why don't we ever see elephants hiding in trees?

because they're hiding.

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she wont think twice..

Call a girl fat once and she’ll always remember.

Because elephants never forget

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

You are on a horse galloping at a constant speed. On your right side, is a sharp drop off and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is another galloping horse, but your horse is unable to overtake it...

Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the horse in front of you.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round.

What do you call an elephant who doesn't matter?

An irrelephant

I bought my friend an elephant for his room yesterday

He said “Thanks”
I said “Don’t mention it”

In 1994, a zoologist named Mark Fisher was on holiday

In 1994, a zoologist named Mark Fisher was on holiday in Zambia, Southern Africa, after graduating from Oxford University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Mark approached it very carefully. ...

My friend has a job circumcising elephants.

The pay isn't that great, but the tips were huge.

What animal has two gray legs and two brown legs?

​

An elephant with diarrhea

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Did you know elephants paint their balls red to blend in with cherry trees? What’s the loudest noise in the jungle..?

A giraffe eating cherries

Why was 6 upset with 7 after 7 won her a stuffed elephant at the fair?

Because 711432.

The circus arrives in town with a novel act - make the bull elephant kneel down and win $1000.

After watching various people trying everything Jimmy steps up to the elephant and gives it a mighty kick in the balls. The elephant collapses and its owner, cursing Jimmy's foul methods, hands over the cash.

The circus moves on to the next town and Jimmy, recognising a good opportunity, foll...

What did the elephant say to the nude man?

How do you breath through that thing?

Why are elephants large, gray, and wrinkly?

Because is they were small, white, and smooth they'd be aspirin

I like elephants.

Everything else is irrelephant.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An elephant wandering the jungle gets a thorn in its foot ...

Unable to extract the thorn itself, the elephant leans against a coconut tree, waiting for some other animal to come along and help him.

Hours pass and no animal appears. Just then, an ant comes crawling along.

"Oh, Brother Ant!" the elephant says. "Could you please help me take this t...

Elephant Jokes

Q: Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?

A: It was dead.

Q: Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?

A: It was tied to the first elephant.

Q: Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?

A: It thought it was a game.

Q: Why did the tree fall...

Elephant Stew

## Ingredients

* 1 Elephant
* Brown gravy, and lots of it
* Salt and pepper to taste
* 2 Rabbits (optional)

## Directions

Cut elephant into small, bite-size pieces.

This should take about 2 months.

​

Add enough brown gravy to cover,
<...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do elephants do before they have sex?

Pull down their trunks.

A fella is on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant.

It's lying on the ground in distress. He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot.


He removes it and the elephant happily trots away.
20 years later the man in standing in London watching a circus procession pass by.


When along comes an elephant, as it gets level...

Why was Jesus not an elephant?

Too bulky for the cross.

What did the elephant say when he caught his wife cheating?

"Can we talk about the elephant in our room?"

What do you call a hybrid between an elephant and a rhinoceros

Elephino

What do you do if you come across an elephant

Wipe it off and apologize

What's the difference between an Indian and an African elephant?

One of them is an elephant and the other one isn't.

How can you scare people with your impression of an elephant?

Turn both of your pants pockets inside out, and say, “hey, you ever seen my impression of an elephant?” while reaching for your zipper.

How do you eat an elephant?

One bite at a time.

What do you call the offspring of an elephant and a rhyno?

Elephyno

As a summer job I would work for the circus, my job was to circumcise the elephants...

The pay wasn’t that good, but the tips were HUGE

What do you do to an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhinoceros.

How Do You Fit 8 Elephants In a Car

2 in the front, 3 in the back and the bottle from an earlier joke in the middle.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A boy sees an elephants penis at the zoo

He asks “mommy! whats that?"

Mom quickly replies "oh that's nothing" and walks on.

Later while passing the elephant the kid sees the weiner again and says to his dad "what's that daddy?"

Dad replies "oh thats the elephants penis"

kid says "oh, mommy says that's n...

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a banana?

|elephant| |banana| sin(θ)

Why are elephants so wrinkly?

Have you ever tried to iron one?

How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

Marry her.

What time was it when the elephant sat on the fence?

Time to get a new fence...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An elephant picks up a white rabbit

An elephant picks up a white rabbit after taking a dump. It asks the rabbit: “Are you afraid of getting dirty?” The rabbit says no and the elephant wipes his bum with it.

The next day the elephant picks up a squirrel after eating. It asks the squirrel: “Are you afraid of getting dirty?” The s...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An elephant and a mouse are walking through a forest...

When suddenly the elephant falls through a trap hole and can't get out.
Mouse starts panicking as the elephant, stuck, pleads for help.
So the mouse starts thinking... and runs back all the way out of the forest, where he finds a parking lot.
At the edge of the parking lot, he sees a re...

My wife began to address the elephant in the room.

I asked her why she was talking to herself.

A suspected poacher was trampled to death by an elephant then eaten by lions in a South Africa safari park last week.

Some hunters claim their work is 'beneficial to the greater animal population'.

Well in this case I agree, those lions might have got a bit peckish otherwise.

I have the memory of an elephant.

I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man went to the doctor complaining about erectile dysfunction...

A man went to the doctor and told him that he was having trouble maintaining an erection. After a complete exam the doctor told the man that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a prior viral infection and there was nothing he could do for him.

However, he knew of an exp...

What do you get when you cross a hippopotamuses, an elephant, and a rhino?

A hellifiknow

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why is an elephants leg considered a sexual organ in India?

When it steps on you, you’re fucked.

A man walks through the African wild lands and sees an elephant in distress.

He goes close to it but slowly, knowing that they can become enraged very quickly. Upon closing in on it, the elephant stops trumpeting and looks at the man. There was a minute of intense staring between the two, the man noticed an obvious mark on one of its tusks like a tiny dark grey diamond. Slow...

What do you get when you cross a mountain range with 40 elephants?

A strategic military advantage against the Romans in the Second Punic War.

What does a tank museum and a zoo have in common?

They both have Panthers, pumas, tigers and elephants.

What did the zoo keeper say when he saw the elephant wearing sunglasses?

nothing, he didn’t recognise him

What do you get when you mix a helicopter, and elephant and a rhino?

Hell if I know...

I took my 7 year old son to the zoo today and as we were walking around, he suddenly shouted, “Look Dad! It's a frickin' Elephant!” I was shocked and slightly angry, as everybody was looking at us...

“What did you just call it?” I asked.

“It's a frickin' Elephant, it says so on the picture!” he said, and so it did, A F R I C A N Elephant.

I just read that the poaching of elephants and rhinoceroses has dropped dramatically

I am pretty sure this is because roasting, or frying, them is a much tastier way to prepare them.

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Eleph-ino

Not another elephant

Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: “I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!”

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?

Walk him and pitch to the rhino.


- Credit to the writers of 'Hot Shots'.

Watch the Elephant

What does an elephant have in common with a Seiko watch?

They both come in quartz.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mom and dad take their 5 year-old son to the zoo...

They stop by the elephants and the son notices the bull elephant, who's clearly excited. The son whispers to mom, "Mom, what's that thing hanging from the elephant?"

The mom, not really paying attention replies, "That's the elephant's trunk, sweetie."

The son replies, "No, mom. I know ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Elephant's Mating Season

A guy applies for a job at the zoo. The head keeper of the zoo said, "Your job will be to clean out the elephant cage. But, I have to warn you it's mating season and they will jump on just about anything." "Don't worry," the guy replied, "I've worked with elephants before."

Half way through h...

How to catch an elephant

You need a boring book, a pair of binoculars, a pair of tweezers, and a beer bottle.

First, read the boring book until you fall asleep. When an elephant comes along he will look over your shoulder and read the book, and because it's so boring he will fall asleep too. So then you wake up! Now ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An Elephant And a Camel Meet in the Desert.

The Elephant asks: "Lol what are those boobs for on your back?"

The Camel responds: "Keep talking with that dick in your face"

How do you kill a blue elephant? You shoot it with a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant?

You hold its trunk until it turns blue. Then you shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

How to catch an elephant.

So the first thing you want to do when trying to catch an elephant is dig a really big hole. They're absolute units so a REALLY big hole.
Next you need to burn stuff, you just need the soot and ashes so it doesn't matter what you burn. Once you have a lot of soot and ashes built up, you need t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Elephant Trunk

There was a guy who had been having chronic trouble in trying to get an erection. After weeks of frustration, he finally breaks down and and goes to the doctor. The doctor gives him a thorough examination and finally makes the diagnosis.

"Well, there's good news and there's bad news," she say...

The teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an “E”

One boy says, “Elephant.”

Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”

The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.

The boy shouts from the other side of the ...

What would happen if you stack elephants on each other up to the moon?

You would have a bunch of angry elephants on top of each other.

My friend asked me if i knew what a useless elephant was called

To which i responded "why should i care? Its irrelephant"

An elephant was born with 5 tusks

Now that's what I call multitusking!

If you lined up all the elephants in the world along the equator, tail to trunk...

Most of them would die.

Did you hear about the guy that circumcises elephants?

His pay was pretty lousy, but he made big tips.

If there is an elephant in the room and nobody notices

is it irrelephant?

Why dont Lions have concerns for Elephants?

Cause their size is irrelephant.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There’s a squirrel sitting in an acorn tree, doing squirrel stuff...

When he notices an elephant approach and begin to climb the tree. He’s baffled and yells down ‘WHAT are you doing?!’

The elephant nonchalantly replies ‘I’m just coming up to eat oranges’. The squirrel snorts and shouts back ‘you IDIOT; this is an acorn tree!’

The elephant, now nearin...

Why didn’t the elephant get the job he wanted?

His qualifications were completely irrelephant.

Why did the elephant go to jail?

He had a dead guy in his trunk.
*My daughter asked me to make up a joke.

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