What's the difference between a sharply dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

A tire.

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Through a poorly-worded genie wish, a man now has a 20-inch-long penis.

While the bragging rights were good for a few days, the man soon realizes that his dick is uncomfortable and unusable, and he must find a solution. He begins asking the local enchanters and witches if they have any suggestions, and finally gets a lead that the enchanted forest over yonder is home to...

I was feeling poorly so I went to the doctors. After a thorough investigation, he said “don’t eat anything fatty”. I asked “Do you mean fries, burgers, etc?”

He replied “No! Don’t eat anything, FATTY!”

Have you heard that really convoluted metaphor about poorly constructed bridges?

It's hard to get across.

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A woman in a grocery store happens upon a grandfather and his poorly behaved 3 year-old grandson.

It's obvious to her that the grandfather has his hands full with the child screaming for candy in the candy aisle, cookies in the cookie aisle, etc.
Meanwhile, Gramps is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, "Easy, Albert, we won't be long - easy, boy." Another outburst and she he...

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Little Teddy’s doing very poorly in math, so his parents enroll him in Catholic school.

The first day home from St. Michael’s, he walks straight to his room to do his math homework. After dinner Teddy marches back upstairs and starts calculating again.

 

His mother visits his room and says, “You’re working awfully hard!”

 

“Well,” Teddy replies, “today when ...

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People say it’s frowned upon in society to talk poorly about the Jews..

They say its bad Jew Jew.

What do you call a poorly attended party for crows?

attempted murder

I went on a date for the first time and it went very poorly.

My wife agreed it was very awkward and told me we shouldn't try it again any time soon.

A young boy is doing poorly in math at public school. His mother decides to send him to private school to rectify the situation. Lo and behold, after a semester in the new private Catholic school, the boy's grades were straight A's, even in math!

Surprised, his mother asked him how he liked his new school. "Oh, it's all right, I guess," he replies. "They must be teaching you some new tricks!" "Not really." "Then what do you think is making the difference in your grades?" "Well", he says, "as soon as I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I ...

I never really liked Nearly Headless Nick in the Harry Potter franchise.

He was a poorly executed character.

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Sex is like a poorly explained joke.

I don't get it.

The American school system is very disorganised and poorly run

I guess school really does prepare you for the real world

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I brought my cat to cat judging competition. I thought it went really poorly, but he did win an award for having the best butt.

It was a cat-ass-trophy

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An very old professor decided to undertake a research project...

He wanted to determine if a group of poorly treated, anti-social rats could develop friendly relationships with one another if they used team work to complete a complicated task.

At first, he set the rats a goal of stealing his colleagues stationary, without the colleague catching them in the...

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A man is out of town on a business trip, and he decides to go looking for some action.

He finds and enters a bar, and is pleased to find that there are several good-looking women inside. Not just good-looking, actually, but beautiful, and all dressed to the nines in sexy outfits, made up to look their prettiest. It's what the Army calls a "target-rich environment". The only problem is...

A wife accompanies her poorly husband to see the doctor. After the check up the doctor asks to have a quiet word with the wife. He tells her that her husband is in a really poor way and unless she does the following her husband will surely die. ...

“Firstly, you must make him a healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner daily. Try to be pleasant and make sure he stays in a good mood. Don’t ask him to do chores around the house. Allow him to relax in front of the TV with a glass of his favourite brew each day. Make love to him daily and satisfy his...

After an orchestra drummer performed particularly poorly, the conductor sarcastically told him, "when they find someone who can't play any instrument, they give him two sticks and make him the drummer."

The drummer retorted, "and if he can't play that either, they take away one stick and make him the conductor."

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

Why are fish poorly educated?

All the schools are below C level.

What do you call someone who brings a poorly tied rope to the gallows?

A bearer of bad noose.

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