Secret Service no longer yells “Get down, Mr President” any more when the President is under attack
Now they yell “Donald, duck”
The Caribbean is under attack from invasive plant life and other weeds
The situation is dire, specifically the Cuban Thistle Crisis
The United States is under attack in American schools
The map of America had four tacks holding it to the wall in nearly every classroom I was in.
A sailor says to his captain,
"Captain, we are under attack by a boat!"
The captain replied, "Go get me my red jacket."
Puzzled, the sailor asks why.
"So the enemy doesn't know that I've been wounded," replies the captain.
The sailor says ok, and runs off to fight. They won the battle.
The next...
*Pollen accidentally enters body*
Immune system: What the hell is that?
Pollen: Oh hey. Sorry. We got a bit lost. The wind kinda bl-
Immune system: OH GOD WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!
Pollen: What?! No! We just got lo-
Immune system: OPEN THE FLOODGATES!
Pollen: The what?
Mucus membranes: Sir. All th...
New Command
I heard the Secret Service had to change their commands.
They can't say "Get down!" anymore when the President is under attack.
Now it's "Donald! Duck!"
The Cechnyan mob kidnaps two Czechs, two Irishmen, two Englishmen, and two Americans.
A ransom note is sent to each respective countries' embassy, demanding the equivalent of $25 million,or they will kill the hostages.
After two weeks, they receive responses from each embassy.
The English, Irish, and American embassy all state that they do not negotiate with terrorist...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A new study finds that women who claim to enjoy giving blowjobs are less likely to be bitches.
In other news, University comes under attack after conducting terrible research. Chairman of the Nobel prize selection committee, James J. Jameyjames made this statement earlier today: "Well, fucking duh."
There was once a blind knight (Long/NSFW)
There was once a blind knight. One evening he walked down to the dinner hall and sat next to his friend, Bob. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong, Bob," the blind knight said. "Jacking off just doesn't feel good anymore." Bob turned to him and said "Try some of these boiled snails. They really get th...
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