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Under The Weather Jokes

My fiance, feeling a bit under the weather, just blurted out this knee-slapper at 3AM...

Why does Bill Nye get sleepy after writing calligraphy?

Because of the Nye Quill.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An older man is feeling a bit under the weather and goes to see the doctor.

His wife comes along, and after a full physical and a battery of tests, the doctor meets the two of them in his office. He makes small talk, tells the man he is fine, and then asks to speak with the wife privately. After the man leaves, the doctor turns to the wife and says, "Your husband is gravely...

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"I'm groping the balls of the storm."

The manager hesitated for a moment on the phone. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?" he asked the newly hired immigrant worker.

"I...rub the storm...balls?" the man said, coughing.

Before he could ask again, the manager heard a little commotion on the line, followed by a younger voice. <...

One morning, a man was feeling under the weather at work

so he told his boss that he's going home, since he's not feeling well.

His boss mentions that whenever he's not feeling well, he goes home and makes love to his wife, and that always makes him feel better. He recommends the employee try that and let him know.

The employee agrees and l...

I was feeling under the weather...

so i got on a plane.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man doesn't feel well and wants to call-in sick to work...

So he phones his boss and explains that he wants to take a sick day.

"Well," says the boss, "when I'm feeling under the weather I just ask my wife to give me a blowjob. Usually perks me right up! Why don't you try that?"

"Ok, I guess it's worth a shot" says the man.

About an hou...

Why are people on the ISS in perfect health?

They're never under the weather

Do you have seasonal depression?

Or are you just feeling a little under the weather?

If you get sick in space

Are you really under the weather?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man calls his boss one morning, and says..

“Hey boss, i’m sorry but I don’t think i’ll be able to make it today. I’m feeling really under the weather.”

His boss, a pretty old fashioned man, replies:

“Listen here, mister. Whenever I feel under the weather, I go see my wife, and tell her to polish my knob, grease my engines and d...

Why don’t astronauts need health cover?

Because they are never under the weather.

Entitled Parent Joke

So I was at a restaurant with my family and this woman came up with a child. She looked about 40 with blonde hair. The child looked about 5 with also blonde hair. The child was crying at the time and the woman started to nag at us. Apparently, the child wanted a dessert and, lucky for us, we were th...

A boy and a girl are kissing in the park...

After some time the girl, clearly anoyed by something, says to boy: "Can you please spit out that chewing gum when we are kissing!?"

And the boy says: "Sorry... (Snort!) I am little under the weather..."

Did you hear about the guy up north with coronavirus?

Guy was feeling under the weather while camping and went to his doctor. Doc says, I'm sorry but you caught Coronavirus. Guy goes home and thinks well maybe this will be my last chance to go camping and heads to the woods for the night. Poor guy then gets bit by a tick. So back to the doctor again an...

There was a bit of anxiety at the airport as there was a rainstorm at the destination

But the pilots could handle it. They were on a long flight, so they killed time with casual conversation. They were good friends so conversation naturally went well.

After a 16 hour flight, they began to descend, when all of a sudden one pilot began getting short and upset with his responses...

I don't think Connor McGregor enjoyed the fight last night.

He seemed like he was feeling a bit under the weather.

One umbrella turns to another and says

"You don't really look that good bro".

The other replies, "Yeah, I've been feeling kinda under the weather".

A bucket goes to the doctor

The bucket was feeling ill, and decided to go to a physician.

The doctor, seeing as this was a new patient, asked him, "tell me about yourself first."

"Well, I can hold about 1/2 a gallon of liquid. I'm 3 years old, and I have to tell you, I feel pretty under the weather."

The ...

Why can't doctors work with meteorologists?

They're always under the weather.

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