’ll always remember.


Because elephants never forget

Did you hear about the elephant with two trunks?

He was carrying his luggage.

People often overlook one of the greatest military advantages that Hannibal had when crossing the Alps...

The elephant of supplies.

An Elephant, a Giraffe and a Penguin walk in to a bar

It's at this point I realise that there is something wrong with my pint.

I’ve got the memory of an elephant...

I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

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What do you get if you cross an elephant and a pornstar?

A failing grade in your photoshop class.

I took my 8 year old niece to the zoo last week...

..we were walking around the various cages and enclosures when all of a sudden she yells, “Look Uncle John! It's a frickin' Elephant!”
I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us. “What did you just call it?” I asked.
“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” ...

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A rat an an elephant are walking around when the rat falls into a hole.

The rat panics as the hole was deep and he couldnt get out. The elephant looks at the situation and offers help.

“I know this isnt’t ideal but youre gonna have to trust me”

The rat desperate and exhausting all other options he asks for the elephants idea

“Im gonna stick my pen...

My uncle used to circumcise elephants. The pay was terrible, but...

The tips were massive.

A man walked outside and saw an Elephant in his backyard

A man walked outside and saw an Elephant in his backyard eating cabbages of his garden. The man, who had never seen anything like it before, ran to his neighbours house and said ‘Neighbour Neighbour a huge, weird creature is in my garden. Come look! He’s picking up cabbages with his tail and you won...

Elephant jokes, because it's what 2021 needs

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out forest fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

Bonus #1: How can you tell an elephant has been in your refrigerator? Footprints in the cheesecake.

Bonus #2: What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time...

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Maybe repost, but it is a fabulous joke so I'll risk it. (Long, and works better when spoken)

A man is waking up in the morning, when he reads in the newspaper that the circus is coming to town. So he decides to go and see. He gets into his seat and the show starts. He watches the lions, the elephants, the tight rope walkers, and at the end there's a clown insulting people in the audience. T...

What do you call an elephant small enough to fit in your ear?

It's earelephant.

What recipe uses chicken and elephant parts?

Chicken Dumbo

Why was the elephant arrested?

It forgot it's swim trunks.

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A man scores a hot date

Not wanting to disappoint his date in the bedroom, he goes to the doctor to get his penis enlarged.
The doctor says, "we happen to have a new experimental procedure that uses muscle cells from an elephant trunk that should do the trick." To which the man accepts.

Later on, the man and his...

What is grey and pink,grey and pink?

2 elephants hiding in a strawberry patch

How do you catch an elephant?

First, you’ll need to dig a hole deep enough for an elephant. Proceed to complete surround the hole with green peas and fill the bottom of the hole with ashes.
*Once the elephant bends down to take a pee, kick it in the ash hole.*

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NSFW An elephant has a splinter stuck in her foot, and it's driving her crazy.

NSFW

She can't move much and is in a miserable state. Along comes a mouse.

"Please, Mr. Mouse, take this splinter out of my foot so I'm not in so much pain" says the elephant.

The mouse rubs his chin, "on one condition"

"Anything" says the elephant

"I want to have...

There is an elephant and a giraffe in the bathroom

The giraffe says "pass the soap, please"

And the elephant says "no soap, radio!"

What's grey and comes in pints?

An elephant.

A Frog goes into a bank to get a loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation."

Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
...

Rat and elephant...

A rat decided to swim in the river. After a while, an elephant came and decided to cool off too.

The rat eventually got up, and after looking around for something, he says to the elephant-

"Hey elephant, mind coming up here for a bit?"

The elephant was confused, but he did as t...

Did you know: If you stacked every elephant on earth on top of each other...

...most of them would fall.

What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?

Big holes all over Australia.

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A man with an asshole this ( ) big goes into a Dr....

The Dr, puzzled asks how the man ended with an asshole that (..................) big. The man calmly replies that he fucked with an elephant.

The Dr. doesn't believe him and asks again but the man replies the same thing.

"Come on sir", says the Dr. "as a student of medicine I'm intere...

Whats grey and comes in buckets?

Elephants

What happens if you mate a rhinoceros and an elephant?

El-iph-ino.

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An Elephant and a Camel met for the first time..

Elephant: Yo, why do you have titties on your back?

Camel: Hahaha, it's better than having a dick on my face!

My kid asked what we would get if we crossed a rhinoceros and an elephant.

I said, elifino.

A guy wakes up after some heavy drinking. He sees a purple giraffe standing next to his bed.

— What are you looking at? – asks the giraffe – There’s so many of you, goddamn drunks, that we had no pink elephants left!

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Three blondes are on a walk

While on this walk, they come across an interesting set of tracks. Taking interest in it, each of the girls have a guess as to what animal it could be.

The first blond said "I bet those are bear tracks", to which the other two scoff and say there were no bears around.

The second blond...

What do you call an elephant that is pleasingly graceful and stylish in appearance and manner?

An elegant.

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A boy sees an elephants penis at the zoo

He asks “mommy! whats that?"

Mom quickly replies "oh that's nothing" and walks on.

Later while passing the elephant the kid sees the weiner again and says to his dad "what's that daddy?"

Dad replies "oh thats the elephants penis"

kid says "oh, mommy says that's n...

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What’s an elephant’s sex organ?

Their foot! Because if they step on you, you’re screwed.

Why do elephants have tails?

So they don’t end abruptly

Total chaos would ensue.

What would happen if the fly on the wall told the elephant in the room about the skeleton in the closet?

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How do you know if two elephants were having sex in your backyard?

Your fence is knocked down and one of your Hefty trash bags is missing.

A group of tourists in Africa where enjoying a guided tour….

A group of tourists in Africa were enjoying a tour of the bush observing the wild life. The guide says to everyone , “Don’t be surprised if you see an elephant wearing sunglasses.”

One of the tourists asks-
“why would an elephant be wearing sunglasses?”

The guide replies- "Well, ...

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You know what sucks the most about being a democrat in a republican household?

If you try to address the Elephants in the room, you end up making an ass of yourself

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?

Steve. Just because he's irrelephant doesn't mean we don't use his name.

Elephant Never Forgets

An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the Amazon, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock.

The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.

"What did you do that for?" asks the crocodile.

The elephan...

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This guy got into a bad accident and ended up losing an arm, his eye and his penis.

He wakes up a few weeks later and is greeted by a strange looking doctor. The doctor explains what happened and tells him he performed an experimental surgery to insure some quality of life following the accident.

The doctor goes on to explain that he gave him a gorilla arm, that was the clos...

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You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it...

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.

Back in 2006, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University.

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully...

What's the difference between a BMW and an elephant.

Elephant has a trunk up front and a**hole in the back.

I once shot an elephant in my pyjamas

How it got in my pyjamas? I dont know...

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How do you tell if there’s an elephant in your pantry?

Looks for footprints in the peanut butter.

3 elephants are falling from a cliff

Two land on ground the third on water.






Ba dum tss

How to catch an elephant

Elephants live in the jungle, so first, you have to go into the jungle.

Your going to have to dig a hole big enough to trap the elephant in.

Next you have to gets lots of leaves, sticks or anything that you can burn and place it into the hole, then burn it to ash.

You have to f...

What do a fire truck and an elephant have in common?

They’re both red, except for the elephant.

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