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Seedy Jokes

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A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted mens barracks.

He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, “What’s the camel for?”


The Sergeant replied “Well sir it’s a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel.”


The captain said “Well if it’s good for moral, then I guess it’s all rig...

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In the seedy corners of the pokeverse,

In the seedy corners of the pokeverse, dirty establishments hide more 'greasy' businesses. a customer walks into one such place and resquests their finest lady.

A large breasts woman with a beautiful face takes them into a private room, and after they are done 'copulating' he lays back, a sat...

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A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town.

A bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars.

The man asked, "Will you buy booze?"

The bum replied, "No."

Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?"

The bum said, "No."

Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see ...

A young city biker walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis

A young city biker walks into a seedy tavern in Sturgis, SD. Sturgis! He finally made it. He had several items on his must-do list, and this tavern was one of them. The chili, he'd been told, was world famous.

As he sits down at the bar, he notices a grizzled old biker with his arms folded, s...

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it was during my naval career, I walked into another seedy bar

In another seedy port. I ordered a drink. A prostitute sidles up to me and says " Hey sailor, do you want to try something new". I replied, "how, do you have leprosy?"

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Guy gets a hotel room and asks for a hooker

A man heads to a seedy hotel to rent a room and asks the clerk where to find a prostitute.

The clerk says not to worry, he'll send one to the man's room in a few minutes.

The man goes to his room and sure enough, a few minutes later a prostitute knocks on his door.

"Hi honey, ho...

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A Priest is travelling to the big city and to save a few bucks he checks into a hotel in the seedy end of town.

"You're lucky," the clerk says. "We have one room left at the end of the hall."

The Priest pays, and as the clerk passes the key over the desk the Priest says, "By the way, is your porn disabled?"

The clerk scoffs. "You sick bastard. We only have regular porn."

One of those seedy massage parlors opened up across my kid’s school.

After couple of months of outrage and protesting. We finally did it and closed that school down.

I know what you’re thinking, finally a happy ending OC joke.

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A man walks into a seedy dive bar in Washington DC.

After letting his eyes adjust to the dimness of the bar, he notices President Trump and Speaker of the House Paul Ryan talking quietly at a corner table.

He orders a beer then walks up to the two and says, "Mr. President, Mr. Ryan, I am a huge fan of yours! What are you guys doing in a sh...

My uncle Rob died at the height of ecstasy, in one of those seedy hotels, when the ceiling mirror fell on him

Sad to die alone like that.

You know you're in a seedy part of town

when you ask the waitress for coke and she says "is meth ok?"

I found myself at a seedy dive bar last night and after returning from the bathroom, I nearly choked on a shoestring!

I couldn't believe that someone had laced my drink...

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Penguin NSFW

A man walks into a seedy brothel. "What can i get for 5 bucks"? he asks. "Not much," the madam replies. "but i suppose you might get a penguin." The man isn't sure what a "penguin" is but, being desperate, he hands over his cash. The madam takes him to a back room and tells him to drop his pants. A ...

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A man with an itch goes to a house of ill repute. He walks in and is greeted by a seedy looking man with a vast array of keys behind him...

“I have $100, what will that get me?” Asks the client.

Grabbing a key behind him the proprietor turns around and tells the man, “second floor, down the hall, third door on the right.”

After a bit the man passes by on his way out the door and tells the proprietor, “that was the best sex...

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A guy walks into a seedy bar in NYC, sits down, and says to the guy next to him, "Did you know you can jump off the Empire State Building and survive the fall?"...

The second gentleman sitting at the bar laughs and says sarcastically, "Suuuure you can".

The first guys says, "No I'm serious. On a windy day, like today, the surrounding buildings create this strange air current near the ground which cushions your fall. You land gently on your feet, light a...

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A newly ordained priest is sent to Las Vegas, to be the leader of a small congregation in a seedy area.

That evening, he is walking down the street outside the church, when he is approached by a prostitute, who says to him, "Hey father, you want a blow job? Only 50 bucks." He gets embarrased because he doesn't know what she's talking about, but given how she's dressed, he declines.

The next d...

What's the difference between a pervert and a dead bee?

One is a seedy beast and the other is a bee deceased.

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A young priest is on his first assignment

A very naïve young priest was assigned to a big city church. On his first day he decides to explore, and ends up in a seedy neighborhood. A prostitute comes up to him and says, "Hey, Father, $25 for a blowjob." The priest is confused, so he keeps walking.

When he gets back to the church, h...

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I saw some prostitutes hanging around my local garden centre

I guess it is a bit of a seedy establishment

Why can you never trust a fruit over a vegetable?

because they're seedy.

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I was propositioned by a man on the internet (NSFW)

He asked me if I'd push apple pips up his bum while he had sex with my mum.. what a seedy arsed mother fucker!

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A man and his family are on a road trip...

They pull into a seedy looking motel for the night. When they go to check in, he sends his family to the room and leans over the counter and says to the attendant:
"Sir, I hope all your porn channels are disabled."

The man behind the counter looks at him disgustedly and says:

"No, t...

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Requires a little visualization, "The Penguin"

Buddy needs a lay but only has $10 to his name, finds a seedy women in a seedy bar.

So he asks her "what can I get for $10 bucks"

"The Penguin" She replies. Desperate he's quick to agree and they find their way into an alley.

She pulls her skirt up and stands with her legs shoul...

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A guy picks up a hooker

and proceeds to spend a couple of hours with her at a seedy motel.
A few days later, he finds that he has caught crabs.
He  chases down the hooker and says, "hey bitch, you gave me crabs".
She replies, "what'd you expect for forty bucks? Lobster?"

Where do all the bad hamburger buns live?

In the seedy part of town

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A communist spy and an American spy are camping out in opposite buildings on Moscow.

Each one knows the other is there but thinks the other does not know that they are there. After hours of spying each one decides they need to go out for some fresh air. However, since both would be easily recognized they decide to put on disguises. The Communist, a female, puts on an elaborate mal...

Why was everyone afraid of the everything bagel?

Because he looked pretty seedy!

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NSFW : He just LOVES to fish!

A couple checks into a seedy motel and asks for the Honeymoon suite. Around 3:30am the groom all decked out completely in fishing gear comes walzing thru the lobby and headed for the door.

Overcome with curiosity the desk clerk stops him and asks, "Aren't you the fellow that just checked in a...

Bill Nye cloned himself with the help of Neil deGrasse Tyson.

Unfortunately, something went wrong in the cloning process and resulted in the clone being pure evil. As soon as he was released from the cloning vat, the evil clone killed the good Bill Nye and escaped. Much later, after hunting him for years, Neil deGrasse Tyson finally caught up with the evil clo...

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There was a string of murders recently in Madrid

Every week, on a Sunday, a body of a prostitute would be found disemboweled in an alley way. After a few weeks, the local investigators determined it was indeed a serial murder. Further investigation showed that each murder occurred exactly a kilometer away from a seedy inn, known for having an abra...

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Disgusting joke

This guy gets released from jail. The first thing he wants to do is eat some pussy, he loves mowin pussy. So he takes what money he has and finds a hooker. They go back to a seedy hotel and he proceeds to devour her snatch. As he starts he finds a bread crum, but flicks it aside hardly noticing. The...

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snail and the turtles

so a snails walking home late one night through a seedy neighborhood. When a few young punk turtles come up and jump the guy. i mean really beat the living shit outa our ol pal the snail. he wakes up a few days later in the hospital and the cops are right there pressing him for information "What hap...

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THE CLINTONS AND THE $50 HOOKER

Bill Clinton is out jogging around in some of the seedier areas of Washington D.C. He notices a good looking prostitute. She sees him and calls out, “Fifty dollars!”
He's tempted, but the price is a little high so he calls back, “Five!”
She's disgusted and turns away while Bill continues his...

A man finds himself in a hotel lobby. The lady at the front desk is giving him big "F me" eyes.

Now, sure, he's seen prettier women in his lifetime. But she's a solid seven, and looking at him in such a sultry fashion that his knees nonetheless knock together nervously.

"You can have me, right here, right now, or you can carry on to success," she whispers, tracing her finger slowly down...

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This horse is sitting at home one day watching MTV;

This is in the 90s where MTV actually had music on it. Anyway, the horse sees a segment on Jimi Hendrix, and decides there and then he wants to become an internationally-acclaimed guitar player (because, as we all know, all horses are left-handed).

So this horse works at this shitty job for a...

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Barry got work as a sailor.

Barry got a nice sweet gig working on a boat, but the downfall was that they where six months at sea at time.

It was alright they pay was worth it but at the end he was horny as hell .
So as soon as they docked he quickly went to the most seedy bar he could find. When he arrived he quickl...

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